"Hop in, Hobbes! We're going to get rich! Oh no, I'm not getting into that box. I don't want to be transmogrified or duplicated or whatever. What? When the TOP is open, it's a time machine, remember? Even worse. Oh, don't be such a baby. The way you act, you'd think the dinosaur actually GOT us last time. Why, it wasn't even a carnivore. I don't care. You and that box are plain bad news. Calvin is in a box and tells Hobbes to hop in, they're going to get rich. Hobbes wants no part of it. He doesn't want to be transmogrified, duplicated, or whatever. Calvin reminds him that when the top is open, it's a time machine. Hobbes says that's even worse. Calvin chides him for being such a baby. He says the way Hobbes acts, the dinosaur actually got them last time. He says it wasn't even a carnivore. Hobbes doesn't care. He says Calvin and that box are plain bad news."
"Too bad you're not going back to the jurassic with me. An opportunity like this doesn't come along every day, you know. The less often, the better, is what I say. We're just going on a photo safari! When we come"
"I guess if we get to have snacks, it would be OK to time travel. If they're GOOD snacks, I mean. Great! Put on your vortex goggles. The dial is set for 140 million years ago. So OFF WE GO-O-O! I have a question. Why don't we get younger as we go back in time, and disappear as we pass the day we were born? I'd explain it, but there's a lot of math. I thought you got a 'D' in math. Hobbes figures if they're good snacks, it's okay to time travel. Calvin sets the dial for 140 million years ago, and off they go. Hobbes asks why they don't get younger as they travel back through time and disappear as they pass the day they're born. Calvin says he'd explain it, but there's a lot of math. Hobbes says he thought Calvin got a 'D' in math."
"Is it time for snacks yet? Hobbes, we're travelling at light speed through an interdimensional continuum lapse! Wait till we land! OK, I'll just inventory the snacks and record them for the journal. You COULD help me drive, you know! If we miss our exit, we could fly right into the big bang! What would happen then? There'd be no universe, and probably now time! I think we should eat the snacks NOW. Sit still, will you? You'll make me swerve. Hobbes asks if it's time for snacks. Calvin explains they're traveling at light speed through an interdimensional continuum lapse. He says to wait until they land. Hobbes offers to inventory the snacks. Calvin says he could help him drive. He's worried that if they miss their exit, they could fly into the big bang. He says there would be no universe, and probably no time. Hobbes thinks they should eat the snacks now."
"There's a diplodocus! We're in the jurassic! We made it! Ugh. I can't believe you wanted to come back here. Last time we didn't bring a camera. All we need is a few good dinosaur photos and we'll be rich when we get home. If we get in National Geographic, maybe I'll get to meet some of those tigress babes they showed in the April issue! Yow wow! Those were females? Really, I don't know how you can even tell the difference. They see a diplodocus. They're in the Jurassic. Hobbes can't believe Calvin wanted to come back. Calvin said last time, they forgot the camera. He figures they only need a few dinosaur photos, and they'll get rich when they get home. Hobbes thinks if they get in National Geographic, he can meet some of those tigress babes they showed in the April issue. Calvin asks if they were females. He doesn't know how Hobbes can tell the difference."
"Hey! There's a chance to get some pictures of some stegosaurs! See, these photos will answer hundreds of questions about dinosaur anatomy and behavior! Paleontologists will pay through their nose to see these! Take a picture of this one. He's smiling. Just a minute. Just a minute. They have a chance for pictures of stegosaurs. Calvin says these pictures will answer hundreds of questions about dinosaur anatomy and behavior. Paleontologists will pay through the nose for these pictures. Hobbes points behind him to take the picture of the dinosaur that's smiling. It's a allosaurus! Calvin is busy looking the other way for his photo."
"No Earthling has ever before seen the cratered, scarred surface of the distant planet Zog! ... although it's not unlike some of those zit cream commercials ... we join the fearless Spaceman Spiff interplanetary explorer extraordinaire, out at the farthest reaches of the galaxy ... with nerves of steel, our hero sets forth on his dangerous mission! He fires his hyper-jets and ... blasts into the fifth dimension! Into a world beyond human comprehension! Into a world where time has no meaning! Man, this class lasts forever! So we carry the three into the tens column ... Calvin suggests a game of tossing a water balloon back and forth. Each time they catch it, they take a step back. Calvin throws the balloon to Hobbes. Calvin catches the return toss. He steps back and hits Hobbes with the balloon. He starts laughing at Hobbes, who stands there drenched. Hobbes picks Calvin up. He asks if Hobbes can't take a joke. He says he didn't do it on purpose. Hobbes dunks Calvin in the rain barrel. As he climbs out, Calvin says it's no fun to play games with a poor sport."
"What's THIS ugly brute called? AN ALLOSAUR! I'm right here. You don't need to shout. RUN! When we get back to the time machine, throw him the snacks we packed! Maybe that will diver him while we take off! You can throw YOUR snacks. I might still want mine. You're going to be a snack yourself! Get in! Get in! Hobbes asks what that ugly brute is called. Calvin is horrified when he sees it's an allosaur. Hobbes tells him he doesn't need to yell. He's standing right there. Calvin tells Hobbes to run. As they run, Calvin tells Hobbes that when they get to the time machine, throw the snacks they packed. It might divert him while they take off. Hobbes says Calvin can throw his snacks, but Hobbes might still want his. Calvin yells that he's going to be a snack himself. He yells to get in."
"Quick! Thow him the food! My sandwich had mustard. Is this one yours? Put on your vortex goggles! We're taking off! Eww, this banana is mushy. He can have THIS. We did it! We're off! Here. Boy, that was a close call. Bit it will be worth it when we get these pictures developed. Since I rescued your sandwich, can I eat it? Calvin tells Hobbes to throw some food. Hobbes doesn't want to throw his sandwich. Hobbes finds a mushy banana that he throws to the dinosaur. Calvin says it was a close call, but it will be worth it when they develop their pictures. Hobbes asks if he can eat Calvin's sandwich, since he rescued it."
"Hey Mom, guess where Hobbes and I have been! I SAW where you were. You were playing in a cardboard box out back. Nope! That's just what it LOOKED like. We time travelled to the jurassic, but we returned at the split second we left! That's why it didn't look like we were gone! We saw lots of dinosaurs! Well, you've had a productive morning then. Yeah. Will you take this film to be developed? I'll pay you back Calvin runs up to Mom and asks if she knows where he and Hobbes have been. She says she saw him playing in a cardboard box out back. Calvin says that's what it looked like, but they really time-traveled to the Jurassic period and returned at the split second they left. That's why it didn't look like they left. He says they saw lots of dinosaurs. He asks if Mom will take some film to be developed. He'll pay her back when Time magazine coughs up for his story."
"Hobbes, look! We got our pictures back from our jurassic trip! Oh boy! Let's see! Wow, these came out good! Look at that apatosaur! There's me! There's me! Yes! Yes! We're RICH! Ha ha! Now we can get our own apartment! This dinosaur blinked. I'll buy a car too, but since I can't drive for another decade, we'll have to get a chauffeur. If we pay him, he has to let us sit up front and beep the horn, right? Calvin has the pictures from the Jurassic trip. The pictures came out great. Calvin says they can get their own apartment now. Calvin says he'll also buy a car, but since he can't drive for another decade, he'll get a chauffeur. Hobbes says that if they pay him, he'll have to let them sit up front and beep the horn."
"Well Dad, it's too bad you weren't any nicer to me all these years. Beg pardon? Yep, I can't say I'm particularly including to share my future millions with you. Here, look. Dinosaurs? Hobbes and I went to the jurassic today and came back with these dramatic photographs! We're going to be rich. I didn't realize dinosaurs looked so small and plastic. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU INSINUATING?! Calvin tells Dad it's too bad he wasn't nicer to him all these years. He explains that he's not inclined to share his future millions with Dad. He shows him the pictures he took. Dad comments that he didn't realize dinosaurs looked so small and plastic. Calvin wants to know what Dad is insinuating."
"Dad doesn't believe we went to the jurassic and took photographs of real dinosaurs. He says it looks like we just put my toy models in the yard and took pictures of THEM! He says our get-rich-quick scheme won't work. Huh! He said if we REALLY wanted to get some money, he'd pay us a dollar to pull weeds out of the front walk. Just a dollar? Of course I told him we didn't want the money THAT bad. Calvin tells Hobbes that Dad doesn't believe they went to the Jurassic period and took photographs of real dinosaurs. Calvin continues that Dad thinks they took toy dinosaurs and took pictures of those. Dad told Calvin that if he really wanted to make money, Dad would pay a dollar for Calvin to pull weeds out of the front walk. Calvin told him he didn't want the money that bad."
"Hey Mom, if we were cannibals, what parts of people would we eat? What? You know, where would the steaks be? Would legs be like drumsticks? Would kids be like veal? Ughh! Go be disgusting somewhere else! Out! Some people just don't have inquisitive minds. Calvin asks Mom what parts of people they would eat if they were cannibals. Calvin wants to know where the steaks would be, if legs would be like drumsticks, and if kids would be like veal. Mom scoots him away telling him to be disgusting somewhere else. Calvin grumbles that some people just don't have inquisitive minds."
"Ever notice how the older people get, the slower they do things? I wonder why that is. I would think that the less life you had left, the faster you'd want to do everything, so you could pack more into the remaining years. You can bet when I'm a geezer like Dad, I'll be going like a maniac. Oh great. Riding down the hill in the sled, Calvin asks Hobbes if he's ever noticed that the older people get, the slower they do things. Calvin wonders why that is. He figures that the less life you have left, you'd want to do everything faster so you could pack more in the remaining years. He tells Hobbes that when he's a geezer like Dad, he'll be going like a maniac."
"Better hurry. Your Mom's yelling something. Calvin is standing backward on the top of a ladder, his back to his wading pool. Hobbes is standing next to the pool yelling up at Calvin. He tells Calvin he better hurry, Mom's yelling something."
"Easy... easy now... that's it... Steady, boy... easy... nice bike... AUGH! PHPPBT! Calvin warily approaches his bike. He says 'easy now'. He gets closer and says 'steady boy....nice bike'. Suddenly, the bike rears up and startles Calvin. Calvin peeks at the bike from behind a tree."
"Wow, what happened to YOU?? That darn bicycle tried to killme! You fell off? It took me 40 minutes to subdue it to the point where I could climb on, and then it bucked me right over the handlebars! You fell off. THEN it tried to run me over! It's out to kill me! I'm lucky to be alive! Well, balancing takes a little practice. Do you have a rifle? Will you shoot it? Calvin comes into the house all scarred and dirty. Dad asks what happened to him. Calvin tells him the bicycle tried to kill him. Dad asks if he fell off. Calvin says it took 40 minutes to subdue it to the point he could climb on, then it bucked him over the handlebars. Dad asks if he fell off. Calvin tells him it then tried to run him over. He says he's lucky to be alive. Dad tells him balancing takes a little practice. Calvin asks Dad if he has a rifle and if he'll shoot the bike."
"Maybe we should get your inner ear checked. Calvin peeks out the door. After he's outside, the bike peeks around the corner at him. The bike chases him down the street. Looking at Calvin lying on the ground, Dad says maybe they should get his inner ear checked."
"Calvin, quit horsing around! Hobbes is crowding me. This is my half of the seat. Got it stripeypants? That is your side! You stay over there! I see that!! Calvin, I'm trying to concentrate be quiet. Hobbes poked me. I don't care what Hobbes did! Just be quiet until we get out of this traffic. Hee hee! Stop it you heard Dad! Hoo hoo! Gkpthb! We're going to get in trouble. Mmp mp! Hee hee! Hee hoo ha hee ha ha! Calvin! I thought I said I wanted it quiet!! We were having a weird face contest Dad. But we're all through now. You won. Calvin finds himself an inch tall on the writing desk. He tears off a sheet from a nearby pad of paper. At his size, folding the sheet is difficult, but Calvin's patience is rewarded. He makes a paper airplane, pushes off and catches a small thermal rising up the front of the desk. A gust from an open window sends Calvin across the house. Calvin leans to steer. He runs the paper plane into Dad. Sitting under a tree outside, Calvin tells Hobbes he doesn't need parents. All he needs is a recording that says 'go play outside'."
"Hi Calvin! What are you doing down there? SHH! SHH! Get down! Be quiet! Have you seen my bicycle? No... Thank goodness. If my bike doesn't get me first, I'm going to cit all its spokes in two. You never saw me today, got it? Our class voted Calvin the 'Most likely to be seen on the news some day.'"
"Want some oil? See? Nice oil? Wouldn't you like some? Easy... Easy... Rrrr YAA! I got you now! You're going to the scrap heap, you rabid pile of rusty AAH OW WHOA DOWN! I NEVER got MY face caught in the chain when I learned to ride a bike. Really, how did this happen? I TOLD you! Ow! Calvin walks up to his bike asking if it would like some oil. Calvin jumps at the bike, saying it's going to the scrap heap. The two struggle. Mom is cleaning Calvin, who's all scarred and dirty. Dad says he never got his face caught in the chain when he was learning to ride a bike. Mom asks Calvin what really happened. Calvin insists he already told her."
"That stupid bicycle! I hate it! I'm never going to ride one as long as I live. CREEAAKK W-what's that? AUGHH! MY BICYCLE HAS BEEN LYING IN WAIT! IT'S COMING TO GET ME! HELP! HELP! S-see? It's trying to k-kill me! It was just a dream, honey. ...but why on earth did you bring your bike upstairs to your closet? In bed, Calvin says he hates his stupid bike. He's never going to ride one as long as he lives. He hears a creak. His bicycle comes out of his bedroom closet. Calvin shouts that the bike has been lying in wait and is coming to get him. He yells for help. Mom comes to his room and holds Calvin close. Calvin tells her that he told her it's trying to kill him. She says it was just a dream, but she asks why he brought his bike upstairs to his closet."
"Calvin, will you take this to the garbage can in the garage please? The GARAGE?? Are you mad? I WILL be, if you don't hop to it. But that's where my killer bicycle is! I can't go out there! It'll jump me! I don't want any nonsense. Just do what I asked, OK? Rrrr. I wonder how far from this house my savings would get me. Mom asks Calvin to take a garbage bag to the garage. He asks if she's mad. He says that's where his killer bicycle is. He says it will jump him. Mom doesn't want any nonsense and sends him to take the garbage. In the garage, the bicycle is growling at Calvin. Calvin, back pressed against the wall, wonders how far from home his savings will get him."
"Psst! Hobbes! What are you doing up there? Hiding from my killer bicycle. It can't climb trees, so I guess I'll stay here for the rest of my life. You should just wedge a big stick through the spokes of the front wheel. That way when the stick hits the fork, the wheel will jam and the bike will flip over. Hey, that's a GREAT idea! Hobbes, you're a lifesaver! We could mosey over to the kitchen if you're wondering how you can possibly thank me enough. Calvin whispers down to Hobbes from a tree branch. Calvin tells him he's hiding from his killer bicycle. He says it can't climb trees, so he'll have to stay there the rest of his life. Hobbes tells him to wedge a big stick through the spokes of the front wheel. He explains when the stick hits the fork, the wheel will jam and the bike will flip over. Calvin comes down calling Hobbes a lifesaver. Hobbes suggests they could mosey over to the kitchen if Calvin wonders how he could possibly thank him enough."
"I did it, Hobbes! I put a stick in the spokes of my killer bicycle! When it tried to chase me, it flipped over! I wrestled it to exhaustion, and then I let the air out of its tires! Ha! I guess that nasy ol' thing won't be coming after me any more! We're too smart for it! Man triumphs over machine! Training wheels! What a good idea! I pumped up his tires too. They were both flat. Calvin runs up to Hobbes telling him he put the stick in the bicycle's spokes. Calvin says when it tried to chase him, it flipped over. Calvin says he then wrestled it to exhaustion and let the air out of its tires. He says that nasty ol' thing won't be coming after him anymore. He says they're too smart for it. Mom notices Dad putting training wheels on Calvin's bicycle. Dad says he pumped up the tires. They were both flat."
"Guess what's short and ugly and wet all over! ... give up? The answer had better not be what I think it is ... squirt squirt squirt squirt! Yow! Squirt squirt squirt squirt! Bang bonk bing! Calvin! If you're going to tear around do it outside!! Okay, okay ... Calvin and Hobbes are playing baseball. Calvin hits it and runs the bases. Hobbes casually retrieves the ball as Calvin passes eleventh base. Hobbes walks with the ball. Calvin's going for home after touching twenty-fifth base. Hobbes tags Calvin out. Calvin, exhausted, thinks they need to change the rules."
"Hi Dad. I suppose you're wondering how you're doing in the polls. Not really. I think you'll find THIS chart quite revealing. This line represents the 'Average Dad approval rating' of 70%. This overlay shows YOUR approval rating at just under 10%! Household six-year-olds were polled on their favourite bedtimes. Watch on these successive overlays how your rating would improve with each hour later! See, by midnight, you're right up to normal! These findings suggest a logical course of action. How long do you spend making these charts? Calvin walks up to Dad and says he supposes Dad wants to know how he's doing in the polls. Dad doesn't. Calvin shows him a chart indicating the 'Average Dad Approval Rating' being 70%. He shows Dad's rating at just under 10%. Calvin continues showing charts that indicate Dad's rating would improve with every hour added to bedtime. By midnight, Dad would be up to normal. Calvin concludes by saying these findings suggest a logical course of action. Dad wonders how much time Calvin spends making those charts."