"Boy, what a beautiful summer morning, huh, Dad? Too bad you can't stay home to enjoy it. When you're old, you'll be sorry you never took advantage of days like these, but of course, that's far off, and in the meantime, there's lots of work to be done. Yep, you'd better go to work, have a good long drive in traffic. Maybe you'll get home in time to watch the sun set ... if you can stay awake. So long! Golly, I'd hate to have a kid like me. Dad gets ready to leave for work. Calvin tells him it's too bad he can't stay home to enjoy the beautiful summer morning. As Dad walks to the garage, Calvin yells to him that when he's old, he'll be sorry he didn't take advantage of days like this. He says that's far off, but there's lots of work to do in the meantime. He adds that Dad should have a good long drive in to work. Maybe he'll get home in time to watch the sun set. Calvin closes the door, walking back into the house, saying he'd hate to have a kid like him."
"What would you do if I creamed you with this water balloon right now? Take the worst thing you can imaging, and imagine something a hundred times worse than that. You'd do THAT? No, I'd do something even worse. He piqued my curiosity. Hobbes is lying under a tree. Calvin comes up with a water balloon. He asks Hobbes what he'd do if he got creamed by the water balloon. Hobbes tells him to take the worst thing he can imagine, then imagine something a hundred times worse. Calvin asks if he'd do that. Hobbes tells him he'd do something worse. Calvin hits Hobbes with the balloon and takes off running. Calvin says Hobbes piqued his curiosity."
"The race will finish at that trr, OK? This tree? Right. Readysetgo, I win! On your mark ... get set ... Go! Hey! Leggo! OW! Stop that! MMF RRG PUFF PUFF FINISH! Oof. Ten minutes! That's our best time yet for the 50-yard dash! Calvin and Hobbes line up for a race. When Calvin take a lead, Hobbes holds the back of his shirt. When Hobbes gets a lead, Calvin pulls his tail. Hobbes pounces on Calvin, and they fight. As they're wrestling with each other, Hobbes finally gets to the finish line. Calvin, lying on Hobbes' back, says ten minutes is their best time yet for the 50-yard dash."
"What are you doing with all your Dad's tools in the bathroom? This faucet drips, so I'm going to fix it. YOU'RE going to fix it? That's what I said. ... And you can keep your comments to yourself, Dr Doom. I didn't say anything. Hobbes asks Calvin what he's doing with all Dad's tools in the bathroom. Calvin tells him the faucet drips, so he's going to fix it. Hobbes clarifies that Calvin is going to fix it. As Calvin prepares to use the wrench, he tells Dr. Doom he can keep his comments to himself."
"Fixing a faucet is easy. All you do is take it apart, see what's leaking, plug it up, and put it back together. Does your Mom know you're doing this? Nope. It's going to be a surprise. And we all know how she loves surprises. I can't get this handle off. Pass me the hacksaw, will you? Calvin says fixing a faucet is easy. All you do is take it apart, see what's leaking, plug it up, and put it back together. Hobbes asks if Mom knows he's doing this. Calvin says no, it's a surprise. Hobbes rolls his eyes and says we all know how she loves surprises. Calvin is having trouble getting the handle off. He asks Hobbes to pass him the hacksaw."
"Aren't you supposed to turn off the water before you take apart the faucet? That's the problem I'm trying to fix, you moron! I can't turn the water off because the faucet leaks! Sheesh, where were YOU when they were passing out brains? OH NO! AUGHH! ACKK! I'll get you some paper and carbons for your written apology. Hobbes asks if you aren't supposed to turn off the water before taking apart a faucet. Calvin angrily tells Hobbes that's the problem he's trying to fix. You can't turn the water off because the faucet leaks. Calvin wonders where Hobbes was when they were passing out the brains. Suddenly, water starts spraying from the faucet. Hobbes says he'll get some paper and carbons for Calvin's written apology."
"Hobbes, quick! How do you turn off the water?!? How should I know?? I can't put this piece back in with all this water coming out! I'll get your Mom! MY MOM? Have you lost your mind? She can't find out about this! I'll bet she notices when the kitchen ceiling starts to drip. Open the medicine cabinet! Find some cyanide! In a panic, Calvin asks Hobbes how to turn off the water. Hobbes doesn't know. Calvin can't put a piece back in with all the water coming out. Hobbes goes to get Mom. Calvin asks if Hobbes has lost his mind. He says Mom can't find out about this. Hobbes believes she'll notice when the kitchen ceiling starts to drip. Calvin opens the medicine cabinet, looking for cyanide."
"La da dee dee da I think I'll get a bucket ... dum de doo ... Nothing's wrong ... da dee doo ba ... I just want a bucket to hold some stuf. Ta tum ta tum. Let's see, how many buckets do we have? Dum de doo. No cause for alarm. No need to panic ... I just want a few buckets. La la. YOUR turn. Mom and Dad are sitting downstairs reading. They hear Calvin singing about getting a bucket, that nothing's wrong, how many buckets do they have, no cause for alarm, and no need to panic. Mom and Dad look at each other, point at each other, and both say 'Your turn'."
"Calvin, what are you doing? I'm ... uh ... going to the bathroom. Is everything all right? Fine! Don't come up! FLUSH Dad yells up the stairs asking what Calvin's doing. He says he's going to the bathroom as the toilet flushes. Dad asks if everything is alright. Calvin says things are fine and not to come up. Hobbes is flushing the toilet while Calvin is up to his waist in water."
"Dinosaurs everywhere flee for their lives! Calvin is coming. The late cretaceous: the last epoch of the mighty dinosaurs. King of the thunder lizards is the fearsome Calvin, the tyrannosaurus! Seven tons of muscle and teeth, he searches for his prey! Calvin, for goodness sake, stop stomping around! You're driving me crazy! OW! CHOMP! How did the fearsome tyrannosaurus become extinct? Now we know! Calvin, the tyrannosaurus, is king of the thunder lizards. Seven tons of muscle and teeth searches for prey. Mom sees Calvin hunched over with teeth bared. She tells him to stop stomping around. He's driving her crazy. Suddenly, Calvin bites Mom on the leg. As she chases him, Calvin asks how the fearsome tyrannosaurus became extinct. Now we know."
"What's all that water I hear? I'm coming in! Oh my gosh! ACKPBT! WHAT'S GOING ON?!? SPLUTB! BPLPTH! There! I got the water off. ALL RIGHT, CALVIN, WHERE ARE YOU?! H-hi, Dad. It's the end of the world, Calvin. Dad hears the water, and he comes into the bathroom. He walks into the spraying water. He sputters about what's going on. He shuts the water off and looks for Calvin, who's hiding behind the shower curtain. Dad tells Calvin it's the end of the world."
"Look at this bathroom! What on earth were you DOING?! Nothing, Dad! I was just here looking for some dental floss, when PLOOIE! The faucet handle blows sky high all by itself! It ... it ... uh ... What I mean is, Hobbes was fooling around with your tools. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen, and sure enough, he went and ... and ... One more try. Aliens, Dad! Big, evil, bug-eyed monsters from Pluto! They did it, and made me swear not to tell! Dad asks Calvin what he was doing. Calvin tells him he was looking for dental floss and the handle blew sky high by itself. He changes his story to Hobbes playing around with Dad's tools. Calvin tried to stop Hobbes, but he wouldn't listen. Dad gives Calvin one more try. Calvin tells him big, bug-eyed monsters from Pluto did it and made him swear not to tell."
"Boy, Dad sure blew his stack THAT time, didn't he?? What a sorehead! Listening to HIM, you'd think nobody in the world had ever needed to all a plumber before. Dad's got a job. He can afford it. Dad makes such a big deal out of everything. When he does, I sure wish you'd stop trying to pin your crimes on ME. Oh, now YOU'RE going to start on me TOO, huh? Calvin and Hobbes are walking outside. Calvin complains that Dad blew his stack and calls Dad a sorehead. Calvin rants that Dad acts like nobody ever needed to call a plumber before. He says Dad has a job and can afford it. He says Dad makes such a big deal out of everything. Hobbes wishes that when Dad does, that Calvin would quit trying to pin his crimes on Hobbes. Calvin tells Hobbes not to start on him, too."
"WAP Is this yours? No. What is it? For a girl, she's remarkably perceptive. Susie is just missed by a suction dart arrow. She hands it back to Calvin, dressed in an Indian costume holding a bow. She asks if the arrow is his. He says no, and asks what it is. Susie sticks the arrow onto his nose and knocks him down. On his back, Calvin says that for a girl, she's remarkably perceptive."
"No text. Calvin has a bat on his shoulder and flips a baseball into the air. He swings and misses, as the ball falls to the ground. Calvin storms off dragging his bat on the ground behind him. He comes back with a golf club and prepares to hit the ball lying on the ground."
"Give me some cookies, or I light the fuse and send us all to kingdom come. What did you do, stick a piece of string into a hot dog? For heaven't sake, don't waste food, Calvin. Give me that. Can I have any cookies? No. Go play outside. I sure wish I could get my hands on some REAL dynamite. Can I have the hot dog, or did your Mom take it? Calvin tells Mom to give him some cookies or he'll light the fuse and send them all to kingdom come. He has something in his hand. Mom looks at him and sees he tied a string to a hot dog. She tells him not to waste food and takes the hot dog from Calvin. He asks if he can have some cookies. Mom says no. Calvin says he wishes he could get his hands on some real dynamite. Hobbes asks if he can have the hot dog, or did Mom take it."
"I brought a scary story out, so we're all set. What's it called? 'The hideous monster who waits in your back yard to dismember you.' Gosh, this is the creepiest story I've ever heard! Don't stop. Keep reading. 'Slowly the bog monster approached the innocent campers. Fangs glistening in the moonlight, it ...' What was that noise? Oh, stop it. This is scary enough. No, really. I heard something! Listen! SNAP! It's the bog monster! Oh, no!! Oh, no!! Quick, turn out the flashlight! Lie still! CRUNCH CRACK It's coming this way! We're doomed! It's getting closer and closer! ZIPPPPP! Oh, my gosh, its... it's opening the tent flap! It's coming in! AIEE! There it is! Blind it with the flashlight! Pull down the tent poles! Run, Hobbes, RUN! What are you doing in here?! Where's your Dad? He just went out to check on you. The bog monster must've got him! WHERE'S THAT KID?! Calvin and Hobbes are sleeping in a tent in the backyard. They're reading a scary story. The bog monster approached the innocent campers. Fangs glisten. Hobbes hears a noise. Calvin tells him the story is scary enough. SNAP! It must be the bog monster. Hobbes tells Calvin to turn off the flashlight. There is crunching and cracking outside the tent. Calvin says they're doomed. Hobbes says it's getting closer. They hear the tent flap being zipped. It's coming in. They scream, blind the bog monster with the flashlight, pull down the tent ropes, and run for it. Calvin sits on Mom's lap. She asks what he's doing in there, Dad had just gone out to check on him. As Dad yells from outside, Calvin tells Mom the bog monster must have gotten him."
"Everything floats randomly in the romm! There's no gravity! Calvin pushes off the ceiling at a sharp angle, aiming for the hallway! He glides with unchecked momentum, turning himself to be able to push off the next stationary surface. C'mon, you! Outside! You're really bouncing off the walls today. Aw, Mom! Calvin floats around the room. There is no gravity. Calvin pushes off the ceiling and aims for the hallway. He glides with unchecked momentum. He turns himself so he can push off the next stationary surface. Mom scoots Calvin outside. She says he's really bouncing off the walls today."
"Extra pants... Three shirts, two seaters, two sweatshirts... Another pair of pants... Still trying to learn to ride that bicycle, eh? I don't need any comments from you. Calvin puts on extra pants, three shirts, two sweaters, two sweatshirts, and another pair of pants. He waddles toward the door. Hobbes asks if he's still trying to learn to ride his bicycle. Calvin says he doesn't need any comments from Hobbes."
"A shadow falls over the large city skyscrapers! It's a gigantic ant! With one footstep, it pulverizes the entire downtown! Millions die instantly! The ant brushes the city off the map! People flood the streets in panic, only to be smashed in the horrible wreckage! Well... maybe I won't... A shadow falls over the city's skyscrapers. It's a gigantic ant. One step pulverizes downtown. Millions die instantly. The ant brushes the city off the map. People flood to the streets in panic, only to be smashed in the wreckage. Calvin has his foot above an ant hill, ready to smash it. He decides maybe he won't."
"What are you doing, Susie? Drawing on the sidewalk. Wow! Can I too? Sure. Here's some chalk. Gosh, I've never been a vandal before! This isn't vandalism. It washes right off! Calvin asks Susie what she's doing. She's drawing on the sidewalk. Calvin asks if he can join in. Susie hands him some chalk. Calvin starts drawing. He says he's never been a vandal before. Susie tells him this isn't vandalism. The chalk washes right off. Calvin flips the chalk down and walks off."
"OK, I feel one coming. Are you ready? Ready. ACHOOO POOF Did you get it? Yep! See, here it comes. Boy, that's a good one! Why can't my school portraits ever look like this? Calvin feels one coming. He tells Hobbes to get ready. As he sneezes, Hobbes shoots the picture. Calvin asks if he got it. Hobbes shows him the picture. Calvin has his mouth open, sneezing. Calvin wonders why his school pictures can't look like that."
"Don't come in here! Why not? I'm roasting. You'll get hair in the water. Go do something else. HEY! Stop that! HEY! HEY! You think you've won, huh? Well, I'm not even going to TELL you what I did. ACKPTH! Calvin is in the toy pool. He tells Hobbes not to get in. Hobbes is roasting. Calvin tells him he'll get hair in the water. Hobbes deliberately rubs some hair into the pool. Calvin yells for him to stop that. Calvin gets out of the pool. Hobbes climbs in. With an evil look on his face, Calvin asks Hobbes if he thinks he won. He says he's not even going to tell Hobbes what he did in the pool. Hobbes gets a horrified look."
"Well, summer is almost over, it sure went quick, didn't it? Yep. There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. Calvin and Hobbes are riding the wagon down the hill. Hobbes says summer is almost over, and it went by quickly. Calvin says there is never enough time to do all the nothing you want."
"TRIP BAP WHACK BAP Calvin trips over a rock and falls face first to the ground. He gets up angrily, and he kicks the rock. He starts to walk off. The rock hits something and bounces back, hitting Calvin in the head, knocking him face first to the ground."
"I'm hungry. Too bad. Breakfast isn't until tomorrow. My tummy's growling. Hush. Most people don't sleep well next to a hungry tiger. Sometimes I sure wish I had a dog. More tuna and less mayonnaise. Calvin and Hobbes are in bed. Hobbes is hungry. Calvin tells him breakfast isn't until tomorrow. Hobbes' stomach is growling. Calvin tells him to be quiet. Hobbes reminds him most people don't sleep well next to a hungry tiger. Calvin's eyes open. In the kitchen, he's making Hobbes a sandwich. He says sometimes he wishes he had a dog. Hobbes tells him more tuna and less mayonnaise."
"Oh, no! There's a tyrannosaurus in the grocery store! The dinosaur heads for the meat department and devours the butcher! Shoppers everywhere flee for their lives! It's mayhem, destruction and carnage, in the aisles! Oh, no! Calvin, can't I take you ANYWHERE?! Now the tyrannosaurus wants cookies! There's a tyrannosaurus in the grocery store. It heads for the meat department and devours the butcher. Shoppers flee for their lives. It's mayhem, destruction, and carnage in the aisles. Mom sees Calvin has knocked cans off the grocery shelves. She asks if she can't take him anywhere. Calvin, arms out and teeth bared, now wants cookies."
"Planet Calvin moves across the solar system. Nobody notices until his orbit takes him directly between the sun and earth. Calvin causes a total solar eclipse! Earch is shrouded in darknes. How long will Calvin stay there? Could you move, please? You're in my light. HA HA HAAA! Planet Calvin moves across the solar system. Nobody notices him until his orbit takes him between the sun and the earth. He causes a solar eclipse. The earth is in darkness. How long will Calvin stay there? Mom is trying to read a book, and Calvin is standing on the back of the sofa blocking light from the lamp."
"Election day is coming up. Have you decided on a running mate? Sure. You can't be elected Dad without a MOM, right? Are you going to keep the Mom I've had, or get a NEW running mate? Gee... Bedtime, Calvin. Of course I'll stick with your Mom. Aww. Calvin reminds Dad Election Day is coming and asks if he's chosen a running mate. Dad asks what he means. Calvin informs him you can't be elected Dad without a Mom. Calvin asks if he's going to keep the Mom Calvin's"