"Well, it's a new year. And I'd say the first 10 hours haven't been up to snuff. Did you make any new year resolutions? You bet! I resolved to quit hiding my feelings so much! From now on, the world's gonna know exactly what I think of it! Yes, you've certainly been a model of self-restraint and understatement up until now. Well no more. And I've also resolved not to put up with sarcastic tigers. If I see any, I'll tell them. Hobbes asks Calvin if he made any New Year's resolutions. Calvin promises to quit hiding his feelings so much. He says from now on the world will know exactly what he thinks of it. Hobbes rolls his eyes and says Calvin has certainly been the model of self-restraint and understatement until now. They walk along for a while. Calvin thinks about it. He adds that he's also resolved not to put up with sarcastic tigers. Hobbes tells him if he sees any, he'll tell them."
"Shovel, shovel, shovel! Why can't we get a snow blower?? We must be the only family in the world that still shovels the driveway by hand! I'm freezing! It builds character. Keep at it. Pretty convenient how every time I build character, HE saves a couple of hundred dollars. Calvin is shoveling snow. He asks why they can't buy a snow blower. He says they must be the only family in the world that shovels the driveway by hand. He complains it's freezing. Dad opens the door and tells him to keep at it. It builds character. Calvin says it's pretty convenient that every time he builds character, Dad saves a couple hundred dollars."
"Next time we go down, I get to steer the sled. You?! You steer like an old lady! Yeah, well, I'm sick of going over and through every obstacle on the hill. 'Every obstacle'?!? We missed the briar patch, didn't we?! By going down the gully and into the stream, yes. Oh, you make everything sound so terrible. You should be glad we're alive. Calvin and Hobbes are both covered with snow. Hobbes says the next time they go down the hill, he gets to steer. Calvin complains that Hobbes steers like an old lady. Hobbes replies that he's tired of going over and through every obstacle on the hill. Calvin retorts that they missed the briar patch. Hobbes clarifies that they did by going down into the gully and into the stream. Calvin tells him he makes everything sound so terrible. He says Hobbes should be glad they're alive."
"This is the finest snowball ever made! Painstakingly hand-crafted into a perfect sphere from a secret mixture of slush, ice, dirt, debris and fine powder snow. This IS the ultimate winter weapon. Yes, this marvel of crystalline engineering wi... WHAP!! Another casualty of the seduction of art. Calvin has created the finest snowball ever made. He's handcrafted a perfect sphere from a secret mixture of slush, ice, dirt, debris and fine powder snow. He calls it the ultimate winter weapon. As he continues praising his snowball, he's smacked by a snowball thrown by Hobbes. Hobbes says Calvin is another casualty of the seduction of art."
"What do you think is the best way to get what you want? Is it better to hold fast and never back down, or to compromise? I suppose it's best to hold fast when you can, and compromise when you need to. That's a lot more mature than I think I care to be. Calvin asks Hobbes what he thinks is the best way to get what you want. He asks if it's better to hold fast and not back down or to compromise. Hobbes answers it's best to hold fast when you can and compromise when you need to. Calvin says that's a lot more mature than he thinks he cares to be."
"I think the short attention span of television is great. As far as I'M concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway. My time is valuable. I can't go thinking about one subject on end. I'm a busy man. ...who's been sitting here for three hours. ... at six thoughts a minute. Calvin and Hobbes are watching television. Calvin thinks the short attention span of television is great. As far as he's concerned, if something is so complicated you can't explain it in ten seconds, it's not worth knowing anyway. Calvin says his time is valuable. He can't go thinking about one subject for minutes on end. He's a busy man. Hobbes adds that he's been sitting there watching television for three hours."
"There's something magical about having a fire. The crackles and snaps, the warm flickering light... everything always seems safe and cozy if you're sitting in front of a fire. And if you've got a hot tiger tummy to lie against, ... WELL! Calvin is warming his hands by the fire. He says there's something magical about having a fire. He comments on the crackles and snaps, the warm, flickering light. He says everything seems safe and cozy if you're sitting in front of a fire. He sits back against Hobbes, who's sleeping on the floor. He says it's even better when you have a hot tiger tummy to lie against."
"C'mon, we'd better go outside for a while. How come? Mom's getting that look. This will be the best snow fort ever built! OK, the main fortress will be a wall five feet high, and go from here down over that hill, with turrets every 50 feet. Over here we'll build an inner wall, in case we have to retreat, and a bin to hold our snow ball reserves. Got it. Hmm... the snow doesn't pack too well, does it? It's not wet enough. Gosh, it'll take forever just to build the outer wall... even without the turrets. I'm cold. Me, too. Let's go in. Maybe we can have some hot chocolate by a fire! This is more fun than actually building the fort anyway. Now where should we put the icicle spikes? All along the outer wall, after the moat. Say, I think you got more marshmallows in your hot chocolate than I did. Calvin and Hobbes run out to build the best snow fort ever. Calvin plans for five foot high walls, and turrets every fifty feet. He shows Hobbes where an inner wall will be, along with a bin to store snowball reserves. The snow isn't wet enough to pack. Calvin realizes it will take forever to build just the outer walls. Hobbes is cold. Calvin is too, so they go inside to have hot chocolate by the fire. They decide to draw the snow fort. Calvin wonders where the ice spikes should go. Hobbes tells him, and also thinks Calvin got more marshmallows in his chocolate than Hobbes did."
"The bay doors open and out falls Calvin, the C-Bomb! Calvin is bound to unleash the pure destructive force of a million A-Bombs! The world gasps in horror as he streaks towards his target! OH NO YOU DON'T!! The bay doors open and out falls Calvin, the C-bomb. Calvin is about to unleash the power of a million A-bombs. He streaks toward his target. Mom grabs Calvin by the shirt as he runs by. He has a bat in his hand. Mom says 'Oh no you don't'."
"Will you read this tonight? 'An Ode To Tigers'? Hobbes wrote it. 'The zebra's stripes are lacking hues, So they don't compare to you-know-whose.'Orange, black and white is what to wear! It's haute couture for those who dare! It's camouflage, and stylish, too! Yes, tigers look the best, it's true!' This goes on? For pages. Pretty tedious, isn't it? Calvin asks Dad to read 'An Ode to Tigers' at bedtime. Hobbes wrote it. Dad reads the zebra's stripes are lacking hues, they don't compare to you-know-who's. It's camouflage and stylish, too. Yes, tigers look best. It's true. Dad asks if this goes on. Calvin tells him for pages. He asks Dad if he thinks it's pretty tedious."
"I'M HO-OME! KAPOW WUMPH! Great. The snow cushioned the blow to my spine, so I can now die of pneumonia. Aww, has oo got de sniffoos? Calvin comes home and opens the door. Hobbes pounces on him and knocks him into the snow. Calvin says the snow cushioned the blow to his spine, so now he can die of pneumonia. Hobbes makes fun of Calvin, mocking him with 'Has oo got de sniffoos'."
"I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood. Calvin and Hobbes are walking along in the snow. Calvin likes the cold, gray winter days. He says days like these let you savor a bad mood."
You try it and I'll watch. Sissy. Calvin has built a loop out of snow on the downslope of the hill. Hobbes is standing nearby as Calvin pulls the sled up the hill. Hobbes tells Calvin to try it. He'll watch. Calvin calls him a sissy.
"Look, I put a snowball on top of this snowman's head. Now I'll be the next William Tell, and I'll hit the snowball clean off! Ouch. Ahhh! He flinched! Calvin puts a snowball on the head of a snowman. He's going to be the next William Tell, and he'll hit the snowball clean off. He throws a snowball. Hobbes looks at the snowman and says 'ouch'. Calvin complains that he flinched."
"Put 'er down here. You know, these things should really come with air bags. Ready? Ready. OFF WE GO-O! Ooh! Yikes! Wow! See? I TOLD you. Help me gather up the sled, you sissy. Calvin and Hobbes are sitting on the toboggan. Calvin asks if Hobbes is ready. He says yes, so off they go. Hobbes steps off the back of the toboggan. He brushes the snow off himself and watches the toboggan go down the hill. He turns his head at one point, covering his eyes. He covers his mouth at another. He looks into the air, following Calvin's journey. As Calvin comes back up the hill, covered in snow and branches, Hobbes tells him he told him so. Calvin tells Hobbes to help him gather the sled, and he calls him a sissy."
"The fearless Spaceman Spiff finds himself on the planet closest to star X-351! An alien approaches... but in the blinding light, our here can hardly make it out! Is it friendly or hostile? What are you still doing in bed still? Get ready for school! Definitely hostile. Spaceman Spiff finds himself on the planet surface. An alien approaches. In the blinding light, Spiff can't tell whether the alien is friendly or hostile. Mom comes in to yell at Calvin who's still sitting on his bed. She tells him to get ready for school. Spiff, being carried off by the alien, says that it's definitely hostile."
"The school bus will be here any minute! Go! Scoot! Spaceman Spiff, captured by vicious zogwards, is about to be transported to the labor camp! Our hero hatches a bold plan! At the last second, Spiff makes his break! Taking advantage of the planet's low gravity, our hero is away like a shot. There's the bus... but why don't I see Calvin? Calvin is tossed out the door. Mom tells him the bus will be by any minute. Get going! Spaceman Spiff, captured by the Zogwargs, is being transported to the labor camp. Our hero hatches a plan. He makes his break. Using the planet's weaker gravity, our hero is away like a shot. Mom looks out the window. She says she sees the bus, but why doesn't she see Calvin?"
"Spiff escapes! Did Calvin get on the bus? I didn't see. ... why? Someone just darted behind that tree. See, there he goes again. Isn't that Calvin? The zogwargs have spotted him! Our hero inflates the emergency jet pack he keeps in his pocket, and prepares for takeoff! Spiff escapes! Dad asks if Calvin got on the bus. Mom says she didn't see. Dad mentions he saw someone darting behind a tree. They look and see it again. Dad asks if that's Calvin. Spiff inflates the emergency jet pack he keeps in his pocket. The Zogwargs have spotted him."
"Calvin, what are you doing? You're supposed to be on the school bus! Get over here! Our hero blasts off with his emergency jet pack! Another daring escape for the intrepid Spaceman Spiff! Zounds! The Zogwargs are on rocket scooters! Spiff fires his death ray blaster! It's your own grave you're digging, buster! Mom gets on her coat and tells Calvin to get over there. Our hero blasts off on his jet pack. Another daring escape for the intrepid Spaceman Spiff. The Zogwargs are on rocket scooters. Spiff fires his death ray blaster. Calvin is throwing snowballs at Mom as she chases him. She tells him he's digging his own grave."
"Young man, you are in VERY big trouble! Why didn't you get on the school bus?! Now I'VE got to drive you, and your Dad will be late for work. You've inconvenienced everyone! What have you got to say for yourself?! Give me liberty or give me death, Zogwarg queen! Don't tempt me! And listen, you call me 'Mom,' ... got it? Mom drags Calvin back telling him he's in big trouble. She asks why he didn't get on the bus. Now she has to take him to school, and Dad will be late to work. She tells Calvin he's inconvenienced everyone and asks if he has anything to say for himself. Calvin tells the Zogwarg Queen to give him liberty or give him death. Mom turns from the steering wheel with teeth clenched. She tells Calvin not to tempt her. She also tells him to call her Mom."
"Hey, Calvin, how come you're late today? Why didn't you ride the bus? I was going to skip school, but I got caught. Really? How? Mom had the wind for that final sprint. Your Mom had to CHASE you? I couldn't believe it when she cleared the hedge. Susie asks Calvin why he was late to school. Calvin tells her he was going to skip, but he got caught. When Susie asks how he got caught, Calvin tells her Mom had the wind for that final sprint. Susie asks if his Mom had to chase him. Calvin tells her he couldn't believe it when Mom cleared the hedge."
"OK, let's see... if the wind is blowing north-northeast at 6mph, and I throw the snowball due west at 90 mph with a slight top spin ... Ha! Susie didn't even hear me sneak up. Now I'll cream her cranium with a barrage of snowballs! WHZZZ PUFF These darn crozz breezes! She didn't even notice! You're the worst shot in the world, Calvin! If it wasn't for gravity, you probably couldn't even hit the ground! SMACK! I did it! I did it! Just when it counted, I did it! Ha ha ha! Right in the kisser! Ha ha! Bad news, Mom. I promised my soul to the devil this afternoon. Oh? That recently? Calvin hides behind a tree. He plans to cream her cranium with a barrage of snowballs. Susie is busy making a snowman. Calvin misses with the toss. He blames the cross breezes. Then he throws several snowball, which all miss Susie. She taunts him by saying he's the worst shot in the world. She says if it wasn't for gravity, he wouldn't hit the ground. SMACK! Susie gets nailed by a snowball. She runs after Calvin, who gleefully comments he did it when it really counted. After going home, Calvin tells Mom that he has bad news. He says he promised his soul to the devil that afternoon. Mom asks if it was that recently."
"Yes, can I have the tool department, please? Thank you. Hello? How much are your power circular saws? I see. And your electric drills? Uh-huh. How big of a bit will that hold? Really? Great. So the assigment is pages two through four? OK, thanks Susie. ...Sorry about that. Do you carry acetylene torches? OK, ring it all up. This will be on Mastercard. Calvin is on the telephone asking for the tool department. He asks the price of circular saws, then electric drills. He asks how big a bit the drill will hold. Then Mom walks by. Calvin acts as if he's talking to Susie about a school assignment. After Mom passes, Calvin apologizes to the tool department and asks about acetylene torches. He tells them to ring it up. He has Dad's MasterCard in his hand."
"Look at all this homework I'm supposed to do! I don't want to do this garbage! I want to play outside! Childhood is short and maturity is forever. Calvin complains about all the homework he has to do. He tells Hobbes he doesn't want to do the homework, and he wants to play outside. Calvin and Hobbes are sledding down the hill. Calvin says 'childhood is short and maturity is forever'."
"People are rotten. When I grow up, I'm going to live a million miles away from everyone! How will you survive? What will you eat? ... Well, Mom could come by twice a day to cook, I suppose. That would be quite a commute. Calvin tells Hobbes that people are rotten. He says when he grows up, he's going to live a million miles from everyone. Hobbes asks how he'll survive and eat. Calvin suggests Mom could come by twice a day to cook. Hobbes says that would be quite a commute."
"Get a load of THIS dumb assignment. I'm supposed to write about an adventure I had! I haven't had any adventures! My life has been a big bore from the beginning! Have I ever been abducted by pirates? Have I ever faced down a charging rhino? Have I ever been in a shoot-out, or on a bombing raid? No! I never get to have adventures! What about the time you backed the car through the garage door? You call that an adventure? I didn't even get on the the highway. Calvin comes home complaining about an assignment he got. He has to write about an adventure he had. Calvin argues that his life has been one big bore from the beginning. He's never been abducted by pirates, never faced down a charging rhino, been in a shoot-out, or on a bombing run. Hobbes asks about the time he backed the car through the garage door. Calvin doesn't think that was an adventure. He never even got on the highway."
When do you think we'll get a thunder and lightning storm? I don't kow. Probably not until spring. I think he's going to melt before we can bring him to life.
"Hey, Susie, stand on this 'X'. Why? No reason. Just do it. I dare you. No. Please? C'mon! Get lost. This may not work out as well as I thought. Calvin asks Susie to stand on the 'X' he made in the snow. Susie asks why. Calvin says there's no reason. He dares her. She refuses, then walks away. Calvin pleads for her to do it, but Susie tells him to get lost. Calvin looks at his bunch of snowballs sitting on a plank lying on top a log. He says this may not work out as well as he thought."
"The valiant Spaceman Spiff is led by his captors to a secret dungeon to be debriefed! Little do they realize that our hero doesn't WEAR briefs! Eat your dinner, Calvin. Ugh. Poised precariously over a percolating pit of putrid pasta, Spaceman Spiff is held prisoner! Still won't talk, eh, Earthling? Our hero's mind races furiously! He's had his chance! Let's make him eat! LOOK BEHIND YOU!! Fool! The human scum escaped! Not for long, Zokbar-2! And tomorrow morning he'll have cold manicotti for breakfast! Mom tells Calvin to eat his dinner. Spaceman Spiff is held over a pit of putrid pasta. Our hero's mind races furiously. The aliens say that he's had his chance. Let's make him eat. Calvin looks surprised, points behind Mom and Dad, and tells them to look behind them. When they look, Calvin runs off. One alien says the human scum has escaped. The other says tomorrow morning, he'll have cold manicotti for breakfast."
"Wow, you've made a lot of snowmen today! Yep. They're efficies. Each one represents someone I hate. When the sun comes out, I'll watch their features slowly melt down their dripping bodies until they're nothing but noses and eyes floating in pools of water. I wasn't aware you even knew this many people. The ones I REALLY hate are small, so they'll go faster. Hobbes looks at all the snowmen Calvin made. Calvin says they're effigies. Each one represents someone he hates. Calvin says when the sun comes out, he'll watch the snowmen melt until they're nothing but noses and eyes floating in pools of water. Hobbes looks to the distance. He says he didn't know Calvin knew so many people."