"Hi, Hobbes. are you reading that book I gave you? Yes. It's very good. You like it? Sure, I think it's ... wait a minute. Would you mind writing it in two pages for me by tomorrow morning?"
"Mom, was I adopted? No, why do you ask? Are you planning to put me to work in a cannery for fourteen hours a day when I turn seven? Of course not! You're not just fattening me up to eat me, are you? Good heavens, Calvin! Who put all these ridiculous ideas in your head?!? That's right. 'Ridiculous ideas' she called them. Oh, sure, you think your mom's going to tell you?"
"Go ahead down. You'll miss all those trees. You can do it. You'll stop before you go over that ledge at the bottom. You won't go into that pond. Besides, the ice is probably real thick anyway. Go ahead down. My brain is trying to kill me."
"I'm thirsty. AAAUGH. Sleepwalking! Nightmare! Homicidal psycho jungle cat! Hee hee hee! You should've seen the look on your face! If Mom and Dad cared about me at ALL, they'd buy me some infra-red nighttime vision goggles."
"What's the teacher handing out? Our report cards. Our report cards? You know, our grades. Grades? We're being graded? Of course, dummy. What did you think? Don't we even get a few practice semesters?"
"I brought my report card home dad. Well! Let's see it! Remember how you once told me it didn't matter what grades I got ... just as long as I tried my hardest, right? Well you could certainly be trying harder than this! So you admit you were lying?"
"Dad says my report card shows that not enough time is being spent on my homework. So from dinner till bed is now designated as 'homework time.' I don't think that's fair! If it doesn't take that long to do, why should I have to stay in my room all that time? Yeah, can I help it I'm so fast?"
"Can I have some clay? Help yourself. This stuff's impossible to work with. Thanks. I've got a pretty good bowl or something going here. It started out as a phantom jet, but it sort of squashed, so now I think it's a bowl. Mmm that's very good. Yeah, I'm real pleased with it."
"Uh oh. There's a dinosaur in the kitchen. Well if you see Calvin anywhere, tell him it's almost time for dinner. I'd invite you, but no dinosaurs are allowed at the dinner table. Ha. Dinosaurs eat anywhere they want."
"GAAAA. It is 0701 hours. You are late. Extra soap today, robot three. Mom out. Extra soap affirmative. Attention, kitchen. Calvin arriving in turbo chute 4. Clear receiving pad. I've got a moon meeting today. I'll be home for diner, if the shuttle isn't late. Have a good day. See you tonight. Calvin, you're going to be late for school! Put on your jacket! Why are you just standing there? Calvin? Calvin?? Honestly! Would you please try to stay in the PRESENT?! Sighhh... Riding down the hill on the sled, Calvin tells Hobbes the whole notion of instant gratification is a myth. He says he never gets what he wants. He complains how long it's taken to be six years old. He asks Hobbes when he gets to drive and see violent movies. He wants to know why he has to wait until he's older. Calvin says people say life's a journey, but he says he's tired of wasting his precious time in transit. He says he's a busy guy and has places to be. They hit a rock and fall into the snow. Calvin looks at Hobbes and says that was quick."
"When a kid grows up, he has to BE something. He can't just stay the way he is. But a tiger grows up and stays a tiger. Why is that? No room for improvement. Of all the luck, my parents had to be humans. Don't take it too hard. Humans provide some very important protein. Calvin tells Hobbes when a kid grows up, he has to be something. He can't stay the way he is. He says a tiger grows up and stays a tiger. He asks Hobbes why. Hobbes says there's no room for improvement. As they walk off, Calvin says of all the luck, his parents had to be humans. Hobbes tells him not to take it too hard. Humans provide some very important protein."
"It's no surprise to ME that nobody's sold a house on this street for six years. Calvin rolls a big snowball. He's making a snowman. The snowman has its mouth open, with stick arms. Calvin lays inside the mouth of the snowman. Susie walks by. She says it's no surprise nobody's sold a house on this street for six years."
"I try to make television-watching a complete forfeiture of experience. Notice how I keep my jaw slack, so my mouth hands open. I try not to swallow either, so I drool, and I keep my eyes half-focused, so I don't use any muscles at all. I take a passive entertainment and extend the passivity to my entire being. I wallow in my lack of participation and response. I'm utterly inert. I'm going to leave before you start attracting flies. I can almost feel my neural transmitters shutting down. Calvin tells Hobbes he tries to make television watching a complete forfeiture of experience. He keeps his jaw slack, tries not to swallow so he drools, and keeps his eyes half-focused. He takes passive entertainment and extends it to his entire being. He's utterly inert. Hobbes walks away and says he's going before Calvin starts attracting flies."
"No text Calvin looks at the hillside. He starts building something in the snow. Later, Dad walks by and looks at the hillside. It appears a giant head is peeking over the hill down at him."
"HELP HELP! MY HEAD SOMEHOW GOT TWISTED COMPLETELY AROUND! I'M FACING BACKWARD! LOOK I CAN READ THE TAG ON MY SHIRT! I CAN SEE DOWN MY OWN BACK! ... Oh wait. There's my belly button. I must have my SHIRT on backward. Never mind. I've got my head on straight after all. Oh, I wouldn't go THAT far."
"OH SURE! NICE TRY! Darn, darn, darn, darn, darn! Susie walks through the snow. She comes upon a rope hanging from a tree. The rope has a note saying 'pull'. Susie looks up into the tree. She yells to Calvin that it was a nice try. Calvin, up in the tree with a pail of snowballs attached to the rope, says 'darn'."
"Today is Valentine's Day. SO WHAT?! WHO CARES?! NOW ME! Who's your valentine THIS year?? NOBODY! Is it SUSIE?? NO! I'll bet she IS! I'll be your heart beats faster at the sound of her name! Ahh, how you long to gaze deep into her shimmering eyes!! WHAT?! Your cheeks are flushed! Your chin quivers to imagine her soft, warm lips pressed against yours! Oh, to be locked for an eternity in a passionate embrace with sweet, sweet Susie! TAKE IT BACK! Can I be 'Best Tiger'? TAKE IT BACK! Have you picked out a ring yet? TAKE IT BACK! Where's the honeymoon? Hey, Calvin! Huh?? You jerk! This is for sending me a Valentine card with a drawing of me as a worm-eaten corpse! Oh HO-O-O! You sent her a CARD?? Doctor Love, paging Doctor I.M.N. Love! I'd say were about due for another Saint Valentine's Day massacre. A dinosaur poem. The great tyrannosaur lived many years ago, and he epitomized the concept of the killer carnivore. The monster came to town this morning. He lunged into the crowd, and people ran screaming. They tried to get away. People were trampled. Two boys dawdled by the candy shop and were devoured. A camera crew arrived to give a live report. They failed, because they did not live. The menace ate his fill and stomped away. Calvin walks behind Mom's chair, growling and snarling while walking like a dinosaur. The poem ends that no one knows where the next tyrannosaur will be found....except Calvin."
"Aren't you supposed to be doing your homework now? I quit doing homework. Homework is bad for my self-esteem. It is Sure! It sends the message that I don't know enough! All that emphasis on right answers makes me feel bad when I get them wrong. So instead of trying to learn, I'm just concentrating on liking myself the way I am. Your self-esteem is enhanced by remaining an ignoramus? Please! Let's call it 'informationally impaired'. Hobbes asks if Calvin shouldn't be doing his homework. Calvin replies he quit doing it. It's bad for his selfesteem. Calvin says it sends the message he doesn't know enough. He feels bad if he doesn't get the right answer. As he rolls a snowball, Calvin says instead of trying to learn, he's concentrating on liking himself just the way he is. Hobbes asks if his self-esteem is enhanced by remaining an ignoramus. Calvin says they should call it 'informationally impaired'."
"See, Hobbes, we shouldn't need accomplishments to feel good about ourselves. Self-esteem shouldn't be conditional. That's why I've stopped doing homework. I don't need to learn things to like myself. I'm fine the way I am. So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met? Right. We should take PRIDE in our mediocrity. Remind me to invest overseas. I think this snowman is good enough, don't you? As they roll two snowballs, Calvin tells Hobbes they shouldn't need accomplishments to feel good about themselves. Self-esteem shouldn't be conditional. Calvin says he stopped doing homework because he's fine just the way he is. Hobbes asks if the secret to good self-esteem is to lower expectations to the point they're already met. Calvin says he's right. They should take pride in their mediocrity. Calvin looks at the snowman they made with only two snowballs. He says the snowman is good enough."
"Look, Dad made me do my homework. He said when I'm older, I'll discover that there are few pleasures greater than learning. So I said, FINE, I'll learn when I'm older. What did HE say? He said if I didn't start cracking books NOW, this would be as old as I'd get. Sounds like you learned something already. Calvin complains Dad made him do his homework. Calvin tells Hobbes Dad said when Calvin gets older, he'll discover there are few pleasures greater than learning. Calvin told him he'll learn when he's older. Dad replied if he didn't study now, this would be as old as he'd get. Hobbes tells him it sounds like he learned something already."
"Here we stand, peering down the dizzying depths of doom drop! Do we turn around and retreat to the stupefying security of home and hearth? OR do we brave the descent, risk demise, and experience the flood of somatic sensation that screams we are alive, gloriously alive, however temporarily?? ... Hobbes? I thought the question was rhetorical. The other way, though! At the top of the hill, toboggan ready to go, Calvin tells Hobbes they're peering down the dizzying depths of Doom Drop. Do they turn around and retreat to the security of hearth and home, or do they brave the descent, risk demise, and experience the flood of sensation. Calvin turns around to find Hobbes gone. Later, at home in front of the fireplace, Hobbes is lying on the floor. He tells Calvin he thought the question was rhetorical. Calvin says it was, the other way."