No text The ever-growing Calvin walks off the shore into the ocean. His head enters the clouds. He grows up through the clouds. Calvin looks up toward the heavens.
"Well? How's you're math coming along? I've almost started! Calvin opens the door, and he's normal size in his room. He sits back down at the desk. Mom comes in and asks how his math is coming along. Calvin says he's almost started."
"Oh brother! Another 'discussion' about my study habits and the importance of homework. I've tried explaining that it's hard to study when one's size suddently starts increasing, but does SHE care?! Hah! No, it's just blah blah blah, like it's all MY fault! Mom's never been as big as a galaxy, so she can't understand how anyone ELSE could be! Sheesh. Oops, it looks like she's wrapping up. Better start nodding. Good. I'm glad we had this little talk. Mom is talking to Calvin, but he's thinking about getting another 'discussion' about his study habits and the importance of homework. Calvin continues thinking about how he tried to tell her it's hard to study when one's size suddenly starts increasing. Mom is still talking and gesturing, but Calvin continues thinking about how she says it's all his fault. Mom hasn't been as big as a galaxy, so she doesn't understand how anyone else can be. Calvin thinks Mom is wrapping up, so he starts nodding. Mom tells him she's glad they had this little talk."
"Doing homework? Yeahhhh.... Boy, you missed the show. I just god a big lecture from Mom just because I got stuck on the ceiling and then grew so big I fell off the planet when I was supposed to be doing my math! Gee, THAT'S not very fair. You said it. Here, how about helping me hurry up with these problems? Sure! Tigers are great at math! Now what do these little horizontal lines mean? That's a minus sign. Let me know when you're done, OK? I'll be reading comic books. Calvin tells Hobbes he missed the show. He tells him he got a big lecture because he got stuck on the ceiling and then grew so big he fell off the planet when he should have been doing math. Hobbes doesn't think that isn't fair."
"YOU CALL THIS DECEMBER?! Pitiful. Just pitiful. Here comes Susie. Ooh, if only I had a snowball, I'd smack it right across the back of her fat head! I'll bet Santa Claus heard that! Oh, man, I forgot! I hate this time of the year. You'd better say you're sorry. I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT! You'd better say you LIKE Susie. WHAT?! Never! That's going too darn far. You'd better say you'd like to give her muchas smoochies! MUCHAS SMOOCHIES?! Hi Calvin, what are you doing? Fighting. Go away. I don't know what's weirder, that you're fighting a stuffed animal, or that you seem to be losing. I'M NOT LOSING! HOBBES CHEATS! Quit it, you! Ow! Stop it! After today, I'll bet Santa takes a shovel to the reindeer stalls to fill YOUR stocking. You're no better off than I am, buddy. Calvin is mailing his Christmas list to Santa. It's costing $2.40 to send. Calvin says Santa had better read it carefully. Last year, he didn't get half of what he wanted. Hobbes asks Calvin if he behaved better this year. Calvin says he's been a veritable angel this year, like always. Hobbes says in that case, they can have a cookout with his stocking contents. Hobbes asks if Calvin put anything on his list for him. Calvin tells him to make his own list. Hobbes sticks his tongue out and tells Calvin 'tidings of comfort and joy to you too'. Calvin tells him it's every man for himself in this world. But since Calvin can't reach the mail box flap to open it, he tells Hobbes to give him a boost."
"When are we going to get a Christmas tree? Oh, I dunno. Probably a little after New Year's. AFTER NEW YEAR?? Sure. We can just go up the street and pick the best tree from the neighbors' driveways. WHAT?! Sometimes there's still tinsel on the tree too, so you don't even have to decorate it! We'll save time AND money! OK, what did your Dad tell you THIS time? Calvin asks Dad when they're going to get a Christmas tree. Dad tells Calvin a little after New Year's. Calvin is shocked. Dad explains that they can go up the street and pick the best tree from the neighbors' driveways. Dad continues by saying there's sometimes some tinsel left on the trees, so you don't even have to decorate it. You save time and money. Calvin, horrified, clings to Mom's ankle. Mom asks what Dad told him this time."
"Yes, Calvin? You have a question? Yeah, I was wondering if we could stop the lesson here and adjourn to the playground for the rest of the day. Of course not. Now then, let's all turn to page 24 and... Miss Wormwood? YES? How about just ME, then? In class, Calvin has a question. He asks Miss Wormwood if they could stop the lesson and adjourn to the playground for the rest of the day. Miss Wormwood says of course not. Calvin then asks if just he can."
"For 'Show and Tell' today, I have something that will astound and amaze you! This little guy can... Have you all had your shots? For 'show and tell', Calvin has something he says will astound and amaze the class. He looks into the bag, then looks from side-to-side. He then asks the class if everyone has had their shots."
"Are there any monsters under my bed tonight? Of course not. Come under and see for yourself. Yeah, come and see. Heh heh heh. Oh right! You think I'm falling for THAT?! Who am I TALKING to if there aren't monsters down there?! Umm.. Uh.. They're all teeth and digestive tract. No brains at all. Why, we're dust balls! Yeah, LITTLE dust balls! Calvin asks if there are any monsters under his bed tonight. A couple voices say of course not, come see for himself. Calvin says he's not going to fall for that. He asks who he's talking to if there are no monsters. After some hesitation, the voices say they're dust balls. Calvin says they're all teeth and digestive tract, no brains at all."
"EWW! What's THIS disgusting stuff?! It's spider pie. You can pick out the legs and give them to your Dad if they're too hairy for you. S-s-spider p-pie? Why, I believe we're going to have a quiet dinner for once. I know I don't feel like opening my mouth. Hey, I LIKE it! Calvin asks what his disgusting dinner is. Mom sets the plate down and tells him it's spider pie. She says he can pick out the big legs and give them to Dad if they're too hairy for Calvin. Calvin looks at the plate. Calvin decides he likes it. Mom says they'll have a quiet dinner for once. Dad says he sure doesn't feel like opening his mouth."
"Want to go play outside? No, it's too much trouble. FIRST I'd have to get up. THEN I'd have to put on a coat. THEN I'd have to find my hat and put IT on. (sigh) Then we'd run around and I'd get tired, and when we came in I'd have to take all that stuff off. No way. So what are you going to do instead? I'm just going to sit here and wait for a good TV show to come on. I'll tell your Mom to turn you toward the light and water you periodically. Instead of making smart remarks, you could get me the remote control. Hobbes asks Calvin if he wants to play outside. Calvin goes into great detail why he doesn't. He'd have to get up, get a coat, put on his hat, they'd run around and get tired. Then, he'd have to come in and take it all off again. Hobbes asks what he'll do. Calvin says he's going to sit in the chair until a good TV show comes on. Hobbes walks off saying he'll tell Mom and Dad to point him toward the light and water him periodically. Calvin tells him that instead of making smart remarks, he could get Calvin the remote control."
I'M HO-OME! A tiny snowman! Why are you down there without a coat? Me? No reason. It has snowed overnight. Calvin walks out into it. He says a mountain of ice has crushed half the neighborhood. It's a glacier in his own town. Wooly mammoths walk about. Calvin declares a new Ice Age. He pulls out his sled. There has really only been one...lousy...half...inch. Hobbes tells Calvin the sun is coming out.
"What are you doing still in bed?! I've called you three times! You're going to miss the bus! That's the idea. I'm staying in bed until Christmas. I want tons of loot this year, and I figure my chances of being good improve greatly if I don't get up. Disobeying your mother and missing the bus isn't good. It's bad. That darn Santa has got me every way I turn. Mom asks why Calvin is still in bed. She's called him three times. Calvin says he's staying in bed until Christmas. He wants tons of loot this year, and he figures his chances of being good improve greatly if he doesn't get up. Mom says that disobeying his mother and missing the bus isn't good, it's bad. As Calvin hops into his clothes, he says that darn Santa has got him every way he turns."
"I hate this time of the year. I've got to be good for two more weeks if I want any goodies this Christmas! I'll never make it.I TRY to be good! I DO! My heart is as pure as driven snow! It's just that, well, sometimes events beyond my control conspire against me! I'm usually an innocent bystand... HEY, I SAW you roll your eyes! So you don't believe me, eh?! ME?? By golly, each of your eyes will be rolling toward the other when I'M through with you! Ha! I hope you asked Santa for some crutches! Calvin tells Hobbes he hates this time of year. He has two more weeks to be good if he wants Christmas goodies. He says he tries to be good. He says his heart is pure as the driven snow. He says sometimes events beyond his control conspire against him. Hobbes rolls his eyes, and Calvin catches him. They start fighting. Calvin says Hobbes' eyes will be rolling toward each other when he's through with him. Hobbes counters by saying he hopes Calvin asked Santa for some crutches."
"Miserable miscreant! Question my integrity, will you? I can't QUESTION it until I've see some EVIDENCE of it! AUGHH! I'VE BEEN FIGHTING! Only in the loosest sense of the word. SANTA, HE MADE ME! I DIDN'T MEAN TO FIGHT! YES HE DID! YES HE DID! HE STARTED IT! I DID NOT! DID TOO! DID NOT! DID TOO! LIAR! LIAR! Still fighting, Calvin calls Hobbes a miscreant. He asks if Hobbes questions his integrity. Hobbes replies he can't question it until he sees some evidence of it. Calvin stops and realizes he's been fighting. Calvin yells to Santa that Hobbes made him fight. Hobbes yells that Calvin meant to fight and that Calvin started it. They start fighting again, calling each other liars."
"Look, Hobbes, no one SAW us fighting, right? This can be OUR little SECRET, OK? Santa doesn't have to know about this, right? Maybe he does and maybe he doesn't. OK, OK, I'll even apologize! I'm sorry. How's that? See, it's OK to fight just a little bit if you say you're sorry afterward. You bit and kicked. I SAID I was sorry! What more do you want?! You could let me read all your comic books. OVER MY DEAD BODY! 'Dear Santa, know what Calvin did today?' Calvin stops again and tells Hobbes that since no one saw them fighting, it can be their little secret. He says Santa doesn't have to know about this. Hobbes isn't sure if Santa does or not. Calvin apologizes to Hobbes. Hobbes replies that Calvin bit and kicked. Calvin says he apologized and wonders what else Hobbes wants. Hobbes says Calvin could let him read all his comic books. Calvin replies 'Over my dead body'. Hobbes pretends to write Santa a note about what Calvin did today."
"Boy, if it wasn't so close to Chrismas, I'd pound you good! Yeah, I'd like to see you try! Oh no you don't! You're not tempting ME! I want every item on my Christmas list, so I'm being GOOD. No matter what the provication! Here comes Susie Derkins. Really? Quick, help me find a pine cone I can throw at... ...NO! I'm being GOOD! Good! Good! Good! You'll never make it till Christmas. Give up now and enjoy yourself. Calvin tells Hobbes that if it wasn't so close to Christmas, he'd pound him good. Hobbes wants to see him try. Calvin won't be tempted. He wants every item on his Christmas list, so he's being good. Hobbes mentions Susie Derkins is coming. Calvin looks for a pine cone to throw at her. He stops, clenches his teeth, and says he's going to be good. Hobbes says he'll never make it to Christmas. He might as well give up now and enjoy himself."
"Hi Calvin. Are you bringing your stuffed tiger to school today? No, he's just keeping me company while I wait for the bus. Oh. But actually, he's been nothing but trouble today. He's trying to sabotage my Christmas by making me bad instead of good. Fortunately, I asked Santa for such great presents that I can withstand any temptation. I'm being an absolute angel. What did you ask for? A heat seeking guided missile. I figured five minutes with one of THOSE babies will make up for this whole rotten month. Susie asks Calvin if he's bringing Hobbes to school. Calvin says Hobbes is just keeping him company while he waits for the bus. Calvin goes on to say Hobbes has been nothing but trouble today. He's trying to sabotage Calvin's Christmas by making Calvin be bad. Calvin tells Susie that he asked Santa for such great presents that he can withstand any temptation. Susie asks what he asked for. Calvin tells her a heat-seeking guided missile. He figures five minutes with one of those babies makes up for the whole rotten month."
"There. Now we need to get this on the roof. SANTA --- WEIGHTED DOWN WITH EXTRA TOYS? DROP 'EM OFF HERE! --- CALVIN. I've been thinking. They say Santa knows if you've been bad or good, right? Right. But think how many kids there are in the whole world! Nobody could be watching every kid every single minute! I mean, Santa's OLD! He probably takes naps! THe way I figure it, Santa must just make a few random checks on us once or twice a week. That's all? Sure. He'd catch enough bad kids that way to scare everyone else into being good most of the time. He'd create the impression he's watching more than he really is! Pretty shrewd. Yeah, but now that I'm on to him, I'm going to smack Susie with a snowball! If I do it quick, the odds of Santa watching me at that exact moment are virtually nil! What if Susie tells on you? Ooh, I didn't think of that! She's a girl, so she probably WOULD snitch! Phoeey. Well, I sure hope Santa's watching now, seeing as I'm being so good. Unwillingly good, but good nonetheless. Hobbes brings Calvin a letter from the 'North Pole'. Calvin opens the note and reads that he's a rotten little kid, he's obviously the naughtiest kid in the whole world, but he has seven days to get on the 'good boy' list. The note suggests being kind to animals. Perhaps an animal who would like a snack soon, or one who could read his comic books sometime. It's signed 'Santa Claws'. Calvin recognizes the handwriting. It is from Hobbes. Calvin offers Hobbes a knuckle sandwich for a snack."
"Want to help me write a book? Sure. What's it about? Well, you know what historical fiction is? This is sort of like that. I'm writing a fictional autobiography. It's the story of my life, but with a lot of parts completely made up. Why would you make up your own life? Because in my book, I have a flame thrower! Calvin asks Hobbes if he'll help him write a book. Calvin says this book will be like historical fiction. He's writing a fictional autobiography. He tells Hobbes it's the story of his life with a lot of parts completely made up. Hobbes asks why he'd want to make up his whole life. Calvin replies that in his book, he has a flame thrower."
"Still and quiet feline form, in the sun, asleep and warm. His tail is limp, his whiskers drooped, Man, what could make this cat so pooped? Sheeshh... Calvin comes upon a sleeping Hobbes. Calvin says a poem. 'Still and quiet feline form, in the sun asleep and warm, his tail is limp, his whiskers drooped, man what could make this cat so pooped'. He walks off. Hobbes thinks 'sheeshh'."
"Hi Mom! I'm making my own newspaper to report the events of our household. That's nice. Now, I'm looking for a page one lead story. Can I interview you? Sure. OK, what are you cutting up there for dinner? Fish. Knife wielding mother hacks ichthyoid! Grim melee is evening ritual! Suburban family decours victim! Out of the kitchen! Out! Out! Calvin tells Mom he's making a newspaper to report the events of the household. He's looking for a page one lead story and asks if he can interview her. He asks what she's cutting up for dinner. Mom replies fish. Calvin has the"
"Hi Dad. I'm making my own newspaper to report the events of our household. Would you help me out? Sure, what do you need? Well, you can take your pick. Either you can give me 15 bucks to pay my labor and production costs... 15 bucks?! ... Or you can be the subjedt of a comic strip called 'Dopey Dad'. So in the next panel, Dopey Dad yells, 'It's bed time for YOU, young man!' Hee Hee! Look how big I made his mouth! Calvin tells Dad he's making a newspaper to report the events of the household. He asks Dad to help him out either by giving him fifteen bucks to pay labor and production costs or to be the subject of a comic strip, 'Dopey Dad'. Under his blanket at night, using a flashlight, Calvin and Hobbes are drawing the comic strip. Calvin has Dopey Dad yelling 'It's bed time for you, young man'. Hobbes chuckles about how big he made the mouth."
Ooh hahh ooh hahh ooh hahh ooh hahh I wish we'd ged ad aquariub! Calvin gets out of the bathtub wearing a snorkel and mask. He's breathing through the snorkel. He goes out the bathroom door and down the stairs. He's standing there naked telling Mom he wishes they would get an aquarium.
"What story would you like tonight, Calvin? Hamster Huey and the gooey Kablooie! Oh no, not again! That's what you hear EVERY night! Let's read something different! I WANT HAMSTER HUEY! I WANT HAMSTER HUEY! C'mon, we'll read a new story tonight. You'll like it, I promise. No I won't! I'll stay awake until morning if you don't read Hamster Huey! I didn't remember Hamster Huey having quite that starcastic tone of voice. Or doing everthing so FAST. Dad asks Calvin what story he'd like to hear. Calvin wants 'Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie'. Dad wants to read something different. Calvin insists. Dad says he's going to read a different story that Calvin will like. Calvin says he won't like it. He threatens to stay awake until morning unless Dad reads Hamster Huey. Afterward, Hobbes tells Calvin he doesn't remember Hamster Huey having quite that sarcastic tone of voice. Calvin doesn't remember Hamster Huey doing everything so fast."
"and Santa, if I get any lords a-leaping or geese a-laying, you've HAD it. Hmm... That might not be politic. I'm getting nervous about Christmas. You're worried you haven't been good? That's just one question. It's all relative. What's Santa's definition? How good do you have to be to qualify as good? I haven't KILLED anybody. See, that's good, right? I haven't committed any felonies. I didn't start any wars. I don't practice cannibalism. Wouldn't you say that's pretty good? Wouldn't you say I should get lots of presents? But maybe good is more than the absence of bad. See, THAT's what worries me. ...OK, assuming I can get an overnight letter to the north pole, what would you charge to write me a glowing character reference? Oh no, I'm not going to perjure myself for you! MY record's clean! Calvin and Hobbes are lying on the floor, by the Christmas tree and the fireplace. There is a poem about Christmas Eve. It reads the tree is decorated festively, Christmas songs play on the radio, his tiger is fast asleep, he turns to warm whatever's not hot. He gives his friend a gentle hug. Tomorrow is what he's waiting for, but he can wait a little more."
"Ha ha! It's Christmas! Hurry up, Mom and Dad! It's almost dawn! Here, I got you a present. You got me a present? Gosh Hobbes, how nice! I picked it out myself! Open it! Why, it's ... It's three cans of ... Uh... Salmon. Um, thanks, Hobbes. Gee, I didn't get YOU a present. I feel terrible. I thought of that. See, you could give me mine back! That would be a GOOD present! Well then, here! Merry Christmas, Hobbes! Why, thank you! It's just what I wanted! Merry Christmas! Calvin, did you know these cans over in the pantry? Calvin and Hobbes are under the Christmas tree. Hobbes gives Calvin a present. He picked it out himself. It's three cans of salmon. Calvin thanks Hobbes for the gift. Calvin feels bad because he didn't get Hobbes anything. Hobbes suggests Calvin give him back the gift. Calvin does, and Hobbes thanks him. They exchange Christmas wishes."
"Well, here we are, poised at the precipice of 'Pallbearer Peak' on a flimsy sled! The mind recoils in horror to imagine the awful descent! Yes, I'ts a thousand food vertical drop onto a boulder field lined with pricker bushes! It's a journey calculated to exceed the human capacity for blinding fear! Read to go? Ready! Calvin and Hobbes are at the top of 'Pallbearer Peak' with their sled. Calvin talks about the horror of the descent, the thousand foot vertical drop onto a boulder field lined with pricker bushes. It's a journey calculated to exceed"