"Want to know a funny trick? When somebody isn't looking you tie his shoes together! Ha ha! That's great! Lets go find some sucker to pull it on! Yeah! Clunk! Well. Well! Woo hoo hoo hoo. Hobbes tells Calvin that it's funny to tie someone's shoes together when he isn't looking. Calvin thinks that's funny and wonders what sucker they can pull it on. As Calvin starts to walk, he trips. Hobbes says 'Well, well'. Calvin chases Hobbes while hopping after him with his shoes tied together."
"I'm hungry. Can I have a snack? Sure. Help yourself. You can have an apple or an orange from the fridge. Even through we're both talking english, we're not speaking the same language. Calvin asks Mom if he can have a snack. She tells him yes. As he's walking off with the cookie jar in his arms and one in his mouth, Mom tells him he can have an apple or orange from the fridge. Calvin says they're both speaking English, but they're not speaking the same language."
"Boy, I love summer vacation. I can feel my brain beginning to atrophy already. Shhh ... Calvin and Hobbes are sitting under a tree in the woods. Calvin says he loves summer vacation. He tells Hobbes he feels his brain starting to atrophy already."
"I'm going outside Mom! Hold all my calls. Calvin looks around something is different. The oddcolored tree behind him slowly lifts up! It's not a tree at all! It's a let! Oh no! Calvin is the size of a bug to a bug he runs for his life! A claw crashes with deafening impact! The bug is trying to step on Calvin! What a horrible fate! Calvin scrambles madly, promising himself that he'll never squish another bug if he lives to return to normal size! Suddenly in a spray of slime, the bug is gone! A monstrous frog licks its chops! Calvin is saved! Aacck! What's that on my plate?! Good heavens, get it off the table!! But Mom, frogs are our friends! Calvin has shrunk to the size of a bug to a bug. He's being chased by an enormous bug. The bug tries to step on Calvin as he runs. As he runs, he promises he'll never step on another bug if he is returned to normal size. Suddenly, the bug is gone as a giant frog eats him. Mom shrieks as a frog is put on the table. She yells for Calvin to get it off the table. Calvin replies that frogs are their friends."
"Look Hobbes I got a magic carpet! What's so magic about it? Magic carpets fly! You can ride them! Isn't this the rug from the hallway? Up, rug! Up! Up! Hey, look! It works! Ok, rug, warp factor five! Is this legal? Do you have your registration and proof of insurance? Calvin tells Hobbes he's found a magic carpet. Hobbes wonders what's so magical about it. Calvin tells him you can fly them. Hobbes asks if that isn't the rug from the hallway. The rug rises up while Hobbes wants to know if this is legal and whether Calvin has a registration and insurance."
"Wow! I've never been on a magic carpet before. Hmm ... me either. Ok rug, let's cruise at 10,000 feet! Wheeeee! Gosh, this sure beats having Mom drive us around! Let's go to the mall and hang out! Do we get complimentary bags of nuts on our flight? Calvin says he's never been on a magic carpet before. He tells the rug to fly up to 10,000 feet and off it zooms. Calvin thinks this is better than having Mom drive them around. He wants to go to the mall and hang out. Hobbes asks if there are complimentary bags of nuts on the flight."
"Hey, let's fly into the city and buzz Dad's office! Ha! Won't be be surprised when he sees us out his 20th floor window! What if he's mad that we took the hallway rug? What's to get mad about? We wiped our feet first. Yeah, but all this city mileage may hurt the resale value. Calvin decides to fly into the city to buzz Dad's office. Calvin figures he'll be surprised to see them out his 20th floor office window. Hobbes thinks he might be mad they took the hallway rug. Calvin says they wiped their feet first. Hobbes wonders if all the city mileage will hurt its resale value."
"Ok, I think that's Dad's building up ahead. I'm not sure where his office is, so we'll just have to look in the windows as we zip by. Hey! There he is! There's Dad! Hi, Dad! Dad, look! Out the window! Darn it! He's still reading that brief. Look out the window, Dad! Did you bring any rocks? I didn't think to. They approach Dad's building. Calvin isn't sure which office is Dad's, so they have to fly past each one. Calvin sees Dad at his desk. Calvin tries to get Dad's attention. Hobbes regrets not thinking to bring any rocks."
"Hey Dad! Look out the window! I can't believe he's just sitting in there. Why doesn't he look up? I guess he's pretty busy. Yeah, but we can't sit up here all day! Sheesh. Let's go. If he had noticed us, we could've given him a ride home. Hmph. I say let him take the smelly ol' bus if he can't even look out the window once in a while, serves him right. Calvin continues to yell to get Dad's attention, but he doesn't look up. Hobbes figures he must be busy. Calvin says they can't wait all day and decides to leave. Hobbes says they could have given him a ride home if he had noticed them. Calvin says Dad can ride the smelly old bus if he can't look out his window once in a while."
"I'm home! Dad! Hobbes and I flew by your office window today on a rug! We saw you working. We waved and hollered, but you didn't even look up. We couldn't believe it. You missed the whole thing! I thought we were cutting down his sugar intake. Dad arrives home, and Calvin tells him he and Hobbes saw him at work. He tells him they flew by his office window on a rug. Calvin continues to tell Dad that they tried to get his attention, but that he didn't look up. Dad tells Mom he thought they were cutting down on Calvin's sugar intake."
"Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy. Wait! Wait! I've got to savor this moment! The brilliance of it all! I'm a genius! A sheer genius! Susie's playing on the sidewalk! Now's my chance to use the snowball I've been saving in the freezer! She'll never expect a snowball in June! Boy, will she be mad! Ha ha ha! This is going to be great! Here it comes! Oh boy! Oh boy! Hey Susie!! Piff. I missed! Darn it! Darn it! Darn it! Of all the miserable luck! Aaarrghh! There must've been a cross breeze! I can't believe it! I save that snowball for three whole months! I ... scoop scoop. I ... I ... uh ... pow! The irony o fthis is just sickening. Calvin gleefully pulls out a snowball from the freezer. Susie is playing on the sidewalk. Calvin knows she'll never expect a snowball in June. He sneaks up on her and throws. PIFF! He misses her. He starts ranting about how he had bad luck. He figures there was a cross-wind. While Calvin is complaining, Susie repacks the snowball and looks at Calvin. POW! Calvin lies on the sidewalk with his face covered in snow as Susie walks off smiling. Calvin says the irony of this is just sickening."
"1988 isn't too far away Dad. If your thinking of running for 'Dad' again, you'd better get your campaign in gear. Frankly, the pools look grim. I don't think you've got much of a shot at keeping the office. I"
"The chameleon sits motionless. Amazingly, the lizard changes color to blend in with his surroundings. Moments later, he is virtually invisible. I see you hiding back there! Now come clean up this mess you made in the kitchen! The chameleon sits motionless. The lizard changes color to blend into his surroundings. He is soon virtually invisible. Calvin peeks over the back of the sofa as Mom yells at him from the other room. She sees him hiding there and tells him to come clean the mess he left in the kitchen."
"Hold still. There's a monster horsefly on your head. Pow! Can you believe it? I missed! So excuse me for trying to help! you wanna scratch a stinging welt all day? Fine! Go away! No, wait there's a mosquito on you. Calvin tells Hobbes there is a monstrous horsefly on his head. He smacks him with the fly swatter. As the fly goes away, Calvin asks if Hobbes can believe he missed it. Calvin is up on a tree branch telling Hobbes he can scratch a welt next time. Hobbes waves a fly swatter at Calvin and tells him there's a mosquito on him."
"I wanna horsey ride! I'm busy Calvin. You know, Dad, it won't be long before I'm all grown up. One day you'll wake up and wonder how all the years slipped by. You'll look back and say, 'Where has the time gone? Calvin's so big. It's hard to remember when he was small enough that I could give him horsey rides.' ... but those days will be lost forever. I think I've worked through my potential guilt now. No, no! Jump the fence! Calvin asks Dad for a horsey ride. Dad tells him he's busy. Calvin reminds him that one day, he'll be grown up and Dad will wonder where all the years went. He keeps telling him that he'll think back on the days when Calvin was small enough to give horsey rides to and lament those days being lost forever. Dad gives Calvin the horsey ride. He tells Calvin that he's worked through his guilt, but Calvin wants him to jump over the fence they're approaching."
"I read that girls are made up of 'sugar and spice and everything nice' ... whereas boys are made of 'snips and snails and puppy dogs' tails.' Hmph. So what are tigers made of? 'Dragonflies and katykids, but mostly chewed-up little kids.' Oh, that's clever. Hobbes tells Calvin that he's heard girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice, while boys are made of snips, snails, and puppy dog tails. Calvin asks what tigers are made of. Hobbes tells him dragonflies, katydids, but mostly chewed-up little kids. Calvin doesn't think that's very funny."
"Do you have any money? Nope. Hmm ... how can we get some? Who do we know that we could sue? Calvin asks Hobbes if he has any money. Hobbes says no. Calvin asks how they can get some. They think for a little bit, then Calvin asks who Hobbes knows that they can sue."
"What's wrong with you, fish? Why won't you eat this big, fat, juicy worm? Besides the obvious, I mean. Boy I hate fishing, this is so boring! Look, I can see a whole bunch of fish down there, but they're not biting! Lousy fish! By golly, I'm not going to sit here all day waiting for them to get hungry! Here, help me carry this rock. We'll dump it in the water and blast the fish out. Then we can just pick them up. Heave! Kabloosh! Ok, it was a bad idea! But I got wet too, right? No, no your idea was fine! We just didn't throw in a big enough object. Calvin is sitting on the pier fishing. He's complaining that it's too boring. He sees fish in the water, but they're not biting. He's not going to sit there all day waiting for them to get hungry. He and Hobbes grab a huge rock. He figures he and Hobbes can throw the rock into the water and blast the fish out. Then, they can just pick the fish up. They heave the rock into the pond. WHOOSH! A huge water splash drenches Calvin and Hobbes on the pier. Calvin tells Hobbes that it was a bad idea, but that he got wet too. Hobbes grabs Calvin to toss him into the water. Hobbes says the idea was good, but they didn't throw a big enough object into the water."
"... so could I, Mom? Please? Pleeeaase? I still don't think giving her 'Bambi eyes' is going to get you a flame thrower. Maybe I should sniffle a little too, huh?"
"What a perfect day! If something doesn't happen here soon, I'm gonna wack out. Calvin and Hobbes are lying under a tree. Hobbes says it's a perfect day. They lie there looking around. After a bit, Calvin tells Hobbes that if something doesn't happen soon, he's going to wack out."
"Look a firefly! Your rear hasn't lit, if that's what you're wondering. I can't even tell what muscle to flex. Calvin points out a firefly to Hobbes. Calvin clenches his teeth and bends forward. He looks at his rear end. Hobbes tells him his rear wasn't lit, if that's what he was wondering. Calvin says he can't even tell what muscle to flex."
"Hey Hobbes, want to see an antelope? An antelope?! C'mon! See she's coming down the ladder to her boyfriends car! You're not laughing. It's not funny. Calvin asks Hobbes if he wants to see an antelope. They race over to where Calvin is playing. He tells Hobbes she's coming down the ladder to her boyfriend's car. Calvin tells Hobbes that he's not laughing. With arms crossed, Hobbes tells Calvin it's not funny."
"Tomorrow is independence day. The Declaration of Independence says everyone is created equal and is entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Oh. So when does Paul Revere ride through town and give us our presents. Hobbes tells Calvin that tomorrow is Independence Day. He explains that everyone is created equal and is entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Calvin wants to know when Paul Revere rides through town giving them their presents."
"Bang! Kapwinngg! Up up and awaaayy! Dad is sitting in his chair reading the paper. He hears a bang from the other room. Calvin races in, climbs up on the arm of the chair, and makes the bullet bounce off him. He races off saying 'up, up and awaaayy'."
"The dreaded scum beings fire! Spaceman Spiff is hit! It never fails. I just washed and waxed this thing. Our hero, the intrepid Spaceman Spiff, struggles with the controls of his damaged spacecraft! The freem propulsion blasters are useless! Spiff crashes onto the surface of an alien planet! Unscathed, the fearless space explorer emerges from the smoldering wreckage! He is marooned on a hostile world! Scorched by twin suns, the planet is nothing but barren rock and methane! There's no hope of finding food or water. Spiff collapses! Oh, no. a hideous alien spots him! In his weakened state, Spiff is no match for the monster! This could be the end!! Lunchtime! I brought you a sandwich and some lemonade. Bring the dishes back when you're done, ok? ... oh well. Thanks Mom. Spaceman Spiff fights the controls of his spacecraft. He crashes on an alien planet. He's marooned on a hostile planet. He sees there is no hope for food and water. A hideous alien approaches. In his weakened state, Spiff is no match for the monster. The monster hands Spiff a sandwich and some lemonade. Mom tells him to bring the dishes in when he's done."
"Z. Z. Z. Tag! The game's over tuna brain. Calvin and Hobbes are lying in bed. Calvin is sleeping. Hobbes looks over and touches Calvin on the head, saying 'Tag'. Calvin tells Hobbes the game is over and calls him tuna brain."
"Somebody told me rotten eggs smell bad. They smell terrible. Put 'em back Calvin. Calvin tells Mom that someone told him rotten eggs smell bad. Mom confirms they smell terrible. Calvin walks away. Without moving, Mom adds that Calvin should put them back."
"I want 8 cookies to go, please. This is not a drive-thru! Put that back in the garage! Calvin carries his tricycle to the front door and puts it on the floor. He rides into the kitchen. He stops at the counter where Mom is standing and asks for eight cookies to go, please. Mom yells that this isn't a drive-through and to put his tricycle back in the garage."
"Quick, Mom! Aliens just landed in the back yard! They demand to talk to you! You go on out! I'll guard the cookies in the kitchen! Quick! Hurry! She's not buying this. Calvin, just how dumb do you think I am? Calvin runs into the house telling Mom aliens landed in the back yard and want to talk with her. He offers to guard the cookies while she goes out. He tells her to hurry. Mom asks Calvin how dumb he thinks she is."
"What do you think is the secret to happiness? Is it money, power or fame? I'd choose money. If you have enough money, you can buy power and fame, that way you'd have it all and be really happy! Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess. I suppose that's one way to define it. The part I think I'd like best is crushing people who get in my way. Calvin asks Hobbes what he thinks is the key to happiness. He suggests money, power, or fame. Calvin says he's choose money. With that, he could buy power and fame and have it all. Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess. Hobbes supposes that's one way to define it. Calvin goes on to say the part he'd like best is crushing people who get in his way."