"I called Susie a boogerbrain after school, and she went home crying. Goodness, why'd you do that? I dunno, I was just teasing. It sounds like you hurt her feelings. I didn't mean for her to take the insult personally! Calvin and Hobbes are walking through the snow. Calvin tells Hobbes he called Susie a booger-brain at school and she went home crying. Hobbes asks why he did that. Calvin says he was just teasing her. Hobbes tells Calvin that it sounds like he hurt her feelings. Calvin says he didn't mean for Susie to take the insult personally."
"Sniff. That stupid Calvin. What does he call me names for no reason? It's just mean. I wish I had a hundred friends. Then I wouldn't care. I'd say, 'Who needs you, Calvin? I've got a hundred other friends!' Then my hundred friends and I would go do something fun, and leave Calvin all alone! Ha! ... and as long as I'm dreaming, I'd like a pony. Susie wipes a tear from her eye. She wonders why Calvin is so mean. She wishes she had a hundred friends, then she wouldn't care what Calvin said. She goes on to say she and her hundred friends would go do something fun and leave Calvin all alone. But then, Susie sits down. She says that as long as she's dreaming, she also wants a pony."
I feel bad that I called Susie names and hurt her feelings. I'm sorry I did it. Maybe you should apologize to her. I keep hoping there's a less obvious solution. Calvin tells Hobbes he feels bad about calling Susie names and hurting her feelings. He says he's sorry he did it. Hobbes suggests Calvin apologize to her. Calvin keeps hoping there's a less obvious solution.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones. But words will never hurt me. Yeah, right. Susie walks through the snow saying 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me'. She walks along smiling, then drops her head down and says 'Yeah, right'."
"Um ... hi, Susie ... I ... uh ... well ... Get lost Calvin. You're mean. Don't walk away! I'm trying to apologize, you dumb noodleloaf! Slap! Calvin walks up to Susie and haltingly starts to apologize. Susie tells him to get lost and that he's mean. She walks away. Calvin yells after her that she shouldn't walk away, he's trying to apologize. Then, he calls her a dumb noodleloaf. He smacks himself on the forehead."
"Susie, I'm sorry I called you names. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Well, you did hurt my feelings. But I accept your apology. Thank you. Oh boy, thank goodness I got that over with! ... on second thought, let's see you grovel a little bit! Calvin runs after Susie. He tells her he's sorry he called her names and didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Susie says her feelings were hurt, but that she accepts his apology. Calvin happily runs off saying that goodness that's over with. Susie yells after him that on second thought, he should grovel a little bit."
"Should I or shouldn't I? Too late! I did. Wap! Did you throw a snowball at me?! Me? A snowball? Did someone throw a snowball at you? Oh, don't play innocent with me, you liar! I know you threw that! Call me a liar. Will you? Well, it takes one to know one, Mr. Tapioca head! Ooh! An insult! I've been maligned! I'll never speak to you again! Hmph. Promises, promises! Oh yeah? Twbbthbpthh! Yeah! Thbthbbptb! Thbppbpth! Thbbth! This is you: aggle aggle aggle! Oh yeah? This is you: gakka wakka wakka! Calvin, time to come in! leave it to mom to interrupt our repartee. ... just when I had you wriggling in the crushing grip of reason too ... Hobbes hits Calvin with a snowball. Calvin accuses Hobbes, who proclaims his innocence. Calvin calls him a liar. Hobbes replies Calvin is Mr. Tapioca Head. Calvin has been maligned. He promises not to speak to Hobbes again. They stick their tongues out at each other. Calvin mocks Hobbes walking. Hobbes returns the insult by mocking"
"Hey, Hobbes, you got a letter. A letter? For me? Wow. I never get letters! What fun! A letter for me! I wonder who sent it? I wonder what it says? What could this possibly be? Open it and find out, you lunatic! Don't get huffy. I want to savor this. Calvin comes in with a couple envelopes and says one is for Hobbes. Hobbes is so happy, since he never gets letters. He looks at the envelope wondering who could have sent it and what could it be. Calvin yells for him to open it and calls him a lunatic. Hobbes tells him not to get huffy and that he wants to savor this."
"Well? Well? What'd you get? It looks like an invitation. An invitation? Who'd invite you anywhere? A lot of people, that's who, buster. There's obviously been some mistake, nobody invites a tiger anywhere. You can't get the insurance. Well somebody is inviting me somewhere. I got an invitation. Who? What's it say?? Read it already!! Probably some big state dinner. I hope I can find my cummerbund. Hobbes looks at what he got in the mail. He says it's an invitation. Calvin wants to know who would invite him anywhere. Calvin says no one invites a tiger because you can't get the insurance. Hobbes says someone is inviting him. Calvin shouts for Hobbes to tell him who invited him and to read the invitation. Hobbes figures it's probably some big state dinner. He hopes he can find his cummerbund."
"So what does the invitation say, you dumb hairball? Call me names, will you? I'll read it when I'm good and ready. Aargghh! Oooohh! Mpf! Ggh! Rrgghghmfmff! Ok, now I'm ready ... ahem ... 'Dear Hobbes.' Faster! Calvin continues to badger Hobbes about his invitation. He asks what it says and calls Hobbes a dumb hairball. Hobbes tells him he'll read it when he's good and ready. Calvin burns with impatience. Hobbes starts reading his invitation....slowly. Calvin yells at Hobbes to read faster."
"Well, well! It's an invitation to Susie Derkins' birthday party. How nice. Susie invited you? What about me? Does it say me too? No, it doesn't say anything about you. She must have mailed my invitation separately, she probably wanted to insure it so she'll know it didn't get lost. Sometimes those take longer. I'll have to sign for it and all. I'm sure she's taking no chances with mine. Oh wait. On the back it says, 'You can bring that stupid kid you hang around with, if you must.' Hobbes reads that it's an invitation to Susie Derkins' birthday party. Calvin asks if it talks about him, and Hobbes says no. Calvin thinks his invitation must have been sent separately. Susie probably insured it so it wouldn't get lost. Those invitations take longer to arrive. Calvin figures he'll have to sign for his invitation when it comes. Hobbes notices something on the back of the invitation. Susie wrote that Hobbes can bring 'that stupid kid you hang around, if you must'."
"We get to go to a birthday party! That stupid Susie. Balloons, cake, presents ... oh boy! She won't be getting a very big present from me, that's for sure. I bet we'll play games too! It will be fun! Hmph. Maybe we'll play 'Spin the Bottle'! Oh get real! Hobbes celebrates being able to go to the birthday party. Calvin calls Susie stupid. Hobbes talks about the balloons, cake and presents. Calvin says Susie won't be getting a big present from him. Hobbes figures they'll play games, too. With a smile on his face, Hobbes suggests they might play 'spin the bottle'. Calvin yells for him to 'get real'."
"I'll make a list of possible gifts for Susie's birthday. What should we give her? how about a mouth full of broken teeth? That's what I'd like to give her. oh, don't be so cranky. I think we should get her a can of tuna fish. Tuna fish? Why would she want that? Well, maybe she wouldn't, and we could offer to take it back ... and borrow some bread, a little mayo ... right Hobbes. Hobbes is making out a list of gifts they could give Susie. Calvin suggests a mouth full of broken teeth. Hobbes thinks a can of tuna fish would be better. Calvin wonders why she'd want that. Hobbes figures maybe she wouldn't want it, they could offer to take it back, get some mayo and bread..."
"Ha ha! Your clever little strategy has tragically backfired! Look at this jump! Watch and weep, fuzz face! That's your move, right? I get to go now, right? It's too late for you to change your mind, right? Not so fast"
"Susie's house is the next one up. This is our last chance to not show up and have a new bike horn. Calvin and Hobbes are walking to Susie's party. Calvin has a gift in his hands. As they approach her home, Calvin says this is their last chance to not show up and have a new bike horn."
"Hi, Susie. Happy birthday! Hello, Calvin. Thanks for coming. Oh, look at your stuffed tiger! He's wearing a tie! He's just adorable! Ok, you were right. Girls flip for ties. You can stop winking at me. C'mon in. Susie opens the door, and Calvin hands her the gift. She thanks them for coming and they step inside. She notices Hobbes is wearing a tie. She picks him up and hugs him. Grudgingly, Calvin tells Hobbes that he was right about girls flipping for ties and that he can stop winking at him."
"Ok, everyone. The idea of a scavenger hunt is to bring us back as many of these items as you can in half an hour. Let's go! Quick Hobbes, what's the first item? An old license plate. Great! I saw one on the way over! C'mon! good thing I always carry a Swiss army knife. Nobody's coming, right? Is this game legal? Susie has a scavenger hunt at her party. Off go Calvin and Hobbes for the first item, an old license plate. Calvin remembers seeing one on their way over to Susie's. He pulls out his Swiss army knife and starts to remove the plate from a car. Hobbes wonders if this game is legal."
"Here's a paper plate for the birthday cake, Calvin. Thank you. I hope it's good. I hate it when the birthday kid chooses something gross like coconut. You don't have to worry. It's chocolate. Oh, good. Did you see it? Hey! Who cut a piece of my cake already?! I didn't even get to blow out the candles!! It's nice and moist, too. Susie hands Calvin a paper plate for his piece of birthday cake. Calvin whispers to Hobbes that he hopes the cake is something good and not gross like coconut. Hobbes tells him not to worry, the cake is chocolate. Calvin asks if he saw the cake. Susie yells that someone cut a piece out already, and that she didn't even get to blow out the candles. Hobbes whispers that it's nice and moist, too."
"Glad you both could come. Thank you for the nice present. Good-bye. Mom may not want this piece of cake and ice cream we're bringing her. Susie thanks Calvin and Hobbes for coming to her party and for her gift. Calvin and Hobbes are walking home, and Calvin stops. He digs into his pocket while something puddles up on the ground. He says Mom may not want the piece of cake and ice cream they're bringing her."
"Hey! It snowed last night! Oh, boy! Look at it all! They'll have to close the schools! Snow everywhere! It must be waist deep! Unfortunately, that's a relative measure. Calvin looks out the window and sees that it snowed. He's sure they'll have to close all the schools. He says the snow must be waist deep. As he stands waiting for the school bus, we see that it is waist high...his waist. Calvin says 'Unfortunately, that's a relative measure'."
"Either he's playing classical music at 78 RMP, or I'm still dreaming. First thing tomorrow morning, I'm calling the orphanage. Calvin, wearing sunglasses, and Hobbes are dancing to the music. They're swinging to the beat. Mom sits up in bed and says that he's playing classical music at 78 rpm, or she's dreaming. Dad says first thing in the morning, he's calling the orphanage."
"What's the teacher handing out? Our report cards. Our report cards? You know, our grades. Grades? We're being graded? Of course, dummy. What did you think? Don't we even get a few practice semesters?"
"I brought my report card home dad. Well! Let's see it! Remember how you once told me it didn't matter what grades I got ... just as long as I tried my hardest, right? Well you could certainly be trying harder than this! So you admit you were lying? Calvin tells Dad he has his report card. Dad asks to see it. Calvin reminds Dad that he once said it didn't matter what grade you got, as long as you were trying your hardest. Dad looks at the card and yells Calvin could be trying harder than this. Calvin then asks if Dad admits to lying before."
"Dad says my report card shows that not enough time is being spent on my homework. So from dinner till bed is now designated as 'homework time.' I don't think that's fair! If it doesn't take that long to do, why should I have to stay in my room all that time? Yeah, can I help it I'm so fast? Calvin complains that Dad says the report card shows not enough time is spent on homework. From now on, the time from dinner to bedtime is homework time. Calvin says that's unfair. He thinks if he finishes it faster than that, he shouldn't have to stay in his room. Hobbes is sitting at the desk writing Calvin's homework. Hobbes asks if he can help it if he's so fast."
"Can I have some clay? Help yourself. This stuff's impossible to work with. Thanks. I've got a pretty good bowl or something going here. It started out as a phantom jet, but it sort of squashed, so now I think it's a bowl. Mmm that's very good. Yeah, I'm real pleased with it. Hobbes asks Calvin if he can have some clay. Calvin says to help himself, and that the stuff is impossible to work with. Calvin says he has a pretty good bowl or something going. He says it started out as a Phantom jet, but got squashed. So now, he thinks it's a bowl. As he says he's proud of it, Hobbes works his clay into a tiger reaching out. Hobbes says Calvin's bowl is very good."
"Uh oh. There's a dinosaur in the kitchen. Well if you see Calvin anywhere, tell him it's almost time for dinner. I'd invite you, but no dinosaurs are allowed at the dinner table. Ha. Dinosaurs eat anywhere they want. Calvin comes growling into the kitchen. Mom says there's a dinosaur in the kitchen. She asks the dinosaur to tell Calvin it's almost time for dinner. She mentions she would invite the dinosaur to eat, but that dinosaurs aren't allowed at the dinner table. Calvin growls out of the kitchen into the dining room. He thinks dinosaurs eat anywhere they want."
"Let's go Calvin. Time for your bath. I'm not taking baths anymore. I hate them. Oh? And how are you going to stay clean? Easy. Mom is by the bathtub, and she yells for Calvin to come take his bath. Calvin replies he's not taking baths anymore. Mom asks how he's going to stay clean. Calvin picks up the vacuum cleaner and says 'Easy'."
"Why can't I ever find my stupid scarf? Hobbes and I are going outside Mom. This is going to be the biggest snowman ever built! People will come from miles to see our gigantic snoman! This won't go any more. It's too big to push. Ok, leave it here. I'm exhausted! Well we can't stop now! We need nine more of these! Nine more?! Sure! This is just one of his toes! Calvin and Hobbes are pushing a big snowball. Calvin says this will be the biggest snowman ever. He says people will come from miles to see their snowman. Hobbes can't push the snowball anymore, so Calvin tells him to leave it there. Hobbes says he's exhausted. Calvin tells him he can't stop now, they need nine more. The snowball they've been pushing has been only one of the snowman's toes. As Hobbes walks off, we see Calvin has been stuffed into the snowball and has his head poking out the top of the snowball."
"Where's Dad? He's in the living room, making a fire. A fire! Oh boy! Oh, in the fireplace. Calvin asks Mom where Dad is. She tells him he's in the living room, making a fire. Calvin runs into the living room with a big smile on his face. He stops as he sees Dad and says 'Oh. In the fireplace'."
"Wanna call that a single, or give this up? Hobbes carefully makes a snowball and throws it. Calvin swings his bat and hits the snowball. PIFF! Calvin asks Hobbes if he wants to call that a single or give this up."