"I'm writing a book about my life. It's called, 'Calvin: The Shocking True Story of the Boy Whose Exploits Panicked a Nation.' Interesting title. Thanks. Specifically what exploits are you referring to? That's the problem. Can you help me think of some I could do? Calvin tells Hobbes he's writing a book about his life, titled 'Calvin: The Shocking True Story of the Boy Whose Exploits Panicked a Nation'. Hobbes asks what exploits he's referring to. Calvin admits that's the problem. He asks Hobbes for some he could do."
"Hi Susie. Go away, Calvin! Sit somewhere else! I don't want to know what revolting thing you have for lunch today. Relax, Susie. I'm not going to tell you what I have. You'd better not. I mean it. All I'll say is that I sure feel sorry for my tapeworm. MISS WORMWOOD! Hey! Did I SAY what my lunch is?! Did I?!? Susie doesn't want Calvin to sit next to her at lunch. She doesn't want to know what revolting thing he has for lunch today. Calvin tells her to relax, he's not going to tell her what he has. Calvin looks at his sandwich and says he sure feels sorry for his tapeworm. Susie yells for Miss Wormwood."
"What's this? A crash test dummy. Now I can see if the hill is safe to go down. Off you go! Ooh, I think I'm going to be sick. Well, I wouldn't have steered like THAT! He deserved it! Calvin puts a snowman on his toboggan. He tells Hobbes it's a crash test dummy. He's going to see if the hill is safe to go down. Calvin pushes the toboggan forward, and down it goes. They both watch the toboggan. Hobbes holds his paws over his mouth and says he thinks he's going to be sick. Calvin proclaims he wouldn't have steered that way. He says the snowman deserved it."
"Oh, no! The air pressure in this room is too high! Calvin's organs are in danger of collapsing! He... he's about to implode! We've got to get out of here! There's too much atmosphere! Sit still and behave. We can't eat at fast food places all the time. Calvin claims the air pressure in the room is too high. He sucks in his cheeks and stretches his eyes vertically. He says his organs are in danger of collapsing. He's about to implode. Mom, Dad, and Calvin are sitting at a"
"These television programs sure are rotten. There isn't an ounce of imagination in the whole bunch. What bilge. Who do they think is stupid enough to sit and watch this trash? You. If there was anything BETTER on, I'd watch THAT. Calvin complains the television shows are rotten. There's no imagination in the bunch. He asks Hobbes who they think is stupid enough to sit and watch this trash. As Hobbes walks off, he says 'You'. Calvin replies if there was anything better on, he would watch that."
No text. Calvin makes a bunch of tiny snowmen. He stands in the middle of them. He gets an evil look on his face. The tyrannosaurus is loose in the city. People are running in fear.
"You're taking a shower NOW? That means we're going out tonight, right? And you haven't told ME to get cleaned up, so that means I'm staying home, right? And if I'm staying home, that means you've gotten me a babysitter, right? And that means you've probably hired ROSALYN again, right?!? Brilliant, Holmes. AAAHHHHHH! Calvin sees Mom with her hair wrapped in a towel. He says since she showered now, she and Dad must be going out. He also notices that he wasn't asked to clean up, so that means he's staying home. Since he's staying home, that means Mom has gotten a baby sitter. With a gasp, he realizes that means Mom probably hired Rosalyn! Mom confirms his fears by saying 'Brilliant, Holmes'. Calvin yells in horror."
"Quick, Hobbes! We've got to hide! Mom and Dad got ROSALYN for our baby sitter again! And you know what THAT means! It usually means we're in bed by 6:30. Right! No TV, no horsing around, NOTHING! She just walks in and sends us straight to bed! And then she doesn't even kiss us good nigh. Eww, gross. You WANT her to?!? Calvin runs to his bedroom warning Hobbes that they have to hide since Rosalyn is coming. Hobbes says they're usually in bed by 6:30. Calvin adds they get no TV, no horsing around. She walks in and sends them straight to bed. Hobbes complains she doesn't even give them a good night kiss. Calvin makes a face and asks if he would really want her to."
"Where are you going tonight? Why can't Hobbes and I come? Why do we have to have a babysitter? We're going to dinner and a movie just to have some time to ourselves, OK? But we could come! Hobbes promises not to kill anyone! We'd be good! Really! Why won't you let us come? Why don't you want us around? Is the movie dirty? What's the problem?! Gosh, a dinner with real pauses in the conversation! Can you imagine? Calvin asks Dad where they're going that night. He wonders why he and Hobbes can't come along. Dad says they're going to dinner and a movie to get some time by themselves. Calvin says that he could come. Hobbes wouldn't kill anyone. Calvin asks why they can't come, why aren't they wanted around. He asks if the movie's dirty or something. Dad tells Mom that they'll have a dinner with real pauses in the conversation. Can she imagine?"
"Hi Rosalyn, come on in. Calvin's hiding upstairs from you, so you may have an easy evening. That would be great. I've got to study tonight for a big test tomorrow. Did you hear THAT? Did you hear THAT? Hee hee! Tonight: the revenge of the baby sat! Mom lets Rosalyn in. She tells Rosalyn that Calvin is upstairs hiding from her, so she may have an easy evening. Rosalyn says that would be good, since she has to study for a big test tomorrow. Upstairs, Calvin and Hobbes are listening around the corner. As Hobbes rubs his paws together, and Calvin puts on an evil smile, he declares that tonight is 'The Revenge of the Baby Sat'."
"Hi Rosalyn! How are you? What are you going? Homework? Right. I've got to study for an exam tomorrow, so I want it quiet tonight. Got it? Oh, you bet, Roz. Hobbes and I won't make a peep. Can I see what you're studying? Don't touch anyth... I GOT HER NOTES! I GOT HER NOTES! RUN, HOBBES, RUN!! CALVIN!"
"GIVE ME BACK MY NOTES, YOU LITTLE CREEP! Run! Run! What are we going to do? She'll kill us! Into the bathroom! Lock the door! Quick! CALVIN! Open this door, or your parents will never find your remains! Boy, some baby sitter! Here go your notes! Rosalyn chases Calvin, who has her study notes. Calvin and Hobbes run into the bathroom. They lock the door just before Rosalyn gets there. She tells Calvin through the bathroom door that if he doesn't open the door, his parents will never find his remains. Calvin holds her papers over the open toilet and tells her 'Here go your notes'."
"Hold still. Now boost! Lift! C'mon! Mph! Get your hand out of my eye! OK, forward! On the way back, you're carrying ME. Hey, I got some mail. It's a valentine card. From Susie Derkins! It says, 'Please be my valentine.' You're Susie's valentine! I'm not her valentine just because I got this in the mail, am I? Does the postmaster general know about this? Calvin and Susie sitting in a tree-ee! Kay-Eye-Ess-Ess-Eye-En-Gee! I don't have to KISS her, do I?! Is that what valentines do??! Oh, gross! First comes Lo-ove, Then comes marriage, Then comes a baby in a baby carriage! This can't be happening! I need a lawyer! She can't make me be her valentine! Here she comes! Here comes Susie! Hi, Calvin. Get away from me! I'm not your valentine! Take your card back! Eww! Girls! Yecchh! That card wasn't for YOU, you moron. Didn't you read the back of the envelope? The back? 'Calvin, please give this to Hobbes.' HOBBES?! Me? Really? Hot dog! Smooch city, here I come! Calvin gets a valentine in the mailbox. It's from Susie Derkins. Calvin reads the card, which says 'Be my valentine'. Hobbes starts making fun of Calvin. He starts singing 'Calvin and Susie, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-NG'. Calvin says he's not her valentine just because he got that in the mail. He asks if the Postmaster General knows about this. Hobbes continues ridiculing Calvin by singing 'First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage'. Calvin is horrified to think he has to kiss Susie if they're valentines. Calvin wants a lawyer. He says she can't make him her valentine. Hobbes sees Susie coming. Susie says hi to Calvin, who throws the valentine on the ground. He tells her to get away from him, and he's not her valentine. He tells her to take her card back. Susie tells Calvin the card wasn't for him. She asks if he read the back of the envelope. When Calvin looks at it, it reads 'Calvin, please give this to Hobbes'. Calvin is shocked! Hobbes, with a smile on his face, says 'Hot Dog! Smooch City, here I come'."
"Calvin, you've got two seconds to unlock this door and give me back my science notes! You know, Rosalyn, I'd suggest you adopt a more humble attitude. You wouldn't want anything to HAPPEN to these notes, would you? YOU SCUMMY LITTLE TROLL! When your parents get home, I'll... FLUSH AUGH! There's ONE page! Rosalyn pounds on the bathroom door telling Calvin he has two seconds to unlock the door and return her science notes. Calvin suggests she adopt a more humble attitude. He warns her she wouldn't want anything to happen to the notes. Rosalyn rattles the door knob, calls Calvin a 'Scummy little troll'. As she's telling him what she'll do when Calvin's parents get home, she hears the toilet flush. Calvin tells her 'There's one page'. Rosalyn is horrified."
"You'd better not have really flushed any of my notes! I've got a big test tomorrow! Well then, with that at stake, our demands should seem very reasonable! DEMANDS?! You don't get any demands! Unlock this door! Boy, you'd think a high school senior would catch on quicker. We should write the school board. Torpedo tube ready, Cap'n! Rosalyn grits her teeth and says Calvin had better not really have flushed her notes. She has a test tomorrow. Calvin says with that at stake, his demands should seem reasonable. Rosalyn says he doesn't get any demands. She wants him to open the door. As Calvin walks over to the toilet, he says a high school senior should catch on quicker. He says he should write the school board. Hobbes readies the 'torpedo tube'."
"I sure hope you memorized this page already, because you're never going to see it again! NO! Don't flush it! Tell me what your stupid demands are. That's more like it! OK, first we want to stay up until my parents drive in. Second, we want you to go pick up a pizza and rent us a video player... YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND! Third... are you writing these down?"
"I don't hear her out there any more. Rosalyn?? Are you listening? We have more demands! Do you think she went away? Why would she? We've still got her science notes. Doesn't she want them any more? What's she doing? Maybe she's calling the fire department to ax open the door. Really? You think so? Gosh, that'd be GREAT! Real firemen with real axes! I hope they drive their biggest fire truck! I hope your parents are having a restful evening. Hobbes doesn't hear Rosalyn any more. Calvin calls out to her. No answer. Calvin wonders if she went away. Hobbes says they still have her notes. Calvin can't figure out what she's doing. Hobbes wonders if she's calling the fire department to open the door with an axe. Calvin thinks that would be great. He hopes they bring their biggest truck. Hobbes hopes Mom and Dad are having a restful evening."
"Rosalyn? Are you out here? Are you calling the fire departme... GOTCHA! OH NO! I didn't really flush your notes! They're all there! Go look! Please don't kill me! Phooey. Well, it's 7:00. We got to stay up halfhour later than usual. Calvin opens the bathroom door and peeks out. He calls to Rosalyn, asking if she's calling the fire department. She darts around the corner and grabs Calvin. As she carries him off, he tells her he didn't really flush her notes. He says they're all there and asks her not to kill him. He's put to bed. Hobbes points out it's 7:00. They got to stay up a half hour longer than usual."
"Rosalyn? We're home. Hi Rosalyn. Did you have a quiet evening? Did you get your studying done? ... no, huh? I'm sorry, but tonight is really going to cost you. You're SURE no one else in this town will agree to baby-sit Calvin? Maybe YOU would like to spend a week on the phone! Mom and Dad return home. Mom asks if Rosalyn had a quiet evening and got her studying done. Rosalyn has a worn look to her face. She says she's sorry, but tonight is going to cost them. Having paid Rosalyn, and her having left, Dad asks Mom if she's sure that no one in town will baby-sit Calvin. Mom replies that maybe he'd like to spend a week on the phone."
"What's this? A Calvin decoy. Pretty good, huh? Now I can find out who my enemies are! I'll hide behind that tree over there and watch to see who throws snowballs at the decoy, thinking it's me! Your enemies must not be very bright. That's why they're out to get me. They can't stand my genius. Hey, Calvin! I see a way your plan might fail. Pipe down, will ya? How can I hide when you're yelling to me from across ... SMACK! See there? My plan to discover my enemies was a complete success. Too bad you took off your coat and hat. You must be soaked. Calvin builds a snowman he is using as a Calvin decoy. He dresses the snowman in his hat and coat. He tells Hobbes he's going to hide behind the tree and watch to see who throws snowballs at the decoy. He'll find out who his enemies are. Hobbes looks at the snowman and says Calvin's enemies must not be too bright. Calvin agrees, saying that's why they're out to get him. They can't stand his genius. As Calvin hides behind the tree, Hobbes yells that he sees a way his plan might fail. Calvin tells him to quiet down. Hobbes smacks Calvin with a snowball. Calvin, poking out upside down from the snow, says his plan to discover his enemies was a complete success. Hobbes says it's too bad he took off his hat and coat, because he must be soaked."
"Here we are, poised on the precipice of 'suicide slope'. Below us lie the skeletal remains of hundreds of little sled riders. Searching for that ultimate adrenalin rush, we prepare to hurl ourselves over the bring! What fate awaits us? Ready? No. Life and death hang in the balance! A fraction of a second and one wrong turn are all that separate them! This isn't helping. On their sled, Calvin says they're at the top of 'Suicide Slope'. Below them are the skeletal remains of hundreds of little sled riders. Searching for that ultimate adrenaline rush, they prepare to go over the brink. What fate awaits them? Calvin asks if Hobbes is ready. Hobbes says no. Calvin goes on to say life and death hang in the balance. A fraction of a second and one wrong term is all that separate them. Hobbes tells him this isn't helping."
Dad says the anitipationo of having something is often more fun than actually having it. I think he's crazy. I hate waiting for things. I like to have everything immediately. I can't think of ANYthing I'd rather
"I wish snow was dry, so that you didn't get all cold and wet when you played in it. ...then again, if snow was dry, you couldn't pack it into snowballs. That wouldn't be good. I wish it snowed in summer. Wouldn't that be fun? ... Well no, actually that would make it hard to run when you play baseball. Heck, it's OK just the way it is. We're glad you approve. Calvin tells Hobbes he wishes snow was dry so you didn't get all cold and wet when you play in it. Then, he mentions that you couldn't make snowballs, which is bad. He then wishes it snowed in summer. But that would make it hard to run when you play baseball. As he and Hobbes walk away, he decides things are okay as they are. Hobbes is glad he approves."
"You can always tell when you get to OUR house. Mom and Dad are walking down the sidewalk. They look into a yard and see a snowman with a hat and broom. A little further on, they see a snowman with a scarf and cap. They keep walking past a snowman with a small snowman next to it. They come to their yard and see a snowman with two heads, with both heads having their mouths open. Dad says you can always tell when you get to their house."
I think our snow forts are too far apart. Calvin and Hobbes are each in a snow fort. There is a bunch of snowballs lying on the snow in front of each fort. Calvin says he thinks their snow forts are too far apart.
"Now let's see if Mom jumps out of HER skin. Calvin bends his knees and jumps into the air. POP! His skeleton comes up from his skin. Calvin, the skeleton, leaves his skin in a pile and walks away. He says now he'll see if Mom jumps out of her skin."
"CLUMP The pteranodon spreads his giant wings, and... Mom is sewing in her chair as Calvin walks by. Calvin walks by later with a conical hat and a cape. Mom keeps sewing. She hears a CLUMP and walks to the window to see what it was. She sees a ladder sitting against the wall. She races out of the house, looking up at the roof. The pteranodon spreads his wings and prepares to soar."
"Look at this, Hobbes! I could order an official Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs Beanie! See, It has a battery powered propeller on top and a big star on the front! Isn't that neat? You have to send in four box 'Proof of Purchase Seals' to get it, it says. Well, don't just stand there, or this will take forever. Ugh. This stuff always makes my heart skip. Calvin, eating a bowl of cereal, tells Hobbes he could order an official Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs beanie. It has a battery-powered propeller on top and a star on the front. Hobbes notices you need to send in four 'Proof of Purchase Seals' to get it. Calvin hands him a bowl and tells him to not just sit there or this will take forever. Hobbes says that cereal always makes his heart skip."
"Blechh, I feel sick. Oh, c'mon, that's only your second bowl of cereal. This stuff is pure sugar. But it's FORTIFIED with eight essential vitamins, so it's good for you. Give me a break. This is like eating a bowl of milk duds. Look, it says right on the box, 'part of a wholesome, nutritious, balanced breakfast.' And they show a guy eating five grapefruits, a dozen bran muffins... You know why you shake like that? Vitamin deficiency, I'll bet. Hobbes feels sick. Calvin chides him by telling him it's only his second bowl of cereal. Hobbes complains that it's pure sugar. Calvin retorts that it's fortified with eight essential vitamins, so it's good for you. Hobbes responds that it's like eating a bowl of Milk Duds. Calvin shows him on the box where it says its' a part of a wholesome, nutritious, balanced breakfast. Hobbes points out the picture shows a guy eating five grapefruits and a dozen bran muffins. Calvin is shaking from all the sugar. He tells Hobbes that the reason Hobbes is shaking is due to a vitamin deficiency, he bets."
"Morning, Dad! How's your breakfast? Fine. Oatmeal, huh? A bowl of pasty, bland, colorless sludge. Yes. Why don't you go describe your OWN food somewhere else? I'll bet you'd rather have a bowl of tasty, upsmacking, crunchy-on-the-outside, chewy-on-the-inside, chocolate forsted sugar bobms! Can I pour you some? No, thanks. I'm trying to reach middle age. What are YOU having, Mom? Boring old toast and tea? YOU want the beanie, YOU eat the cereal, Calvin. Calvin asks Dad how his breakfast is. Calvin describes Dad's oatmeal as a bowl of pasty, bland, colorless sludge. He offers Dad a bowl of 'tasty, lip-smacking, crunchy-on-the-outside, chewy-on-the-inside, Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs'. Dad says no thanks. He's trying to reach middle age. Calvin asks Mom if she's having boring old toast and tea. Mom tells him if he wants the beanie, he eats the cereal."