"Look! Somebody poured new cement! Is anyone looking? We could write our initials in it, or make a hand print, or something! Yeah! Or something! I think we'd better find a hose quick! I didn't think it would set up so fast. Calvin shows Hobbes a patch of newly poured cement. Hobbes asks if anyone is watching. He mentions they could write their initials in the cement, make a hand print, or something. Calvin likes the 'or something' part. They walk off looking for a water hose. Hobbes didn't think it would set up so fast. They both have cement hanging from their rear ends."
"Psst. Hey kid, c'mere under the bed. I've got a brand new toy for you. Uh oh. I think I saw a tentacle under the bed! Monsters! Turn on the lights! That makes monsters shrivel up. Good idea. Click! Aarrghhh! Aieeee. Aahhhhhh!! Gackk! Ha ha. We got 'em! Just the ones under the bed, we'd better open up the drawers and closet too and get some light in those places! By golly, no monsters going to get us tonight! Wither and die, bloodsucking freaks of nature!! Why is your light on? What in the world are you doing?!? Monsters, Dad. They could be anywhere. You're trashing your room at 1:00 in the morning, looking for monsters?! If you don't get in bed this instant, you'll have lot more to worry about than stupid monsters!! What we need is some way to shrivel him up. Hobbes thinks he saw a tentacle under the bed. Monsters. Calvin turns on the light to shrivel up the monsters. Calvin suggests opening the doors to the closet and drawers to get the monsters there. As they pull open the dresser drawers, Calvin says no monsters are going to get them tonight. He tells them to wither and die, bloodsucking freaks of nature. Dad opens the bedroom door and asks what's going on. Calvin tells him monsters could be anywhere. Dad yells for Calvin to get back in bed or he'll have something other than monsters to worry about. After he leaves, Calvin suggests that what they need is a way to make Dad shrivel up."
"Hey Calvin, whatcha doin'? Quiet down or you'll give away my position. Hobbes and I are having a water fight. A water fight! Can I play? You? Ha! War is a manly art! I suppose anything so idiotic would have to be. Can I play in your game or not? I don't know, it seems you'd rather be making smart remarks. Susie asks Calvin what he's doing. Calvin shushes her quiet. He and Hobbes are having a water fight. Susie asks if she can play. Calvin scoffs at her saying war is a manly art. She supposes anything that idiotic must have to be. She asks if she can play or not. Calvin thinks she might prefer making smart remarks."
"C'mon, can't I join your water fight? I have my own water pistol and everything! It'll just take me a minute to get it. Ok, you can play, but Hobbes is on my team. You have to fight both of us. Great! I can beat you and your stuffed tiger any day. I'll go put on my swimsuit. Susie's going to play with us, ok? Oh boy. Girls flip for guys in jams. Susie again asks Calvin if she can join their water fight. She has her own water pistol at home. Calvin says it's alright, but she'll have to fight against both Calvin and Hobbes. Susie happily runs off saying she can beat him and his stuffed tiger any day. Calvin tells Hobbes that Susie is going to join them. Hobbes is wearing a pair of trunks and thinks girls flip for guys in Jams."
"I got my water pistol! I'm all set! Good. Now Hobbes and I will be one team, and you ... Look at your toy tiger! He's wearing jams!! That's so cute! Let me squeeze him! Oh for pete's sake, knock it iff! You go around"
"Listen up, yogurt brain. Here's our strategy: I'll go around the house this way, and you go around the other way. I'll draw Susie's fire, and you can let her have it from behind with your water balloon! Got it? Ok, let's go! Thanks for the water balloon, Hobbes, you're a great double agent! Calvin lays out the strategy to Hobbes. They'll split up with one of them going around the house in each direction. Calvin will draw Susie's fire, then Hobbes will sneak up from behind and hit her with a water balloon. Susie sneaks around the house, finding Hobbes sitting there with a water balloon. She thanks him for the water balloon and for being a great double agent."
"Ha ha! Ambush!! Have a drink Susie! Whoa! Whoop! You've got Hobbes' water balloon! Where did? How? Uh oh. Bloosh! I promise you you'll hang for this, traitor! I'm easily wiled by a woman in a swimsuit. Calvin charges Susie, squirting her with his water pistol. He stops when he notices she has Hobbes' water balloon. BLOOSH! Calvin gets smacked with the balloon. A dripping Calvin promises Hobbes he'll hang for this and calls him a traitor. Hobbes defends himself by declaring he's easily wiled by a woman in a swimsuit."
"My best friend betrays me! Susie drenched me with my own teammate's water balloon! Some buddy you are, you Benedict Arnold! Hmph, I'd do it again in a minute. Susie likes my jams. Don't even talk to me! You and I are through! Ha! Promises, promises! Um ... I take it the game is over. Get this traitor off me. He cheats when he fights, too. Calvin continues to complain to Hobbes, who is standing with arms crossed and a stern look on his face. Calvin says his best friend betrayed him, and he got soaked with his teammate's own water balloon. Calvin calls him a Benedict Arnold. Hobbes says he'd do it again. Susie likes his Jams. Calvin tells him not to talk to him. Hobbes sticks his tongue out at Calvin and says 'Promises, promises'. Susie walks over to Calvin, who is lying on the ground with Hobbes lying on top of him. Calvin tells Susie to get the traitor off of him, and that he cheats when he fights, too."
"Can you believe this? Some idiot tossed garbage here in this beautiful spot. I'll bet future civilizations find out more about us than we'd like them to know. Look, another can thrown on the ground! Boy, this makes me mad! By golly, if people aren't burying toxic wastes or testing nuclear weapons, they're throwing trash everywhere! You'd think planets like this were a dime a dozen! Now I've got to carry this gross thing. You know, there are times when it's a source of personal pride to not be human. I'm with you. Calvin sees a can on the ground. He complains that if people aren't burying toxic wastes or testing nuclear weapons, they're throwing trash everywhere. Hobbes declares that there are times when it's a source of personal pride not to be human. They walk along, then Calvin takes his clothes off. They continue to walk as Calvin says 'I'm with you'."
"Aren't these long summer days great? No responsibilities at all! We have the whole day to ourselves. Don't you wish it could be like this all year, forever? No school. No job, no anything? Yeah. Just gloat about it, why don't you!! Calvin is telling Hobbes the long summer days are great. There are no responsibilities, and they have the whole day to themselves. He asks Hobbes if he wishes it could be like that all year, no school, no job, no anything. Hobbes looks at Calvin with a smile on his face. As Hobbes skips merrily away, Calvin yells to him 'Just gloat about it, why don't you'."
"Hey Dad, what are clouds made of? Hmm ... I used to know that. I think they're mostly water. So how come they float? Well, it's sort of evaporated water, maybe there are some other gases, too. I'm not sure. So why are they white when the rest of the sky is blue? Heck, beats me. I guess we ought to look this stuff up. I take it there's no qualifying exam to be a Dad."
"One of the best things about summer is going to sleep with the fan on. The gentle breeze blowing, droning hum, everything seems safe and serene when the fan is on. It's cool and lulling and perfect for sleep. It almost lets one forget he has a heavy fur coat for a bunkmate. If you don't like it, there's plenty of room on the floor, buster. Calvin and Hobbes are in bed. Calvin says sleeping with the fan on is one of the best things about summer. The gentle breeze blowing, the droning hum, everything's safe and serene when the fan is on. He says it's cool and lulling and perfect for sleep. He then leans over to Hobbes and says that it's almost enough to forget he has a heavy fur coat for a bunkmate. Hobbes tells him that if he doesn't like it, there's plenty of room on the floor."
"Hey Mom, what's this I hear about the greenhouse effect? They say the pollutants we dump in the air are trapping in the sun's heat and it's going to melt the polar ice caps! Sure, you'll be gone when it happens, but I won't! nice planet you're leaving me! This from the kid who wants to be chauffeured any place more than a block away. Hey, nobody told me about the ice caps, all right? Calvin asks Mom about the greenhouse effect. He explains that he's heard about the pollution trapping the sun's heat and melting the polar ice caps. He tells her that she'll be gone when it happens, but he won't. Mom says this is from the kid who wants to be chauffeured any place more than one block away. Calvin proclaims no one had told him about the ice caps before."
"More bad news on your polls, Dad. We're looking at an all-time low in popularity here. Well, Calvin. That's certainly food for thought. Now here's something you can think about. The average cost of raising a kid to age 18 is $100,000. That's a lot of money. So the question you should be asking yourself is, 'Is that hundred grand a gift, or a loan?' Gotcha, Dad. I was just on my way to bed. Calvin tells Dad that his polls are at an all-time low. Dad tells him that's food for thought. He then says Calvin should think about the fact that it costs $100,000 to raise a kid till 18. That's a lot of money. Dad asks Calvin to think about whether that money should be considered a gift or a loan. Calvin scurries off and says he gets the message."
"Ring ring. Hello? May I speak with your father please? Hec, you don't need my permission! Be my guest! What a weirdo. Ring ring. Calvin picks up the ringing phone. The caller asks to speak with Dad. Calvin tells the caller to be his guest. They don't need his permission. Calvin walks away saying the caller is a weirdo. The phone rings again."
"That's it, you climb up and then help me up! Tigers are natural-born tree climbers. Of course we usually have grappling hooks, ropes and utility belts. Hey, here's a great tree for climbing! Let me get on your shoulders so I can reach the first branch, ok? Geez, how many bricks do you have in your pockets?! Whoa! Hold steady, you weakling. I've almost got it! Move up, move up! Hurry and grab it before my spine telescopes. Got it! Hey, don't let go! Hold me up! Forget it! You can support your own weight, bowling ball butt. Mmph! Mmph! I can't get up! Give me a boost! Hey! What are you doing?! Don't take off my shoes! Are you nuts? Hey, stop! Aack! Oh no! don't tickle! Pbth! Eek! Hee hee ha ha! Stop it! I can't hold on! Hee hee hoo hoo! Aaugh! Nice landing. I'm probably paralyzed. All except your mouth obviously. I'm not sorry at all. Give me back my shoes. No. Calvin asks Hobbes to put him on his shoulders so he can climb into a tree. Hobbes asks how many bricks he has in his pockets. Calvin tells him to hold steady. Hobbes tells him to hurry up before his spine telescopes. Calvin is hanging from a branch. He asks Hobbes to help hold him up. Hobbes takes off Calvin's shoes and starts tickling him. Calvin falls from the tree. He lands on Hobbes. Hobbes tells him he's paralyzed. Calvin replies that he's not sorry at all and to give his shoes back."
"I can't believe how dull my life is. It's so boring here. Nothing ever changes around here. Nothing ever happens. It seems as if (hang on) everybody but me gets to have an exciting life. Actually, I'd like less excitement in my life. Why? Are you doing fun things when I'm not around?? Huh? Are you?! As they ride down the hill in the wagon, Calvin can't believe how dull his life is. Nothing ever changes. As they fly into the air after the wagon crashes into the stream, Calvin says everybody but him gets to have an exciting"
"What's wrong, Calvin? Why are you still in bed? I don't feel good. Your forehead seems warm. We'd better take your temperature. I can't be sick now! It's still summer vacation! There's no school to stay home from! This is my time! Somebody owes me big for this!! Mom asks Calvin why he's still in bed. Calvin replies that he doesn't feel good. Mom says his forehead seems warm and decides to take his temperature. Calvin says he can't be sick. It's summer vacation and there is no school to stay home from. This is his time. He yells that somebody owes him big for this."
"Hi there, Calvin. I understand you're not feeling well. Me? I'm fine! I just sit around torture chambers in my underwear for kicks. Let's see your degree, you quack! I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just going to examine you to see what's wrong. I'll tell you what's wrong! I've got Dr. Frankenstein for a pediatrician, that's what's wrong! Nurse, call the anesthesiologist in here, will you please? My Dad's a lawyer, I'll have you know! Don't come near me! The doctor is seeing Calvin. He tells Calvin he understands he's not feeling well. Calvin retorts that he's fine. He sits around torture chambers in his underwear for kicks. He asks to see the doctor's degree and calls him a quack. The doctor says he isn't going to hurt Calvin. He just wants to examine him. Calvin says that what's wrong is that he has Dr. Frankenstein for a pediatrician. The doctor whispers to the nurse to call the anesthesiologist. Calvin tells him his Dad is a lawyer and not to come near him."
"Deep in a dank dungeon on the dismal planet Zog, the fearless Spaceman Spiff is held prisoner by the sinister Zog king. A guard leads Spiff to the interrogation room. Our hero is stoic and defiant! At last I meet the famed Spaceman Spiff! I trust you are ... heh ... heh ... enjoying your visit? You're wasting your time, maggot from mars! I'll never give in! Never, you hear me?! Never! Kid, don't make me recant the Hippocratic oath, ok? Spaceman Spiff is in a dungeon on the planet Zog. A guard leads Spiff to the interrogation room. The inquisitor says he finally gets to meet the famed Spaceman Spiff. He trusts Spiff is enjoying his visit. Spiff calls him a maggot from Mars and says he'll never give in. Calvin is hiding behind the scale with the doctor on his knees telling Calvin not to make him recant his Hippocratic oath."
"Well, you certainly were a terror in the doctor's office. I fended him off with his own tongue depressor. That's why I didn't get a shot. You didn't need a shot. Your behavior was inexcusable. All that counts is that he couldn't get near enough to stick me. He thinks I'm a little pink pin cushion in underpants. Someday I hope you have a kid that puts you through what I've gone through. Yeah, Grandma says that's what she used to tell you. As they drive home, Mom tells Calvin he was a terror at the doctor's office. Calvin says he didn't get a shot because he fended the doctor off with a tongue depressor. Mom says he didn't need a shot and that his behavior was inexcusable. Calvin is just glad that the doctor couldn't get close enough to stick him. He says the doctor thinks he's a pink pin cushion in underpants. Mom tells Calvin she hopes he has a kid one day who puts him through the same things he's putting her through. Calvin replies that Grandma says that's what she used to tell Mom."
"Here is a proud city. Full of happy prosperous citizens. They go on about their business, unaware that the moon mysteriously moved a few miles closer to the earth. Unaware, that is, until the tide comes in. Sploosh! Gisshhh! Calvin is playing on the beach. He builds a proud city, full of prosperous citizens. Calvin says they're unaware the moon has moved a few miles closer to the earth. They're unaware until the tide comes in. A big wave comes in and crashes into the sand city."
"The fire's not lighting, huh? Can I make a suggestion? Give up on that sissy lighter fluid. Can't we cook the hamburgers yet? The coals aren't hot enough. But I'm hungry I want to eat now! Well, you'll just have to wait. You know, Calvin sometimes the anticipation of something is more fun than the thing itself once you get it. Here we are, it's a beautiful evening. It's nice to just sit here and look at the trees while we wait for the coals to get hot, don't you think? Dinner will be over soon, and afterward we'll be distracted with other things to do. But now we have a few minutes to ourselves to enjoy the evening. These summer days go by so quickly. It's good that every now and then we have to wait for something. So should I go to McDonald's then, or what? Yeah, I know you think you are going to be six all of your life."
"(NO TEXT) - cowboy and indian Calvin is dressed like an Indian, armed with bow and arrow. Hobbes has an arrow hit right next to him. He walks over to Calvin, who shrugs his shoulders innocently. Hobbes sticks Calvin up high on the side of the house with the arrow."
"What a perfect day! Isn't it great to be on summer vacation? To be able to enjoy all this with no school and no responsibilities? ... ahhhhhhh ... I can't believe there's nothing on TV but repeats. Calvin tells Hobbes it's a perfect day. He's on summer vacation and can enjoy the day with no school or responsibilities. He and Hobbes sniff the air. Then, Calvin complains there is nothing on TV but repeats."
"I think a bee landed on my back! Can you see it? I don't want to move. That's not a bee. It isn't? Whew. No, that's a hornet if I ever saw one! Ow! Calvin stops and says he thinks a bee landed on his back. Calvin asks Hobbes to look, since he doesn't want to move. Hobbes tells him it's not a bee. Calvin wipes his brow as Hobbes says that's a hornet if he ever saw one. Just then, it stings Calvin and he jumps into the air in pain. He then chases Hobbes."
"If you could have three wishes granted, what would they be? Just three wishes, huh? Hmm. That would be a tough decision. I guess I'd have to think about it a while. Oops! Hang on. Ok. I know what my first wish would be. As Calvin and Hobbes go down the hill in the wagon, Calvin asks Hobbes what three wishes he would make. Hobbes says that would be a tough decision. He figures he'd have to think about it a little while. The wagon flies off the hill, Calvin and Hobbes flying into the air. Hobbes says he knows what his first wish would be."
"One of nature's uglier creatures, the bat is a misunderstood marvel of evolution. Producing a series of loud, high-pitched squeaks, the bat can judge an insect's distance and elevation by the time delay of the squeak's echo! Changes in the echo's pitch reveal the doomed bug's direction! No movement escapes the incredible senses of the bat! Glump! Ta-daa! Eyes closed! Calvin, sit up and eat with a fork like a civilized human being. The bat is a marvel of evolution. Producing high-pitched squeaks, the bat can judge an insect's distance and elevation by the delay in the sound's echo. No movement escapes the senses of the bat. Calvin flips some food into his mouth from the restaurant table. His eyes are closed. Dad scolds Calvin to sit up and eat with a fork like a civilized being."
"Yawn. Waauughh! For the last time, get out of bed! We're going to be late. I'm trying. I'm trying. Calvin yawns and hops out of bed. The covers reach out and grab him. They pull him back into bed. Mom comes in and tells him to get out of bed. They're going to be late. Calvin says he's trying."
"That run doesn't count! You didn't touch third base! That's 'cause third base crawled to the outfield! Wap! Ha ha! Easy out! Hey! Where are you going?! You have to stay on the base line, you cheater! Yeah? Prove it! This isn't fair! You can't run anywhere! Just watch me! If we had a first baseman, you'd've been out a long time ago! But we don't, do we? Gotcha! You're out! Ok, I'm up to bat again! What fun! Two man baseball is a real sport! A real sport for idiots. Next time I'm going to tag you out with the bat instead of the ball. Hobbes hits the ball, and Calvin chases him to tag him out. Hobbes runs off the basepath. He keeps running through the woods. Calvin chases him saying he can't run anywhere he wants. Calvin continues to chase Hobbes and yells that he'd have been out if they had a first baseman. Hobbes replies that they don't and sticks his tongue out at Calvin. Finally, Calvin catches Hobbes and tackles him in a big cloud of dust. Hobbes gets up and says he's still up to bat. He says two-man baseball is a real sport. Calvin says it's a real sport for idiots. He says the next time he'll tag Hobbes out with a bat instead of the ball."