"1 1/2 boxes to go, and I'll have enough 'Proof of purchases seals' to order the propeller beanie they offer. 1 1/3 boxes to go. Man, I'm EARNING this. Calvin's still eating cereal. He says he has one and a half more boxes to eat before he has enough 'Proof of Purchase Seals' to order the propeller beanie they offer. He pours himself another bowl. He looks into the box. He says he has one and one third more boxes to go. His cheeks puff out and he sticks his tongue out. He says 'Man, I'm earning this'."
"Hobbes, I did it! I ate enough boxes of cereal to get all the proof of purchases seals I need! Now I can order my beanie! Oh, boy! I can't wait to get it! I'll be so cool! Not for over a month. It says to allow six weeks for delivery. SIX WEEKS?!? I'll be OLD then! And I'm sure your beanie will be the talk of the rest home. Calvin excitedly tells Hobbes he ate enough cereal and has enough proofs of purchase to order his beanie. Calvin thinks it will be so cool, he can't wait. Hobbes tells him it says to allow six weeks for delivery. Calvin is shocked! In six weeks, he'll be old. Hobbes pats his head and says his beanie will be the talk of the rest home."
"Mom! Mom! Did my beanie come in the mail? Are you kidding? I just mailed your order this morning. I'm never going to make it six weeks, Sitting in the school bus, Calvin thinks of himself wearing the beanie. Sitting at his desk in school, Calvin thinks of himself wearing the beanie. Getting off the school bus at the end of the day, Calvin thinks of himself wearing the beanie. He asks Mom if his beanie came in the mail. She tells him she just mailed the order that day. Calvin shuffles off saying he'll never make it six weeks."
"I can never enjoy sundays, because in the back of my mind, I always know I've got to go to school the next day. It's like trying to enjoy your last meal before the execution. A penny for your thoughts. Sorry, MY thoughts are a buck a piece. A DOLLAR?! That's outrageous. Your thoughts aren't worth that! This one is. At a dollar, it's the bargain of a lifetime. I wouldn't pay a nickle for any thought you've ever had in your whole flearidden existence! That little remary just made the price ten dollars! TEN?? You can't extort me! Keep your stupid though! If you knew what it was, you'd BEG to pay ten bucks for it. C'mon, just tell me what it is, will you? Nothing doing, pal. OK, OK. I'll give you 25 cents. That's all I have. Let's see it. Here! 25 cent! Now what's this big, expensive thought of yours?! A fool and his money are soon par...' Calvin tells Hobbes 'A penny for your thoughts'. Hobbes says his thoughts are worth a buck apiece. Calvin says that's outrageous, no thoughts are worth a dollar. Hobbes says his are. Calvin wouldn't give a nickel for any thought Hobbes has had in his whole flea-ridden existence. Hobbes raises the price to ten dollars. Calvin refuses to be extorted. He tells Hobbes to keep his thought. Hobbes tells him he'd beg to pay it if he knew what it was. Calvin asks Hobbes to tell it. Hobbes refuses. Calvin gives Hobbes a quarter. It's all he has. Hobbes demands to see the quarter. When he's paid, Calvin asks Hobbes what is his big, expensive thought. Hobbes replies 'A fool and his money are soon parted'. That starts a fight."
"Gosh, I can't wait to get my beanie! I hop it comes soon. Do you think it will? It's probably been almost six weeks by NOW, don't you think. I ordered the red beanie. But what if it's not in stock? Should I take the blue one, or wait for them to reorder? A blue one would be OK, I guess, but I sure hope they have a red one. I've always wanted a beanie like this, with a propeller. Boy, it'll be so cool when I have it. I can't wait. Wow! A red beanie! ... or a blue one. Do you think it will come tomorrow? Do you? It had sure better. Yeah, that's how I feel, too. Calvin is chattering away at night in his bed about his beanie. Calvin hopes it comes soon. He thinks it's been six weeks. He goes on to say he ordered the red beanie, but what if it's not in stock. Should he take the blue one or wait for a reorder? Hobbes rolls his eyes. Calvin continues talking about always wanting a beanie. He says it will"
"How was school today? Oh, it was a blast! ... Did my beanie come today? Sitting at his desk at school, Calvin dreams of flying over the town in his beanie. He dreams of flying with the jet airliners. Mom asks him how school was. Calvin says it was a blast...did his beanie come today?"
"Please let my beanie come today! I promise I won't ever be bad again! I'll do whatever you want! Please, please, please! I'll never ask another favor if today's the day I get my beanie! Did I get my beanie? Nope. WHAT'S IT TAKE, HUH? At his desk, hands clenched in prayer, Calvin prays for the beanie to come in the mail that day. He promises he'll never be bad again. He promises never to ask for another favor if he gets the beanie today. He runs in the house and asks Mom if the beanie came. She says no. Calvin goes outside, looks into the sky, and yells 'What's it take, huh'."
"I can't believe this. Every day I get all my hopes up, thinking my beanie will come... and then it doesn't. And for each day that goes by, I figure the odds are better that it will come the NEXT day, so my hopes get higher and higher before they fall. It's awful. But I've been disappointed so often now, I'm finally getting numb to it. Maybe the mailman made a second trip today and delivered it in the last five minutes. Wow! I never thought of that! C'mon! He's not numb. Calvin tells Hobbes he gets his hopes up every day, thinking his beanie will come, then it doesn't. Every day that goes by, he figures, increases his chances the next day will be the one. His hopes get higher and higher before they fall. He says he's been disappointed so often, he thinks he's getting numb to it. Hobbes says maybe the mailman made a second trip and came by and delivered it in the last five minutes. Calvin races off saying he never thought of that. Hobbes replies that he's not numb."
"The longer you wait for the mail, the less there is in it. Calvin is sitting on the steps. He keeps sitting there, and he starts to doze off. Suddenly, he perks up and runs to the mailbox. He opens it, and he pulls out a couple envelopes. He looks disappointed. He says the longer you wait for the mail, the less there is in it."
"I'm home. I didn't get my propeller beanie today, did I? As a matter of fact, you did! IT'S HERE! Ha ha! It took weeks and weeks of waiting, but at long last it's finally here! Now I finally, finally get to put it on. 'Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Calvin walks through the door, looking tired. He asks if his beanie came in the mail. He's sure it didn't. Mom gives him the box and tells him it did come in. Calvin is ecstatic. He says it took weeks of waiting, but it's finally here. He gets to finally put it on. He tears the package open with a wild look in his eyes. He pulls out a paper from inside the box. It reads 'Some assembly required. Batteries not included'."
"Tigers don't worry about much, do they? Nope. That's one of the perks of being feral. I'm not having enough fun right now. You're not? I'm just having a LITTLE bit of fun. I should be having LOTS of fun. It's Sunday. I've just got a few precious hours of freedom left before I have to go to school tomorrow. Between now and bedtime, I have to squeeze all the fun possible out of every minute! I don't want to waste a second of liberty! Each moment I should be able to say, 'I'm having the time of my life right now!' But here I am and I'm NOT having the time of my life! Valuable minutes are disappearing forever, even as we speak! We've got to have MORE fun! C'mon! I didn't realize fun was so much work. Sure! When you're SERIOUS about having fun, it's not much fun at all! Calvin complains to Hobbes that he's only having a little fun, when he should be having a lot of fun. Since it's Sunday, he only has a precious few hours of freedom before he has to return to school. He has to squeeze all the possible fun out of the day. Valuable minutes are disappearing, as Calvin is not having the time of his life. He tells Hobbes they have to have more fun. Off they run. Hobbes says he didn't realize fun was so much work. Calvin says when you're serious about having fun, it's not much fun at all."
"Can you believe this? I've got to assemble the beanie propeller and motor myself! What do they think I am, an engineer? Look, I've got to insert these wires and this plastic switch! I can't do this! Here, let me try. No!"
"MY MOTOR BROKE! THE PIECE SNAPPED! NOW MY BEANIE PROPELLOR WON'T WORK!! AAGHHGHHH! I waited WEEKS for this and now it's BROKEN, and I didn't even get to WEAT it! STUPID ROTTEN PIECES OF LOUSY JUNK!! It's all YOUR fault! RRGHHGHHGH! MY fault?! I was just sitting here. YOU broke it! You WILLED me to break it! You did some subliminal thing! Don't deny it! I know you did! You MUST have! OK, NOW I'm willing you to go jump in the septic tank. Calvin is horrified! His motor broke, the piece snapped. He's worried his beanie propeller won't work. He rants that he waited for weeks, and now it's broken. He never got to wear the beanie. He turns to Hobbes and says it was his fault. He tries to hit Hobbes, who holds him away by his head. Hobbes reminds him he was just sitting. Calvin broke it. Calvin angrily accuses Hobbes of willing him to break it by using some subliminal thing. Hobbes concentrates and says he's willing Calvin to go jump in the septic tank."
"What are you mad at ME for?! Get away from me! I don't even want to talk to you! YOU broke your beanie motor, not ME! I didn't do anything! You distracted me! I did not! I was just SITTING here! You broke it all by yourself! *sniff* *sniffle* ... all right... I know... But considering that my life's in shambles right now, could you at least take the blame? Hobbes asks Calvin why he's mad at him. Calvin doesn't even want to talk to Hobbes. Hobbes points out Calvin broke the beanie, not him. Calvin insists Hobbes distracted him. Hobbes points a finger at Calvin and says he was just sitting there, Calvin broke it by himself. Calvin sniffles his agreement, then adds that considering his life is in shambles right now, couldn't Hobbes at least take the blame."
"Dad, can you fix my beanie? I broke the propellor motor trying to put the pieces together. Well, let's see. This isn't too bad. You just snapped the battery case. I'll just glue it together and insert the switch for you, OK? There! Good as new! Now just let this sit awhile so the glue can set. You did it! You fixed it! I can't believe it! HEY, MOM! Dad fixed something! He DID?? Your DAD?? ALL RIGHT! THAT'S ENOUGH! Calvin sadly brings his motor and propeller to Dad, asking if he can fix it. Dad looks at it and decides Calvin only broke the battery case. He glues it together and inserts the switch. He holds it up and declares it good as new. He says they'll let it sit so the glue dries. Calvin happily says Dad fixed it. He can't believe it. He calls out to Mom that Dad actually fixed something."
"Look, Hobbes! Dad fixed my beanie! Well? How's it look? Adjectives fail me. I'm turning it on. Ready? Here goes. I don't seem to be lifting off. This is very peculiar. THAT's the word I was looking for. Calvin runs out to show Hobbes his completed beanie. He puts it on and asks Hobbes how it looks. Hobbes thinks about it and says adjectives fail him. Calvin turns the beanie on. The propeller spins. Calvin says he doesn't seem to be lifting off. This is very peculiar. Hobbes points and says that's the word he was looking for."
"I'm not flying! This beanie doesn't make me fly! What's the point of a propeller beanie if you can't even fly when you wear it? What a rip-off! I ate all that cereal, waited weeks and weeks to get the beanie, assembled it myself, and the dumb thing doesn't even fly! At least it's not a TOTAL loss. It came in this great cardboard box. Oh, boy! NOW we'll have some fun! Calvin tells Hobbes the beanie isn't making him fly. He asks what's the point of a propeller beanie if you can't even fly when you wear it. Hobbes offers that the point isn't 'style', certainly. Calvin kicks the beanie and complains that he ate all that cereal, waited all those weeks, assembled it, and it doesn't fly. What a rip off! He says it's not a total loss, though. It came in a great cardboard box."
"Sighhhhh WHAP sighhhhhh.... Calvin is sleepy and sighs at his school desk. Suddenly, the desk grows into a dinosaur. Calvin hops onto the dinosaur as it runs out of the school. Miss Wormwood smacks Calvin's desk with a stick, and he wakes up. Gradually, his eyes close again and he sighs. This time, he's flying on the back of a pterodactyl."
"C'mon, Calvin! This is the third time I've called you to get up. I don't want to get up. I don't want to go to school. Well, you HAVE to, whether you want to or not, so let's move. For your information, I don't HAVE to do anything I don't WANT to do. Is that so? She sure can make someone want to do something. Mom opens Calvin's bedroom door and tells him this is the third time she's called him. He needs to get up. Calvin grumbles that he doesn't want to get up or go to school. Mom says he has to, whether he wants to or not. Calvin sits up in the bed and tells Mom that for her information, he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do. Mom asks if that's so. Calvin, standing outside waiting for the school bus, says Mom sure can make you want to do something."
"I don't want to catch the bus. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to be here at all. I'm sick of everyone telling me what to do all the time! I hate my life! I hate everything! I wish I was DEAD! ... well, no, I don't. Not really. I wish everyone ELSE was dead. Calvin is grousing about not wanting to catch the bus or go to school. With a frown on his face, he says he's tired of everyone telling him what to do. He hates his life, he hates everything. He wishes he was dead. He thinks about it, then says not really. He says he wishes everyone else was dead."
"Hi Calvin. HMPH. Oh, YOU'RE real pleasant this morning. What's the matter with you? Go step in front of a cement mixer, OK? What a pill you are! What a jerk! Well, who needs YOU?! You can stand there and be grumpy all by yourself! HMPH. Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around. Susie says hi to Calvin. HMPH, he grumbles. Susie asks what's the matter. Calvin tells her to go step in front of a cement mixer. Susie calls Calvin a jerk. She tells him he can just stand there and be grumpy all by himself. Now Susie is frowning. Calvin gives a nasty smile and thinks nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around."
"What are you so mad about anyway? Couldn't you find all the bugs you needed for your insect collection? Huh? Hey, where IS your insect collection? It's due today. I FORGOT MY INSECT COLLECTION! OH NO!! Quick! Go home and get it! Maybe you can make it back before the school bus comes! Hurry! Run! No, that's not what I meant. Help me find some ants. You forgot it ENTIRELY?? Susie asks Calvin what he's so mad about. She asks if he didn't find all the bugs he needed for his insect collection. Susie asks where his collection is, since it's due today. Calvin, with a start, says he forgot his collection. Susie tells him to go home and get it. He might make it back before the bus arrives. Calvin gets on the ground and says that's not what he meant. He tells Susie to help him find some ants. She asks if he forgot it entirely."
"Don't just stand there, Susie! Help me catch bugs! Are you crazy?! We were supposed to be working on our insect collections all this month! You can't do the whole thing on the last morning while you wait for the bus! How could you have possibly forgotten it, anyway? It's all the class has been doing! Where have you been?? Don't you pay attention?! Don't you care about getting a good education?! If any bugs fly in your open mouth, can I have them? Calvin is running around trying to catch bugs. He tells Susie to help him. She explains they were supposed to be working on the projects all month. She tells him he can't do the whole thing on the last morning while waiting for the bus. She asks how he could possibly have forgotten it. She tells him it's all the class has been doing. What has he been doing? Susie asks if he doesn't care about getting a good education. Calvin, on hands and knees looking for bugs, asks Susie if he can have any bugs that fly into her open mouth."
"Here comes the bus, Calvin. It's hopeless. There's a bug! You're wasting your time! The teacher is going to know you didn't spend any time on this insect collection. Stall the bus driver. We're supposed to have 50 insects. You'll be lucky to have ANY! GOT IT! Can you tell me what kind it is? Scrape it off. Get away from me! Susie tells him the bus is coming. Calvin finds a bug. Susie tells him he's wasting his time. The teacher will know he didn't spend any time on the collection. Calvin tells her to stall the bus driver. Susie reminds him they were supposed to have 50 insects. He'll be lucky to have any. Calvin jumps into the air and stomps on a bug. He holds his shoe up to Susie and asks what kind it is. He tells her to scrape it off. Susie runs off, telling him to get away from her."
"Get up, Calvin! I'm not going to call you again! I bet. You're going to miss the bus! Now get out of bed! You don't know the answer? Then sit down. Hey, Twinky, want to see if there's an afterlife? No, you can't go play until you finish your homework. Just eat your food. You don't need to play with it. Stop stalling and get into"
"Phooey. No bugs in the bus window. I can't believe you're doing this. Hey, ask that kid if he's got any bugs in HIS window. Calvin, there's no way you're going to complete an insect collection on the way to school! Forget it! Sighhh... well, maybe you're right. How much do you want for YOUR collection? I'll give you a quarter... or here, 30 centrs. I SPENT A MONTH ON THIS! On the bus, Calvin is still looking for bugs. He checks the bus window. Susie can't believe he's doing this. He tells her to ask another kid if he has bugs in his window. Susie tells him there's no way he'll complete an insect collection on the way to school. She tells him to forget it. He agrees. Then, Calvin asks Susie how much she wants for her collection. He starts at a quarter, then raises it to thirty cents. Susie replies that she spent a month on it."
"Hey, here's a worm! Worms are bugs, aren't they? Eww gross, Calvin! That's been floating in a puddle for days. Class doesn't start for 10 minutes. If I can catch 5 bugs a minute, I'll get an 'A'on my collection. See, I'm off to a good start. Five bugs a minute?! You're out of your mind. Here's another already. That's a little ball of lint! Like I'm sure the teacher's going to look REAL CLOSE at every hairy bug in the 30 kids' collections! Calvin looks at a puddle. He sees a worm. He asks if worms are bugs. Susie tells him that worm has been floating for days. Calvin has ten minutes before class starts. If he catches five bugs a minute, he'll get an 'A'. He finds another insect on the ground. Susie tells him that's a little ball of lint. Calvin is sure the teacher won't look real close at every hairy bug in 30 kids' collections."
"RINNGGGG There's the bell. We've got to go to class. Rats. I didn't get 50 bugs yet. What do you have? One drowned worm, a piece of fuzzy lint that LOOKS like a bug, a live ant, and a smashed fly. Well, if you label them scientifically in the next 30 seconds, maybe you'll get an 'F+'. We've got to LABEL these TOO?!? I was just going to put them all in an envelope. Actually, I don't think there's any way you'll get an 'F+'. For all this work, I'd better at least get a 'D'. The bell rings. Calvin doesn't have his insects. He has a drowned worm, a piece of fuzzy lint that looks like a bug, a live ant, and a smashed fly. Susie offers that if he scientifically names them in the next 30 seconds, he might get an 'F+'. Calvin asks if he has to label them, too. He was going to put them all in an envelope. Susie says she doesn't think there's any way he'll get an 'F+'. Calvin suggests that for all that work, he should at least get a 'D'."
"How did you mount your insects, Susie? In this box with pins. Hmm... I don't have a box or pins. I guess I'll just stick my bugs on notebook paper. Oops. Tape doesn't work too well. Gross. I hope I can get him back together. Can I borrow your paste? The way you're going, maybe you'd prefer a stapler. Calvin asks how Susie mounted her bugs. She tells him with pins, in a box. Calvin decides to mount his bugs on notebook paper. Tape doesn't work too well as he tears the worm. He asks Susie for her paste. She makes a face and suggests at the rate he's going, maybe he'd prefer a stapler."
"Psst... Susie! Help me think up scientific name of my bugs while the teacher's not looking. Shhh! We're not supposed to talk in class. Do it yourself. Having a pleasant conversation, Miss Derkins? Perhaps you'd like to sit up front, so you won't distract Calvin any more? Oh, I TRIED to get her to be quiet, but you know how girls are. Calvin whispers over to Susie to help him think of scientific names of his bugs while the teacher's not looking. Susie tells him they're not supposed to talk in class. She tells him to do it himself. Miss Wormwood asks if Susie is having a pleasant conversation. Susie is horrified! Miss Wormwood asks her to move up front so she doesn't distract Calvin anymore. Calvin says he tried to get her to be quiet, but you know how girls are."