"I can't sleep. Me either. I keep thinking about the raccoon. I hope he lives. Me too. I think animals are always so cute. Hobbes can't sleep. Calvin can't either, from worrying about the raccoon. Hobbes hopes the raccoon lives. Calvin does, too. Hobbes says that he thinks animals are always so cute."
"Dad, did you check on the little raccoon this morning? Yes, Calvin. I'm afraid he died. Waahhhh!! I'm sorry too, kiddo. But he didn't have much of a chance. Wahhhaahh! At least he died warm and safe Calvin. We did all could, but now he's gone. Sniff. I know I'm crying because out there he's gone, but he's not gone inside me. Calvin asks Dad if he checked on the raccoon. Dad says he did, and the raccoon died. Calvin starts crying. Dad consoles him by saying the raccoon didn't have much of a chance. Dad says that at least the raccoon died warm and safe. They had done all they could. Calvin sniffles and says that even though the raccoon is gone from outside, he's not gone from inside."
"Here's a photo I took of you. The picture is kind of fuzzy. You're kind of fuzzy! Ok, make a face! Howth thith? Great! Hold it! Let's see! Let's see! It's developing! I can start to see it! There I am! Look! Look! Ha! Ha! It's great! What a photograph! Hee hee hoo hoo ha ha! Ha ha hee hee ho ho ho! Let's take some more! That's it. Bug your eyes you! Hee hee! Hurry up! All these pictures are of Hobbes?! Aren't they a scream? Can I have ten bucks for another roll of film? Calvin has an instant camera and takes a picture of Hobbes. He has Hobbes make faces and odd poses as he takes the pictures. They laugh as they see the developed pictures. Calvin takes the pictures to Dad, who wonders why all the pictures are of Hobbes. Calvin says they're a scream. He'd like ten bucks for another roll of film."
"This is where Dad buried the little raccoon. I didn't even know he existed a few days ago and now he's gone forever. It's like I found him for no reason. I had to say good-bye as soon as I said hello. Still ... in a sad, awful, terrible way, I'm happy I met him. Sniff. What a stupid world. Calvin shows Hobbes where Dad buried the raccoon. Calvin says he didn't even know the raccoon existed a few days ago, now he's gone forever. He says it's like he met the raccoon for no reason. As soon as he said hello, he had to say good-bye. As Calvin sniffles, he says that in a sad, awful, terrible way, he is glad he met the raccoon. As they walk over the hill, Calvin says 'What a stupid world'."
"You know Hobbes, I can't figure out this death stuff. Why did that little raccoon have to die? He didn't do anything wrong. He was just little! What's the point of putting him here and taking him back so soon?!? It's either mean or its arbitrary, and either way I've got the heebie-jeebies. Why is it always night when we talk about these things? Lying in bed, Calvin tells Hobbes he can't figure out that dying stuff. He wonders why the raccoon had to die, it hadn't done anything wrong. It was so little, what was the point of putting him here and taking him so soon? Both of them crawl under the bed. He says it's either mean or arbitrary, and either way he's got the heebie-jeebies. Hobbes wonders why they always discuss those type of things at night."
"Mom says death is as natural as birth, and it's all part of the life cycle. She says we don't really understand it, but there are many things we don't understand and we just have to do the best we can with the knowledge we have. I guess that makes sense. But don't you go anywhere. Don't worry. Walking in the woods, Calvin tells Hobbes that Mom said death is as natural as life and is part of the life cycle. He says Mom told him people don't really understand it, but there are many things people don't understand. They just have to do the best they can with the knowledge they have. As they start to walk away, Calvin says he guesses that makes sense. He then hugs Hobbes and says 'but don't YOU go anywhere'. Hobbes tells him not to worry."
"Hey! What happened to the trees here? Who cleared out the woods? There used to be lots of animals in these woods! Now it's a mud pit! This sign says, 'Future site of Shady Acres condominiums.' Animals can't afford condos! 'Shady Acres'? The only shade I see is from that bulldozer."
"Where are all the animals supposed to live now that they cut down these woods to put in houses?? By golly, how would people like it if animals bulldozed a suburb and put in new trees?!? No good, they didn't leave the keys. Calvin wants to know where the animals are going to live since they've cut down the woods. Calvin wonders what people would think if animals bulldozed a suburb and put in trees. Calvin and Hobbes both look up. Hobbes checks the bulldozer, but the keys weren't left in it."
"It took hundreds of years for these woods to grow, and they leveled it in a week. It's gone. After they build new houses here, they'll have to widen the roads and put up gas stations, and pretty soon this whole area will just be a big strip. Eventually there won't be a nice spot left anywhere. I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world. I think if you're born, it's too late. Calvin notes the woods took a hundred years to grow, but was cut down in a week. He states that after the houses are built, roads will be widened, and gas stations will be built. The whole area will be just a big strip. Eventually, there won't be a nice spot anywhere. Calvin wonders if you can refuse to inherit a world. Hobbes thinks once you're born, it's too late."
"Kablooie! Ooooh, you've twicked me for the wast time, wabbit! Ha ha ha! Boy, I wish I had some dynamite! Boy, I love weekends! What better way to spend one's freedom than eathing chocolate cereal and watching cartoons! Mm ... I beg to differ on the cereal part. Calvin, you've been sitting in front of the stupid TV all morning! It's a beautiful day! You should be outside! It's going to be a grim day when the world is run by a generation that doesn't know anything but what it's seen on TV! Hey! How can you sit inside all day? Go on! Out! Out! Kids are supposed to run around in the fresh air! Have some fun! Get some exercise! Slam! Well, I guess that's that. Come on. Hi, Susie, are you watching TV? Can we come in? sure, hurry up! It's a commercial. Calvin and Hobbes are sitting on the sofa watching television. Calvin thinks there is nothing better for spending weekends. Dad tells him he's been watching television all day and needs to get out and do something. He says kids are supposed to run around in the fresh air, have fun, and get some exercise. Dad closes the door on them. They walk over to Susie's house. Calvin asks if she's watching TV and wonders if they can come in. Susie says they can, but to hurry. There's a commercial on."
"Hobbes, want to see my transmogrifier? I didn't know you had a transmogrifier. I just got it. You step into this chamber, set the appropriate dials, and it turns you into whatever you'd like to be. It's amazing what they do with corrugated cardboard these days. Isn't it? Calvin asks Hobbes if he wants to see his transmogrifier. Calvin says he just got it, which is a cardboard box sitting upside down. He explains you just step in, set the dials, then turn into whatever you want. Hobbes is amazed at what they can do with corrugated cardboard these days."
"This transmogrifier will turn you into anything at all. All you do is set this indicator, and the machine automatically restructures your chemical configuration. You can be an eel, a baboon, a giant bug, or a dinosaur. What if you want to be something else? I left some room, just write it on the side. Calvin shows Hobbes that you can set the transmogrifier dial to whatever you want. He explains that the machine restructures your chemical configuration. You can be an eel, a baboon, a giant bug, or a dinosaur. The arrow on the side of the box can point to those choices. Hobbes wonders what happens if you want to be something else. Calvin explains he left some room, so you can just write it on the side."
"Well, what do you say? Would you like to be transmogrified? I don't think so. Being a tiger is my area of expertise. Don't be scared. The process is instantaneous and completely painless. Just think! With the push of a button, you could be a 500-story gastropod - a slug the size of the Chrysler building. Gosh, how can I refuse? Well, if you don't like that, be something else! I don't care! Calvin asks Hobbes if he wants to be transmogrified. Hobbes thinks being a tiger is his area of expertise. Calvin tells him not to worry, the change is painless and instantaneous. Calvin tells Hobbes to just think, he could be a 500-story tall gastropod, a slug the size of the Chrysler building. Hobbes rolls his eyes and sticks out his tongue."
"Look, if you can't make up your mind, I'll go first and turn myself into something. I'll show you. But what's the point of turning yourself into something else? No one's done it! Think of the knowledge to be gained. What horrors we visit upon ourselves in the name of science. Ok, I'm in. set the dial on 'lungfish' ... no make it 'musk ox' ... no ... Calvin is impatient with Hobbes. He says he'll go into the transmogrifier first. Hobbes wants to know what the point is to changing yourself into something else. Calvin tells him to think of the knowledge gained. Hobbes comments on what horrors we visit upon ourselves in the name of science. From inside the box, Calvin tells Hobbes to set it to 'lungfish', then changes his mind to 'musk ox', no wait..."
"What are you going to transmogrify into? How about a tiger? That's a good idea. The world can always use another tiger. Just turn the arrow and push the button then. All right, here you go. Zap! Did it work? Boy, I'm hot. How do you stand having all this fur? Hobbes asks what Calvin is going to transmogrify into. Calvin thinks maybe a tiger. Hobbes thinks that's a great idea, because the world can always use another tiger. Hobbes sets the control and ZAP! Hobbes asks if it worked. Calvin says that he's hot and wonders how Hobbes can stand to have all that fur."
"So you're a tiger now? Yep, let me out. Words fail me. I'm disappointed too, but keep in mind transmogrification is a new technology. Hobbes asks Calvin if he's a tiger now. He replies yes. Hobbes lifts the box. He looks down on a Calvin-sized version of himself, complete with furry cheeks. Hobbes states that words fail him. Calvin says he's disappointed, too. He reminds Hobbes that transmogrification is a new technology."
"Thanks for the lunch Mom! I'm going outside. Refueled, the 727 taxis onto the runway. Control tower to Calvin, you are cleared for take off. Roger. Full throttle! Fwoooshh! Take off! Landing gear up! Chugunk! We have reached our crossing altitude of 30,000 feet. A small tasteless snack will be served shortly. This is your captain speaking, I'm afraid our arrival will be slightly delayed. We're stacked up over Washington, and we'll be in a holding pattern for another 40 minutes. Tower to Calvin, you are now cleared for landing. Roger. Landing gear down! Reverse thrust! I saw you outside running in circles for almost an hour! Are you trying to make yourself sick?!? Oog, from now on I'm playing 'bus'. Calvin pretends he's an airplane. He runs down the sidewalk and takes off. He reaches cruising altitude and serves a small, tasteless snack. His return is delayed over Washington by all the other aircraft, so he'll have to circle for about forty minutes. He's cleared for landing and comes down. Calvin comes reeling into the house. Mom says that she saw him running around in circles for almost an hour and wonders if he's trying to make himself sick. Calvin mumbles something about playing 'bus' next time."
"So Calvin, what's it like to be a tiger now? Kinda fuzzy, but not that different. So! What do you want to talk about? Do we eat soon? Hobbes asks Calvin what it's like to be a tiger. Calvin replies that it's kinda fuzzy, but not much different. They look at each other and Hobbes asks what Calvin wants to talk about. Calvin asks if they eat soon."
"Hi, Mom! Will you make Hobbes and me a big tuna sandwich? I thought you hated tuna fish. Not anymore. I'm a tiger now. I thought Hobbes was your tiger. Now I'm one too. I transmogrified. Oh, I see. My, she's taking this well, but the strain will surely crack her soon. Calvin comes into the kitchen and asks Mom if she'll make him and Hobbes a tuna fish sandwich. Mom says she thought Calvin didn't like tuna fish. Calvin tells her that he does now, because he's a tiger. Mom asks if Hobbes is a tiger. Calvin says yes, and he is since he transmogrified. Mom understands. Calvin, the tiger, thinks she's bearing up well under the strain but that she'll crack soon."
"I'm home! Hi Dad. Notice anything different about me? Uh ... new haircut? Geez, did you go blind?? I'm a tiger! Oh, I thought you meant besides that. Calvin, your Dad's very tired and ... Hope you want tuna for dinner dear."
"Well Hobbes, it's been fun, but I don't think I was meant to be a tiger. Just set the dial to 'Calvin' and I'll transmogrify back to a boy. Here you go. Zap! Oops! Try again lunkhead. Calvin decides he wasn't meant to be a tiger, so he is going to change back. He has Hobbes set the switch to turn him back to 'Calvin' and ZAP! As Hobbes says 'OOPS!', Calvin comes out from the box looking like a frog. He tells Hobbes to 'try again, lunkhead'."
"Here I am, back being Calvin. Your machine works amazingly well. It's my own design. What will you do with it now? Good question. ... although I suppose we could turn Susie into a bowl of chowder if we could just get her into the machine. Leave me out of your life's plans. You little weirdo. Calvin comes out from his box looking himself. Hobbes compliments him on how well his machine works. They're trying to decide what to do with it next. As Susie walks by, Calvin says he could turn her into a bowl of chowder if he could just get her into the machine. Susie will have no part of it, though. She tells Calvin to leave her out of his life's plans."
"Calvin eats one bite too many! He begins to swell! Inflating like a raft. He grows bigger and bigger! Oh, no! how much larger can he get? Ooooh, I think I'm going to explode. No wonder! I've never seen anyone eat so much in one sitting! I hope you learned your lesson. Calvin eats one too many bites of food at the dinner table and begins to swell. He gets bigger and bigger. He wonders how much larger he can get. He thinks he's going to explode. Mom tells him she's never seen anyone eat so much at one sitting. She hopes he's learned his lesson."
"Look, Jane. See Spot. See Spot run. Run, Spot run. Jane sees Spot run. Way to go, Jane! Boy I hate homework. Yahh! Whoop! Hey! Yow! Whoa! Stop! Aaaughh!! Gaackk! Help! Help! Whap!! Bonk! Bonk! What on earth are you doing? Where's your homework? I couldn't concentrate. Calvin is sitting at his desk complaining about his homework. Suddenly, his chair takes off running around the room. It stops and ejects Calvin onto his bed, where his blanket grabs him. It whips him off into the hallway, where Calvin bounces down the stairs. He dizzily walks along. Mom asks what he's doing and where his homework is. Calvin loopily replies he couldn't concentrate."
"Rrinnggg! Recess is over! Rrripp! Oh no! why is it you always rip your pants on the day everyone has to demonstrate a math problem at the chalkboard? Calvin is on the school swing. The bell rings, and recess is over. As he hops off the swing, his pants get caught. The back of his pants is all torn up. Calvin wonders why you always rip your pants on the day everyone has to demonstrate a math problem at the chalkboard."
"I can't believe I ripped my pants! Recess is over. I'm supposed to be back in class! I can't go in like this! What am I going to do?? ... of all the days to wear the underpants with little rocket ships. Calvin looks at the back of his pants. He can't believe he ripped them. He knows he's supposed to be back in class. He wonders what he'll do. Then he remembers. He walks off saying 'of all the days to wear the underpants with the little rocket ships'."
"Look at the size of this rip! Maybe I can pull my shirt down over it. No, that doesn't work. Maybe I can tuck my shirt in the hole. ... nope ... maybe I can stick the ripped part under my belt. No, that doesn't work either. Maybe I can scoot around on my rear the rest of the day. Calvin tries to pull his shirt down over the rip. Then he tries to tuck the shirt into the hole. No, maybe he can pull the ripped part under his belt. That doesn't work either. He sits down and wonders if he can scoot around on his rear the rest of the day."
"Please don't let the teacher call on me! Don't make me go to the board in my ripped pants! Anyone but me! Just let her call on someone else! Please don't embarrass me in front of the whole class! Calvin, would you do the next problem at the board? So much for my ever joining the clergy."
"Calvin, will you do the next problem at the board please? No. why not? Frankly, I'd rather not say. Oh, you wouldn't. It's a personal matter. You're going to have to do better than that. Do the words 'complete pandemonium' strike terror in your heart? Miss Wormwood asks Calvin if he'll show the next problem on the board. He says no and stays in his seat. Miss Wormwood asks him why not, and Calvin replies he'd rather not say. He says it's a personal matter. She says he'll have to do better than that. Calvin asks if the words 'complete pandemonium' strike terror into her heart."
"So your teacher didn't know you'd ripped your pants, and she made you do a problem at the chalkboard? That sums it up. How awful! What did you do?? I didn't have a choice. I mooned the whole class. That's why you're home early? Three teachers and the principal couldn't restore order. Hobbes is talking to Calvin. He asks for clarification that Miss Wormwood didn't know he had ripped his pants, so she called on him to go to the board. Calvin says that's right, and Hobbes asks what he did. Calvin says he didn't have a choice, so he mooned the whole class. Hobbes asks if that's why he's home early. Calvin says that three teachers and the principal couldn't restore order."