"Hi, Mom! Hobbes and I are back! Do I have any clean clothes? I mean, I'm just wondering. I'm going to make myself a few dozen sandwiches! Uh... I'm REALLY hungry! No need to get up, or look, for example, out of the window! Just stay where you are for another 10 minutes! What's the matter with you? AAUGHH! Ha ha ha ha! Nothing! Uh, why do you ask?? Calvin opens the door, says he and Hobbes are home, and asks if he's got any clean clothes. He's just asking. He goes into the kitchen. He says he's going to make a few dozen sandwiches, because he's really hungry. He yells that there's no need for Mom to get up or look out the window. Mom comes in and asks what's wrong with him. He's startled, laughs, and asks why she is asking."
"I got a couple of sandwiches made, but I think Mom was getting suspicious. Are you packed? We'd better go! Should I take the yo-yo or the bubbles? ... or both? HOBBES, COME ON! We'll be lucky to get out of here with our LIVES! Mom's bound to look outside any minute now and see the car in the ditch! If we're not in the next county by then, it's curtains! Let's GO! Where's a freight train when you really need one? Calvin has a couple sandwiches that he's made, but he thinks Mom got suspicious. He tells Hobbes they'd better go. Hobbes is trying to decide whether to bring a yo-yo or bubbles. Calvin hurries him up saying they'll be lucky to get out of there with their lives. Calvin says Mom is bound to look out the window any minute and see the car. As they dash out the back door, Calvin asks where's a freight train when you really need one."
"POOF POOF POOF POOF POOF OK, (POOF)... I think we've got enough of a head start. We can rest a minute. Do you think your Mom has seen the car by now? Probably. She's probably called Dad at work, and he's probably on his way home now! Calvin and Hobbes run through the field. They're puffing. They stop to rest. Calvin thinks they have enough of a head start and can rest a minute. Hobbes asks if Calvin thinks Mom has seen the car yet. Calvin thinks she's probably called Dad at work, and he'll be on his way home. They start running again."
"Well, we're surely in some other state by now. Let's stop here. Boy, it never once occurred to me that I'd be spending the rest of my life on the lam. Speaking of lamb, what kind of sandwiches did you bring? How can"
"Ahhhh... Uh-oh. Something is seriously wrong here. The laws of perspective have been repealed! Objects no longer diminish in size with distance! Lines do not converge toward any point on the horizon. All spatial relationships are lost! It's impossible to judge where anything is! Oh, no! CALVIN! Quite running around the house and crashing into things, or I'll sell you to the monkey house! ... and now SHE's lost perspective. The laws of perspective have been repealed. Objects no longer diminish in size with distance. Lines do not converge toward any point on the horizon. It's impossible to judge where anything is. Calvin trips over the end table and knocks it and the lamp to the floor. Mom yells that he should quit running around crashing into things. If he doesn't, Mom will sell him to the monkey house. Calvin gets up rubbing his head, saying now she's lost perspective."
"What's going on. I wonder. Why are all those cars slowing down as they go by? Gosh, did someone have an accident? It looks like there's a car in the ditch! ... but I don't see anyone by it. And how on earth did they go in straight backward? To do that, the car would've had to come... ...right...out...our...driveway! Mom is looking out the window and wonders why all the cars are slowing as they go by. She opens the door and sees a car in the ditch, but no one is there. Mom wonders how the car went in backward. She thinks about it and realizes the car would have had to come right out of their driveway. She starts running over to the car."
"Well, Mom's sure to have found the car by now and guessed what we did. Now I know what they mean when they say you can't go home again. Calvin says Mom's sure to have found the car and guessed what they did by now. As Calvin and Hobbes walk across a downed tree, Calvin says now he knows what they mean when they say you can't go home again."
"What's that sound? I don't hear anything. There! Something is crashing through the brush! It It sounds big! Maybe it's a bear! There are BEARS out here?? Climb the tree! Climb the tree! If you ask ME, tigers are the only ferocious animals the world really needs. 'Boy, 6, killed by bear! Parents saved the trouble.' Hobbes hears something crashing through the brush. Calvin thinks it's a bear. They run to a tree and climb up. Hobbes thinks tigers are the only ferocious animals the world needs. Calvin imagines the headlines 'Boy, 6, killed by bear! Parents saved the trouble'."
"Do you think we're safe? Should we climb higher? It's hard to say with bears. There it is! The bear's coming out of the brush! Oh no! It looks like it's on its hind legs! Bears stand up only when they're really mad!! Wait, that's not a bear. That's your Mom! AAUGHH! EVEN WORSE! CLIMB HIGHER! CLIMB HIGHER! Calvin asks if they should climb higher in the tree. Calvin spots the bear coming out of the brush. He says it's on its hind legs, and they only do that when they're mad. Hobbes says that's not a bear, it's Mom. Calvin panics and says that's worse. He tells Hobbes to climb higher."
"THERE you are. Come down so I can talk to you. No. You'll kill us. We're running away. I'm not going to kill you. I just wanted to find out what happened. Are you OK? Was anyone hurt? No one was hurt. We were pushing the car into the drive and it kept rolling. The car didn't hit anything? It just went across the road and into the ditch. That's when we took off. Well, the tow truck pulled it out, and there's no damage, so you can come home now. First let's hear you say you love me. Mom sees Calvin in the tree and tells him to come down. Calvin doesn't want to because he thinks she'll kill him. Mom says she won't, but wants to know what happened. She asks if anyone was hurt. Calvin says no one was hurt. He says they pushed the car into the drive and it kept rolling. Mom asks if the car hit anything. Calvin says it just went into the ditch. That's when they took off. Mom says the tow truck pulled the car out, and there was no damage. He can come home now. Calvin wants to hear her say she loves him first."
"Boy, Hobbes, isn't it funny how things sometimes work out? Mom and Dad saw right away that what happened to the car was an accident. They were so relieved no one got hurt that all we got was a lecture on safety"
"AAUGH WHAM GRRRRRR You can take the tiger out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the tigher! The question IS, how can you get the tiger BACK in the jungle? Hobbes hears something. He springs off, running fast. Calvin is walking along, unsuspectingly. Hobbes crashes into him. Hobbes says you can take the tiger out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the tiger. Calvin, lying under Hobbes' feet, says the question is how you get the tiger back into the jungle."
"Here's the latest poll of household 6-year-olds, Dad. An overwhelming majority expressed amazement at how little you've accomplished as Dad so far. The impression is that you're avoiding all the hard decisions that need to be made. In fact, none of those polled could name a single instance of true paternal leadership. How about if I lead you upstairs to your bed? Ha ha. If we can be serious for a moment, I have some innovative ideas about my allowance. Calvin has the latest poll results. An overwhelming majority are amazed at how little he's accomplished. The impression is that he's avoiding all the hard decisions that need to be made. No one polled could name a single instance of paternal leadership. Dad asks if he can lead Calvin to bed. Calvin replies he has some innovative ideas for his allowance."
"Look at all these ants. They're all running like mad, working tirelessly all day, never stopping, never resting. And for what? To build a tiny little hill of sand that could be wiped out at any moment! All their work could be for nothing, and yet they keep on building. They never give up! I sure suppose there's a lesson in that. Yeah... ants are morons. Let's see what's on TV. Calvin is looking at ants on the sidewalk. He tells Hobbes the ants run like mad, work all day, never stopping or resting. All that to make a hill of sand that could blow away at any time. All their work would be for nothing, yet they keep building. They never give up. Hobbes suggests there's a lesson in that. Calvin agrees. He thinks the ants are morons. He heads into the house to see what's on TV."
"Boy, what a grouch. Mom gets dressed, puts on earrings, applies her lipstick, and heads out the door. Calvin sprays her with a water hose. Calvin is walking away, rubbing his rear end. He says Mom is a grouch."
"Hi, Hobbes! Watcha doin'? Nothing. Nothing at all? Nope. I'll help. Please do. Hobbes is lying against a tree. Calvin asks what he's doing. Hobbes replies 'nothing'. Calvin asks if he's doing nothing at all. Hobbes says no. Calvin says he'll help and lies down next to Hobbes."
as they are. They're welcome. Hobbes asks what Calvin will do when his parents see this. Calvin hopes to be halfway to the next galaxy by then. ALIENS WELCOME COME AS YOU ARE! What will you do when your parents see this? By then I hope to be halfway to the next galaxy. Calvin has dug a message into his yard. It asks aliens to come
"Oh, no! Calvin has turned into one of his own childhood drawings! His anatomical references being obscure at best, Calvin finds it difficult to move! Are these lower appendages feet or wheels? His own Mom thinks he's some kind of helicopter! If only Calvin had learned to draw better! No one understands my work. That's what all artists say. Calvin has turned into one of his childhood drawings. His anatomical references being obscure, Calvin finds it hard to move. Are these lower appendages feet or wheels? His Mom thinks he's some kind of helicopter. If only he'd learned to draw better. Calvin holds up a picture he drew and says no one understands his work. Mom says that's what all artists say."
"Do re mi fa so la ti do. A sparrow alights upon a tree branch. But this is no ORDINARY sparrow. This is a SONG sparrow. Swaying gently in the breeze, he prepares to burst forth a rapturious melody! ON TOP OF SPAGHETTI ALL COVERED WITH CHEEEESE, I LOST MY POOR MEEEATBALLL, WHEN... A sparrow lands on the tree branch. This is a song sparrow. He prepares to burst forth in rapturous melody. On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese... Calvin gets tossed out the door of the house."
"Where are YOU going? Out. Did you pick up your room like I asked you to? No. So when you say you're going 'out', you really mean you're going back to clean your room, right? English must not be her first language. Mom asks where Calvin is going. He says 'out'. Mom asks if he picked up his room like she asked him to. He says 'no'. Mom asks for clarification. She says so when Calvin says 'out', he really means he's going back upstairs to clean his room. Calvin stands in his messy room and complains that English must not be her first language."
"What are you doing down here again? Didn't I just send you to clean your room?! Twisted fiend! No four walls can hold STUPENDOUS MAN! You've been foiled again, evil Mom-lady! Ha ha ha! Oh yeah? ! Great Zok! She's fixed her mind-scrambling eyeball ray on me! I'm suddenly filled with the desire to go back upstairs and do her nefarious bidding! Glad to hear it. Mom asks Calvin why he's back downstairs. She asks if she didn't just send him to clean his room. Calvin replies 'Twisted fiend! No four walls can hold Stupendous Man! You've been foiled again, evil Mom-lady'. Mom bends down and gives Calvin a nasty look. She says 'Oh, yeah'. Calvin stumbles up the stairs with eyes spinning. He says her mind-scrambling eyeball ray has him going back upstairs to do her nefarious bidding."
'"Clean up your room! Clean up your room!' That's all I ever hear! It's MY room, right?!? If I don't mind the mess, what business is it of anyone else?! This is tyranny! I HATE cleaning my room! It's going to take me all DAY to do this! Ooh, this makes me mad! A whole day shot! Wasted! Down the drain! Gone! AARGH! Are you kidding? How could this possibly take all day? Heck, it'll be another hour before I'm even through griping. Calvin is complaining to Hobbes about being told to clean up his room. He says it's his room. If he doesn't care, why should anyone else. He calls it tyranny. He says it will take all day to clean it. A whole day wasted, shot, down the drain. Hobbes asks how this could possibly take all day. Calvin says it will be another hour before he's through griping."
"Cleaning my room will go a lot faster if we BOTH work, right? So I'll sit here and do all the tedious, agonizing planning and organizing... ... you know, making the tough calls and the hard decisious. You won't have to do any of that. All YOU do then is pick up what I tell you to, OK? HEY! Did I SAY to pick up me?! No, as a matter of fact, I didn't! Get away from that trash can! I'M the organizer! HEY! Calvin thinks the room cleaning will go faster if both he and Hobbes work. Calvin offers to sit and do all the tedious, agonizing planning and organizing. He'll make all the hard decisions, and Hobbes won't have to. All Hobbes has to do is pick up what Calvin tells him to. Hobbes picks up Calvin. Calvin tells him he didn't say to pick him. He tells Hobbes to get away from that trash can."
"I CLEANED UP MY STUPID ROOM! CAN I GO OUTSIDE NOW?! That didn't take very long. Let's se what kind of job you did. I did a GREAT job! See? Can I go now? Your room looks good. Now did you straighten up your closet like I asked you to? AAUGH! Don't open thaa... Back to work, kiddo. YOU made THIS mess! YOU can clean it up! Calvin yells that he cleaned his room. He wants to go outside. Mom says it didn't take very long. She wants a look to see what kind of job he did. Calvin says he did a great job. Mom says the room looks clean. She then asks if he straightened up the closet like she asked. Calvin yells for her not to open the door. Too late. Mom is buried by all the stuff Calvin threw in there. Mom tells him to go back to work. Calvin complains that she made this mess, so she should clean it up."
"You're out! I think the bases are too darn far apart. Ahh, you're just a big sissy. Calvin runs around the house, slides down the ditch, runs over the stream, climbs through the fence, runs around the trees, and dives toward a rock. Hobbes tags him out. Calvin complains the bases are too far apart. Hobbes calls him a big sissy."
"HELP! A BEE! A BEE! Run for your life! Hobbes! Did you see it?? It was the biggest bee in the whole world! It was the size of a Kaiser roll! It must've weighed 70 pounds! It sounded like a helicopter and it's stinger was like a harpoon! I must've been a killer death bee! Man, I'm lucky it didn't get me! Life in the great suburban outback is certainly fraught with peril. If you'd seen it, you'd have been scared too. Calvin runs up to Hobbes saying there was a bee. It was the size of a Kaiser roll and must have weighed 70 pounds. He says it sounded like a helicopter, and it's stinger was like a harpoon. He says it must have been a killer death bee. Hobbes offers that life in the great suburban outback is certainly fraught with peril. Calvin tells Hobbes that if he'd seen it, he would be scared, too."
"I can't imagine mastering the skills involved here without a clearer understanding of who's going to be impressed. Calvin has a yo-yo. It goes down, and it stops. He shakes it, trying to get it to move. It doesn't. Calvin says he can't imaging mastering the skills involved without a clearer understanding of who will be impressed."
"I saw the man oin the moon tonight. Mm. I didn't know the moon made faces. That's 'phases'. Calvin looks at the moon, which is sticking its tongue out at him. Then the moon makes a funny face at him. Calvin tells Dad he saw the man in the moon tonight. Calvin says he didn't know the moon made faces. Dad says that's 'phases'."
"The giant pteranodon hops to the edge of the cliff. There he spreads his bat-like wings and takes to the air! Soaring high over the prehistoric valley, the pteranodon is truly a majestic sight! That's it, think majestic! I'm thinking we should've picked a smaller cliff! The giant pteradon hops to the edge of the cliff. He spreads his bat-like wings and takes to the air. Soaring high, the pteradon is a majestic sight. Hobbes yells to 'think majestic'. Calvin, holding onto a collapsing umbrella over the cliff, yells back that they should have picked a smaller cliff."