"How are we going to invent a robot? We don't know anything about machines. Maybe YOU don't. It's easy. There are just four simple machines to alter force. The lever, the pulley, the inclined plane, and, um, the internal combustion engine. Take my workd for it, I'm an expert at inventions. So where do we start? We ask Mom for a research grant. Hobbes wonders how they'll invent a robot if they don't know anything about machines. Calvin says it's easy. There are four simple machines to alter force: the lever, the pulley, the inclined plane, and the internal combustion"
"Hi, Mom. Can I look at your wallet for a few minutes? I, uh, want to see something. Hold on. Did you make your bed like I asked you? I'm working on it. As I recall, your bed is in your room. I'm inventing a robot to make the bed, but I need a grant. Can I have $50? What'd she say? Did you get the money? Boy, when we're the cover story of popular mechanics, I'll have some choice words to say about family encouragement. Calvin asks Mom if he can look at her wallet. She asks if he cleaned his room. Calvin says he's inventing a robot to make the bed, but he needs a grant. He asks for $50. As Calvin enters the bedroom, Hobbes asks if she gave him the money. Calvin says that when they're the cover story for Popular Mechanics, he'll have some choice words to say about family encouragement."
"OK, the first thing our robot needs is a head. Should we use a coffee can? No, that's too small. The head has to hold his tape recorder. See, I've made recordings for the robot's voice! Really? Sure! This way, our robot not only communicates, but we can also 'program' him to have the proper personality! Personality? Right. Robots should be RESPECTFUL. *click* How may I ease your life, oh grand exalted master? Calvin decides the first thing the robot needs is a head. Hobbes suggests a coffee can. Calvin says the head has to be big enough for a tape recorder. He's made recordings for the robot's voice. Calvin says that in addition to communicating, they can program the robot to have the proper personality. Hobbes wonders what he means. Calvin says robots should be respectful. He turns on the tape recorder which says 'How may I ease your life, oh grand exalted master'."
"Hey, Dad, I'm inventing a robot. Can you get me a patent? You invented a robot? Well, here it is so far. Hobbes and I have been working on it all afternoon. It's not quite perfected yet, but you get the idea. Hmm... what does it do? That's the problem. We haven't figured out how to make it do what we want. Don't get discouraged. Your Mom and I got the same results after working on YOU for six YEARS. Har har. My attorney is a comedian. Calvin tells Dad he's inventing a robot and asks if Dad can get him a patent. Calvin shows their robot. It's Tinkertoys with a coffee can head. He says he's been working on it all afternoon. He says it's not perfected yet. Dad asks what it does. Calvin admits they haven't figured out a way to make it do what he wants. Dad says not to be discouraged. He and Mom got the same results after working on Calvin for six years."
"Well, Hobbes, we might as well give up. I can't figure out how to make a robot. This one doesn't do anything. It's past your bedtime, Calvin. You'll have to leave your toys for tomorrow. OK, Mom. Our robot wasn't working out anyway. Gosh, and we spent all day on it, too. I thought for sure our robot would save us from making the bed. And in a way, he DID! Hey, yeah! We're geniuses! Calvin suggests to Hobbes they give up. They can't figure out how to make a robot. Mom comes over and tells Calvin it's past bedtime. He has to leave his toys for tomorrow. Going up the stairs, Calvin laments they spent all day on it. He thought their robot would save him from making the bed. As they walk into the bedroom, Hobbes tells Calvin that in a way, it did. The bed is still unmade from the morning."
"How's your math homework going? AUGH! FINE! ...sighhhh... RGHH! GRR YIPE! RGHH RRGH YIPE! YIPE! SNAP AIEE! EEK! EEK! SNAP SNAP CRUNCH URRPP YAA! AUGH! Your book ate your homework, hmm? That's a new one. I'm lucky to be alive! I had to break its spine! Spaceman Spiff is going down over planet Gork. The planet is inhabited. Spiff's stabilizers refuse to respond. Our hero's going to crash. This spells disaster! Calvin is startled by the teacher calling his name. He spells disaster. The teacher congratulates him for paying attention. Once again, Spaceman Spiff beats all odds to save the day. The teacher tells him he can sit down. He's standing on his chair, fists clenched together."
"Your Mom sure was cheerful this morning. Hmph. I've never seen her humming and sashaying around the kitchen like that. Hmph. How long have we been waiting for the bus now? About two and a half hours. I think Mom put me out here this early on PURPOSE. Hobbes says Mom sure was cheerful this morning. Calvin, frowning, says nothing. Hobbes says he's never seen her humming and sashaying around the kitchen like that. Calvin, frowning, says nothing. Calvin asks how long they've been waiting for the bus. Hobbes tells him about two and a half hours. Calvin thinks Mom put him outside early on purpose."
"Hi, Calvin! Aren't you excited about going to school? Look at all these great school supplies I got! I love having new notebooks and stuff! All I'VE got to say is they're not making ME learn any foreign languages! If English is good enough for ME, then by golly, it's good enough for the REST of the world! Everyone should speak English or just shut up, that's what I say! You should maybe check the chemical content of your breakfast cereal. They can make me go until grade eight, and then, FFFT, I'm outta here! Susie asks Calvin if he's excited about going to school. Susie shows the new notebooks and school supplies she has. Calvin rants that they won't make him learn a foreign language. He says if English is good enough for him, it's good enough for the rest of the world. Calvin folds his arms across his chest and says everyone should speak English or just shut up. Susie suggests he check the chemical content of his breakfast cereal. Calvin says they can make him go through grade eight, then he's outta here."
"Calvin, would you lead the class in the pledge of allegiance? NO! What did the Supreme Court decide about that? Is this a prayer? Don't you have to read me my rights? I don't have to keep up with this stuff! I'm just a kid! I'm only here because my parents make me go! I don't want to be a test case! I don't even know what court district I'm in! Call on someone else! Calvin? *sighhhh* I can't believe it's not even 8:15 yet. Miss Wormwood asks if Calvin will lead the class in the Pledge of Allegiance. Calvin asks what the Supreme Court decided about that. He asks if it's a prayer. He asks if she has to read him his rights. He complains that he's only there because his parents make him go. He doesn't want to be a test case. He says he doesn't even know what court district he's in. The principal opens the door for Calvin, who can't believe it's not even 8:15 yet."
"The fearless Spaceman Spiff is being pursued across the galaxy by dreaded scum beings! They're gaining! Spiff's only chance to lose them is to release a giant smoke cloud behind his spacecraft! Our hero throws the lever! Heh heh... just uh, clapping the erasers, heh heh... (cough) You again? *sighhhh* I can't believe it's not even 8:30 yet. Spaceman Spiff is being pursued by scum beings. Spiff's only chance is to release a giant smoke cloud behind his spacecraft. Miss Wormwood is standing next to Calvin, who's clapping the erasers together into a billowing cloud. The principal opens the door for Calvin, who can't believe it's not even 8:30 yet."
"What a day. I'M HO-O-AAAH! KAPOWWW!!! Things get so darn quiet when you're not around. There's going to be some ruckus NOW, buddy-boy! Calvin gets off the school bus saying 'What a day'. As he opens the door, Hobbes crashes into him. Hobbes says that things are so darn quiet when he's not around. Calvin cocks his fist and says there's going to be some ruckus now."
"Is it? It IS! It's SATURDAY! Oh boy! No school! No homework! Just cartoons and fun the whole day long! HOORAY! Turn on the TV! Get out the cereal! IT'S SAAATURDAY! You're getting up? It's barely light out! I'm going to the office and get some sleep. Calvin wakes up excited. It's Saturday! He and Hobbes run for the stairs. No homework, no school. Just cartoons and fun all day long. They bump down the stairs saying to turn on the TV, get out the cereal. Mom asks Dad why he's getting up since it's barely light out. Dad, putting on his pants, says he's going to the office to get some sleep."
"First down and one yard to go. Only one yard? Yeah, the neighbours won't let us play in THEIR yard. HIKE! Go out long! FUMBLE! Oops, whose team was I when I recovered the ball? It doesn't matter. The game's called on account of sudden death. Hobbes is running with the football. Calvin tries to make the tackle. Calvin doesn't slow Hobbes down. Calvin gets run over and holds Hobbes' tail. Finally, Calvin falls off. Calvin waves Hobbes away. They are playing chess, and Calvin says he's decided to be an intellectual."
"I want that truck, Twinky. It's mine, Moe. I brought it from home. I said gimme the truck. Moe, you can't just TAKE things from people just because you're bigger! I'm not taking it. You're GIVING it to me because we'll both be so much happier that way. How touching. Moe wants the truck Calvin is playing with. Calvin tells Moe he can't just take something because he's bigger than others. Moe cocks his fist and tells Calvin he's not taking it. He says Calvin is going to give it to him. They'll both be much happier that way. After Moe leaves, Calvin says 'How touching'."
"Moe, give me my truck back. It's not yours. It is NOW. You gave it to me. I didn't have much choice, DID I?! It was either the truck or get punched. So? So I only 'gave' it to you because you're bigger and meaner than me! Yeah? ... so? The forensic marvel has reduced my logic to shambles. You're saying you changed your mind about getting punched? Calvin goes back to get his toy truck. He tells Moe it's not his. Moe says that it is because Calvin gave it to him. Calvin replies that he didn't have much of a choice. It was either give up the truck or get punched. He explains he only gave it to Moe because Moe is bigger and meaner than he. Moe says 'So'. Calvin declares that the forensic marvel has reduced his logic to shambles. Moe cocks his fist and wonders if Calvin is changing his mind about getting punched."
"That no-good, rotten Moe! He won't give my truck back to me. The oaf will probably break it, too. Should I steal it back? I know stealing is wrong, but HE stole it from ME, and if I DON'T steal it back, Moe will just keep it, and that's not fair. They say two wrongs don't make a right, but what are you supposed to DO then? Just let the biggest guy make up his own rules all the time? Let might make right? ... that sounds reasonable. Calvin complains that Moe won't return his truck. He wonders if he should steal it back, since stealing is wrong. If he doesn't steal it back, Moe will keep it and that's not fair, either. Calvin wonders what you're supposed to do if two wrongs don't make a right. Do you let the biggest guy make his own rules all the time? Calvin sits down and says that sounds reasonable."
"By golly, I AM going to steal my truck back from Moe! It's mine and he has no right to have it! I'll just sneak up behind the swings here, and when Moe's not looking, I'll run up, grab the truck and take off. This playground should have one of those automatic insurance machines like they have in airports. Calvin decides to steal his truck back. He sneaks up to the swings and plans to run up, grab the truck, and take off. He awaits his chance. He thinks his playground should have one of those automatic insurance machines like they have in airports."
"OK, Moe's got his back to me! Now I'll zip over, steal my truck back and run like crazy! He'll never know what hit him! By the time he ses the truck is gone, I'll be a mile away! It's a fail-proof plan! Nothing can go wrong! It's a snap! There's no reason to hesitate. It'll be over in a split second, and I'll sure be glad I have my truck back! I'll just do it and be done! Nothing to it! It's easy! Obviously my body doesn't believe a word my brain is saying. Moe has his back turned. Calvin is ready to make his move. Calvin says by the time Moe realizes the truck is gone, Calvin will be a mile away. He says nothing can go wrong. He says there's no reason to hesitate. He'll sure be glad to have his truck back. He'll just do it and be done. It's easy. He still stands there. He says obviously, his body doesn't believe a word his brain is saying."
"Phooey, who am I kidding? I'd never get away with stealing my truck back from Moe. The ugly galoot is the size of a buick. Hmm... since I can't FIGHT him, maybe I should try TALKING to him. Maybe if I reasoned with him, he'd see MY side. Maybe he'd realize that stealing hurts people, and maybe he'd return my truck WILLINGLY. Maybe if I'm really lucky, I won't go through life with the nickname 'omelet face'. Calvin wonders who he's kidding. He'll never get away with stealing his truck back. He says Moe is an ugly galoot the size of a Buick. Since he can't fight Moe, he thinks he could talk to him. Maybe Moe would see his side if he reasoned with him. Maybe Moe will realize stealing hurts people, and he'll return the truck willingly. Calvin says maybe if he's really lucky, he won't have to go through life with the nickname 'omelet face'."
"Eeesh. What goes down must come up. BLECHH! AGKH HEY! NO! DON'T SPLOOSH HACK COUGH SPLUTTER MMF BLORP! UGH ICKK PTOOY YAA! I'LL GET YOU!! Heh heh... Hello, local navy recruitment office? Yes, this is an emergency... Calvin starts to eat his dinner. He holds the food in his mouth. He takes a drink. His cheeks puff out. His eyes get wide. He looks back and forth. He ducks under the table. He looks relieved, and his mouth is empty. Mom tells Dad she wants him to look at that discolored spot on the rug. She says it seems to be getting bigger all the time. Calvin asks if he can leave the table right now."
"Listen, Moe, that's my truck, and I want it back! Yeah? Yeah! It's my favorite truck. You had no right to take it! Yeah? Yeah! So give it back! NOW! I'll fight you for it. I'll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big. C'mon, wimp!"
"I'm not going to fight you, Moe! If you won't give me my truck back, FINE! Go ahead and keep it! You're the one who has to live with yourself! I can't make you do what's right! You can HAVE the stupid truck! OK, thanks! Heh heh. Hey, Kid, if you're not gonna swing, get off and let someone ELSE on, huh? Calvin won't fight Moe. He tells Moe that if he won't give the truck back, he can have it. He tells Moe he'll have to live with himself. Calvin can't make him do what's right. Calvin sits on the swing. Another kid comes up behind Calvin and tells him that if he's not going to swing, get off and let someone else on."
"... so Moe stole my truck, and when I tried to get it back, Moe wanted to fight me for it. I didn't want to fight, so I walked away and Moe kept my truck. I don't understand it, Hobbes. What makes some people so greedy and mean? Why is it that some people don't care what's wrong and right? Why don't people try to be nice to each other? The problem with people is that they're only human. Well, you're lucky you don't have to BE one. Calvin explains what happened to Hobbes. He says Moe stole his truck, and when he went to get it back, Moe wanted to fight. Calvin didn't want to fight, so he walked away. He asks Hobbes what makes some people so greedy and mean. He asks why some people don't care what's wrong or what's right. Hobbes offers that the problem with people is that they're only human. Calvin says Hobbes is lucky that he doesn't have to be one."
"You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place. That's why animals are so soft and huggy. ...yeah.. Sitting under a tree, Calvin says sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place. Hobbes tells him that's why animals are so soft and huggy. Calvin hugs him and says 'yeah'."
"MOM! MOMM! What is it? What's the matter? Hobbes had a bad dream. You woke me up at 2 A.M. because your suffed tiger had a bad dream?!? He dreamed he was so hungry, he ate us allup. I must be having a bad dream. Don't you think you should make Hobbes a sandwich, just in case? Mom wakes up to Calvin yelling for her. When she checks on him, he tells her that Hobbes had a bad dream. Mom is angry that Calvin woke her up at 2:00 AM because he thinks his stuffed tiger had a bad dream. Calvin explains that Hobbes dreamed he was hungry and ate them all up. Mom walks back to her room, saying she must be having a bad dream. Calvin asks if she shouldn't make Hobbes a sandwich, just in case."
"Know what, Dad? At the fresh fish counter in the supermarket, you can buy real squid. They have them in a bucket. They're really gross. Mm, I'll bet. CALVIN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Calvin tells Dad that at the fresh fish counter at the supermarket, you can buy real squid. He says they're pretty gross. Dad says he bets. Calvin walks away. Dad turns around in his chair and wonders what Calvin is doing."
"That's our son! *sighhhh* These pictures will remind us of more than we want to remember. A meeting of G.R.O.S.S. comes to order. Hobbes reads the minutes of their last meeting. Hobbes mentions much nonsense and commotion from dictator-for-life Calvin. Hobbes keeps reading that president-and-first-tiger Hobbes offered a reasonable solution, which elicits a response from Calvin that Hobbes had told him to jump in the lake. Hobbes reads that the dictator received his comeuppance. Calvin says the minutes are lies. They fight, calling each other chowderhead, moron, ogre, and fleabag. They call a truce as they are exhausted. They climb down declaring another productive meeting. What a great club!"
"Have you seen my shoes? I thought I had them out right here. Your shoes? I don't know. They WERE right here. Where could they have gone? We're going to be late. Well I can't goe anywhere without my SHOES. Help me look. They're not leaving US behind with a baby sitter tonight! Mom is looking for her shoes. Dad's putting his tie on, but he hasn't seen them. Mom says they were right there. She's in her dress. Dad says they'll be late. Mom says she can't go anywhere without her shoes and asks Dad to help her look. Calvin is hiding the shoes in the closet. He says they're not leaving he and Hobbes with a baby sitter tonight."
"DING DONG It's ROSALYN! Answer the door, will you please, Calvin? Hi Roz. My parents have changed their minds about going out, so we won't be needing your services. Goodbye. Hi, Rosalyn. What are you"
"Phooey. Mom and Dad left. Now we're here alone with the baby sitter from the black lagoon. Hee hee! Do you think she remembers how last time we threatened to flush her science notes down the toilet? Ha ha ha! Our finest moment. OK, you, get in bed. WHAT?! It's not even 6:30! She remembers, all right. She can't get away with this. We'll call the rescue squad. Calvin is upset Mom and Dad left them with the baby sitter. Hobbes asks if Calvin thinks she remembers how they threatened to flush Rosalyn's notes down the toilet. Calvin laughs, calling it their finest moment. Rosalyn opens the door and tells Calvin to get ready for bed. Calvin protests that it's not even 6:30 yet. In bed, Hobbes says she remembers. Calvin says he's going to call the rescue squad."