"Man, it must be 100 degrees today! Animals sure are dumb to have all that fur. People sure are ugly without it. I'll bet he's cranky because he's so hot. Calvin complains because of the heat. He says animals are dumb to have all that fur. Hobbes replies people are sure ugly without it. Calvin walks off betting Hobbes is so cranky because he's so hot."
"Run for your life! There's a million angry hornets coming! They're insane with rage! They'll sting anyone in their path! Lousy bugs! What are they made about? I've been throwing rocks at their nest all morning. A REAL FRIEND WOULDN'T TAKE THEIR SIDE!! Calvin runs past Hobbes, telling him to run from the hornets that are coming. Calvin says they're insane with rage and calls them lousy bugs. Hobbes asks what they're mad about. Calvin says he's been throwing rocks at their nest all morning. Hobbes puts Calvin on a tree branch. Calvin yells that a real friend wouldn't take their side."
"Whee hee hee SPLOOSHH. Oh, what an awful thing I did! How I regret it now! I hereby resolve to change my evil ways! Oh remorse, remorse! My penitent sinner shtick needs work. Calvin cheerily runs up with a water balloon and hits Susie with it. Then, Calvin apologizes for what he's done and resolves to change his evil ways. Calvin is pounded into the ground. He says his penitent sinner schtick needs work."
No text Little Calvins in helmets run controls. They miscalculated and need to reduce forward momentum. The landing leg is out of alignment. One calls for view ports to open. They prepare for crash positions. Adrenalin is at maximum. They try to redistribute all weight. They prepare for impact. Calvin falls down the steps. Mom asks if he's alright. Calvin says damage assessment is under way.
"Wake up, honey. It's morning. Gosh, it's not very bright out. What time is ... Let's go, honey. Jump out of bed! Mom?? NICE TRY!! See, I TOLD you his Mom doesn't smack her lips like that. OK, YOU do it next time! Mom wakes Calvin up. As he awakens, Calvin notices it's not very bright. He asks the time. A tentacle taps him as a voice under the bed tells him to jump out of bed. Calvin tells the monsters that was a nice try. Beneath the bed, a voice says that it told the other monster Calvin's Mom doesn't smack her lips like that. The other monster says next time he can do it."
"Goodness, you look tired. The monsters under my bed kept me up all night. But I checked for monsters when I tucked you in... and there weren't any. I know. Then how did they get there after I left? YOU WANT ME TO CRAWL UNDER AND ASK THEM?! Calvin tells Mom the monsters under his bed kept him up all night. She says she checked when she tucked him in, and there weren't any. Calvin knows. She asks how they got there after she left. Calvin asks if she wants him to crawl under and ask them."
"Mom wants me to try an experiment tonight. She says the monsters under my bed may need me to THINK about them to exist. Her theory is that if I just don't think about them, they'll go away. ...of course, that idea of being dragged under the bed and devoured by monsters has a way of gripping the mind. And it's not like Mom and Dad go away when I stop thinking about THEM. In bed, Calvin says Mom wants him to try an experiment. Mom's theory is that if Calvin doesn't think about them will make them go away. Hobbes offers that the idea of being dragged under the bed and devoured by monsters has a way of gripping the mind. Calvin adds that Mom and Dad don't go away when he stops thinking about them."
"Attention all monster! I am now going to stop thinking about you! MOMMMM! Admit it, you LIED to us! Calvin tells the monsters he's going to stop thinking about them. He looks over to see eyes and long claws looming over the bed. Calvin turns the light on and yells for Mom. A voice under the bed tells Calvin to admit it, he lied to them."
"As soon as we turn the lights off, the monsters will come back out from under the bed. They're not going to go away, so I guess we need to find some way to live with them. It's hard to co-exist with things that want to kill you. Well we've got to do SOMETHING. We are. We're staying awake all night with the lights on. I wonder if we could set fire to the bed without burning the house down. Calvin tells Hobbes that they monsters will come out when they turn the lights off. He wants to figures out some way to live with them. Hobbes says it's hard to coexist with things that want to kill you. Calvin says they have to do something. Hobbes says they are. They're staying awake all night with the lights on."
"Whoo! It smells awful in here! Why does your room stink? It's because of the darn monsters under my bed! Calvin, I don't believe for a minute that your nighttime 'monsters' are causing this smell. But it's true. See? They don't eat all the garbage we throw down there to keep 'em quiet. Mom asks Calvin why his room stinks. He says it's because of the monsters under the bed. Mom doesn't believe the monsters are causing the smell. She reaches under the bed and comes out with some cans, bones, and a banana peel. Calvin says the monsters don't eat all the garbage they throw down there to quiet them."
"AHHHHHHH. HUHHNNNGH. KAWUNCH! Calvin says his bug bites itch, but he won't scratch. He feels like ants are crawling on him, that his head is on fire, that it explodes. Finally, he scratches the bites. He feels like he's melting. He says it was worth it. The bites itch again."
"Ta da da daaaaa! I'm STUPENDOUS MAN! Kapwinnnggg! Virtual reality has nothing on Calvin. Susie is playing as Calvin comes up, declaring himself Stupendous Man. He runs off. Susie says virtual reality has nothing on Calvin."
"I feel I have an obligation to keep a journal of my thoughts. Oh? Being a genius, my ideas are naturally more important and interesting than other people's, so I figure the world would benefit from a record of my mental activities. How philanthropic of you. Well, the world isn't going to get it cheap. So what are you writing today? I couldn't really think of anything, so I'm drawing some Martians attaching Indianapolis. Calvin feels an obligation to keep a journal. He says his ideas are more interesting than other people's. Hobbes says that's very philanthropic of him. Calvin says the world won't get it cheap. Hobbes asks what he's writing. Calvin couldn't think of anything, so he's drawing Martians attacking Indianapolis."
"Call me Calvin. actually, make that 'Calvin, Boy Genius, Hope of Mankind.' ... or 'Doctor Destiny' for short. (That's 'Doctor Destiny, Sir' to you.) My journal is off to a good start." "Calvin starts his journal by calling himself a boy genius, hope of mankind. He adds he could be called Doctor Destiny, sir. He says his journal is off to a good start."
"I wish my shirt had a logo or a product on it. A good shirt turns the wearer into a walking corporate billboard! It says to the world, 'My identity is so wrapped up in what I buy that I paid the COMPANY to advertise its products!' You'd admit that? Oh sure, endorsing products is the American way to express individuality. Calvin wishes his shirt had a logo on it. He says a good shirt turns the wearer into a walking billboard. It says the wearer pays to advertise the company's products. Calvin says endorsing products is the American way to express individuality."
"Know what I pray for? What? The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference. You should lead an interesting life. Oh, I already DO! Calvin asks for the strength to change what he can, the inability to accept what he can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference. Hobbes says he should lead an interesting life."
"We've got to get cable TV, Dad. No, we don't. But people across the country are watching different TV shows than we are! If we don't all watch the same TV, what will keep our culture homogeneous? We can't rely on monolithic natworks to provide uniform national blandness anymore! There's still McDonald's and Wal-Mart. But they don't come into our HOMES! Calvin tells Dad they need to get cable TV. He says people across the country watch different TV shows than they are. He asks what will keep their culture homogeneous if they don't watch the same TV. Dad suggests there's still McDonald's and Wal-mart. Calvin complains they don't come into their homes."
"DING DONG. C'mon, c'mon... answer the door! DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG. What's wrong with you people?? Don't you answer your door? AAAUGH! Oh, it figures it's you. Mom says our doorbell is not a toy. Go away. Hopeless. From now on, it's illegal to hide in other people's houses. Good try, though. Girls just don't understand sports. That's the problem. Spaceman Spiff flies over an uncharted planet and notices an alien. Spiff reflects that weirdness is nature's way of adapting life to its environment. He sees the monster. He wonders what circumstances of evolution made a creature so ugly. Calvin is staring at Susie. She tells him to get away from her. Spiff's field guide says the creature is a 'gurl'."
"Where do the candidates stand on dinosaur research?! That's what I want to know! Which party has the pro-paleontology platform plank? They can't ignore the dinosaur vote! If nobody panders to us, we'll throw the election! We'll stay home! We're disaffected, disenfranchised and discombobulated! We single-issue activities like to have our 'hot buttons' pushed. Calvin wonders where their candidates stand on dinosaur research. He wonders which party has the propaleontology platform plank. He says if no one panders to them, they'll stay home from the election. He says single-issue activists like to have their 'hot buttons' pushed."
"Hey Dad, know what I figured out? The meaning of words isn't a fixed thing! Any word can mean anything! By giving words new meanings, ordinary English can become an exclusionary code! Two generations can be divided by the same language! To that end, I'll be inventing some new definitions for common words. So we'll be unable to communicate. Don't you think that's totally spam? It's lubricated! Well, I'm phasing. Marvy. Fab. Far our. Calvin tells Dad that the meaning of words isn't a fixed thing. Any word can mean anything. He says English can become an exclusionary code. Generations can be divided by the same language. He asks Dad if he thinks that's totally spam. He says it's lubricated, and that he's phasing. Dad gives Calvin the peace sign and tells him marvy, fab, far out."
"Watcha doin'? I'm seeing if it's hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk. I guess it isn't. Ugh. What a mess. C'mon, I'll bet it's hotter on the car dash! Calvin cracks an egg to see if it's hot enough to fry on the sidewalk. He and Hobbes look at it and decide it's not hot enough. It's a mess. They run off. Calvin bets it's hotter on the car dash."
"I hate hearing about social responsibility! Whatever happened to unbridled greed, the conspicuous consumption of wealth, and the get-ahead-by-any-means credo?? Don't tell me it's all over! I didn't get to participate! They can't change the game before I'm old enough to play! It's not fair! The 'Me Decade' left without its poster child. Maybe we can declare THIS the 'Calvin Decade'. Calvin hates hearing about social responsibility. He wonders what happened to greed and the consumption of wealth. He hasn't gotten to participate. Hobbes suggests it's the 'me decade' left without its poster child."
"I ate a popsicle and now my tongue is purple, and my face is a sticky, blotchy red. My fingers are gummy, my arms are tacky where I wiped my mouth, my shirt is dripping wet, and the stick is stuck to my pocket. I'm a syrupy mess! Who can I hug? I'm sitting over here. Calvin and Hobbes are sitting outside on the porch. Calvin ate a Popsicle, and his tongue is purple, his face sticky red. His fingers are gummy, and his shirt is dripping wet. He's a syrupy mess. He wonders who he can hug. Hobbes moves away from Calvin."
"Oh no... oh no... WHERE ARE ALL MY CARTOON CHARACTER UNDERPANTS?? In the laundry. Wear something else. RRRRGGHHH I hate it when I can't gird my loins with funny animals. Calvin looks in his dresser, then asks where his cartoon character underpants are. Mom says they're in the laundry. Calvin hates it when he can't gird his loins with funny animals."
"Very good work, Calvin. You got an 'A'. All right, class. Books open! Next chapter! Sighhhh... As Calvin passes Hobbes lying on the floor, he says it's hard to believe his conscience lets him sleep that well. Calvin walks on. Hobbes gets up, stalks, and pounces on Calvin. Hobbes returns to his spot, lies down, yawns, and says 'now it does'."
"People complain that the entertainment industry caters to the lowest common denominator of public taste, but I disagree. You do? Yeah, I think it's a fallacy that taste bottoms out somewhere. If they could find some way to aim even LOWER, they'd make some REAL money. I'm sure there's a brilliant career ahead of you. There MUST be a way to cram more violence into 90 minutes! Going down the hill in their wagon, Calvin says he doesn't agree that the entertainment industry caters to the lowest common denominator of public taste. Calvin thinks if they could find a way to aim even lower, they'd make real money. He figures there must be a way to cram more violence into 90 minutes."
"Let's go! Time for bed. I'm not going to bed. Oh yes, you are. Move it. Don't be so dysfunctional, Mom. I've got a new entry for our list of words that get a reaction. Mom tells Calvin it's time for bed. Calvin says he's not going. He tells her not to be so dysfunctional. In bed, Calvin tells Hobbes he has a new entry for his list of words that get a reaction."
"What's with the umbrella and backpack? My motto is 'Be Prepared'. Prepared for what? One never knows. I've got a dart gun, five comic books, some gum, a wrench, a book on bugs, a map of Montana, an eraser, and a rock. Gee, EVERYone should carry a kit like this. The umbrella doubles as a parachute. Calvin is standing with an umbrella. He says his motto is 'be prepared'. He has a dart gun, comic books, gum, a map of Montana, and a few other things. Hobbes says everyone should carry a kit like that. Calvin says the umbrella doubles as a parachute."
"Eight hundred and seventy-three million... four hundred ninety-one thousand... six hundred and thirtyTWO! This gets easier when the numbers are big. Calvin is jumping rope. He's standing with his rope, saying what jump he's doing. He finally jumps the rope. He says jumping gets easier when the numbers are big."
"Yes, Calvin? Miss Wormwood, I'm a fierce advocate of the separation of church and state. Nevertheless, I feel the need for spiritual guidance and comfort as I face the day's struggles. So I was wondering if I could strip down, smear myself with paste, and set fire to this little effigy of you in a non-denominational sort of way. Boy, what a touchy subject! Calvin tells Miss Wormwood he's a fierce advocate of the separation of church and state. However, he feels the need for spiritual guidance as he faces the day's struggles. He wonders if he can strip down, smear himself with paste, and burn a little effigy of her. As he goes to the principal's office, he realizes that's a touchy subject."