"If you could wish for anything, what would it be? A big sunny field to be in. A stupid field?! You've got that now! Think big! Riches! Power! Pretend you could have anything! Actually, it's hard to argue with someone who looks so happy. Calvin asks Hobbes what he'd wish for if he could have anything. Hobbes wants a big, sunny field to be in. Calvin incredulously says 'A stupid field!?' He tells Hobbes to think big, about riches, power, anything. Hobbes just lies down and takes a nap. Calvin looks at him and says it's hard to argue with someone who looks so happy."
"Here fish! They must know that one. Calvin stands on a pier with a bucket in his hand. He calls 'Here fish!' and holds the bucket out. Nothing happens. Calvin figures they must know that one."
"Aaghh! Chomp! Are the fish biting? Drop dead, Hobbes. As Calvin sits on a rock with his fishing line in the water, a fish crawls up on the rock and bites Calvin in the butt. Hobbes comes by and asks if the fish are biting. Calvin tells him to drop dead."
"Oops! I forgot to read chapter five for school tomorrow. What are you going to do? Catch a quick cold. Cough cough. You sound terrible, Calvin. I'll get you some cough medicine. It wasn't me coughing. It was Hobbes. Me? It wasn't me! I know, but that cough syrup tastes awful. So you're going to have me take it? Nothing doing, buster. I refuse! Here you go Calvin. Open up. Not me! Give it to Hobbes! He's the one who ... Gloomp Ackthp! Pbthbbppth!! Hack Hack. Mmm! That cough medicine is good! You should try some! Really! You're not fooling me one bit, you stinker. Calvin has a cough, so Mom heads off to get cough medicine. Calvin tells he it was Hobbes coughing. Hobbes says it was not, but Calvin tells him the cough syrup tastes awful. Hobbes refuses to take the medicine. Mom comes into the room and gives it to Calvin as he loudly protests that Hobbes was coughing. Calvin gags on the medicine. He then tries to convince Hobbes it tastes real good and to try some. Hobbes isn't buying that story."
"I can't get this model airplane to look right. These directions are impossible! Rrrrrggghhhhh wham wham wham! Hit by anti-aircraft guns. Your planes do seem to run into those. Don't they? Calvin, trying to build a model airplane, can't get it to look right. He complains the directions are impossible. In a fit of anger, he smashes the model with a hammer. He then declares the airplane a victim of antiaircraft fire. Hobbes notes Calvin's planes do seem to run into those."
"Tommy told a funny story at school today. I almost died! Tell it to me. Well, actually the story itself wasn't so funny ... it was the way he told it. How did he tell it? He was drinking milk and when he laughed it came up his nose! Calvin tells Hobbes that Tommy told a funny story at school. Hobbes wants to hear it. Hands on hips, Calvin admits the story itself wasn't very funny, but the way Tommy told it was. Tommy was drinking milk and when he laughed, it went up his nose."
"You've got two periods to live, Twinky. Then it's gym class, and I turn you into hamburger casserole! I hate gym class. Coach thinks violence is aerobic. Moe tells Calvin he has two periods to live. He warns him that in gym class, Calvin will be turned into hamburger casserole. As Calvin walks off, he says he hates gym class. The coach thinks violence is aerobic."
"Where's my jacket? I've looked everywhere! Under the bed, over my chair, on the stairs, on the hall floor, in the kitchen ... it's just not anywhere! Oh, here it is! Who put it in the stupid closet?!? Calvin yells 'Where's my jacket?'. He says he's looked everywhere. He's looked under the bed, over the chair, the stairs, the floor, the kitchen. Then he finds it and complains about who put it in the closet."
"Hocus-pocus, Abracadabra! I command my homework to do itself! Homework, be done! Flip flip flip. Rats. Calvin waves his hands and says 'Hocus-Pocus. Abracadabra!' He commands his homework to do itself. He opens his textbooks, sees the homework isn't done, and says 'Rats'."
Do you ever think about the end of the world as we know it? You mean for nuclear war? I think mom was referring to if she ever catches me letting the air out of the car tires again. Calvin and Hobbes are lying in the grass on the hill. Calvin asks if Hobbes ever thinks about the end of the world as they know it. Hobbes asks if he means nuclear war. Calvin clarifies he was referring to Mom catching him letting the air out of the car tires.
"I'm taking the umbrella outside. Well, that's showing a little foresight for once. Good for you. Wait a minute. You really think this will work? Of course! Let's go! Smash! Bonk bonk bonk. Look! I'm flying!! I had my eyes shut. How was it? Great! What a ride! Let's get some other kids and charge 'em! Hobbes is sitting in the wagon at the top of the hill. Calvin is standing in skates with an umbrella in his hand. He asks if Calvin thinks this will work. Calvin is sure. Down the hill they go, racing around trees, crashing over bumps, until finally they fly off the end of the pier into the lake. Calvin yells that he's flying. In the water, Hobbes asks how it was. Calvin thinks it is great, and that they should get some other kids and charge them for the ride."
"Fearless Spaceman Spiff closes in on the fleeing Zargons! Once again our hero is about to teach vicious alien scum that virtue is it's own reward! He locks onto target! Psst, Calvin! What was the capital of Poland until 1600! Krakow. Thanks. Krakow! Krakow! Two direct hits! Spaceman Spiff, in his spacecraft, closes in on the Zargons. He's going to teach that alien scum that virtue is its own reward. Susie asks Calvin what the capital of Poland until 1600 was. He replies 'Krakow'. Susie thanks him as Calvin keeps shooting at the Zargons...krakow, krakow, two direct hits."
"The tyrannosaurus lumbers across the prehistoric valley ... the terrifying lizard is three stories tall, and his mouth is filled with six-inch chisels of death! With a few mighty steps, the dinosaur is upon a tribe of fleeing cavemen. He devours them one by one! Araragh! Aaieee! Aaughh! Calvin, eat your popcorn quietly! The tyrannosaurus lumbers across the valley. He's three stories call with six-inch teeth. He comes upon a tribe of cavemen trying to flee. He devours them one by one. Calvin is roaring as he drops popcorn into his mouth. Mom yells at him to eat quietly."
"What does this word mean? Which one? That long one. I don't know. You do too!! All right! Where's a dictionary?? Calvin asks Hobbes what a word in his book means. Hobbes looks at the word and turns frizzy with his eyes opening wide. He tells Calvin he doesn't know. Calvin yells that he does, too, know. He wants to find a dictionary."
"Can I watch the movie 'Killer Prom Queen' on tv? No. Do I have to eat this slimy asparagus? Yes. Can I stay up till midnight? No. There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is. Calvin asks to watch the 'Killer Prom Queen' on TV. Mom says no. Calvin asks if he has to eat the slimy asparagus. Mom says yes. Calvin asks if he can stay up until midnight. Mom says no. Calvin decides there is an inverse relationship between how good something is for you and how much fun it is."
"Let's see what happens if you cook popcorn without a lid. Pow. Kapwing. Bang. Pow. Boing. Zang. Heck. That's more fun than exploding a potato in the microwave! Let's do some more! Calvin wants to see what happens when popcorn is popped without a lid. First one, then several kernels go flying out of the pan. Calvin thinks that's more fun than exploding a potato in the microwave."
"C'mon Calvin. We're going to the store. Can Hobbes come? No, just leave him here. But I want him to come with us!! If you can't win by reason, go for volume. Mom tells Calvin they're going to the store. Calvin wants to bring Hobbes, but Mom tells him to leave Hobbes at home. Calvin yells that he wants Hobbes to come with them. We see Calvin carrying Hobbes out the door saying if you can't win with reason, go for volume."
"Honey, we have to leave soon. Is Calvin taking his bath? Oh good. While I'm taking my bath, you can brush your teeth and comb your hair. Right. Your dad won't mind if I use his cologne, will he? Well, go easy this time. Think I should shave? No, go for the Don Johnson fuzzy look. Here's a tie and one of my sport coats. Perfect! Right out of 'GQ'! boy, I look good in anything, don't I? Refresh my memory. How did I get talked into this one? My friend would like to see the wine list. Everyone is going out to dinner. Calvin is taking a bath, while Hobbes uses Dad's cologne, wears a tie and sport coat, looking like something out of 'GQ'. As they're sitting at the restaurant, with Hobbes in a chair of his own, Dad is wondering how he got talked into this. Calvin is asking the waitress for the wine list."
"So the contractor says it will cost about $200 to fix. Oh that dumb kid! Well. It's all part of raising a child, right? Mm. You're not sorry we had Calvin are you? Are you? I asked first besides, it wasn't all my decision. All I know is that I offered to buy us a Dachshund. But no, you said. Mom and Dad are talking about the $200 contractor bill. Mom offers that it's all part of raising a child. She then asks Dad if he's sorry they had Calvin. He asks her the same thing. Mom won't answer since she asked first. She suggests it wasn't all her decision. Dad counters with his remembering his original offer to buy a dachshund, but she didn't want that."
"Do you think there's a god? Well, somebody's out to get me. Calvin and Hobbes are lying on their backs on the hill. Hobbes asks if Calvin believes there is a God. Calvin thinks about it, and decides that somebody's out to get him."
"Spaceman Spiff closes in on the alient vessel! The alien being unnaturally stupid, is blissfully ignorant of it's imminent doom! Our hero locks onto target and warms up his frap-ray blaster! Miss Wormwood!! Zounds! A Gorkon death station appears! Evasive action! Spaceman Spiff closes in on the alien vehicle. The alien is unaware of its imminent doom. Spiff readies his frapray blaster. Calvin has a book in his hand, standing on his desk, ready to smack Susie on the head. Susie calls for Miss Wormwood. Calvin calls for evasive action from the Gorkon death station."
Whack! Wow! Another hole in one! Calvin lines up his tee shot. He hits the ball. He goes to see the result and notes that he got another hole-in-one. The shot has been made easier by the shovel sitting next to the enlarged hole.
"Wow! Three new magazines for me today. Yesterday I got five. I love getting all this mail. How come you receive all these magazines? I went to the library and filled out all the subscription cards that said 'Bill me later.' Calvin pulls three new magazines out of the mailbox. He tells Hobbes that he got five more the day before. Calvin loves getting all this mail. Hobbes asks why he's getting all these magazines. Calvin explains that he went to the library and filled out all the cards that said 'Bill Me Later'."
"I love Saturday morning cartoons. What classic humor! This is what entertainment is all about ... idiots, explosives and falling anvils. Calvin and Hobbes are sitting in the chair, eating cereal, watching cartoons. Calvin comments on the classic humor and that these cartoons are what entertainment is all about. Idiots, explosives, and falling anvils."
"Wanna go catch some fish? Sure. Ugh. I don't want to touch these worms will you put one on my hook? Me? I'm not gonna spear any worms. I know ... let's just dump the worms in the water, and when the fish come up to eat them, we'll catch them in the net! Pretty smart, huh? That's what I like about surviving in the wild ... pitting our wits against the raging elements! The worms are getting soggy. Ooh, they are starting to sink. Bloop bloop bloop. Let's pit our wits against some fast food cheesburgers. Those come in neat little boxes. Yeah, who'd want to eat something that eats worms anyway? Calvin and Hobbes are fishing. Hobbes doesn't want to put his worm on the hook. Neither does Calvin. Calvin decides to dump the worms into the water and net the fish when they come up for the worms. No fish comes, as the worms get soggy and sink. Calvin says they should go get some fast food hamburgers, which come in neat little boxes. Hobbes wonders who would want something that ate worms, anyway."
"Calvin, the human insect walks across the dinner table. With proportional insect strength. He places a giant pea on the edge of a spoon. He then climbs to the top of the other end ... and with a tiny jump ... Calvin stop that! Calvin, the human insect, walks across the table. With his insect strength, he places a pea on the end of a spoon. He climbs atop the other end. Calvin launches the pea off his spoon as Dad yells at him to stop that."
"In his minuscule size it takes Calvin, the human insect, ten minutes to walk across a book's page! At the other end, he slowly lifts the gigantic sheet! Then it's another ten-minute journey back as he turns it over! Gee, the kids been quiet for almost twenty minutes. He's doing his homework. Calvin, still a human insect, takes ten minutes to walk across the book's page. He slowly lifts the gigantic page. He then has a ten minute walk back across the turned page. Dad comments Calvin has been quiet for twenty minutes. Mom reminds him Calvin is doing his homework."
"Here's a movie we should watch. Who's in it? It says 'Japanese cast.' 'Two big rubbery monsters slug it out over a major metropolitan centers in a battle for world supremacy.' Doesn't that sound great? And people say that foreign film is inaccessible. Calvin sees a movie he wants to watch. Hobbes asks what it is, and Calvin replies the listing says 'Japanese cast'. He reads the description of two rubbery monsters slugging it out over major metropolitan centers in a battle for world supremacy. Calvin thinks that sounds great, while Hobbes ponders that people say foreign film is inaccessible."
"Oh, Rosalyn, you're here! Good. Come in! We really appreciate your coming on such short notice. We've had a terrible time getting a baby sitter for tonight. Ha ha. Maybe little Calvin here has gotten himself a reputation. Ha ha. You have the half up front? Yes, let me get my purse ... Rosalyn, the baby sitter, comes to the door. Mom thanks her for coming on such short notice. She mentions they've had a difficult time finding a sitter. Mom has the notion Calvin has gotten a reputation. Rosalyn asks for half her money up front as Mom goes for her purse."
"Hi, Baby Doll. It's me. Yeah. I'm baby sitting the kid down the street. Yeah. That's right. The little monster ... mmm? Well so far no problem. He hasn't been any trouble you just have to show these kids who's the boss. Mm hmm. How much longer till she lets us out of the garage? She said 8 o'clock and it's almost 6:30 now. Rosalyn is lying on the sofa, talking to her boyfriend on the phone. She tells him she's baby sitting Calvin. The boyfriend wonders if she's having any problems. Rosalyn says no. She says you have to show kids who's boss. Calvin and Hobbes are in the garage. Calvin asks Hobbes how much longer it will be till Rosalyn lets them out. Hobbes says she told them 8:00, and it's almost 6:30 now."