"FWOOSH As if life isn't short enough. Calvin fills a water balloon with an evil grin on his face. He sneaks behind a tree. He sneaks over behind a barrel. He comes up behind the tree Hobbes is sleeping under. Calvin lifts the water balloon, and Hobbes says 'As if life isn't short enough' without opening his eyes. Calvin stops, sets the balloon down, an lies down under the tree with a frown on his face."
"You know what we need, Hobbes? We need an attitude. An attitude? Yeah. You can't be cool if you don't have an attitude. Really? Sure. They're all the rage. Now what kind of attitude could WE have? We could be courteously deferential. Oh, good. That's REAL cool. Calvin tells Hobbes they need an attitude. Calvin goes on to explain you can't be cool if you don't have an attitude. Hobbes is puzzled. Calvin tells him they're all the rage. He wonders what kind of attitude they could have. Hobbes suggests being courteously deferential. Calvin rolls his eyes and sarcastically says 'that's real cool'."
"I've decided to be a fatalist. All events are preordained and unalterable. Whatever will be will be. That way, if anything bad happens, it's not my fault. It's fate. TRIP WAUGH! Too bad you were fated to do that. THAT WASN'T FATE! Calvin announces he's decided to become a fatalist. He explains that all events are preordained and unalterable. Anything bad that happens isn't his fault, but is fate. Hobbes then trips Calvin, causing him to fall to the ground. Hobbes tells Calvin it's too bad he was fated to do that. Calvin yells up that it wasn't fate."
"Do you think grown-ups will have the world fixed up by the time they hand it over to us? Not the way they're going. That's what I thought. I guess that means it's up to US then. Somehow I'm not reassured. Ha! When I'm president, I'll have things whipped into shape in no time. Calvin and Hobbes are riding their wagon down the hill. Calvin asks if grown-ups will have the world fixed by the time they hand it over to young people. Hobbes doesn't think so, and Calvin agrees. As the wagon rolls onto the pier, Calvin says it's up to them. As the wagon sails into the air, with Calvin and Hobbes falling into the water, Hobbes says that he's not reassured. Calvin says that when he's president, he'll have things whipped into shape in no time."
"Either we've got to get a catcher, or you've got to improve your pitching. Calvin is walking down the sidewalk with a baseball bat in his hand. On he walks, until he comes to a baseball lying on the grass. He picks it up and starts walking back. He hands the ball to Hobbes. Calvin tells him either they have to get a catcher, or Hobbes has to improve his pitching."
"Gosh, it sure looks like rain. Rain? What are you talking about? There isn't a cloud in the sky! You don't think it looks like rain? No. Go away and stop being silly. Mom is gardening, and Calvin comes up saying it looks like rain. Mom looks up and says there isn't a cloud in the sky. Calvin asks if she doesn't think it looks like rain. Mom says no and tells him to go away and quit being silly. Calvin walks away. He sneaks back within a few feet of Mom and places the water sprinkler on the ground."
"OK, out of the hammock. What do you mean? This isn't YOUR hammock. It's MY turn. I was here first. It's your turn when I'm done. If you won't get out, then I'm coming in with you. Lick heck you are! This crummy hammock always sags. Calvin tells Hobbes to get out of the hammock. Hobbes tells him it's not his hammock. Calvin says it's his turn, but Hobbes tells him to wait until he's finished. Calvin tries to climb into the hammock with Hobbes. Hobbes tries fighting him off. Later, Dad is trying to enjoy the hammock, but it's dragging on the ground. He says the crummy hammock always sags."
"Do you see any snapping turtles, eels or leeches in there? Nope. So far, our expedition is a failure. How's the water? Absolutely frigid. My feet are completely numb. If I go in just a half inch every ten minutes, I can stand it. Getting your swimsuit wet is the worst part, though. As soon as it touches the water, it soaks up and clings to you and gets you wet before you're ready. Why don't you just jump in and get it over with? Are you kidding? The shock would kill me! It's better to go in a wee bit at a time. No, it's better to do it all at once. It's worse to drag it out. You must've been dropped when you were little. I'll show you! Look out! NO! NO! NO! SPLOOSH! Brr-r-r-r! Maybe you were right. WE'LL NEVER NOW NOW, WILL WE?!? Calvin is in his swim trunks, slowly getting into the water. Hobbes asks how the water is, and Calvin tells him his feet are completely numb. He says if he goes in a half-inch at a time, he can stand it. He complains his trunks touch the water, stick to him, and get him wet before he's ready. Hobbes wonders why he doesn't just jump in to get it over with. Calvin says the shock would kill him. He thinks it's better to do it a wee bit at a time. Hobbes thinks it's better to do it all at once. Hobbes decides to show Calvin, so he jumps into the water. Calvin yells for him not to. SPLOOSH! Hobbes shivers and thinks Calvin might have been right. Calvin, soaked, says now they'll never know."
"Hey look! Mom and Dad are throwing duffel bags in the car. They're going on vacation! At last! Finally we get the house to ourselves! We can stay up late and watch TV! We can eat cookies for dinner! We ... What are you doing up here still? C'mon, let's go. Me? Go? Where? On vacation! What have we been planning all month? With you and Mom?? What kind of vacation is THAT?! Calvin sees Mom and Dad loading duffel bags into the car. They're going on vacation. Calvin is thrilled. He and Hobbes will have the house to themselves. They can stay up late and can eat cookies for dinner. Dad opens the door and asks why Calvin is still in his room. He tells him to go. Calvin wonders what he's talking about. Dad tells him they're all going on vacation. They've been planning it all month. Calvin wonders what kind of vacation will it be if he has to go with Mom and Dad."
"So where are we going? I sure hope we're not camping again this year? Well, we are. Oh, no! Why do we have to go camping?! I HATE camping! Swatting mosquitoes while lying frozen and cramped on bumpy rocks. With no TV and only canned food to eat, is NOT my idea of a good time! That's why we brought bug spray. Look, just let me out here, OK? I'll hitch home and see you when you get back, all right? As the family is driving along, Calvin hopes they're not camping this year. He's told they are, which doesn't please Calvin. He complains about swatting mosquitos while lying frozen and cramped on rocks, no TV, and only canned food to eat. Dad cheerfully tells him that's why they brought bug spray. Calvin tells Dad to let him out. He'll hitch a ride home and see them when they return."
"Remember last year, when it rained all week? It poured so hard we couldn't even make a fire. Without question, that was one of the worst experiences of my life. Yes, but it built character. Oh sure. Why can't I ever build character at a Miami condo or a casino somewhere? As they're paddling a canoe to the campground, Calvin reminds them of last year's vacation. It rained so hard they couldn't make a fire. He says it was one of the worst experiences of his life. Dad replies that it built character. Calvin asks why he can never build character at a Miami condo or a casino somewhere."
"Well, here we are! Home away from home! OK Calvin. You get out with your Mom, and I'll hand our gear to you. Now don't drop this. It's very ... oops. Don't worry, Dad. It's only about ten feet deep. I can see that camera and everything. I'm going to feed you to the sea gulls, kid. Dear, you came here to relax. They paddle up to their campground. Calvin and Mom get out so Dad can hand over the gear. As Dad is telling Calvin not to drop the gear he's handing him, down it falls into the water. Calvin tells Dad not to worry. The water is only ten feet deep, and he can see the camera and everything. Dad replies that he's going to feed Calvin to the sea gulls. Mom tells him he came to relax."
"Gosh, this water's cold! Here, that's all I could find down there. Go get me a towel, Calvin. It never fails. The one bag the kid dumps in the drink has all the fragile and perishable items in it. Well, the week can only improve from here. One would like to THINK so. Hey, Dad, did you mean to stack the tackle box and all this on your glasses? Dad retrieves everything he can see in the water. He asks Calvin to get him a towel. Dad is dripping as he gets out of the water, complaining that the one bag Calvin drops into the water has all the fragile and perishable things in it. Mom tells him the week can only improve. Dad hopes so. Calvin asks Dad if he meant to stack the tackle box and all the other stuff on his glasses."
"Boy, don't go near Dad. What a grouch! I don't see why he can't be civil just because I accidentally dropped a duffel bag overboard and he broke his glasses. Are you going to tell him he left the car lights on back where we got the canoe? I think YOU should tell him. Calvin tells Hobbes not to go near Dad, he's a grouch. Calvin can't see why Dad can't be civil just because Calvin dropped a duffel bag overboard and Dad broke his glasses. They walk along a downed tree trunk. Hobbes asks if Calvin told Dad that he left the car lights on back where they picked up the canoe. Calvin thinks Hobbes should tell him."
"What's the score? Ten billion to one, my favor. IT'S NOT! Then keep track yourself. WHAP! Ha! It wen't straight up! Easy out! Easy out! You're not even going to run, eh? I don't blame you. You're as good as out. Bink! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! That's two hits in one pitch! This run counts double! Calvin and Hobbes are playing baseball. Hobbes pops the ball straight up. Calvin comes in for the catch. He tells Hobbes this is an easy out. Hobbes just stands there. Calvin asks if he isn't going to run. He doesn't blame Hobbes because he's as good as out. Calvin has his glove ready to make the catch. Hobbes sticks the bat out and taps it away before the ball can fall into Calvin's glove. Calvin complains that Hobbes can't do that. Hobbes takes off running. He claims that's two hits on one pitch, so the run will count double."
"Hey, Mom, Dad and I are going fishing. Don't you want to come along? Uggh, no. The last thing I want to see at this ungodly hour is a bunch of slimy fish gasping and flopping in the slop at the bottom of a boat. All I'D like to see is a decent newspaper, a fresh muffin, and a pot of real coffee. Why'd we ever come HERE then? Go ask Conan the Barbarian. C'mon, Calvin. I'll teach you to put a work on a hook. Calvin calls into the tent Mom is sleeping in. He and Dad are going fishing, and he asks if Mom doesn't want to come along. She sleepily says no, she doesn't want to see slimy fish gasping and flopping in the bottom of the boat. She goes on to say all she wants is a decent newspaper, a fresh muffin, and a pot of real coffee. Calvin then asks why did they come to this spot for a vacation. She suggests he ask 'Conan the Barbarian'. Dad comes up with a smile on his face, offering to show Calvin how to put a worm on a hook."
"Ahhh, what a day! Up at dawn! Fresh air! Tranquility! No demands, no phones, no pressure! The whole day is one's own! Isn't this great? Isn't this the life? Spaceman Spiff, a prisoner on the Zong slave galley, plans his daring overboard escape! Ahh, what a day! Dad is paddling the canoe with Calvin at the bow. Dad says what a day. He talks about the fresh air, being up at dawn, the tranquility, no demands, phones, or pressures. He says 'Isn't this the life'. Spaceman Spiff, a prisoner on the Zog space galley, plans his daring overboard escape."
"Gosh, I could look at the stars all night. Without the streetlights or pollution here, it seems like you can see forever into space. SNAP CRUNCH Of course, if you've seen one star, you've seen them all. True, true. Shall we mosey on the back to the tent?"
"Look, Mom, the water is up to my knees. See? See? Look, Mom! The water's up to my knees. See? Look where the water is! Now look! The water is HIGHER than my knees! See? Look, Mom! See? I'm enthralled, Calvin. YOU'RE NOT EVEN LOOKING! Calvin is standing in the water. He tells Mom that he's up to his knees. He keeps telling her about looking where the water is, he's up to his knees. He steps in a bit further and starts telling Mom about being in above his knees. He keeps telling her to look. Mom is lying on a beach towel, in sunglasses, reading a book. She says she's enthralled. Calvin yells back that she's not even looking."
"Watcha doin', Dad? Painting a picture? Yep. What's that thing? A brontosaurus with rabies? It's that island over there. Oh. How far can you see without your glasses? Can you see ME? When I look up, I'd better not be able to. Calvin comes up to Dad, who's sitting on a rock painting a picture. Calvin asks what he's painting, a brontosaurus with rabies? Dad tells him he's painting the island across the way. Calvin waves his hands and asks Dad how far he can see without his glasses. Can he see him? Dad says that when he looks up, he better not be able to."
"Hi, Mom! Mm. Dad's painting a picture, but it's not coming out so hot, and he's in a really stinky mood. It's like, I asked him one little question and he nearly bit my head off! I mean, it's not as if I ruined his lousy picture, right? Why should ... CALVIN, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO READ? Ever notice how tense grown-ups get when they're recreating? Mom is reading a book. Calvin comes up to her and starts telling her about Dad painting a picture. He comments on how the picture isn't coming out so hot, and Dad's in a bad mood. Calvin continues telling Mom about how he just asked one question, and Dad nearly bit his head off. He says it isn't his fault his picture is ruined. Mom yells to Calvin that she's trying to read. Calvin walks off telling Hobbes grown-ups get tense when they're recreating."
"Si-i-i-i-ix ... fi-i-i-i-ive ... four-r-r-r ... threetwoone TAG! You're 'it'! THAT'S NOT FAIR! TAG! I GOTCHA! OK, now I'm 'it' and I have to catch YOU. But what about a penalty? Don't you go to 'jail' and do pushups first? No, I'm just 'it'. There aren't any penalties. None?? Don't I even get free hits? Free hits?! NO, you don't get free hits! Just, like, on the arm? I think you should have to get hit on the arm. I don't have to get hit at ALL! Well, what about an Indian burn then? Or noogies? Can I give you noogies? NO! I'M JUST 'IT'! THAT'S ALL THAT HAPPENS! OK, OK! That's all that happens. Sheesh. If you ask ME, though, any game without push-ups, hits or noogies is a sissy game. Calvin and Hobbes are playing tag. Calvin tackles Hobbes so that he's 'it'. Hobbes says that now he has to try to catch Calvin. Calvin asks if Hobbes doesn't have to go to jail or do push-ups. Hobbes says no, he's just 'it'. There are no penalties. Calvin asks if he gets free hits. Hobbes angrily says there are no free hits. Calvin thinks just a little one on the arm would be good. Hobbes tells him he doesn't have to be hit at all. Calvin presses for clarification. He asks about an Indian burn or noogies. Hobbes shouts no. He's 'it', and that's all that happens. Calvin says okay, but he thinks any game without push-ups, hits, burns, or noogies is a sissy game. Hobbes suggests that Calvin can get hit if he wants."
"There's nothing to DO here. That's sort of the point, don't you think? It's good to stop running around. Sometimes one should just look at things and think about things, without DOING things. You're certainly the expert on THAT. What I like is when you're looking and thinking and looking and thinking ... and suddenly you wake up. Calvin complains there is nothing to do at the campsite. Hobbes suggests that's the point. It's good to stop running around. Hobbes says that sometimes you should just look at things and think about things, without doing things. Calvin says Hobbes is certainly the expert at that. Hobbes likes it when you're looking and thinking, then you wake up."
"Mom, can Hobbes come in swimming with me? I don't think he'd better, Calvin. WHY NOT? Um ... tigers don't swim very well. They don't? Frankly, I'm not sure your Mom knows so much about tigers. Look, we just want to avoid an argument, right?"
"OK, Calvin, start packing up. We're going home. Now, now. These little outings are valuable experience. Yeah? How? They give us a chance to be together as a family and learn about ourselves. Like how we can't stand being in such close proximity with one another this long? Exactly. Dad tells Calvin to start packing, they're heading home. Calvin is glad. Dad tells him these little outings are valuable experiences. When Calvin asks how, Dad explains that they give them a chance to be together as a family and to learn about themselves. Calvin says like how they can't stand to be in such close proximity with one another so long. Dad says 'Exactly'."
"Z. Look at you. All you do is lie in the sun. I have to. How come? Tigers' tummies are solar cells. Year, right. Hobbes is lying on the floor sleeping. Calvin comes up to him and says all he does is lie in the sun. Hobbes says he has to. Calvin asks why. Hobbes explains that tigers' tummies are solar cells."
"Are you hot? Not really, why? It seems warm to me. Aren't you a LITTLE hot? Nope. Not even a wee bit? Just a smidgen? What have you got behind your back? Calvin is playing when Hobbes comes up and asks him if he's hot. Calvin says no, but wonders why he asks. Hobbes goes on to say it seems warm to him. He asks again whether Calvin feels hot. When Calvin again says no, Hobbes asks if he isn't a wee bit, a smidgen hot. Calvin notices Hobbes' hands are behind his back. He asks what he has behind his back. We see Hobbes is holding onto a water balloon."
"SUSIE, QUICK! GET HELP! Somebody filled my sandbox with quicksand! I'm sinking fast! Ack! Rrghh! Oh, right. Give me a break. Your gender would be a lot more tolerable if it wasn't so darn cynical. Calvin is in the sandbox, buried up to his waist. He reaches out to Susie and yells for her to get help. He says somebody filled his sandbox with quicksand, and he's sinking fast. Susie turns around and says to give her a break. Calvin yells back that her gender would be a lot more tolerable if it wasn't so darn cynical."
"Spaceman Spiff explores the outermost reaches of the universe. By popular request. Intrepid explorer Spaceman Spiff lands on an uncharted planet. What strange wonders will he discover here? Spiff sets out in search of sentient life! What a strange planet this is! It's surface is surpisingly soft and porous. And here curious geysers blast hot air! Suddenly it dawns on him! Spiff is not on the planet's surface at all! He's walking on a reclining alien!! Our hero sets his death ray blaster. Zz.. mmf hm? Spaceman Spiff lands on an uncharted planet. He sets out in search of life. It's a strange planet, it's surface is soft and porous. Curious geysers blast hot air. Suddenly, it dawns on him. He's not on the planet surface. He's on a reclining alien. Calvin aims his dart gun at a sleeping Dad. Calvin says that our hero sets his death ray blaster."
"This probably just goes to show something, but I sure don't know what. Calvin is standing there holding a balloon on a string. He starts floating up into the air. Higher and higher he goes as he clutches the string with both hands. As he floats along in the sky, he says this probably just goes to show you something, but he sure doesn't know what."