"There's quite a breeze up here. I'm really moving. There's the river and the town triangle. HEY, DOWN THERE! My name is Calvin! Tell my tiger, Hobbes, I'm blowing away on a balloon! CAN ANYONE HERE ME? TELL HOBBES HE CAN'T READ MY COMIC BOOKS JUST 'CAUSE I'M NOT AROUND, OK? ... OH YEAH, TELL MY PARENTS WHAT HAPPENED TOO, ALL RIGHT? HELLO? HELLO? Calvin is really moving with his balloon. He sees the river and the town triangle below. Calvin yells down for someone to tell his tiger that he's blowing away on a balloon. He yells to see if anyone can hear him. He adds to tell Hobbes that he can't read Calvin's comic books, just because he isn't there. Finally, he adds to tell his parents what happened."
"My hands are getting tired. I'll tie the balloon string onto my belt loop. There ... WHOOP SHOOF If a plane comes along now, I'm going to die. Calvin's hands are getting tired. He decides to tie the balloon string onto his belt loop. After he does that, he flips upside down. The balloon pulls his pants down a little, his shirt falls over his head, and his underwear is showing as he hangs. He says that if a plane comes along now, he's going to die."
"Well, I suppose things don't get worse than hanging from a helium balloon a mile above some unrecognized state. Of course, my grip could weaken, or I could get sucked into a jet intake. That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse. Calvin, now rightside up, supposes it doesn't get any worse than hanging from a helium balloon a mile over some unrecognized state. He thinks about it, and decides he could get sucked into a jet intake or his grip could weaken. As a bird comes near, he says that's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse."
"Boy, I'm just going higher and higher. I suppose eventually the pressure in the balloon will be greater than the air pressure around it, and the balloon will ... POP! Calvin is just going higher and higher. He supposes eventually the pressure in the balloon will be greater than the air pressure around it, and the balloon will....POP! A horrified look comes upon Calvin's face, and down he falls."
"Here's 'Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie.' You might like this story. Yeah? How good can it be if it hasn't been made into an animated TV show? I hope tonight's story isn't as boring as LAST night's was. It put me right to sleep. Don't worry. THIS story will keep you up all night. Really? What is it? It's called 'The disembodied hand that strangled people.' Gosh, this is great! How creepy! I NEVER get a scary story! A disembodied hand! Wow! And now you know what's REALLY scary? They never found it! To this day, nobody knows where the hand is. In fact, the hand could ... OH NO! THERE IT IS! IT'S G-GOT ME!! GAKK!! ... Calvin? ... Calvin? ... I should've thought of that years ago. Dad is going to read a bedtime story to Calvin. Calvin hopes it's not as boring as last night's. That put him right to sleep. Dad promises tonight's story will keep him up all night. It's called 'The Disembodied Hand that Strangled People'. Calvin is all excited, he's never gotten a scary story. Dad tells him the scary part is that they never found the hand. It could be anywhere. Dad puts his arm inside his sweater and grabs his throat. He yells 'Oh no!! There it is!' . Calvin's eyes bulge out. Dad chokes out that it's got him. Calvin falls back onto the bed. Dad checks to see if Calvin has passed out. Calvin has. Dad walks out of the room saying he should have thought of that years ago."
"This has got to be a dream. Whenever you fall two miles up in the sky, you look down, gasp, and suddenly wake up. GASP GASP GASP GASP GASP As Calvin plummets back to the ground, he says this must be a dream. He says when you fall from two miles up in the sky, you look down and gasp. Then you wake up. Calvin looks down and gasps. He keeps gasping as he keeps falling to the ground."
"I wonder if my life will flash before my eyes. That's the problem with being six years old ... my life won't take very long to watch. Maybe I can get a few slow-motion replays of the time I smacked Susie upside the head with a slushball. Calvin wonders if his life will flash in front of his eyes. He keeps tumbling down. He says that's the problem with being six years old, his life won't take very long to watch. He hopes he can get a few slow-motion replays of the time he smacked Susie upside the head with a slushball."
"Say, I wonder if I have any gum in my pocket. I could blow a big bubble, and ... Nope. No gum. Let's try THIS pocket. MY TRANSMOGRIFIER GUN!! Boy, these things come in handy all the time. Calvin continues to fall. He thinks about having gum in his pocket, then blowing a big bubble. No gum in that pocket. He tries the other. He finds his transmogrifier gun. Calvin says those things come in handy all the time."
"Where have you been?? I've been calling and calling. You're dinner's cold, I'm sure. I drifted away on my balloon and it popped, but fortunately I had my transmogrifier, so after I mistakenly turned myself into a safe, I transmogrified into a light particle and zipped back home instantaneously. ... Of course, If I'd known we were having THIS, I wouldn't have hurried. Sometime you should try transmogrifying yourself into someone who occasionally makes an ounce of sense. Mom and Dad are at the dinner table. Mom asks Calvin where he's been. Calvin explains that drifted away on his balloon which popped. Then, he remembered his transmogrifier gun. After mistakenly turning himself into a safe, he transmogrified into a light particle and zipped back home instantaneously. Calvin sits at the table. He looks at his meal. He then says that if he had known they were having that for dinner, he wouldn't have hurried. Mom tells him to sometime try transmogrifying into someone who occasionally makes an ounce of sense."
"Calvin, I'd like you to pick up all the sticks and fallen branches in the yard, so I can mow it. Will you pay me? Well ... OK, I'll pay you a dollar. A dollar? I won't do it for less than twenty-five!! In a minute, you'll do it for nothing just because I told you to. ... I'll take the dollar. Smart kid. Dad wants Calvin to pick up the sticks and fallen branches in the yard so he can mow it. Calvin asks if Dad will pay him. Dad says he'll pay one dollar. Calvin is indignant. He says he won't do it for less than twenty-five. Dad reminds him in a minute, he'll do it for free because he told him to. Calvin says he'll take the dollar."
"I GOT A HIT! SAFE! OK, that was a single. I have a ghost runner here now, so I can bat again. And my ghost runners who were on first and second base are now on second and third, right? Nope, they're both out. OUT? My ghost outfielder tagged your ghost going to third, and thre to my ghost second baseman. It was a brilliant double play. THAT NEVER HAPPENED! You've got two outs. Well, my ghost on first just stole home, so I've got another run! Ha ha, smarty! Yeah, well, all my outfield ghosts just ran in and beat the tobacco juice out of him. Ha! The ghost umpire just suspended all your ghosts for eternity. They're out of the game. Hmph! If my ghosts don't play, I don't play. You forfeit the game then! You lose automatically if you quit! The ghost crowd supports me. They're 'boo'-ing you! Sometimes I wish I lived in a neighborhood with more kids. Calvin and Hobbes are playing baseball. Calvin gets a single, so he has a ghost runner on first while he goes back to bat. His earlier ghost base runners advance. Hobbes calls them out. He says his ghost outfielder tagged Calvin's ghost runner and threw to the ghost second baseman. Hobbes says Calvin has two outs. Calvin angrily says his ghost runner from first base stole home, and he has another run. Hobbes says his ghost outfielders ran in and beat the tobacco juice out of Calvin's ghost runner. Calvin declares the ghost umpire suspended Hobbes' ghosts for eternity. Hobbes flips his glove off saying if his ghosts don't play, he doesn't play. Calvin declares a forfeit. Hobbes loses. Hobbes says the ghost crowd supports him. He says they're 'boo'ing Calvin. Calvin sometime wishes he lived in a neighborhood with more kids."
"Let's go, Calvin! We're all ready! Boy, I haven't been to the zoo in ages. And Calvin's never been there. This will be fun. I've been telling him about it all week. He's so excited. C'MON, CALVIN! So WHERE do we have to go now? Beats ME. Mom and Dad are always dragging us to SOME dumb place. Dad calls up the stairs for Calvin. They're ready to go to the zoo. Dad hasn't been to the zoo in ages. Mom says Calvin never has been. Mom has been telling Calvin about the zoo trip all week. She says he's so excited. Dad yells up again for Calvin. Calvin and Hobbes are in his room reading comic books. Hobbes asks where they have to go now. Calvin says it beats him. He says Mom and Dad are always dragging them some dumb place."
"How come alligators are in this big pit? So they don't get out and eat people. Does the zoo ever throw anyone in? Don't be silly. Of course not. How soon until we got hom? Dad holds Calvin up so he can see into the alligator pit. Calvin asks why they're in a pit. Dad explains it's so they don't get out and eat people. Calvin asks if the zoo ever throws anyone in. Dad tells him no. Calvin looks a little longer. Dad puts him down, and Calvin asks how soon until they go home."
"Look! Monkeys! See how they use their tails and feet to climb? Zoos let people see how wild animals really behave. Hey, look what THAT monkey's doing! Right in public, too! Ha ha! That's gross! How come I'M not allowed to do that?! Come look at the birds over here, Calvin."
"What do you think of the zoo? I think it's kind of depressing. I always feel sorry for the animals. They don't have much room to move or anything to do. They just sleep until they're fed. That's pretty much all YOU do. You know what I mean. Calvin asks Hobbes what he thinks of the zoo. Hobbes thinks it's kind of depressing. Hobbes feels sorry for the animals. They don't have much room to move, nor anything to do. He says they just sleep until they're fed. Calvin says that's pretty much all Hobbes does. Hobbes tells him he knows what he meant."
"Hey, those kids are feeding the animals! Mom, can I get some peanuts to feed the animals? I'm not your Mom. WHOOP Are you lost? What does your Mom look like? From the knees down, she looks just like you. Calvin says there are some kids feeding the animals. Calvin pulls on Mom's skirt and asks if he can get some peanuts to feed to the animals. The skirt he pulled isn't his Mom's. It's someone else. She tells Calvin she's not his Mom, and Calvin is shocked. The woman asks if Calvin is lost. She asks what his Mom looks like. Calvin tells her that from the knees down, Mom looks just like her."
"Gosh, I followed that lady halfway around the zoo, thinking she was my Mom. Why don't Moms write their names on their calves so this kind of thing wouldn't happen? I wonder where I am. And where's Hobbes? I thought he was right with me. Uh oh. Where's Calvin? Why do these little family trips always turn out this way? I'm going to spend more Saturdays at the office. Calvin says he followed that lady halfway around the zoo, think it was Mom. He wonders why Mom's don't write their names on their calves so that type thing doesn't happen. He wonders where he is, and he wonders where Hobbes is. Mom sees Hobbes on the zoo bench. She asks where Calvin is. Dad says these little family trips always turn out this way. He plans on spending more Saturdays at the office."
"Rustle rustle zing! WHAM! We tigers just LIVE for that! Not for long, you won't! Hobbes sneaks behind a tree, then through some tall grass. He crouches, ready to attack. Calvin is unsuspectingly playing in his sandbox. He's covered in shadow, and he looks up. Hobbes crashes down on him. Hobbes brushes off his arms and says tigers just live for that. Calvin, peeking up from the sand, says that he won't for long."
"Here's Hobbes, but where's Calvin? I don't see him. Where could he have gone? We just turned our backs for a minute. And why didn't he take Hobbes? You stay here in case he comes back, and I'll go look for him. OK. (sigh) Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time. Mom and Dad look around for Calvin. Mom says they just turned their backs for a minute. Dad wonders why he didn't take Hobbes. Dad tells Mom to stay at the bench in case Calvin returns. He's going to go look for him. Dad complains that being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time."
"Sheesh. Calvin could be anywhere in this zoo. I hope he at least has the sense to stay put, wherever he is. Where would the little rotter go if he was lost and separated from his stuffed toy? HIS NAME IS HOBBES, AND HE'S ... HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU!! TIGERS Panthera Tigris Dad figures Calvin could be anywhere at the zoo. He looks around and says he hopes Calvin has the sense to stay put, wherever he is. He wonders where the little rotter would go if he was lost and separated from his stuffed toy. Calvin leans over the wall at the tiger cage and is yelling in to them to listen to him tell them about Hobbes."
"I know! Maybe Calvin't at the tiger pit, since he likes tigers so much. Ha ha, maybe Calvin's IN the tiger pit, since he likes tigers so much. Dad gets an idea. He thinks Calvin might be at the tiger pit, because he likes them so much. He starts walking. He chuckles as he thinks maybe Calvin will be in the tiger pit, since he likes them so much. He starts running."
"You found him! Thank goodness! Where was he? Looking at the tigers. I followed another lady, thinking it was Mom, and then when I realized I was lost, I went to ask the tigers if they'd seen Hobbes. Next time, you should ask a PERSON for help. ... Oh ... that never occurred to me. Only next time, there won't BE a"
"Do you know what day it is? Nope. Why? Oh, no reason. I was just curious. I sure like summer vacation. Calvin and Hobbes are lying under a tree. Calvin asks if Hobbes knows what day it is. Hobbes doesn't, and he wonders why Calvin asked. Calvin replies there was no reason, he was just curious. They start to doze off. Calvin says he sure likes summer vacation."
"So you want some water, huh? Well, I've got a big can of it here. It's up to ME to decide whether you get water or not! I control your fate! Your very LIVES are in my hands. Without ME you're as good as dead! Without ME, you don't ... Calvin looks at a couple flowers. He has a water can with him. He asks the flowers if they want some water. He says it's up to him whether the flowers get water or not. He controls their fate. Their lives are in his hands. Without Calvin, they're as good as dead. Without him, they don't.... It starts pouring. Calvin frowns."
"Wow! How did you ever get so muddy? Well, I was just standing there, minding my own business, when all of a sudden, a horde of dirty cannibals comes ... forget it. Boy, what a delightful afternoon. Sometimes I feel like I work all the time to afford this place, and I never get to sit back with a good book and enjoy it. Well, at least I have the weekends to ... CALVIN! YOU GOT MUD ALL OVER THE HOUSE! LOOK AT YOU! AIEE THE COUCH! WHAT'D YOU DO?! DID YOU WALK ACROSS THE COUCH?! I DIDN'T DO IT! SOMEONE ELSE MUST HAVE! I JUST SAW A MUDDY GUY GO RUNNING FROM ... OUT! OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW! OK, OK! I'M GOING! YOU DON'T NEED TO PUSH! I CAN TELL WHEN I'M NOT WANTED! HEY! LEGGO! OW! ALL RIGHT, GOODBYE! Hey, Dad, catch the water balloon! Great reflexes, Dad. By the way, don't go in the house like that. Mom's in one of her moods again. I'll bet I could get a lot of work done at office on weekends. Dad leans back in his chair. He says he sometimes feels like he works all the time to afford his place, and he never gets a chance to sit back with a good book and enjoy it. As he's commenting he has his weekends to enjoy things, he hears Mom yelling at Calvin. He's tracked mud all over the house. She shrieks when she sees the couch Calvin has walked across. Calvin says he saw a muddy guy go running. Mom makes Calvin go outside. Calvin yells that he knows when he's not wanted. Finally, there is quiet. Then Calvin tosses a water balloon at Dad and tells him to catch. Dad gets soaked. Calvin walks away saying Dad has good reflexes. He adds not to go into the house like that, Mom is in one of her moods. Dad thinks he could get a lot of work done on the weekends."
"Mom? What, Calvin? You know the living room couch? What about it? Don't you think it's too wide? I was just ASKING! Mom is painting something when Calvin yells for her. He asks if she knows the living room couch. When Mom asks what about it, Calvin asks if she thinks it's too wide. Horrified, Mom puts the paint down and goes to the living room. Calvin is standing with a saw behind his back. He tells Mom he was just asking."
"Wind wind RUMBLE Oh, no! POW! IT WASN'T TUNA! IT WAS PINEAPPLE! SEE?! All cans sound the same. Calvin starts opening a can. He hears rumbling, realizes what's about to happen, and covers his eyes. Hobbes comes slamming into him. Calvin angrily picks up a chunk and shows Hobbes he was opening a can of pineapple, not tuna. Hobbes tells him all cans sound the same."
"The problem with having a tiger for a friend is that he always appears out of nowhere, coming at you at 90 miles an hour! AAH! *Whew* I thought I heard him. ... Gosh, my heart is still pounding. Where IS he?? Oh, THERE'S Hobbes. Thank goodness. You haven't been looking well, Calvin. Maybe you should go to bed earlier. Calvin looks jittery as he walks along. He says the problem having a tiger for a friend is that he appears out of nowhere, coming right at you at 90 miles an hour. He looks around, startled. Calvin wipes his brow. He thought"