"I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius. What's misunderstood about you? Nobody thinks I'm a genius. As Calvin gets dressed, he tells Hobbes he's a misunderstood genius. Hobbes asks what's misunderstood about Calvin. As Calvin walks away with his clothes on wrong, he tells Hobbes nobody thinks he's a genius."
"At this room, time enters a no-passing zone. Calvin sits bored at his school desk. He looks at the clock. He says in the classroom, time enters a no-passing zone."
"Let go of me, ya big galoot! Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?! They'd hit back. ...I guess that has a certain unethical logic to it... Calvin tells Moe to let go of him. He asks Moe why he doesn't pick on somebody his own size. As he readies a punch, Moe says they'd hit back. As Calvin lies on the ground, he guesses that has a certain unethical logic to it."
"That's it! I'm through learning today! See you all tomorrow! I think I'M a better judge of when I'm through. Calvin closes his book and says he's through learning today. He gets up and tells the class he'll see them tomorrow. Miss Wormwood looms in front of him. Calvin sits back at his desk, grumbling about him being a better judge of when he's through."
"Dad, what's it like being a grown-up? Well, it's not too different from being a kid... ...except you're more attached to your toys. Calvin asks Dad what it's like being a grown-up. Dad tells him it's not too different from being a kid, except you're more attached to your toys. Dad sits down to clean his bicycle."
"How's your math homework going? AUGH! FINE! ...sighhhh... RGHH! GRR YIPE! RGHH RRGH YIPE! YIPE! SNAP AIEE! EEK! EEK! SNAP SNAP CRUNCH URRPP YAA! AUGH! Your book ate your homework, hmm? That's a new one. I'm lucky to be alive! I had to break its spine! Calvin tells Hobbes he tried to decide whether to cheat on his test or not. He wonders whether it's better to do the right thing and fail or the wrong thing and succeed. He argues that undeserved success gives no satisfaction, while well-deserved failure gives none either. Just because most everybody cheats doesn't justify his cheating. He wondered if he was trying to rationalize his unwillingness to accept the consequences of not studying. In the real world, people care about success, not principles. Hobbes asks what he decided. Calvin says nothing. He ran out of time and had to turn in a blank paper. Hobbes says that acknowledging the issue is a moral victory. Calvin says it seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test."
"What a day. I feel like I've been run over by a train. KAPOW! I mean, NOW I feel like that. See? You should always save hyperbole until you really need it. Calvin opens he door, saying he feels like he's been run over by a train. Hobbes pounces on him. As he lies on the ground, he says now he feels like that. Hobbes brushes himself off and says you should save some hyperbole until you really need it."
"Today for show and tell, I have an utterly amazing whistle! I'll demonstrate. TWEEEET. What's so amazing about THAT?! It sounds like an ordinary whistle to ME! It can only be heard by ugly cretins. I'll get you at recess, Calvin. Calvin has a whistle he'll demonstrate for show and tell. It's going to be amazing. He blows the whistle. One of the students asks what's so amazing about it. It sounds like an ordinary whistle to him. Calvin says it can only be heard by ugly cretins."
"What if somebody calls us a pair o' pathetic peripatetics? I've never heard of anybody taking the trouble to rhyme weird insults. But shouldn't we have a ready retort? Calvin asks Hobbes what they'd do if somebody called them 'a pair o' pathetic peripatetics'. They stand there. Hobbes has never heard anyone taking the trouble to rhyme weird insults. Calvin thinks they should have a ready retort."
"I'm doing a crossword puzzle. Number three across says 'Bird'. Hmm... I've got it! 'Yellow-bellied sapsucker'! But there are only five boxes. I know. These idiots make you write real small. Calvin is doing a crossword puzzle. The clue says 'bird'. Calvin thinks it's 'yellow-bellied sapsucker'. Hobbes points out there are only five boxes. Calvin says these idiots make you write real small."
"You're dead at recess, Twinky. I feel sorry for you, Moe. You must have some serious personal problems if this is how you relate to people. POW. Then again, maybe he's just a world-class poop head. Moe tells Calvin he's dead at recess. Calvin says Moe must have serious personal problems if this is how he relates to people. Moe punches Calvin. On the floor, Calvin says Moe may be just a world-class poop head."
"OH NO! I OVERSLEPT! I GOTTA GET UP! But it's Saturday. Well sure. If this was a school day, what would I care? Calvin gets up in bed, worried that he's overslept. Hobbes tells him it's Saturday. Calvin knows. He says if it was a school day, what would he care."
"Wow, honey, you're missing a beautiful sunset out here. I'll count to 10, and then... POW! Dad, how come old photographs are always black and white? Didn't they have color film back then? Sure they did. In fact, those old photographs ARE in color. It's just that the WORLD was black and white then. Really? Yep. The world didn't turn color until sometime in the 1930s, and it was pretty grainy color for a while, too. That's really weird. Well, truth is stranger than fiction. But then why are old PAINTINGS in color?! If the world was black and white, wouldn't artists have painted it that way? Not necessarily. A lot of great artists were insane. But... but how could they have painted in color anyway? Wouldn't their paints have been shades of gray back then? Of course, but they turned colors like everything else did in the '30s. So why didn't old black and white photos turn color too? Because they were color pictures of black and white, remember? The world is a complicated place, Hobbes. Whenever it seems that way, I take a nap in a tree and wait for dinner."
"Your new polls are in, Dad. Mm. A vast majority of household six-year-olds say you're not living up to their expectations of fatherhood. What were their expectations? That you'd be more like an automatic teller machine. Where do you pollsters find these respondents? Calvin tells Dad the polls are in. A vast majority of six-year-olds say he's not living up to their expectations of fatherhood. Dad asks what their expectations were. Calvin replies that Dad should be more like an automatic teller machine. Dad asks where the pollsters find these respondents."
"The more you know, the harder it is to take decisive action. Once you become informed, you start seeing complexities and shades of gray. You realize that nothing is as clear and simple as it first appears. Ultimately, knowledge is paralyzing. Being a man of action, I can't afford to take that risk. You're ignorant. But at least you act on it. Calvin says the more you know, the harder it is to take decisive action. When you are informed, you see complexities and shades of gray. You realize nothing is as clear as it first appears. Ultimately, knowledge is paralyzing. Calvin tosses his book. He says as a man of action, he can't afford to take that risk. Hobbes says Calvin is ignorant, but at least he acts on it."
"Have you been reading about the 'electronic superhighway'? Pretty soon, computers, telephones and TVs will all be hooked together to bring instantaneous, interactive communication right into our homes! But Dad says he liked it better when you had to communicate by mail, and you knew you wouldn't hear back from anybody for at least a week. Of course, your Dad thinks transportation should've stopped with the bicycle. I'm a 21st century kid trapped in a 19th century family. Calvin asks Hobbes if he's been reading about the 'electronic superhighway'. Calvin says they'll all soon be hooked together to bring instant communication to their homes. He says Dad liked it better when you communicated by mail, and you knew you wouldn't hear back for a week. Hobbes says Dad thinks transportation should've stopped with the bicycle. Calvin says he's a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family."
"Wait! Don't hit me! There's something on your back! I'm sure. I'm serious! It's a note! Your Mom must've pinned it on your shirt. What's it say? It says, 'Somebody run this boy over with a truck.' If I'm going to get clobbered, I like to deserve it. Right before Moe hits him, Calvin tells him there is something on his back. He tells Moe his Mom must have pinned it to his shirt. Moe asks what it says. Calvin tells him that someone should run this boy over with a truck. After Calvin has been pounded to the ground, he says if he's going to get clobbered, he likes to deserve it."
"My watch tells the time, the day, and the date. It doesn't tell what month it is, though. I need a watch that tells the month. I suppose they figure if you don't know what month it is, you're not the type who'd wear a watch. Calvin tells Hobbes his watch tells the time, day, and date. He says it doesn't tell him the month. Hobbes says they figure if you don't know what month it is, you're not the type who'd wear a watch."
"Mom wants to know if we'd like to go to the zoo today. Can we tour a prison afterward? No thanks. Calvin tells Hobbes that Mom wants to know if they'd like to go to the zoo today. Hobbes asks if they can tour a prison afterward. Calvin tells Mom 'no thanks'."
"I've been thinking, Hobbes. On a weekend? Well, it wasn't on purpose... I believe history is a force. Its unalterable tide sweeps all people and institutions along its unrelenting path. Everything and everyone serves history's single purpose. And what is that purpose? Why, to produce ME, of course! I'm the end result of history. YOU? Think of it! Thousands of generations lived and died to produce my exact, specific parents, whose reason for being, obviously, was to produce ME. All history up to this point has been spent preparing the world for my presence. Hmm, 4.5 billion years probably wasn't long enough. Now I'm here, and history is vindicated. So now that history's brought you, what are you going to do? Ooh, you wascawwy wabbit!" "Spaceman Spiff makes some system checks. He prepares for countdown. Calvin watches the clock in the classroom. Spiff blasts off, flying to his home. Mom asks how his day went. Calvin tells Mom he enjoyed coming home."
"Psst, Susie! What's the answer to question two? 'Eli Whitney and the cotton gin.' But this is a math problem. It's a trick question. How come YOU wrote something different? I'm going to get this question wrong, so it won't look like you copied. Wow, thanks! Oh, I ow it to you. During a test, Calvin whispers to Susie for the answer to a question. Susie gives him the answer 'Eli Whitney and the Cotton Gin'. Calvin reminds her it's a math problem. She says it's a trick question. When Calvin asks why she wrote something different, Susie tells him she's going to get the question wrong so it doesn't look like Calvin copied. Calvin thanks Susie. She tells him she owes it to him."
"OK, that's how we'll do kickoffs. Go with what works, I guess. Calvin kicks a football, and it goes behind him. Hobbes catches it. Hobbes says that's how they'll do kickoffs. Calvin shrugs and says they should go with what works."
"Ooh, wook at da big, stwipey putty! Is oo a fuzzy, fwiendwy putty?? Tigers don't like to be called 'putties'. Calvin sees Hobbes lying on the floor. In a baby voice, he asks if Hobbes is a 'Fwiendwy Putty'. Hobbes sits up with an angry expression. Calvin is walking away, all scratched up, saying tigers don't like to be called 'putties'."
"If heaven is good, and if I like to be bad, how am I supposed to be happy there? How will you get to heaven if you like to be bad? Let's say I didn't DO what I WANTED to do. Suppose I led a blameless life! Suppose I denied my true dark nature! I'm not sure I have that much imagination. Maybe heaven is a place where you're ALLOWED to be bad! Calvin asks Hobbes how he's supposed to be happy in Heaven, if he likes to be bad. Hobbes asks how he'll get to Heaven if he's bad. Calvin asks Hobbes to suppose he led a blameless life. He says to suppose he denied his dark nature. Hobbes isn't sure he has that much imagination. Calvin wonders if Heaven is a place where you're allowed to be bad."
"Calvin, your test was an absolute disgrace! It's obvious you haven't read any of the material. Our first President was NOT Chef Boy-Ar-Dee and you ought to be ashamed to have turned in such preposterous answers! I just don't test well. Miss Wormwood tells Calvin his test was a disgrace. She says the first president was not Chef Boy-ar-dee. She says he should be ashamed to turn in such preposterous answers. Calvin says he just doesn't test well."
"Look, Hobbes! If you dry your teeth, you can curl your upper lip and it will stick! See? Then you take a piece of tape... ...and use it to pull your nostrils up! Cool, huh? Wow! I'll be if you showed your Dad, he'd go to work like that! YEAH! Calvin shows Hobbes that if you dry your teeth, you can curl your lip and it will stick. He shows you take a piece of tape, and you can pull your nostrils up. Hobbes says if Calvin showed his Dad, he'd go to work like that."
"That's our son! *sighhhh* These pictures will remind us of more than we want to remember. Calvin and Hobbes wake up. It's raining outside. They eat breakfast, then go out to wait for the school bus. Hobbes is with Calvin, holding an umbrella. Calvin gets on the bus, waving goodbye to Hobbes. Mom looks out the window and sees Hobbes on the sidewalk. She goes outside to get Hobbes. Calvin sits in school, watching the clock. Hobbes looks out the window, waiting for Calvin."
"I love my school books. Just think! Pretty soon we'll have read ALL of this! I like to read ahead and see what we're going to learn next. It's so exciting to know stuff. Having a book is like having a good friend with you. If you flip the pages of MY book, an animated T.Rex drives the batmobile and explodes! Sometimes I think books are the only friends worth having. Susie tells Calvin she loves her school books. She likes to read ahead to see what comes next. She says having a book is like having a good friend with you. Calvin says if you flip the pages of his book, an animated T-rex drives the Batmobile and explodes. Susie says sometimes books are the only friends worth having."
"I don't need to study! I don't need to learn! I can always get by on my good looks and charm! I don't hear you concurring, hairball breath. Tell me, is it static electricity that makes your hair do that? Calvin tells Hobbes he doesn't need to study or learn. He says he can get by on his good looks and charm. Hobbes rolls his eyes. Calvin says he doesn't hear Hobbes concurring. Hobbes asks Calvin if static electricity makes his hair do what it does."
"I got a smiley face sticker on my quiz. Whoop-de-doo for you. What did YOU get? None of your darn business! You got a frowny face, didn't you? NO as a matter of fact, I didn't! I didn't even know they MADE barfing face stickers. Susie gets a smiley face sticker on her quiz. Calvin is not impressed. Susie asks what Calvin got, but Calvin won't tell. Susie accuses Calvin of receiving a frowny face. Calvin denies it. Later, Calvin sits and thinks that he didn't even know they made barfing face stickers."