"Miss Wormwood, I'm not going to learn this material unless you make it enthralling. I see. And what will you do if the rest of your life doesn't entertain you every minute? What, ... you think I'll live in someplace that doesn't get cable?! Calvin tells Miss Wormwood he isn't going to learn the material until she makes it enthralling. Miss Wormwood asks what he'll do if the rest of his life doesn't entertain him. Calvin asks if Miss Wormwood thinks he'll live someplace that doesn't get cable."
"Love the sinner and hate the sin. Uh oh... Dad gets out of his car after work. He looks up to see Calvin holding a sign that reads 'Love the Sinner. Hate the Sin'. Dad can only think 'Uh oh'."
"Hey, nice moustache! Thanks. I made it. Very bushy. What did you use for the hair? Calvin has a cowboy hat on and has a mustache. Hobbes says it's very bushy and asks where Calvin got it. Calvin takes off his cowboy hat to show part of his hair cut off."
"Why do animals always walk in circles before they lie down? Sorry. Privileged information. Z Psst! Hey kid! MONSTERS! What do you want? There's a big, shiny toy for you under the bed. Come get it! Oh sure! You just want me to come there so you can grab me with some oozing appendage, slowly paralyze me with some vile secretion, and devour me alive! Nice try! Forget it! Stupid monsters. All fangs and no brains. Psst! Tiger! We'll give you some salmon if you push the kid over the bed! Is the salmon fresh? Hold on, I'll check. Yeah, it's fresh. HOBBES, DON'T LISTEN TO THEM!! A pile of leaves rises up and chases Calvin. It catches up to him and crashes down on him. Calvin digs his way out. Dad sees the pile of leaves lying all scattered and raises his hands in protest. Calvin raises his hands in protest that he didn't do it."
"Nowadays, ads don't just sell a product. They sell an attitude! Look at this one! Here's a cool guy saying nobody tells him what to do. He does whatever he wants and he buys this product as a reflection of that independence. So basically, this maverick is urging everyone to express his individuality through conformity in brand-name selection? Well, it sounded more defiant the way HE said it. Mm. Calvin is watching television. He tells Hobbes ads don't see a product, they sell an attitude. He points out there is a commercial that has a guy do whatever he wants. He buys the product to reflect his independence. Hobbes asks if this maverick is urging everyone to express his individuality through conformity in brand-name selection. Calvin says it sounded more defiant the way the ad said it."
"Here's another ad with attitude. This guy didn't like his job, so he quit, and now he climbs rocks! See, he's his own man! He grabs life by the throat and lives on his own terms! If he quit his job, I wonder how he affords those expensive athletic shoes he's advertising. Maybe his Mom bought them for him. I hope she'll pay his medical bills when he falls off that rock. Calvin is watching another ad with attitude. He points out a guy who quit his job and now climbs rocks. He's his own man. Hobbes wonders how he affords the expensive athletic shoes he's advertising since he quit his job. Calvin wonders if the guy's mom bought them for him. Hobbes hopes she'll pay his medical bills when he falls off the rock he's climbing."
"OW!! Mmf! Ngghh! Rrrrggg! FWOPP. Calvin kicks a football and hurts his toes. Calvin angrily grabs the ball. Hobbes receives the kick, but the football has no air in it."
"I'M SIGNIFICANT! Screamed the dust speck. Calvin looks at the stars and says he's significant. He looks up at the stars again. He adds 'screamed the dust speck'."
The days are getting colder. Yes. BUGS ARE DYING BY THE TRUCKLOAD! HA HA HA! GOOD RIDDANCE TO 'EM ALL! I like fall. Calvin notices the days are getting colder. He says bugs are dying by the truckload. He laughs and says good riddance to them all. He walks along and tells Hobbes that he likes fall.
"Made in God's own image, yes sir! God must have a goofy sense of humor. Calvin looks into a full-length mirror. He's in his underwear and flexing his biceps. Calvin says he's made in God's own image. Hobbes thinks God must have a goofy sense of humor."
"Eeesh. What goes down must come up. BLECHH! AGKH HEY! NO! DON'T SPLOOSH HACK COUGH SPLUTTER MMF BLORP! UGH ICKK PTOOY YAA! I'LL GET YOU!! Heh heh... Hello, local navy recruitment office? Yes, this is an emergency... Calvin has a football and runs up to a door and rings it. He rings it several times while waiting in a panic. He yells for the door to be opened. Hobbes pounces on Calvin. Finally, Susie opens the door to see Calvin lying on the steps with Hobbes on top of him. Susie says her mom said to tell Calvin their doorbell isn't a toy. She tells him to go away. Hobbes has the football and tells Calvin it's now illegal to hide in other people's houses. Calvin says girls just don't understand sports."
Another touchdown for me! Couldn't you chase me toward the other goal for once? Calvin is running with the football. He skids to a stop. Hobbes chases him as he runs the other direction. Hobbes calls another touchdown for himself. Calvin asks if Hobbes couldn't chase him toward his goal for once.
"See? SEE?? I DID hang up my coat! It's right there, just like I said! I was right and you were wrong. OK, OK, I'm sorry. Forgive me. Heh heh heh! Another tally mark for today. You don't need to keep score! Calvin points out that he did hang up his coat in the closet. He tells Mom that he was right and she was wrong. Mom says she's sorry and asks him to forgive her. Calvin makes a tally mark in a notebook. Mom says he doesn't need to keep score."
"Everybody seeks happiness! Not ME, though! That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria! The problem with you, Hobbes, is you're always at a loss for words. I've found that saves many a friendship. Calvin tells Hobbes he's not going to seek happiness. He demands euphoria. He looks at Hobbes. Calvin says Hobbes' problem is that he's always at a loss for words. Hobbes has found that saves many a friendship."
"Here I am, happy and content. ...but not euphoric. So now I'm no longer content. I'm unhappy. My day is ruined. I need to stop thinking while I'm ahead. Calvin says he is happy and content. But he's not euphoric. Now he's no longer content. He's unhappy, and his day is ruined. He walks off saying he needs to stop thinking while he's ahead."
"Is hamburger meat made out of people from Hamburg? Of course not! It's ground beef. I'm eating a COW? Right. I don't think I can finish this. Calvin asks Mom if hamburgers are made out of people from Hamburg. Mom says no, it's ground beef. Calvin asks if he's eating a cow. Mom says yes. Calvin doesn't think he can finish his burger."
Did you see where it landed? Look for the crater. Are we a little scared of the ball? Calvin runs to catch something. It's a safe! He turns away while the football bounces in front of him. Calvin asks Hobbes to look for a crater where it landed. Hobbes asks if he's a little scared of the ball.
"Thank you, Claire. That was very good. ... all right, who'd like to go next? Anyone at all besides Calvin? HEY! For show-and-tell, I brought these amazing fossilized bone fragments that I painstakingly unearthed from sedimentary deposits in my front yard! Though they look like ordinary driveway gravel to the untotured eyes of the ignorant layman, I immediately recognized these as pieces of jawbone from a new species of carnosaur! In this dramatic illustration, I've re-created the complete Calvinosaurus as it would have appeared in the late Jurassic! It's coloration here is somewhat conjectural. I'll be publishing my full findings shortly! Undoubtedly, I'll be the recipient of many lucrative paleontology prizes, and in a matter of weeks, prestige, fame and fortune will be mine! When this happens, you can be darn sure that those of you who were mean to me in school will suffer appropriately! I'll employ my resources to make your puny lives miserable! I'll crush your pitiful dreams and ambitions like bugs in the dust! ... but there IS an alternative! I'm now accepting a limited number of applications to be my pal. The cost is just $20 per person, and you can revel in the association for a lifetyme! Any takers? Oh yeah? Just you wait! Miss Wormwood gives Calvin his paper. He got an 'A'. Calvin is in a parade with a key to the city. People are cheering him, and fireworks are going off. Miss Wormwood tells the class to open their books to the next chapter. Calvin sighs."
"Hold it, Moe! Before you wallop me, I'm afraid you'll have to sign this form. What's this? It's a statement acknowledging responsibility for your behavior. You agree that hitting me entitles me to unlimited compensation for medical treatment as well as reasonable damages for pain and suffering. You affirm that you're insured for these costs and... Nobody takes responsibility for his actions any more. As Moe readies a punch to Calvin, he says Moe has to sign a form. Moe asks what it is, and Calvin tells him it's a statement acknowledging responsibility for his behavior. Calvin says hitting him entitles him to compensation of medical treatment and damages for pain and suffering. Calvin lies on the floor beaten up. He says nobody takes responsibility for his actions anymore."
"Here, Dad. I'd like you to sign this form and have it notarized. 'I, the undersigned Dad, attest that I have never parented before, and insofar as I have no experience in the job, ... ...I am liable for my mistakes, and I agree to pay for any counseling, in perpetuity, Calvin may require as a result of my parental ineptitude.' I don't see how you're allowed to have a kid without signing one of those. Calvin hands a form to Dad to sign and notarize. Dad reads the form. It states he's never parented before and is liable for mistakes made on the job. He will pay for any counseling Calvin may require due to parental ineptitude. Calvin is sent to bed. In bed, Calvin doesn't see how you're allowed to have a kid without signing one of those forms."
"Miss Wormwood, I'd like you to sign this contract. It's an agreement that you'll compensate me for any loss of job income I may suffer as an adult because of a poor first-grade eduction. If you get a poor first-grade education, it will be from YOUR lack of effort, not mine. Go back to your desk. By golly, SOMEBODY ought to may me if I don't learn anything. Calvin hands Miss Wormwood a contract. It's an agreement to compensate Calvin for loss of job income because of his poor education. Miss Wormwood says if he gets a poor education, it's due to a lack of effort on his part, not hers. Calvin says somebody ought to pay him if he doesn't learn anything."
"Hi Susie! Would you sign this legal document? What is it? In essence, it annuls our knowledge of each other's existence and it prohibits any future social interaction. Specifically, it states that I'll never ask you out on a date, and it imposes severe penalties on any party that attempts to engage the other in conversa... It's almost insulting how fast she signed that. Calvin asks Susie to sign a document. It annuls their knowledge of each other's existence and prohibits future social interaction. It states Calvin will never ask her out on a date and imposes penalties for attempts to engage in conversation. Calvin gets the form back and says it's almost insulting how fast she signed it."
"Here, Hobbes. I've drawn up a friendship contract for you to sign. A contract? Right. It codifies the terms of our friendship. You can renegotiate in 20 years. People are friends because they WANT to be, not because they HAVE to be! That's what this fixes. If your friends are contractual, you don't have any. Calvin has a contract for Hobbes. It codifies terms of their friendship. Hobbes can renegotiate in 20 years. Hobbes says people are friends because they want to be, not because they have to be. Calvin says that's what his contract fixes. Hobbes hands the form back and says if your friends are contractual, you don't have any."
"Dad, why do my eyes shut when I sneeze? If your lids weren't closed, the force of the explosion would blow your eyeballs out and stretch the optic nerve, so your eyes would float around and you'd have to point them with your hands to see anything. Gross. How come you know so much? It's all in the book you get when you become a father. Calvin asks Dad why his eyes close when he sneezes. Dad says if his eyelids weren't closed, the explosion would blow his eyeballs out. His eyes would flop around and he'd have to point them with his hands to see anything. Calvin asks why Dad knows so much. Dad says it's all in the book you get when you become a father."
"The end of the mesozoic era... a herd of chasmosaurs is unusually jittery! They now know they have more to fear than tyrannosaurs! Now they face an even GREATER danger... TYRANNOSAURS in F-14s! This is SO cool! This is SO stupid! Calvin, the tyrannosaur, roars triumphantly. Calvin's struggle has given him a monstrous appetite. He rips gigantic chunks of the carcass and swallows them whole. It's a disgusting spectacle of savage gluttony. Mom tells Calvin to stop eating his Halloween candy. Calvin is in a dinosaur costume. She tells him he'll get sick if he eats all of it. Calvin says he earned it."
"You say, when you become a father, you get a book that explains everything in the world? Right. Can I se it? Nope, sorry. Why not? It tells what it's like to raise a kid. SO?! You're not allowed to know that until it's too late not to have one. Calvin asks if there is a book you get when you're a father that explains everything in the world. Dad says yes but won't show it to Calvin when he asks. Dad won't show it because it tells what it's like to raise a kid. Calvin asks what's wrong with that. Dad tells him he's not allowed to know that until it's too late not to have one."
"AAAAAA! A person should be safe from predators inside his own house! If I had reflexes like yours, I'd be glad for the opportunity to improve them. Hobbes waits around a corner. Calvin approaches, then is pounces upon. Calvin claims a person should be safe from predators inside his own house. Hobbes says if he had reflexes like Calvin's, he'd be glad for the opportunity to improve them."
"HEY, LOOK AT ME! 'Nude descending a staircase'! Nobody understands art. Calvin yells for Mom to watch him. He comes down the steps, dripping water from his bath. Calvin proclaims it 'nude descending a staircase'. Back in the tub, Calvin says nobody understands art."
"...sighh... They say nobody lies on his deathbed wishing he'd spent more time at the office. Well, I'd better get to the office. That was obviously some sort of commentary. Dad is drinking coffee, reading the newspaper. He says nobody lies on his deathbed wishing he'd spent more time at the office. Calvin walks by and waves. Dad says he'd better get to the office. Calvin looks back and says that was obviously some sort of commentary."
"Doggone it, he's got all the covers again. Zz. Zz... hmm? Oh yes, I'm VERY fond of Calvin. ...pass the gravy, please. zzz. Brrr... Zz. In bed, Hobbes has the covers wrapped around himself. Calvin wakes up and gets ready to reach over to pull off the covers. Hobbes mumbles that he's very fond of Calvin and to pass the gravy. He continues sleeping. Calvin turns back over, shivers, but leaves the covers alone."