"Aaugh back to the time machine! Run! We must've gone back in time instead of forward! What tipped you off? The dinosaur?! Don't get smart, fuzzbrain. Just get in and face the other direction so we can go into the future this time! You mean we went into the past because we were facing the wrong way!! You think I've got some triple-a map?! Maybe you'd like to steer this time! They see a huge brachiosaur standing behind them. Off they run to the time machine. Calvin suggests they must have gone backward in time instead of forward. Hobbes asks if it was the dinosaur that tipped him off. They jump into the time machine, and Calvin tells Hobbes to face the other way to they go forward in time instead of backward. Hobbes asks Calvin if the reason they went back in time was because they were facing the wrong way. Calvin shouts back that he doesn't have a Triple-A map. He suggests maybe Hobbes would like to steer."
"We made it! It's a good thing the time machine didn't stall, or we'd have been eaten by dinosaurs! We're coming back toward the present now. Do you want to stop at home or keep going into the future like we planned? I've had enough time traveling, let's go home. Let's go just a little into the future and see what I'm like as a teen-ager! Let's not, all right? They're now flying forward in time. Calvin sees they're approaching the present. He asks if Hobbes wants to go forward in time like they planned, or did he want to stop. Hobbes has had enough time traveling. He opts for home. Calvin tries to convince Hobbes to go a little into the future to see what Calvin is like as a teenager. Hobbes doesn't want any part of that."
"Hi, Mom. Hobbes and I went time traveling and visited the Jurassic period today. That's nice. What's it like? Pretty scary. A dinosaur almost ate us. Actually, we were trying to go into the future, but we made a mistake. I see, well, I'm glad you made it back. Your mom isn't fazed by much is she? It depends, she didn't take the frogs in the toilet so well, remember? Mom is gardening when Calvin comes over and tells her he and Hobbes went time traveling to the Jurassic period today. She asks what it was like. Calvin tells her it was scary, and they almost got eaten by a dinosaur. Calvin admits they were trying to go to the future, but made a mistake. Mom is glad he made it back. Hobbes is surprised that didn't faze Mom at all. Calvin reminds him that she didn't take the frogs in the toilet."
"Dad, look! The sun's setting and it's only 3 o'clock! It's not 3 o'clock, your watch stopped. Time doesn't stop if your watch stops? Nope. Phooey. For a moment there, I thought I'd get rich patenting this thing. I'd have bought one. Calvin runs over to Dad yelling that the sun is setting, and it's only three o'clock. Dad tells him it's not three o'clock, his watch had stopped. Calvin asks if time doesn't stop when your watch stops. Dad tells him no. Dejectedly, Calvin walks off. He thought he'd be able to get rich patenting the thing."
"Wipe that grin off your face! Well, Hobbes. How do I look? I'm doing my best to bite my tongue. I cut out construction paper feathers and taped them on my arms so I can fly! Pretty neat huh? If paper feathers are all it takes to fly, don't you think we'd have heard about it before? It takes an uncommon mind to think of these things, Hobbes. I'd agree with that. Here's a gorge. This is a good spot. You're going to jump off this ledge? Heck no! I need momentum! I want you to toss me over. You understand I assume no responsibility for this? Heave! I'm flying. I'm flying! I'm uh oh. Don't sell the bike shop Orville. Shuh up and go get me some antiseptic. Calvin has construction paper feather hanging off him. He tells Hobbes he's going to fly. Hobbes asks Calvin that if paper feathers were all that were needed, wouldn't they have heard about it before now. Calvin tells him it takes an uncommon mind to think of these things. Hobbes agrees with that. They come to a gorge. Hobbes asks if Calvin is going to jump off. Calvin tells him he'll need momentum, so he wants Hobbes to throw him off the edge. Hobbes tells Calvin he assumes no responsibility for this. Calvin isn't worried, he gets the patent. Hobbes heaves Calvin into the air. Calvin yells that he's flying. But down he falls into the gorge. Hobbes yells down for 'Orville' not to sell the bike shop. Calvin tells him to shut up and to get him some antiseptic."
"Mom wants me to clean my room. This is the last straw! I don't have to put up with this totalitarianism! I'm seceding! Gee, can you secede form your own family? Why not? I never signed up for this group! I wasn't"
"We can live anywhere we want to now that we're seceding from the family! Where do you want to go? The Sahara? Antarctica? How are we going to get to any of those places? We don't even have a car! Ok Dad, for this amazing trick I'll need an ordinary American Express card. Now close your eyes ... Calvin says they can live anywhere they want since they're seceding from the family. Calvin wonders where to go, Antarctica, the Sahara. Hobbes reminds him they can't get to those places. They don't have a car. Calvin decides to try a magic act with Dad. All he needs is an American Express card and Dad's eyes to be closed."
"Hobbes and I are seceding form this family, Mom. Oh really? Yep. We're taking my sled and moving to the Yukon. Well, that's a long way away. I know. Here's a list of sandwiches and supplies we'll need. Why should I do all this if you're seceding from the family? We haven't seceded yet! Geez. What kind of mom are you? Calvin tells Mom that Hobbes and he are seceding from the family. Calvin says they're taking his sled and moving to the Yukon. Mom says that's a long way away. Calvin knows, that's why he's got a list of supplies and sandwiches he needs from her. Mom asks why she should do any of that if he's seceding from the family. Calvin replies that he hasn't seceded yet. He wonders what kind of Mom she is."
"Well, I guess we're all packed. Comic books, dart gun, space helmet and toboggan! We're off to the Yukon! Do we have a map? Ooh, that's right! Glad you remembered! I'll go get one! Don't we have any road maps of the Yukon, Mom? I doubt it. Ok, here's the Yukon. Now see if you can find the United States. Here they are! Look how close it is! This won't take any time at all! Calvin finishes packing. They're ready to go. Hobbes asks if Calvin has a map. Calvin looks for one and asks Mom if they have a road map of the Yukon. She doubts it. Finally, Calvin and Hobbes look at a globe. They find the Yukon. Hobbes finds the United States and comments on how close they are. He figures the trip will take no time at all."
"So long, 'Mom'! We're off to the Yukon. It's been nice living here ... but not real nice! Ha ha! Calvin! Wait a minute. Leave it to a mother to drag out a goodbye. Sheesh. You're going southeast, north is that way. Oh yeah. I knew that. Calvin says so long to Mom. He says it's been nice living there, but not real nice. They're off to the Yukon. Calvin has his space helmet on and is dragging his sled. Calvin and Hobbes are walking along. Mom yells for Calvin. Calvin stops, saying 'leave it to a mother to drag out a goodbye'. She walks up and tells him they're heading southeast. North is the other way. Calvin says that he knew that."
"This sled is heavy. I thought we were going to ride it most of the way to the Yukon. We've only been walking 20 minutes, Hobbes. We probably won't get to northern Canada until this afternoon. In that case I'm taking a break. Good idea, want a comic book? Here's Captain Nitro. I want a sandwich. We just have one apiece. We should save 'em in case we can't catch a walrus. Hobbes complains the sled is heavy. He thought they'd ride it most of the way to the Yukon. Calvin tells Hobbes they've only been walking twenty minutes. He doesn't think they'll get to northern Canada until that afternoon. They decide to take a break. Calvin pulls out Captain Nitro. Hobbes wants a sandwich. Calvin tells him they only have one apiece. He thinks they should save them in case they can't catch a walrus."
"You only packed two sandwiches for our entire trip to the Yukon? Relax, Hobbes. These sandwiches will give us energy to spare. Mmff. Whath Thith? Honey n marthmallowth? That one is the other has chocolate syrup. As long as we're taking a break, we might as well record our progress in the log. Journey to the Yukon: Day one. Have traveled for twenty minutes. No snow so far. Food supplies low. Nevertheless, morale is high as we push north. My morale would be a lot higher if you'd carry the toboggan. Me?! I'm the leader of this expedition! I'm forging the path! I think it's my turn to be leader now. You can't be the leader! See I've got the commander hat. That can easily be remedied. Hey! Leggo! This is my helmet! Ow, quit biting! This is mutiny!"
"I'm not going to be led by you! I'm the rightful captain! You just stole my captain helmet! Let's say you gave it to me under extreme duress. Ooh, if you were littler than me, boy, I'd found you! Ha! Your mom told me you have a weird disease and you're going to get smaller as you grow older! She did not! That's not true! In fact, she's already got a contract from the circus side show. I saw it myself. I'm not listening! I'm not listening! Ohh say can you see ... Calvin refuses to be led by Hobbes. He accuses Hobbes of having stolen his captain helmet. Hobbes agrees Calvin gave it to him under extreme duress. Calvin says if Hobbes were littler than him, he'd pound Hobbes. Hobbes holds Calvin's head at arm's length and taunts him that Mom said he had a weird disease that would cause him to get smaller as he got older. Calvin yells that isn't true. Hobbes continues to say he's seen a contract from the circus side show Mom has. Calvin covers his ears and says he's not listening. He starts singing the Star-Spangled Banner."
"If I can't lead the expedition I'm not going at all! You can go to the Yukon yourself. Ha! As captain, I fire you anyway! Good! I'm going home! You don't have a home. You seceded, remember? My life needs a rewind/erase button. ... and a volume control. Calvin says if he can't lead, he won't go at all. He tells Hobbes to go to the Yukon alone. As captain, Hobbes fires Calvin. Calvin says he's going home. Hobbes reminds him that he seceded from his family. He doesn't have a home. Horrified, Calvin stops. He hits his forehead and says his life needs a rewind/erase button. Hobbes adds that it needs a volume control also."
"What if Mom and Dad won't take me back because I seceded? What if they tell me I can't rejoin the family? They have to take me back! I'm their stupid kid, right? Right! ... the operative word being stupid. Calvin heads home wondering what will happen if Mom and Dad don't take him back into the family. He figures they have to take him back since he's their stupid kid. He thinks that's right as he marches on. Then he adds that the operative word is 'stupid'."
"Gosh, maybe Mom and Dad sold all my belongings when I seceded. Maybe they rented out my room. Maybe they moved! ... a lot can happen when you are gone all morning! ... Mommmm!! Calvin ponders whether Mom and Dad sold all his belongings when he seceded. Maybe they rented out his room. Maybe they moved. Calvin starts running home saying lots can happen when you've been gone all morning. He yells for Mom."
"I'm back, Mom. I changed my mind about seceding I want to be your kid again, ok? You'll always be my kid. I'm glad you're back. Well, Hobbes was being a moron. So I decided I didn't want to live in the Yukon with him. So where is Hobbes now? Isn't he back yet? How could Hobbes get back by himself? You're right that dumb tiger couldn't find his way out of an empty room. Calvin peeks his head in the door and tells Mom he changed his mind about seceding. He wants to be her kid again. Mom says he'll always be her kid, and that she's glad he's home. Calvin tells her Hobbes was being a moron, so Calvin decided he didn't want to live with him in the Yukon. Mom asks where Hobbes is. Calvin asks if he isn't home. Mom asks how Hobbes could get home on his own. Calvin decides she's right. Hobbes couldn't find his way out of an empty room."
"Bedtime, Calvin. Where's Hobbes? I suppose he's wherever you left him. You mean he's still in the woods?? It's night out! What have I told you about leaving your belongings? Hobbes is lost! I'll get a flashlight! We've got to find him! Hobbes! Hobbes! Calvin, it's your bedtime! Don't pull this stunt now!"
"Hobbes, you mangy fuzz-brained lunk head, where are you?? ... I didn't mean that quite the way the sounded. C'mon Calvin, get back inside it's too late to go searching for your stuffed tiger now. I can't leave Hobbes alone in the woods at night! Well, maybe you should have thought about that before it got dark. This can be a little lesson, huh? I thought he'd come back by himself. I didn't think he'd get lost! We'll look for him tomorrow, now off to bed with you. Sniff. I hope he's ok. If he hadn't been acting so stupid I would have never left him. I sure wish he'd come back. Calvin left Hobbes somewhere in the woods. The poor kid's pretty upset. I'll bet. I mean, he's really upset. I said I'll bet he is. Really upset. Would my dad have done this? Of course not. I was never spoiled like this ... Out in the woods, Mom tells Calvin it's too late to look for Hobbes. Calvin is concerned for Hobbes' well-being. Mom tells him he should have thought of that before it got dark. Calvin replies that he thought Hobbes would come home. He didn't think he'd get lost. Mom says they'll look for Hobbes tomorrow. Calvin is sniffling as they enter their home. Calvin says he hopes Hobbes would come back. Mom tells Dad that Calvin is upset. Dad bets so. Mom says Calvin is real upset. Dad reiterates that he bets so. Mom gets right next to Dad and says Calvin is REALLY UPSET. Dad gets it. Out he goes, flashlight in hand, to look for Hobbes. He's grumbling that his Dad wouldn't have done this for him, because he wasn't spoiled like this."
"No luck? Of course not! How am I going to find a stuffed tiger in the woods at night?! Why can't Calvin keep track of his toys?! I must be crazy to be out here. Hobbes! Oops. Heh heh. I may be crazy, but I'm not as crazy as you. Mom joins Dad in the woods. She asks if he's had any luck. Dad replies of course not. How would he find a stuffed tiger in the woods at night? Dad complains about Calvin not keeping track of his toys and says he must be crazy to be out in the woods. Mom yells for Hobbes, then realizes she's calling to a stuffed tiger. Dad says that he may be crazy, but he's not as crazy as she is."
"Is that you? Did you find Hobbes? It's almost midnight. Yeah, I got him. He was out there with the toboggan. Oh, honey, thank you! Calvin will be so happy!! Mmf. He'd better be, or tomorrow I'll leave him in the woods. C'mon we'll put Hobbes in Calvin's bed so he'll see him first thing tomorrow. He snuggled up in his sleep! What a little angel! Only at night, I'm going to bed. Dad comes back in around midnight. He has Hobbes in his hand. Dad says he found Hobbes with the toboggan. Mom thanks him and says Calvin will be so happy. Dad says Calvin better be, or tomorrow he'll leave him in the woods. Mom tucks Hobbes into bed with Calvin so he will see him first thing in the morning. Calvin is snuggled into bed, and Mom calls him a little angel. Dad says that's only at night."
"Hobbes! You're back! I'm so glad to see you! I'm glad to see you, too. Gosh, weren't you scared being out in the woods at night? Heck no, tigers aren't scared of that! I got so bored I hiked back. Mom! Look! Hobbes is back! Yes, your dad found him last night and brought him in. is that soo?! Mm-hmm. Why don't you go thank him right now? Calvin awakens to find Hobbes. They say how glad they are to see each other. Calvin asks if Hobbes got scared in the woods at night. Hobbes denies that and says he got bored, so he came back. Calvin runs in to show Mom that Hobbes came back. She tells him that Dad found him last night and brought him in. Calvin looks at Hobbes and says 'Is that so'. Mom says yes and suggests he go thank Dad right now."
"Hi, Calvin. I brought Mr. Bun over so we can play house, you and I can be the parents, and Hobbes and Mr. Bun can be our children. Oh, right. Hobbes and I are gonna put our big plans on hold so we can play house with a stuffed rabbit? Forget it! I don't see why you'll play with your dumb ol' tiger and not with Mr. Bun and me! You're just mean, that's all! Go play in a microwave, Susie. We're busy. Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what. Mr. Bun seems comatose. Did you notice? Susie comes over with Mr. Bun to play house. She and Calvin can be the parents, Mr. Bun and Hobbes the children. Calvin doesn't like that idea. He tells Susie he's not going to drop his big plans with Hobbes so he can play with a stuffed rabbit. Susie angrily says she doesn't know why he always plays with his tiger and never with"
"Uh oh. It happened again. Calvin wakes up without any recognizable features, save two antennae. How disgusting. He oozes out of bed on a trail of slive. Lacking arms and legs, how will Calvin put on his clothes? Aren't you dressed yet? You are so sluggish in the morning! Uh, oh. Calvin wakes up without any distinguishing features, except for two antennae. He oozes out of bed on a trail of slime. Without arms or legs, how will he put on his clothes? Mom asks Calvin if he's dressed yet. He's so sluggish in the morning."
"Where are you going with the toy telephone? Out in the woods, you can come along if you'd like. What are you going to do? Try some bird calls. Hobbes asks Calvin where he's going with the toy telephone. Calvin tells him he's going out into the woods. Hobbes asks what he's going to do. Calvin replies that he's going to try some bird calls. Hobbes wraps the phone around Calvin."
"Eep! Ha ha! Right here kid! Help! Help! The leaf pile's got me!! The rake! Gotta get the rake! Forget it kid! You're doomed! Yaahh! Back you arboreal menace! Back! Wham wham! Sinister fiend! You won't be tricking other innocent little kids! I'll spread you across the whole yard! I though you said you were going to rake the yard today. I did rake the yard. I spent all afternoon ... where's Calvin?! Calvin runs and jumps onto a leaf pile. The leaf pile grabs Calvin and tries to eat him. Calvin reaches out of the pile and grabs the rake. Calvin attacks the arboreal menace and beats on the leaf pile. He tells the sinister fiend it won't be tricking other innocent kids. He spreads the leaves all over the yard. Inside the house, Mom asks Dad if he wasn't going to rake the yard. Dad replies that he did. It took all afternoon. Then, he turns with his eyes bulging and asks where Calvin is."
"Your dad and I are going out to see a movie tonight. Can I come too? No, you're staying home. What, I got the plague?! Why can't I come? Because other people like watch movies without hearing advice shouted to the characters on the screen. So who does that? Are you saying I do that? Mom tells Calvin that she and Dad are going to a movie. Calvin asks if he can come. Mom says no. Calvin asks why not, does he have the plague? Mom says other people like to watch movies without hearing advice being shouted to the characters on the screen. Calvin asks who does that? Is she saying he does that?"
"Mom won't let us go to the movie with them, so I guess we're on our own for tonight. Can we watch TV? What Mom and Dad don't know won't hurt them, right? In fact, after they leave let's get in the other car and learn to drive! Oh, boy! I get to beep the horn, ok? Hey, there's a teen-ager coming up the drive. Oh no! it's Rosalyn! Our bab sitter?! What's she doing here? Don't Mom and Dad trust us?? Quick, hide!! Calvin tells Hobbes that since Mom and Dad are going to the movie, they're on their own. Hobbes asks if they can watch TV. Calvin figures what Mom and Dad don't know won't hurt them. Calvin suggests that after Mom and Dad leave, they get in the other car and learn to drive. Hobbes wants to beep the horn. Hobbes looks out the window and sees a teenager coming up the drive. It's Rosalyn! Calvin is horrified. He can't understand why Mom and Dad wouldn't trust him. He decides to hide."
"We're leaving now, Rosalyn. Calvin is upstairs. I hope he's not too much trouble tonight. Don't worry, I brought a cattle prod this time! You're mom and dad laughed. Maybe it was a joke. Maybe Mom and Dad think scorching little kids is funny, let's go. Mom leaves and tells Rosalyn that Calvin is upstairs. Dad hopes he's not too much trouble tonight. Rosalyn tells them not to worry. She brought a cattle prod this time. Calvin starts climbing out the window. Hobbes tells him Mom and Dad laughed, so it might have been a joke. Calvin isn't taking chances. He thinks Mom and Dad may think scorching little kids is fun. He keeps going down."
Calvin? Are you in there? C'mon out and we'll make some popcorn. Calvin? Oh brother. I see you Calvin! C'mon back inside. No way lady! If you want us you'll have to catch us! Oh geez ... run! She's wearing cleats! Outta my way! Outta my way! Rosalyn knocks on the bedroom door. She tells Calvin they can make some popcorn. She looks in and sees the sheets tied together going out the window. She looks out the window and sees Calvin. She yells for him to come