"What did Calvin want with those Christmas lights? He didn't say. Calvin picks up a bunch of Christmas lights and goes outside. Dad asks Mom what Calvin wanted the lights for. Mom replies that Calvin didn't say. Dad figures in that case, they better check. We see the lights have been placed on the roof of the house spelling out the message 'UFOs! Land here'."
"Where do we keep all our chainsaws Mom? We don't have any chainsaws, Calvin. We don't? Not any? Nope. How am I ever going to learn how to juggle? Calvin asks Mom where they keep all their chainsaws. Mom tells him they don't have any chainsaws. Calvin asks if they don't have any, and Mom says no. Calvin walks off wondering how he's ever going to learn to juggle."
"The giant amoebae slides along the kitchen floor. Extending a cytoplasmic pseudopod, the protozoan engulfs a package of oatmeal cookies. Nice try. Put them back. A giant amoeba slides across the kitchen floor. Extending a cytoplasmic pseudopod, the protozoan engulfs a package of oatmeal cookies. Mom looks over as the cookies are being eaten. She pulls the blanket off Calvin, telling him 'Nice try. Put them back'."
"The majestic eagle circles slowly in the clouds. With eyes so sharp he can spot movement a mile below. He sights his prey and dives! Reaching speeds of more than 100 mph, his unwary prize will never know what hit it! Wake up Dad! It's Saturday! Zz ... wha? A majestic eagle circles in the clouds. He spots his prey and dives. The unwary prize won't know what hit it. Calvin is diving on top of Dad, who's lying asleep in the bed. Calvin tells Dad to wake up, it's Saturday."
"Here is success Mr. Jones. He lives an a 5 acre home in a wealthy suburb. Here is the new Mercedes in the driveway. It's anyone's guess as to how much longer Mr. Jones can meet his monthly finance charges. Here comes Mr. Jones out of his attractive suburban home. He hops in his red sports car. Off he goes to work. 80 ... 90 ... 100 miles an hour! ... along the edge of the Grand Canyon!! Suddenly his steering wheel locks and he brakes fail! He careens over the edge! Oh no! Down he goes! His only hope is to climb out the sun roof and jump! Maybe, just maybe, he can grab a branch and save himself! He unwinds the sun roof! Can he make it? No! The car explodes in mid-air propelling millions of tiny shards into the stratosphere! Kablooie! The neighbors hear the boom echoing across the canyon. They pile into a mini-van to investigate! What will happen to them? Calvin is playing with a toy car on his sofa. Mr. Jones hops into his sports car. He drives to work, faster and faster, along the edge of the Grand Canyon. His steering locks and his brakes fail. Over the edge he plummets. Mr. Jones tries to climb out his sun roof to grab a branch in an attempt to save himself. The car explodes in mid-air, sending millions of tiny shards into the stratosphere. The car lies on the floor as Calvin looks at it. Calvin puts the toy back on the sofa and starts the saga of the neighbors, who've heard the booms across the canyon. They get in their minivan to investigate. Calvin wonders what will happen to them."
"Dad, did you do a mating dance when you first saw mom? A mating dance? Yeah, I saw some birds do it on TV. They went, 'awk awk braau-auukkk!' yes, that's more or less how I reacted. To what, wise guy? ... think carefully. Calvin asks Dad if he did a mating dance when he met Mom. Calvin explains he saw some birds do it on TV. Calvin shows how the birds looked, flapping his arms and making squawking noises. Dad says that's more or less how he reacted. Mom leans over the back of the chair Dad's sitting on and asks what he was reacting that way to."
"Out you go, Hobbes. into the dryer. Rrrrrr Ding! Goodness, you're a fright. Tell your mom to put some conditioner in the wash next time. Mom puts Hobbes in the clothes dryer. Calvin waits while the dryer runs. Finally, the bell rings and Calvin opens the dryer. Hobbes is all frizzy. Calvin tells him he's a fright. Hobbes asks for Calvin to tell his Mom to put some conditioner in the wash next time."
"I cleaned my room, Mom. And I even did it without you telling me to. Well, that was very thoughtful. Of course, this isn't going to be a habit or anything. Calvin comes down the stairs and tells Mom he cleaned his room. He tells her he did it without her having to tell him. She compliments him on being thoughtful. Calvin walks away smiling, then turns around and yells that this isn't going to be a habit or anything."
"How come it doesn't take you as long as Mom to vacuum the house? Maybe I'm more efficient. Maybe you don't do as good a job. Why don't you go find something to do Mr. Critic? Ok, can I take this dust ball in for show and tell tomorrow? Calvin, this dust ball is going to be our little secret, all right? Aaacck! Look at this thing! Dear, I thought you did this room! Dad is vacuuming, and Calvin asks him why it doesn't take him as long to clean as it does Mom. Dad supposes he's more efficient. Calvin suggests he doesn't do as good a job. Dad asks Mr. Critic to find something to do. Calvin picks up a big dust ball and asks if he can take it to 'show and tell' tomorrow. Dad kneels next to Calvin and says this dust ball is going to be their little secret. Mom yells from the other room. She says she thought Dad had already done the room."
"I've been in the water about 20 minutes look at my fingers. They're all wrinkled! So are my toes! Pretty neat huh? 'Big pink raisin discovered in tub - boy's whereabouts unknown!' Aaugh! Calvin is in the bathtub talking to Hobbes. He points out his fingers and toes, which are all wrinkled. Calvin thinks it's neat. Hobbes imagines a news heading 'Big pink raisin discovered in tub, boy's whereabouts unknown'. Calvin shrieks and starts climbing out of the tub."
"For the next 60 seconds I will conduct a test of my emergency broadcast equipment. Aaaaaaaaghhhhhhhh! Had this been a real emergency, the scream you just heard would have been followed by lots more just like it. This concludes my ... oh someday when the house caves in, she'll thank me. Mark my words. Calvin comes up behind Mom and tells her for the next 60 seconds, he will conduct a test of his emergency broadcast equipment. He then yells at the top of his lungs. Mom jumps up from her chair. Calvin concludes his test. He says if this had been a real emergency, he would have screamed lots more times. As he sits on his bed with a scowl on his face, Calvin tells Hobbes that when the house caves in, she'll thank him."
"Aaaaahhh! Eeee! Hee hee hee hee! Woo! Ack! I've got you! Aaheeeee! Tickle tickle! Ah! Ah! Hee hee hee woo hoo! I'm gonna getcha! I'm coming after you! Eek! Hee hee. Here I come! Gotcha! Gootchie gootchie! Akpth! Ha ha ha. Eeep! Ha ha hee hee ooh! Ooh! Ha ha ha. Tickle, tickle! Whoa! Whoa! We'd better stop. Calm down, calm down. Ha ha hoo hoo hee hee ha. Hee hee whoof! Ha ha! (pant pant) hee hee hee wheeeeeeee ... her plan backfired, Dad. I'm all wound up, and Mom needs to be put to bed. Mom and Calvin are playing. She tickles him, chases him through the house, then tickles him some more. Calvin is laughing and giggling. Finally, Mom suggests they stop and calm down. Mom curls up and falls asleep. Calvin tells Dad her plan backfired. He's all wound up, and Mom needs to be put to bed."
"Oh, Mom, I need Crisco for school today! Shortening? Honestly Calvin, I wish you'd remember these things the night before. Now hurry up and get ready. Right. Here's the Crisco back. Thanks. You put it in your hair?? Get back here! You're not going to school like that! Aw c'mon, Mom! It's class picture day! Calvin is eating breakfast and tells Mom he needs Crisco for school. Mom hands him the Crisco and tells him he should remember these things the night before. Calvin puts a bunch in his hair. Mom can't believe he did that. She tells him he's not going to school like that. Calvin pleads with her. It's class picture day."
"What with your hair? I told Mom I'm getting my school picture taken today, and she made me comb out the Crisco I put in my hair. Now I look like a moron. That's true. You do. Well don't just stand there! Think of something! What can I do? There, much better! What'd you do is it cool? Is it new wave? Gee, I wish I had a mirror. Calvin is standing at the bus stop with his hair slicked down. Hobbes asks what the deal is with his hair. Calvin says Mom made him take the Crisco out of his hair. Now he says he looks like a moron. Hobbes agrees. Calvin tells him to do something and not just stand there. Hobbes makes points out of the sides of Calvin's hair. Calvin wants to know if it's new wave and asks if it's cool."
"The bus is going to be here any minute. You're sure you fixed my hair so it looks ok? It looks great. Try not to muss it up. You're not kidding me, are you? This really looks good? Trust me. You look like ... like ... 'Astro boy.' All right! I can't wait to get my picture taken now! Calvin asks Hobbes if he's sure he's fixed his hair so it looks okay. Hobbes says it looks great. Calvin doesn't believe him. Hobbes tells him to trust him and that he looks like 'Astro Boy'. Calvin is happy with that and now can't wait to get his picture taken."
"Calvin! What did you do to your hair?? Don't you know we have our pictures taken today? Of course, silly. That's why I did it. It's Crisco. Does your mom know you look like that? Sort of. Hobbes fixed me up a little bit at the bus stop. Wow. I wish I had some Crisco. Wait till Mom sends my picture to Grandma! Susie is shocked at Calvin's hair. She reminds him it's class picture day. He tells her that's why he did it. Susie wonders if his Mom knows he looks like that. Calvin tells her 'sort of'. He says Hobbes fixed him up at the bus stop. Susie puts her head in her hands and wishes she had some Crisco. Calvin can't wait till Mom sends his picture to Grandma."
"Ok, kid, sit up straight on the stool and look right at me. That's it. Are you ready to take my picture? Should I take off my shirt now? Kid what are ... ? don't take off your shirt!! See? I painted a face on my stomach. Kid, put your shirt back on. But look! When I breath out the face changes! See? Ok, take one quick! The photographer sits Calvin on the stool and tells him to look at him. Calvin starts taking his shirt off. The photographer tells him not to take his shirt off, but Calvin tells him he has a face painted on his stomach. The photographer tells him to put his shirt back on. Calvin points out that when he breathes out, the picture changes. He tells the photographer to take a picture quick."
"Look, Hobbes, I got my school pictures back. Look at you! Ha ha ha! Look at your hair! Hee hee! These are great! Aren't they though? Hee hee hee! What an expression! Hoo hoo hoo! Ha ha! Yeah, see how I got my one eye to roll back? Ha ha ha! Your mother's going to go into conniptions of course. Oh c'mon. Years from now think of the memories these will bring. Calvin has his school pictures and shows them to Hobbes. Hobbes starts laughing at Calvin and his hair. He says the pictures are great. Calvin agrees. Hobbes rolls onto his back laughing and points out one picture with a funny expression. Calvin says he got one of his eyes to roll back on that one. As Hobbes wipes tears of laughter from his eyes, he points out that Mom is going to go into conniptions. Calvin says think of the memories the pictures will bring years from now."
"Glik glik glik. Oh no! what have I done?!? The human body is 80% water. Little did Calvin realize how critical it is to maintain that! Now it's too late! By drinking that extra glass of water, Calvin has upset that precious balance! He is now 90% water! Everything solid in Calvin's body begins to dissolve! He is becoming liquid!! His only hope is somehow to get to an icebox and freeze himself solid until he can get proper medical attention! Unfortunately, as a liquid, Calvin can only run downhill! Can he make it? Can he make it?? I don't think I'm going to make it. There's a gas station up ahead. Just hold on. Didn't I tell you not to drink so much before we left?! Calvin has upset his body's water balance. Everything solid in his body begins to dissolve. He is becoming liquid. If he could get to an icebox, he could freeze himself until he can get medical attention. But he can only run downhill. Can he make it? Calvin, sitting in the back seat of the car, doesn't think he can make it. Mom tells him there's a gas station ahead and to hold on. Dad reminds Calvin he told him not to drink so much before they left."
"Calvin, how do you explain this test score? It's terrible! I didn't study for it. What do you mean you didn't study for it? Why not? I forgot. You forgot? How could you possibly forget?? What? Huh? Where am I? Who am I? Don't give me this amnesia stuff! Dad is questioning Calvin as to why his test score was so terrible. Calvin says he didn't study for it. Dad asks for clarification as to why he didn't study for it. Calvin tells him he forgot. Dad wonders how he could have forgotten to study. Calvin holds his hands out, eyes wide, and asks where and who he is. Dad tells him not to give him that amnesia stuff."
"Gee, it was awfully nice of you strangers to have me over for dinner. Calvin, knock it off. You mean me? Is my name Calvin? You're not fooling anyone, young man. You do not have amnesia. This all seems vaguely familiar ... and yet ... and yet ... you're asking for an early bedtime, kid. Well, he seems to remember he likes dessert anyway. This is 'dessert' you say? Hmm ... perhaps my memory would return if I had some more. That's it, bed! Calvin is at the dinner table, and he thanks the strangers for having him over for dinner. Dad tells him to knock it off. He says Calvin does not have amnesia. Calvin tries to concentrate as he says this all seems vaguely familiar. Dad says he's asking for an early bedtime. Mom says Calvin seems to remember he likes dessert, as Calvin digs in. He says his memory might return if he had some more dessert. Dad tells him to go to bed."
"I've had enough of this silly amnesia game. Since you won't stop it, you're going to bed. You can let me know if you want to be serious. Wink. Aauughh! Mister, there's a tiger in this room!! Dad carries Calvin up the stairs saying he's had enough of this silly amnesia game. Since Calvin won't stop it, it's off to bed. Dad tells him to let him know if he wants to be serious. Calvin winks at Hobbes as Dad leaves. When Dad closes the door, Calvin yells out that there's a tiger in the room."
"Calvin, all we want is for you to study and do your best in school, education is very important. That's why this amnesia game has to stop. No more 'forgetting' to do your homework. Ok? Ok, mister. Ok? ... uh Dad. Right, Dad. You got it. Dad sits on the bed and tells Calvin that they just want him to study and do well in school. He tells Calvin education is very important. He tells him that's why the amnesia game has to stop. Calvin needs to stop 'forgetting' to do his homework. Dad asks 'OK?', Calvin replies 'OK, mister'. Dad leans forward and yells 'OK?', Calvin replies 'uh, Dad. Right, Dad. You got it'."
I'm glad to see you're doing your homework. How is your math class going now? Um ... I'm doing great. How great? Real great. Have you been passing all your quizzes? I didn't say phenomenal. Dad looks in on Calvin doing his homework. Dad says he's glad Calvin is doing his homework and asks how his math class is coming along. Calvin tells him great. Dad wants to know how great. Calvin says real great. Dad asks if he's been passing all his quizzes. Calvin replies he didn't say phenomenal.
"RING RING RING RING RI ... It's never for me and I hate taking messages. Calvin walks by the ringing telephone. It continues to ring as he walks over to the wall. He pulls the phone cord out of the plug, which stops the phone from ringing. Calvin says it's never for him, and he hates taking messages."
"I'M HOME! AAUUGH! YAAAA! I thought that after seven boring hours at school, I though you might appreciate one moment of pure, abject terror. Let me up to get my bat and I'll thank you. Hobbes peeks out the window, sneaks behind a potted plant, hides under the chair, and finally races toward the door. Calvin comes in the door and is immediately pounced upon by Hobbes. As Hobbes sits on Calvin's back, he tells Calvin that after seven boring hours of school, he figured Calvin would appreciate one moment of pure, abject terror. Calvin wants Hobbes to let him get his bat to show his thanks."
"Hobbes, look! There's a little raccoon on the ground. Is it alive? I think so, but he's hurt. See, he's hardly breathing. Better not touch him if he's hurt. Yeah. You wait here and guard him. I'll run and get Mom. I sure hope she can help. Of course she can! You don't get to be Mom if you can't fix everything just right. Calvin finds a little raccoon on the ground. It's hurt and is barely breathing. Hobbes suggests not touching him. Calvin decides to go tell Mom. Hobbes hopes she can help. Calvin tells him you don't get to be a Mom if you can't fix everything just right."
"There's Hobbes guarding him, Mom. The little raccoon's right over there! Ooh, Calvin, I don't know if we can save him. He looks pretty bad. Go get a shoe box and a clean dish towel. Right! I don't think this poor little guy is going to make it, Hobbes (sigh) I hate it when these things happen. ... you can tell I'm upset when I start talking to you. Calvin and Mom come back to the raccoon. Mom isn't sure they can save him. She sends Calvin for a shoe box and a clean dish towel. Calvin runs off, and Mom sits next to Hobbes. She says she doesn't think the raccoon will make it. She hates when things like this happen. She then realizes she's talking to Hobbes and says you can tell she's upset when she starts talking to him."
"Well, I got him in the shoe box. I guess all we can do is keep him warm and safe. We'll keep him in the garage, and put out some water and food. I read in a book that raccoons will eat just about anything. Chances are, I'll be happy to donate most of my dinner. Calvin, you don't even know what we're having. Mom puts the raccoon in the box. She tells Calvin all they can do is keep him warm and safe. She tells him they'll put him in the garage and out some food and water. Calvin mentions he read that raccoons will eat almost anything. He says chances are he'll be happy to donate most of his dinner. Mom tells him he doesn't even know what they're having."
"Has he eaten anything? No. don't die little raccoon. It wouldn't be very grateful of you to break my heart. Calvin and Hobbes are looking at the raccoon. Hobbes asks if he's eaten anything, and Calvin replies no. They continue to look at the raccoon. Calvin tells the raccoon not to die. He says it wouldn't be grateful of the raccoon to break his heart."