"The fearless Spaceman Spiff pilots his craft at speeds never before imagined! He discovers galaxies and planets never before charted! He courageously lands on alien worlds never before explored... ...bravely confronting space species never before encountered! Yes, our hero, the incredible Spaceman Spiff, is a cosmic pioneer, boldly facing the unknown in a universe of wild adventure! EWW! I've never had this before! I won't eat it!"
"You're on my half of the bed! Move over! Your side is way over there! Give me back those covers! Calvin, be quiet and go to sleep!! You heard Dad. He said to get on your side and leave the covers alone. That's not what he said! Hey! You stole my pillow! This lumpy one is yours!"
"With a drink of magic elixir, Calvin turns himself invisible. Completely transparent, he roams undetected! Calvin? Boy, as soon as you want something done around here, that kid's nowhere to be seen."
"Ha ha! I have turned myself invisible! By removing my clothing, I can perpetrate any crime undetected! I have complete freedom! I can get away with anything! Calvin! What on earth are you doing in the cookie jar without your clothes on?!?"
"Your polls are slipping Dad. Better get with it. Calvin, being your Dad is not an elected position. I don't have to respond to pools. Not elected? You mean you can govern with dictatorial impunity? Exactly. In short, open revolt and exile is the only hope for change? I don't like the direction this conversation is taking."
"This is my latest snow sculpture. Where? All of this! But you didn't do anything. Right. Art is dead! There's nothing left to say. Style is exhausted and content is pointless. Art has no purpose. All that's left is commodity marketing. Consequently, I'm signing this landscape, and you can own it for a million dollars. Sorry... it doesn't match my furniture. The problem with being avant-garde is knowing who's putting on who."
"Hey, Mom. Can we go out for pizza tonight? No, we had pizza last night, and besides, it's too expensive to eat out all the time. Oh, you'd rather blow the evening cooking and washing dishes than spend a few bucks? It seems like we go out for pizza a lot these days. If you'd rather fix a dish of cereal at home be my guest. Hobbes wants triple anchovies."
"Calvin and his trusty navigator Hobbes roar down the residential road at 90 MPH! Hobbes puts on the turn signal. Faster and faster they go! A busload of school children dives from the sidewalk! Hobbes puts on the windshield wipers. The police are after them! Calvin crawls down to put in the clutch and shift! Hobbes steers and blows the horn! All right, I'm back already! Can't I even run an errand without you blowing the horn across the parking lot?! It was Hobbes, Mom, not me."
"See any UFOs? Not yet. Well, keep your eyes peeled. They're bound to land here sooner or later. What will we do when they come? See if we can smell Mom and Dad into slavery for a star cruiser."
"Calvin, I don't want you up in that ree. Why not? Some of the branches are dead and they might break. Come on down. Mom spoils everything. This isn't quite the same, is it?"
"Some November this is. The leaves are down but there's now snow. Everything is just sitting around waiting for winter, but nothing is happening. C'mon, what's the big holdup?! Let's go, up there! Bring on the snow! Sighh No efficiency. No accountability. I tell you, Hobbes, it's a lousy way to run a universe. Whatever happend to the work ethic?"
"Pay up, squirt. Forget it Moe. I'm not giving you the money. In fact, I don't even have any. Gee, that's too bad. Oh wait, yes, I do! Here. For a kid with a monosyllabic vocabulary, he's awfully persuasive."
"Ok, Hobbes, here's the plan to put Moe out of commission. You come to school with me, and when Moe comes to steal my money, you jump out and eat him! Eat him?? I couldn't do that! Sure you could! What's wrong with that?! Fat kids are high in cholesterol. Well, just chew him up and spit him out, I don't care!!"
"If that bully is extorting money, I'm going to call the school and put an end to it. Don't do that! If Moe finds out I squealed, I'm a goner! This kid can't get away with stealing, Calvin. Somebody's got to do something. Here's a list of what I'm wearing. See you at the morgue."
"Hey, Twinkie, here's the 2 cents I 'borrowed' from you the other day. Somebody ratted on me, and it's gonna be a dark day if I ever find out who! I think I'll use the quarter to call my insurance agent."
"Hi, Dad, it's me! Calvin, is this important? I'm very busy this morning. I'll make it fast, Dad. Can you pick up some topsoil and grass seed on your way home? Ok. Sure. Goodbye."
"Ring Ring. Hello, Calvin speaking. I'd like to order a large anchovy pizza. What? I ... ?? oh, I'm sorry. You must have dialed the wrong number. Goodbye. I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal."
"... sighhhh... We've been out here half an hour and nobody's attacked our fort. We don't have enough enemies, that's our problem. We're just too darn popular. Yeah, everybody likes us because we're so great. It's true. And of course, I'm a genius, so people are naturally drawn to my fiery intellect. Their admiration overwhelms their envy. Actually, I believe jungle cats are held in higher esteem, whereas one can hardly take a kid out in public. Tigers add panache and savoir faire to any social occassion. Whaddaya MEAN kids can't go out in public?!? At least kids don't have FLEAS! That's only because fleas can't stand the way kids SMELL! By golly, you're asking for a snowball in the mouth! You can't threaten me! I've got snowballs too! PIFF PAFF PEFF POOF PUFF You know, maybe we don't NEED enemies. Yeah, best friends are all I can take."
"Look, I brought a sombrero! Now we can both be 'cool.' A sombrero? Are you crazy?! Cool people don't wear sombreros! Nobody wears sombreros! What fun is it being 'cool' if you can't wear a sombrero?"
"I'm back. See. I put on some Mickey Mouse pants! I'll be 'cool' in these, boy. Just look at these big yellow buttons! Mickey Mouse pants?!? You don't look cool! You look like an idiot! Hmph! Maybe I'm new wave. Maybe you're just stupid."
"Are there any monsters under my bed tonight? No. Nope. No. If there were any monsters under my bed, how big would they be? Very small. Go to sleep. Momm!"