"I'm ready for bed, Dad. What's tonight's story going to be? Here's one, 'Readings on Dialectical Metaphysics.' You'll love it. Forget it Dad. You can't get me to drop off that easy. Will you read us this story? Hobbes wrote it himself. Hobbes wrote it, huh? 'Goldilocks and the three tigers.' Oh boy, this is gonna be great! 'Once upon a time there lived a young girl named Goldilocks. She went into the forest and saw a cottage. No one was home so she went in. Inside she saw three bowls of porridge. A big bowl, a medium bowl, and a small bowl. She was just about to taste the porridge when the three tigers came home. They quickly divided Goldilocks into big, medium, and small pieces and dunked them in the porridge that ...' Calvin, I'm not going to finish this! This is disgusting!! I don't know why I let you talk to me into this. Good night! Click. He didn't even look at our illustrations. Now I'm all hungry. Calvin asks Hobbes if it seems like everybody shouts at each other. He thinks it's because conflict is drama. Drama is entertaining. Finding consensus is dull. People want fireworks. They want the sense of solidarity that comes from having interests narrowed by like-minded zealots. Talk show hosts, news programs, political candidates all become successful by reducing debates to the level of shouted rage. Nothing gets solved, but everyone is entertained. Hobbes says he may be right. Calvin says this is turning out to be a boring day."
"People keep talking about opening more wilderness for development. We seem to understand the value of oil, timber, minerals and housing, but not the value of unspoiled beauty, wildlife, solitude, and spiritual renewal. We need to start putting prices on the priceless. Yeah, if your woods are worth a zillion jillion bagillion, think what Alaska is worth. Calvin says people talk about opening more wilderness for development. It seems people understand the value of oil, timber, and minerals, but not the value of unspoiled beauty, wildlife, and solitude. Hobbes suggests they put prices on the priceless."
It's freezing in here!! Why can't we crank up the thermostat?! Consuming less fuel is better for the economy and it saves money. Oh. ...and being cold builds character. I KNEW IT!! Calvin yells for the thermostat to be raised. Dad says consuming less fuel is better for the environment and saves money. Calvin didn't know that. Dad adds that being cold builds character. Calvin knew it.
"These are interesting times. We don't trust the government, we don't trust the legal system, we don't trust the media, and we don't trust each other! We've undermined all authority, and with it, the basis for replacing it! 'Interesting' is a mild way of putting it. It's like a six-year-old's dream come true! Calvin reads the newspaper and these are interesting times. He says we don't trust government, the legal system, the media, or each other. They've undermined all authority, and with it, the basis for replacing it. Hobbes says 'interesting' is a mild way of putting it. Calvin calls it a six-year-old's dream come true."
"You're lisening to 'Boomer 102' classic rock - where we promise not to expose you to anything you haven't heard a million times before! We'll get right back to more hits from those high school days when your world stopped... but first, here's our critic to review the latest movie based on a '60s or '70s TV show! What's THAT look supposed to mean? Calvin listens to the radio, which promises not to expose him to anything he hasn't heard a million time before. It says they'll get back to hits from those high school days when their world stopped. But first, their critic will review the latest movie based on a 60's or 70's TV show. Calvin walks by Dad with a strange look on his face. Dad asks what that look is supposed to mean."
Ever notice how many conversations revolve around TV shows and movies? Our common references are events that never happened and people we'll never meet! We know more about celebrities and fictional characters than we know about our neighbors! That must be why new houses aren't built with big front porches any more. I can't believe Dad won't let me have a TV in my own room. Calvin asks if Hobbes has noticed conversations revolve around TV shows and movies. Our common references are things that never happened and people they'll never meet. They know more about fictional characters than they do their neighbors. Hobbes thinks that's why new houses aren't built with big front porches anymore.
"I like the sound of sleet hitting the window panes at night. And I like when the sleet turns to heavy snow as it gets colder, so you know that tomorrow the world will be buried in ice and snow! It's one of the few pleasures reserved for those who don't drive. Looking out his bedroom window, Calvin says he loves the sound of sleet hitting the window panes at night. When the sleet turns to heavy snow, he knows the world will be buried in ice and snow. He says it's one of the few pleasures reserved for those who don't drive."
"I spelled 'Be' how many points do I get? Um ... 2 points. 2 points?! Is that @*#%! all?? My, this game does teach new words! See, I spelled 'zygomorphic' on a triple word score box. That's 150 points. All I've got is consonants. Your turn. Well, if I use your letter 'I' I can spell 'in'. That's 3 points. I pick out some new letters ... hmm ... with your 'n', I can spell 'nucleoplasm' that's, lets see, 40 points. All I've got is consonants. I'm not going to play this stupid game! I hate it!! What a waste of time! What should we play instead? Let's play poker. At least with cards you have half a chance. Ok, I bet a nickel. I'll see you ... and raise you 8 dollars. Calvin and Hobbes are looking for weirdness. Hobbes finds a rock with a purple stripe. Calvin finds a stick. It's strange, but not weird. There are no bugs out, so nothing there. Calvin finds a bird feather. Hobbes says it's pretty, but not weird. Calvin sees a ripped-up old kite stuck in a tree. Calvin was hoping to find the kid's skeleton at the end of the string. Hobbes thinks that would be weird. They decide to go inside. Hobbes says some days, weirdness is hard to find. Just then, Dad rides by on his bicycle. He's all bundled for the cold. Dad says his glasses are fogged, and he can't blow his nose, but his heart rate is the envy of men half his age. Calvin says weirdness always begins at home. Hobbes says even when you look for it, you're not prepared for it."
"I KNEW I should've thrown than snowball sooner! At his desk, Calvin looks around. He opens his desk. He is shocked. He says he knew he should have thrown that snowball sooner."
"Dear Santa, Hi, It's me, Calvin. I have been extremely good* this year. Obviously, you're hoping Santa won't read the long, fine print disclosure in the footnote. I got the idea from car ads. Calvin writes a letter to Santa. He writes he's been extremely good this year and makes a footnote indication near the word 'good'. Hobbes reads it and says obviously Calvin's hoping Santa won't read the long, fine print disclosure in the footnote. Calvin says he got the idea from car ads."
"Dear Santa, This year, please bear in mind that I should be presumed innocent until proven guilty. Also, I would encourage you to interpret 'reasonable doubt' as broadly as possible. That's probably a bad way to start. Calvin writes to Santa that he should be presumed innocent until proven guilty. He encourages Santa to interpret 'reasonable doubt' as broadly as possible. Calvin wads the note up and says that's probably a bad way to start."
"Do you think there's an evil Santa? An EVIL Santa?? Yeah, like Santa's deranged twin brother, or something! He'd make toys for all the BAD girls and boys! Evil Santa would give all the dangerous, annoying, and corrupting toys your parents won't allow! And if you're good? He punishes you with shirts and underwear. Calvin asks Hobbes if there's an evil Santa. He'd make toys for the bad girls and boys. Evil Santa would give the dangerous, annoying toys parents don't allow. Hobbes asks what would happen if you were good. Calvin says he would punish you with shirts and underwear."
"Dear Santa, Before I submit my life to your moral scrutiny, I demand to know who made YOU the master of my fate?! Who are YOU to question my behavior, huh??? What gives you the right?! Santa makes the toys, so he gets to decide who to give them to. Oh. Time to prepare my appelate case. Calvin writes to Santa demanding to know who made Santa the master of Calvin's fate. He asks who Santa is to question his behavior. Hobbes tells him Santa makes the toys, so he decides who to give them to. Calvin pauses. He decides it's time to prepare his appellate case."
"I see you, Calvin, and you'd better not throw that snowball! I'm mailing a letter to Santa right now! Is the envelope already sealed? Yes, but I could write a P.S. on the back. Do you have a pen? As a matter of fact, I do. I'll bet she's bluffing but this isn't the time of year to tempt fate."
"Run! Aiee! Look out! I wonder why Japanese people keep moving their moths after they're through talking. Somewhere in the Pacific Ocean ... an undersea nuclear explosion awakens a giant prehistoric monster! It makes its way to the coast of Japan and emerges! Yaarghhh. He heads for the power lines, leaving a trail of destruction behind. Calvin, get back in the tub! You're making a mess! His ancient arch-rival Megalon! He spews a mighty fireball! Aauughh! Tokyo is in ruins! Megalon vanquished! He returns to the sea from whence he came! No more afternoon TV movies for you! ... Ever!! Calvin is hit by a snowball. He asks Hobbes if he threw the snowball. Hobbes doesn't know what he's talking about. Calvin accuses him of being sneaky, grim, and ruthless. He says that spells 'tiger'. Hobbes says it spells 'Calvin's new name is Mr. Stupid Soggyshorts'. They start fighting. Susie comes over and tells Calvin he should have seen his expression when she hit him with the snowball. She laughs and walks away. Calvin thinks. He looks at Hobbes, who then pelts Calvin with snowballs for having accused him."
"There's a tree! Hit the brakes! Trees ARE my brakes. Going down the hill on the sled, Hobbes yells there is a tree. He tells Calvin to hit the brakes. The sled hits the tree. Buried in the snow, Calvin says trees are his brakes."
I have 200 snowballs! I am utterly invincible! I can act with total impunity! I can do whatever I want! So just hang on while I decide what that is! Calvin has 200 snowballs. He declares himself invincible. He says he can do whatever he wants. He stands there. He says everyone should hang on until he decides what that is.
"With 200 snowballs at my immediate disposal, I have no opposition! My will is law! I am omnipotent! How boring. Calvin declares with 200 snowballs at his disposal, he has no opposition. His will is law. He is omnipotent. He stands there. He says 'how boring'."
"In the SHORT term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the LONG term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories. In the house, Calvin says in the short term, it would make him happy to play outside. In the long term, it would make him happier to do well in school and be successful. As they ride down the hill on the sled, Calvin says in the very long term, he knows which will make better memories."
"First she says go out. Now she says come in. A snowman has bowled another snowman's head down a lane into snow pins. Calvin tells Hobbes that first, Mom says go out. Now she says go in."
Ha! What a rotten snowman! That's the worst snowman I've ever seen! So go build a better one! Maybe I will! You're back? MY words speak louder than actions. Calvin calls Susie's snowman the worst one ever. She tells him to go build a better one. He says maybe he will and walks away. He comes back and says his words speak louder than his actions.
"Toboggans give better rides than runner sleds. Why is that? There's no way to steer. On these cloudy winter days, sometimes I like to lie back on my sled and look at the sky. It's just gray and silent. No birds singing or bugs buzzing. Everything is muffled by the snow. Imagine what it would be like without any people or houses around. It would be perfectly still. Pretty neat huh? Yes, very peaceful. I hate all that silence. Going down the hill on the sled, Calvin wants to try a different path. He tells Hobbes change is invigorating. If you don't accept new challenges, you become lazy. Change forces them to experiment and adapt. That's how they learn and grow. As they sail off the edge of the hill, Calvin says there's a fresh challenge. Hobbes admits it's opened up new horizons. Stuck in the snow, Hobbes says new experiences are rarely the ones they choose."
"The Christmas season is always a time for personal reflection. Too often, we don't examine our lives. This is a time to take stock and think about what's important. It's a time to rededicate oneself to frenzied acquisition... a time to spread the joy of material wealth... a time to glorify personal excess of every kind! Earthly rewards make consumerism a popular religion. ...a time to atone for one's frugality! Calvin says the Christmas season is time for personal reflection. It's time to think about what's important. He says it's time to rededicate oneself to acquisition, a time to spread the joy of material wealth, time to glorify excess of every kind. Hobbes says earthly rewards make consumerism a popular religion."
"Oh boy, look at all the snow! It must be six inches deep! This will be perfect for sledding or... DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG All right! I'm coming! I'm coming! What the heck is wrong with this planet you sold us?! Calvin looks out the window to see snow. He thinks it will be perfect sledding weather. The doorbell rings. It's the aliens Calvin sold the planet to for fifty alien tree leaves. They asks what's wrong with the planet he sold."
"Galaxoid and nebular! This cold white glop covers us and freezes our innards! It's snow. You'd better get used to it, 'cause we get it every winter. You did not tell us that this planet's axis would tilt away from the sun. You didn't ask. We paid 50 leaves for this planet! You greatly overcharged us! Yeah well, 'let the buyer beware.' You are a most dishonorable potentate! We demand you bring this planet up to code! The aliens complain the cold white glop covers them and freezes their innards. Calvin says it's snow. They get it every winter. The aliens complain Calvin didn't tell them about that. He replies that they didn't ask. They say they were overcharged. Calvin tells them 'let the buyer beware'. The aliens walk off complaining that he's a dishonorable potentate. They demand he bring the planet up to code."
"Who's at the door, Calvin? AAHH! Um.. uh.. girl scouts! Do we want any cookies? Girl scouts? Cookies? It seems early, but sure, let me get my purse. Oh no! Scram, you guys! Not until you fix the climate! I'll see what I can do. Do not trifle with us, Earth leader! Where are the girl scouts? They suddenly had to go earn a merit badge. Quick, where's Hobbes? Mom asks who's at the door. Calvin tells her it's the Girl Scouts. He whisks the aliens outside. He tells them he'll see what he can do about fixing the climate. Mom asks where the Girl Scouts went. Calvin says they had to earn a merit badge."
"The aliens didn't know about winter? They claim I sold them a planet with a faulty axis. What should I do? Offer a refund. Give back their leaf collection. Arrggh! I threw it away when it got such a bad grade! Hmm... well, we should at least help them stay warm then. But what could they wear? They don't even have arms! ... they need huge socks or something. HEY! NO! Bad idea! Bad idea! Calvin tells Hobbes the aliens claim he sold a defective planet. Hobbes suggests offering a refund. Calvin threw away the leaf collection when it got a bad grade. Hobbes thinks they should help them stay warm. Calvin says they don't have arms. They'd need huge socks. Hobbes starts to take down their Christmas stockings from the fireplace. Calvin thinks that's a bad idea."
"Ooh, this is toasty! Thank you, Earth leader! That's my Christmas stocking! They're going away with our stockings! Santa can't fill 'em with loot! I'm sure Santa knows we did a nice thing and he'll work it all out. Hey yeah, I did something GOOD! We're talking jackpot! We're talking multiple trips from the pole to haul it all! Your selflessness is the hope of the season. Hobbes puts the Christmas stockings on the aliens. They thank the earth leader and leave. Calvin complains Santa can't fill them with loot. Hobbes is sure that Santa knows they did a good thing, and things will work out. Calvin realizes he did do something good. He's thinking jackpot now. Hobbes says Calvin's selflessness is the hope of the season."
What a day! And no one to share it with! Woo hoo hoo. It's cold out there today! Brrrr! Brisk! Just the way I like it! Wow! Sniff. Ha! Weather like this lets you know you're alive! C'mon out gang! It's a perfect day! You'll get used to the wind if you keep moving! Hey, C'mon! are you guys just going to stay inside all day?!? Shut the dumb door!! Ok, ok! I was on my way back outside anyway! ... sheesh ... there's one in every house. Just how long did you know Dad before you married him?
"You say my present from you is outside? It's over here. A pile of ready-made snowballs! I wanted to give you something practical. You're the best, Hobbes, ol' buddy! Thanks! Merry Christmas. I suppose it would be wrong to throw these at YOU... I made my own pile, just in case. Hobbes' present for Calvin is outside. Hobbes gave him a pile of ready-made snowballs. Calvin hugs Hobbes and says he's the best. He supposes it would be wrong to throw the snowballs at Hobbes. Hobbes tells him he made his own pile, just in case."