"Wow! I can't believe we found a dinosaur skull on our very first archealogical dig. It's completely intact, too! What a discovery! Maybe the rest of the skeleton is nearby! Yeah! If we can find the whole thing, we'll be world famous! With the grant money we'll get, we can buy a Porsche! How will THIS look on the cover of National Geographic? Calvin can't believe they found a dinosaur skull on their first archeological dig. Hobbes wonders if the rest of the skeleton is nearby. Calvin says that if they find it, they'll be world famous. Calvin thinks the grant money can buy a Porsche. Hobbes thinks his smiling face would look good on the cover of National Geographic."
"I found another bone! I found another bone! Boy, this is a weird one. What is it? It could be a forearm and fingers. I can't wait to see what the complete Calvinosaur looks like. I didn't know bones came in decorator colors, did you? Calvin is excited to find another bone. He wonders what it is. Hobbes holds up a fork. He thinks it could be a forearm and fingers. Calvin continues digging. He can't wait to see what the complete Calvinosaur looks like. Hobbes notices the bones come in decorator colors."
"The call goes out! We're on the move! Up through the winding maze! Faster! Faster! Calvin scrambles up the grainy tunnel! Out he pops into the blinding sun! Calvin the and rushes down the hill to the brick walk! Other ants rush around him in their mad hurry! Calvin tries to keep up! At least he reaches the monstrous dead caterpiller! Without pausing, he hoists it up! The queen demands his tireless toil! Calvin is back off to the ant-hill as fast as he can go! Work, work, work! That's what I'm good for around here! I hardly think picking up your room once in a while qualifies you as a slave. Calvin, the ant, comes out of the grainy tunnel and heads down the hill to the brick walk. Other ants are rushing around him. He reaches the monstrous dead caterpillar. Without pausing, he lifts it up. The queen demands his endless toil. Calvin heads back to the ant hill. Calvin is carrying a bundle of clothes. He's complaining that work is all he does around there. Mom, arms folded across her chest, tells him she hardly thinks Calvin picking up his room once in a while qualifies him as a slave."
"Gosh, look at all the dinosaur bones we discovered. Let's glue them together so we can see how they fit. Then you can draw a reconstruction of the actual dinosaur. After that, we'll write up our findings, and get them published in a scientific journal. Then we'll win the Nobel prize, get righ, and go on talk shows. What about babes? When do we get those? Calvin looks at all the bones they dug up. He suggests they glue the parts together to see how they fit. Then, they'll draw a reconstruction of the dinosaur. After that, they'll write up their findings and be published in a scientific journal. They'll win the Nobel prize, get rich, and go on talk shows. Hobbes wonders about when they get babes."
"Well. Here's the complete skeleton as near as I can figure out. Try to draw the dinosaur as it really looked with muscles and skin. What's it doing? Whistling? You tell me. Maybe it's puckering up. Calvin finishes constructing the bones together how he thinks they should be. He asks Hobbes to draw the dinosaur as it really looked, with skin and muscles. Hobbes finishes the picture. Since the 'dinosaur' has a Coke bottle for a skull, Hobbes' picture has the mouth open. Calvin wonders if it's whistling. Hobbes isn't sure, it might be puckering up."
See the dinosaur skeleton we discovered and assembled? I'm going to call the natural history museum and tell them they can have it for ten billion dollars. Those are ... um ... peculiar bones. Do you think I should ask for more money? That's not QUITE what I meant. Calvin shows Mom the skeleton he and Hobbes dug up. Calvin is going to call the Natural History Museum and offer it to them for ten billion dollars. Mom thinks those are peculiar bones. Calvin asks if he should ask for more money. That wasn't quite what Mom meant.
"Mom says she doesn't think we've found a skeleton at all. She says we just dug up some trash somebody littered. Our dinosaur is a fraud. I guess it wouldn't be right to sell it to a museum then. Not at full price, anyway. Calvin tells Hobbes that Mom doesn't think they found a skeleton at all. Mom says they just dug up some trash someone littered. Calvin says their dinosaur is a fraud. Hobbes laments that it wouldn't be right to sell the skeleton to a museum. Calvin suggests not at full price, anyway."
"Psst ... Susie! Can I copy your paper? NO. CALVIN! Calvin whispers to Susie, who's sitting in the desk ahead of Calvin. He wants to copy her paper. She tells him no. He sits and pouts. Then, he reaches into his desk for something. The teacher shouts his name when she sees him holding a periscope, looking over Susie's shoulder at her paper."
"This is Calvin, your captain speaking ... just to reassure you that, yes, there is someone up front. Calvin pilots the jet airliner across the country at 35,000 feet. He is given clearance to land. But what is this? A plane from a rival airplane is making for the same runway to shave precious minutes off its schedule! It's a 600 mph game of chicken! Calvin pulls back on the throttle and lurches ahead! The other pilot tries to cut Calvin off with a sudden drop in altitude! Calvin switches on the 'fasten seat belt' light in the cabin, and does a barrel roll. At 5Gs, Calvin hopes not to black out! As they close in on the runway, the other pilot has no choice but to pull up and circle around again! Calvin wins! Hey, Mom, is it true I could get a pilot's license at age 14? NO. Calvin pilots the airliner across the skies. He has clearance to land, but a plane from a rival airline is flying toward the same runway. It's a 600-mph game of chicken. Calvin pulls the throttle, and he lurches ahead. The other pilot tries to cut Calvin off by dropping altitude. Calvin turns on the 'Fasten seat belt' sign in the cabin and does a barrel roll. Calvin tries not to black out at 5Gs. They close on the runway, but the other pilot has to pull up and circle around again. Calvin wins! Calvin, who's running around with a toy airplane, asks Mom if it's true that you can get a pilot's license at age 14."
"HOBBES! You've got to help me! I'm in big trouble! What's the matter? You know how Dad said I could use his binoculars as longs as I was extra careful with them? Well, I just broke them by accident! Now I need some advice. Should I run away, or commit hara-kiri? Over the binoculars? Yeah. Maybe both. Calvin runs up to Hobbes in a panic. Hobbes asks what's wrong. With a horrified look on his face, Calvin tells him that Dad told him he could use his binoculars as long as he was extra careful. He broke them by accident. Now, Calvin needs advice. He wonders if he should run away or commit hara-kiri. Hobbes thinks maybe both."
"Geez, I can't believe I broke Dad's binoculars! He'll blow every capillary in his body! Dad said I had to be very, very careful with them, and what do I do? I go and break them. He'll flay me alive! How did you do it anyway? I just dropped them. And they broke? Well, I was tossing them at myself at the time, as I ran down the sidewalk. Calvin can't believe he broke Dad's binoculars. He's sure Dad will blow every capillary in his body. After Dad telling him to be very careful, he broke them. Hobbes asks how he broke them. Calvin just dropped them. Hobbes wonders why they broke just from being dropped. Calvin adds that he was tossing them to himself, as he ran down the sidewalk."
"How much money do you have, hobbes? Maybe we can buy Dad a new pair of binoculars before he gets home. I've got thrity ... no, thirty-five cents. Great. I've got four dollars. Let's call the store. Hello? I'd like to know how much a good pair of binoculars costs. ONE TO SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT MY DAD'S GOING TO DO TO ME?!? He won't stop at killing you, that's for sure. Uh UH. Calvin wonders if he can buy a new pair of binoculars before Dad gets home. Hobbes has thirty-five cents, Calvin has four dollars. He calls the store to find out how much a good pair of binoculars costs. Calvin, to his extreme horror, is told one to six hundred dollars. Calvin again worries about what Dad will do to him. Hobbes is sure he won't stop killing him."
"I had no IDEA binoculars were so expensive! We're doomed! We're doomed! 'We'? Why in the world did Dad let me use anything so valuable?! He should've KNOWN I'd break them! He mustive been out of his mind! This is all HIS fault! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?! I suppose you COULD just tell him what happened ... ... and make my getaway when the coronary hits? Say, THAT's an idea! Calvin didn't know binoculars cost so much. He says it was Dad's fault for letting him use anything so valuable. Calvin grabs Hobbes and yells to him 'What am I gonna to do'. Hobbes suggests telling Dad what happened. Calvin would wait until the coronary hits and make his getaway. He thinks that's an idea."
"Maybe we could GLUE Dad's binoculars back together and he wouldn't even notice! You think? It depends. Was the casing just chipped a little, or did the lens itself get cracked? Well, maybe you'd better look at it. Dont' sneeze."
"Maybe you should tell your MOM about the binoculars. And she can help somehow. Tell Mom?!? Are you crazy?? Now way! Why not? You've got to tell SOMEONE. Maybe she can think of something. At times like these, all Mom can think of is how long she was in labor with me. Hobbes suggests telling Mom about the binoculars to see if she can help. Calvin tells him no way. Hobbes tells him he has to tell someone. Maybe Mom can think of something. Calvin tells him that at times like this, all Mom can think of is how long she was in labor with him."
"I got a hit! I got a hit! Only because I LET you! Ha ha! A home run! You didn't touch all the bases! I did too. No, you didn't. You didn't touch seventh base. Yes I did! I touched the water barrel right after the front porch. That's not seventh base. That's twelfth base! I thought the garage door was the twelfth. The garage door is the twenty-third base. You touched them all out of order. And you still didn't touch the secret base. The SECRET base?? What's the secret base?! I can't tell you. It's a secret. I can't believe this moronic sport is our national pastime. You're out. Give me a dollar. Calvin and Hobbes are playing baseball. Calvin scores. Hobbes accuses him of not touching all the bases. Calvin says that he did. Hobbes states Calvin didn't touch seventh base. Calvin points out that he did touch the water barrel after he touched the front porch. Hobbes clarifies that the barrel is twelfth base. Calvin thought the garage door was twelfth base. Hobbes informs him the garage door is twenty-third base. He accuses Calvin of touching all the bases out of order. Plus, he didn't touch the secret base. Calvin asks what that is. Hobbes won't tell him, because it's a secret. Calvin can't believe this moronic sport is our national pastime. Hobbes tags him out and tells Calvin to give him a dollar."
"Look at Dad, calmly eating his dinner as if nothing was wrong. I know him. His 'Dad radar' is beeping like crazy. He knows I broke SOMETHING, he just doesn't know WHAT. He can't nail me until he knows for sure. He'll just wait. I know him. He's going to just sit there eating and let me stew in my own guilt. He figures sooner or later I'll crack. Calvin? AUGH! I DID IT! I DID IT! I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO!! ... pass the uh ... the uh ... Calvin watches Dad eating dinner. He suspects nothing. Calvin thinks Dad's radar is going off. Calvin is sure Dad knows something is broken, just not what. He knows Dad will just wait, letting Calvin stew in his own guilt. Dad figures sooner or later, Calvin will crack. Dad says Calvin's name. Calvin blurts out that he did it, he's sorry, and he didn't mean to. Dad was asking Calvin to pass something to him."
"YOU BROKE THE BINOCULARS?! DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO BE EXTRA, EXTRA CAREFUL WITH THEM?? ISN'T THAT EXACTLY WHAT I SAID?! WELL?! THOSE BINOCULARS WERE BRAND NEW! HAVE YOU NO RESPECT FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S PROPERTY?!? I have an idea, Dad. Let's pretend I already feel terrible about it, and that you don'tneed to rub it in any more. Dad is yelling at Calvin. He's telling him that he said to be extra careful with the binoculars. He yells the binoculars were brand new. He asks Calvin if he has no respect for other people's property. Calvin offers that he feels terrible about it, and that Dad doesn't have to rub it in anymore."
"I didn't MEAN to break your binoculars, Dad. It was an accident. (sniff) I'm really sorry. I felt like I was going to barf all afternoon. Well, I'm sorry I yelled at you like I did. I shouldn't have been so angry. After all, it was just a pair of binoculars. In the big scheme of things, that's really not so bad. (sniff) Really? Sure ... in another ten years, you'll probably be wrecking my CAR. Calvin is sitting on his bed, hugging Dad. He cries that he didn't mean to break the binoculars. He says he's really sorry, and that he felt like barf all afternoon. Dad says he shouldn't have yelled at Calvin like that. He goes on to say it was only a pair of binoculars. That isn't so bad in the great scheme of things. Calvin sniffles 'really'. Dad tells him that in another ten years, he'll probably be wrecking his car."
"Hobbes, look! Dad got me my own pair of little binoculars! Wow, these are yours? Aren't they great? I'll say. Dad said as long as I was going to break binoculars, I ought to at least break my own. Now we can go to the beach and look at babes! Maybe I should break Dad's power tools and see if I could get some of THOSE."
"Wind wind wind RUMBLE RUMBLE POW! Either I'm greatly deceived, or someone opened a can of tuna in this vicinity. Yes ... all over this vicinity. Calvin is opening a can. He hears rumbling. Suddenly, Hobbes slams into him and knocks him to the floor. Hobbes looks around rapidly. He says that either he's greatly deceived, or someone opened a can of tuna in the vicinity."
"What a clear night! Look at all the stars. Millions of them! Yes, we're just tiny specks on a planet particle, hurling through the infinite blackness. Let's go in and turn on all the lights. Calvin and Hobbes are looking at the stars. Hobbes says there are millions of them. Calvin says they're just a speck on a planet particle, hurling through the infinite blackness. After looking a bit longer, they run inside. Calvin wants to turn on all the lights."
"Filth! Contamination! Pestilence! Ha ha ha! Of all living creatures, few are more repulsive than Calvin the bug! He exists only to suck blood and transmit parasitic disease! Searching for someone to infect, Calvin flies low over the picnic table! His sensitive antennae pick up the scent of human flesh! Touching down, Calvin inserts his needlelike proboscis into a vein! Protozoans in his salive quickly induce plague! Will you stop that awful slurping?! You're making me sick! Calvin, the bug, lives only to suck blood and spread parasitic disease. Calvin flies low over the picnic table, in search of a victim. His sensitive antennae detect human flesh. Calvin sticks his needle-like proboscis into a vein. Protozoans in his saliva quickly induce plague. Calvin is drinking a beverage through a straw at a picnic. Mom tells him to stop that awful slurping. It's making her sick."
"Don't move! There's a bee on your back! There is? Showw it away! Quick! And have it come after ME? No, thanks. Well, what am I supposed to do? Stand like this all day? I guess you don't have much choice. Do you? Great. Just great. I could be here forever! Say, that gives me an idea. Don't you go reading my comic books! Stay out of my room! Hobbes tells Calvin not to move, there's a bee on his back. Calvin tells him to shoo it away. Hobbes doesn't want it coming after him. Calvin asks if he's supposed to stand there all day. Hobbes tells him he doesn't have any choice. Calvin says he could be there forever. Hobbes gets an idea. Calvin yells for him to stay out of his room and not to read his comic books."
"That rotten Hobbes! I can't move because I've got a bee on my back, so he goes to read all my comic books. He always gets them out of order, and he folds the covers back! Ooh, if I could only move! What kind of a friend would take advantage of a predicament like this? A lousy friend, that's what kind! What a stinker he is! Hey, did you see how the latest issue of Captain Napalm ended? Don't tell me! Don't tell me! Calvin is still standing there complaining that Hobbes is reading his comic books while he's stuck with a bee on his back. Calvin complains Hobbes gets the comics out of order and folds the covers back. He asks what kind of friend would take advantage of a predicament like that. He answers himself by saying a lousy friend would. He calls Hobbes a stinker. Hobbes comes up reading a comic book. He asks Calvin if he's seen how the latest issue of Captain Napalm ended. Calvin yells for him not to tell."
"Hobbes, if you tell me how my comic book ends, I'll kill you. I've waited all month to find out. I'll give you a hint, OK? Captain Napalm takes his nuclear ... NO HINTS! NO HINTS! By golly, you hairball, if I didn't have a bee on my back right now, I'd ... Maybe there's a bee and maybe there isn't. I'LL never tell. WHAT?! Is the bee gone? Can I move? Tell me! Is it still there?? Huh? Rrggh! Is it?! Calvin threatens Hobbes that he'll kill him if he tells him how the Captain Napalm issue ends. He's waited all month to find out. Hobbes starts to give Calvin a hint, but Calvin tells him no hints. Calvin says that if there wasn't a bee on his back, he'd... Hobbes says maybe there is a bee on him, maybe there isn't. Calvin is flustered. Now he doesn't know if he can move or not."
"Is the bee still on me or not? I'm not telling. You called me a hairball. OK, OK, I'm sorry. You're not a hairball. Now, is the bee there or not? No. Good. Now I ... OWW!! I meant 'No, there IS a bee.' Today is opposite day! Don't forget ... at midnight opposite day is over, OK? 'Yes.' Calvin asks if the bee is still on him or not. Hobbes isn't telling him, since Calvin called him a hairball. Calvin apologizes for calling Hobbes a hairball. He asks if there is a bee. Hobbes tells him no. Calvin moves and OWW! He gets stung. Hobbes tells him that today is opposite day. So Hobbes' no meant yes, there was a bee. Hobbes is in a tree at night. Calvin, armed with a baseball bat, is standing at the bottom of the tree. Hobbes reminds him that opposite day is over at midnight."
"I'm not having dinner tonight. Oh no? Nope. I'm just going to eat cookies in front of the TV. You, young man, are going to sit at the table and eat what I've fixed, just like the rest of us. Oh, yeah, that's what I meant. Calvin tells Mom he's not having dinner tonight. He says he's going to eat cookies in front of the TV. Mom looks at him, points her finger on his nose, and tells him that he'll sit at the table and eat what she's fixed, just like everyone else. Calvin says 'Oh, yeah. That's what I meant'."
"Hello, I'm wondering if you sell kegs of dynamite. You don't? How about plastic explosives? You're kidding. Well, what about land mines? Do you sell those? ... You don't? Look, I'm trying to send a girl I know into deep space. Perhaps you could suggest something. Calvin calls someone on the phone and asks if they sell kegs of dynamite. They don't, so Calvin asks about plastic explosives...then land mines. Finally, he says he's trying to send a girl he knows to deep space. He asks if they could suggest something."