Calvin & Hobbes

"In the future, everything will be effortless. Computers will take care of every task. We'll just point to what we want done and click. We'll never need to leave the climate-controlled comfort of our homes! No nuisance, no wasted time, no annoying human interaction... ...no life. Life is too inconvenient. Calvin thinks everything will be effortless in the future. Computers will handle every task. They'll never leave the climate-controlled comfort of their homes. He says there will be no nuisance, no wasted time, no annoying human interaction. Hobbes suggests that would be no life. Calvin says life is too inconvenient."

"You're going to juggle eggs? It's a metaphor for life, Hobbes. Each egg represents one of life's concerns and the goal is to give each the appropriate amount of individual attention while simultaneously watching and guiding all the others. Life is about balance and staying quick and alert as everything threatens to spin out of control! And sometimes we make a big mess of things. But the important thing is persistence. Hobbes asks if Calvin is going to juggle eggs. Calvin says it's a metaphor for life. Each egg represents one of life's concerns. The goal is to give the right amount of attention while watching and guiding the others. Life is about balance and staying alert as things threaten to spin out of control. There are broken eggs all over the living room. Hobbes says sometimes, they make a big mess of things. Calvin says the important thing is persistence."

"Bang! Kapwinngg! Bang bang! You missed! You missed! There he goes! After him boys! Giddyap! Giddyap! Ambush! Bang! Bang! Yow! Whoop! Bang! Gotcha! Noyadidnt! Noyadidnt! Calvin, will you please stop tearing around the house?! You're driving me crazy! You said we couldn't go outside because it's raining. Boy, that sure worked. We're not allowed back in until when? Asleep in bed, Hobbes yawns and rolls over, taking Calvin's blanket. Calvin tries to pull it back to no avail. He then rolls Hobbes back over, only to find he is at the edge of the bed. He pushes Hobbes back over again, and there goes the blanket with Hobbes. Calvin goes to Mom and Dad's bedroom. He crawls into bed next to Mom and rolls over. There goes the blanket, leaving Dad without any cover."

"*KHHKHKT* Boy genius to fanged terror, come in! Do you read me? Over! *KHKKHHKT* I'LL take the walkie-talkie. YOU take the test. Ixsay inusmay ourfay! Urryhay! Miss Wormwood sits at her desk. She hears 'Boy genius to fanged terror'. Calvin is talking into a walkie-talkie in pig Latin. He's asking for the answer to six minus four. Miss Wormwood says she'll take the walkie-talkie, and Calvin can take the test."

"Trick or treat! Where's your costume? What are you supposed to be? I'm yet another resourceconsuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak! Am I scary, or waht? Calvin is trick-or-treating. He's asked where his costume is and what he's supposed to be. Calvin replies he's another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised to take his place to take over the world. As he walks away, he asks if he's scary or what."

Bok whiff whaff fiff foof I can't help but wonder what kind of desperate straits would drive a man to invent this thing. Calvin plays with a paddle ball. Or he tries. He can't help but wonder what kind of desperate straits drive a man to invent that thing.

"Look! Geese flying south for the winter. Twice a year they migrate thousands of miles across the continent in an exhausting, eternal struggle to fulfill nature's unyielding demands. I'll bet that gets old real fast. You don't see ME keeping a summer home. Geese are flying south for the winter. Calvin explains twice a year they migrate thousands of miles to fulfill nature's unyielding demands. Calvin and Hobbes watch the geese. Calvin says he bets that gets old real fast."

Why isn't my life like this situation comedy? Why don't I have a bunch of friends with nothing to do but drop by and instigate wacky adventures? Why aren't my conversations peppered with spontaneous witticisms? Why don't my friends demonstrate heartfelt concern for my well-being when I have problems? Why don't you know any gorgeous babes? I gotta get my life some writers. Calvin asks why his life isn't like a situation comedy. He asks why he doesn't have friends who drop by and instigate wacky adventures. He asks why his conversations aren't peppered with spontaneous witticisms. Hobbes asks if he knows any gorgeous babes. Calvin says he needs to get his life some writers.

"Know what's weird? Day by day nothing seems to change, but pretty soon, everything is different. You just go about your business and one day you realize you're not the same person you used to be. People change whether they decide to or not! Thank heaven for small favors. For example, I used to be more tolerant of oblique aspersions. Calvin tells Hobbes that day by day, nothing seems to happen. Pretty soon, though, things are different. One day you realize you're not the same person you used to be. People change whether they decide to or not. Hobbes says thank heaven for small favors. Calvin suspiciously looks at Hobbes and says he used to be more tolerant of oblique aspersions."

"Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop Zip zop. Snow pants. Well? Let's have some snow!! It's snowing! I can make it snow! I'm psychokinetic! Hey! Hey! Ohh, he's going to hate me for this. Calvin turns a tree into a transport pod and descends underground. He gets out of the pod, and a robot salutes him. He climbs into a spaceship and flies to a space station. He tells Mom he's home. Calvin looks around his house. He tells Mom his life could stand a lot more pizazz. Mom is vacuuming. She says he should tell her about it."

"I wonder how long it's been since I last looked at the clock. Maybe it's been an hour. Well, actually it's probably been only 40 minutes. I'll guess half an hour to be safe. 20 seconds?!? It's going to be a very bad day. Calvin, sit up. Calvin wonders how long it's been since he looked at the clock. He thinks maybe an hour. He decides to guess half an hour to be safe. He looks. Twenty seconds! He thinks it's going to be a very bad day."

"I'M IN A VERY CRABBY MOOD, SO EVERYBODY JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I HATE EVERYONE!! Nobody recognizes my hints to smother me with affection. Calvin yells that he's in a crabby mood and wants to be left alone. He storms off, then looks around. He says nobody recognizes his hints to smother him with affection."

"As a genius, it's important that I write a lot of letters. After all, my correspondence will be the basic resource material for historians to reconstruct my life. My writing will provide countless fascinating insights for biographers. Such as how all your salutations begin, 'Hey boogerbrain'. It's been three weeks and I still haven't received my X-Ray glasses! As a genius, Calvin says it's important he write a lot of letters. He tells Hobbes his correspondence will be resource material for historians to reconstruct his life. He says his writings will provide fascinating insights for biographers. Hobbes notices how all his salutations begin 'Hey, boogerbrain'. Calvin complains that it's been three weeks, and he still hasn't received his x-ray glasses."

Yikes! Not another extreme close-up on somebody's anguish and grief! Why do TV cameras zoom in so close to people's faces that you can't even see their entire heads?! Do they think we can't read the person's expression from more than two inches away?! What a violation of personal space! What a shameless intrusion! What a heartless assault on human dignity! Why are you standing against the wall? I'm watching TV.

"AUGHH! THIS STUPID TOASTER BURNED MY TOAST!! Look at this! My toast is charred to a black cinder! I can't eat this! It's ruined! RUINED!! So stick in another piece of bread and watch it this time. Are you suggesting that this appliance didn't aggravate me with malice aforethought?! Calvin's toast is burned. He complains that he can't eat it, and that it's ruined. Mom walks by and tells him to stick another piece of bread in and watch it this time. Calvin asks if she's suggesting the appliance didn't aggravate him with malice aforethought."

"I keep having the same weird dream every night. If it's the same dream, it must MEAN something. I think it means the fall season flopped and my subconscious went into reruns. Calvin keeps having the same dream every night. Hobbes says if it's the same dream, it must mean something. Calvin thinks it means the fall season flopped and his subconscious went into reruns."

"Can Hobbes and I come in the store with you, Dad? No, you stay in the car. Sheesh. Knock over one lousy display stand, and pay for it the rest of your life. I'll just be a minute. Wait here. Ok. Let's hide and give Dad a scare! Maybe he'll think we ran away! Lie down and I'll pull this blanket over us. Then put this bag on top. Hee hee! I hear him coming! Sshhh! Hee hee! Gee, I wonder where Calvin went! And his tiger's gone too! Now's my chance to get away before they get back! Won't Mom be glad when she hears I lost htem! Mom won't be glad at all, you sicko! Sorry to spoil your getaway! What? You're here?? Oh rats ... I mean, good! There is a map, drawn to shop a sled ride down Mt. Vertigo, though the woods, going to the pine tree. The map shows picking up hidden snowballs and blasting Susie. It shows a getaway, and ending with a jump into an impenetrable fortress. Calvin looks around wishing it would snow."

"Brrr, it's freezing out there! I don't want to leave my nice warm bed. On days like this, I wish Mom would come in, lay an extra blanket over me, pat my head, and as I sink into the pillow under the weight of the covers, she'd say... HEY, LET'S MOVE IT!! THIS IS THE THIRD TIME I'VE CALLED YOU! YOU'RE GOING TO MISS THE BUS! LET'S GO!! These mornings are going to kill me. Snuggled under blankets, Calvin says he doesn't want to leave his warm bed. He wishes Mom would lay an extra blanket on him, pat his head, and he'd sink into the pillow. Mom yells in this is the third time she's called Calvin. She says Calvin will miss the bus. Shivering, Calvin gets up and says these mornings are going to kill him."

"The pace of modern life is all wrong. It makes every day an ordeal. Everybody's exhausted, stressed out, and short-tempered! Look at me! Why am I waiting for a bus at this horrible hour?! It's unnatural and unhealthy! We should EASE into the day! You know, read the paper, have some hot cocoa, go for a leisurely walk and get our thoughts together... So now it's mid-afternoon. Right. Time to kick back for a little siesta and plan dinner. Calvin says the pace of modern life is all wrong. He says every day is an ordeal. He asks why he's waiting for the school bus at that hour. He says it's unnatural and unhealthy. He says people should ease into the day. They should read the paper, have cocoa, go for a walk. Hobbes says it would then be mid-afternoon. Calvin continues that it would be time to kick back and plan dinner."

"I want the last piece of pie! Don't divide it up! Give it all to ME! Don't be selfish, Calvin. So the real message here is 'be dishonest'? There is one piece of pie left. Calvin tells Mom he wants the last piece. He doesn't want her to divide it. He wants it all. Mom tells him not to be selfish. Calvin asks if the real message is to be dishonest. Mom gives him the piece of pie."

"Ugghh... manicotti! Gross! Shlooop. AIEE! MY INTESTINES JUST BURST THROUGH MY STOMACH WALL! AAAA!! I should get some more and see if I can get out of math class. Calvin is grossed out by the school lunch of manicotti. He dumps it down the front of his shirt. Susie comes over to sit by him, and Calvin lifts his shirt. He makes a face and says his intestines just burst through his stomach wall. Susie is horrified. Calvin smiles and says he should get more to see if he can get out of math class."

"This is a photograph of me when I was two. It's strange. I KNOW that's me, but I don't feel any connection to this image. Everything is so different now. Isn't it weird that one's own past can seem unreal? This is like looking at a picture of somebody else. Say, a slobbering nudist with legs like link sausages. You know, now I can't STAND to wad a soggy blanket in my mouth. Calvin shows Hobbes a photo of when he was two. Calvin knows it's him, but he doesn't feel a connection to the image. He says it's like looking at a picture of someone else. Hobbes thinks it looks like a slobbering nudist with legs like sausages. Calvin says now he can't stand to wad a soggy blanket in his mouth."

"Here's a picture of me when I was three. Look at that smile! Ahh, the arrogance of youth! I thought I knew everything when I was three. And you expwethed aww that knowwedge wike thith. Now, a lifetime of experience has left me bitter and cynical. Calvin shows Hobbes a photo of when he was three. He says he thought he knew everything then. Calvin says a lifetime of experience has left him bitter and cynical."

"A brilliant bolt of deadly frap ray blazes by the intrepid Spaceman Spiff! Our hero has very high insurance premiums. The courageous Spaceman Spiff is hit! He plummets toward planet Zog! Breaking through the cloud layer, he careens over an alien city! There's no place to land! Spiff wrestles the uncooperative controls! More freem drive to the thuster busters! Too much stress! The fuel explodes in flame! The situation is grim! Ten seconds to impact! Nine ... eight ... Well Calvin?? Seven! Very good Calvin. Ten minus three equals seven. I didn't think you were paying attention. That question was worth three points. Our hero miraculously makes a three-point landing. Spiff saves the day again! Calvin runs out of the house, late for the school bus. He makes it, but realizes he left his lunch. Mom sees the lunch and runs to give it to Calvin. They miss each other. Mom is at the bus stop, and Calvin is inside looking for lunch. Mom and Calvin finally hook up, only to see the school bus taking off. They yell at each other. Mom angrily takes Calvin to school. Mom goes into the house. Calvin realizes something. Mom sees the books Calvin left in the house when he had gone in looking for his lunch."

"I'm gonna pound you at recess, Twinky. Why?? It's no contest! You've got the entire advantage! What could you possibly get out of pounding someone completely defenseless! It's fun. Oh, he's a sportsman. Moe threatens to pound Calvin at recess. Calvin asks why. He says it's no contest. He asks what Moe gets from pounding someone completely defenseless. Moe says it's fun. Calvin says Moe is a sportsman."

"Hello? Hi Mom, it's Calvin. Is something wrong? You're supposed to be in school! It's recess. I'm fine. Then why are you calling me? Actually, I'm calling Hobbes. Would you put him on? I gotta get my own secretary. Calvin calls Mom at home. She asks if something is wrong. Calvin is fine and is at recess. Mom asks why he's calling her. He says he's actually calling Hobbes and asks Mom to put him on the phone. Calvin trudges away, saying he has to get his own secretary."

"Ooh, it's cold today! It needs to be 30 degrees warmer out here! For that matter, it's also too quiet. We need some background music. And it's too slow! Things should happen more quickly! If only being outside were more like driving a car. Yeah, I could be sitting down now too. Hobbes and Calvin brace themselves against the cold. Calvin says it needs to be warmer. He adds it's too quiet and needs background music. He says it's too slow. Things should happen more quickly. Hobbes rolls his eyes and says if only being outside were more like driving a car. Calvin agrees, saying they could be sitting down now."

"Calvin, will you gather the trash, please? Why should I? What do I get in return?! We will feed, clothe, shelter, and educate you throughout your entire youth. I really hate having things put in perspective. Mom asks Calvin to gather the trash. Calvin asks what he gets in return. Mom explains they'll feed, clothe, shelter, and educate him throughout his entire youth. Calvin carries the trash saying he hates having things put into perspective."

"How could anyone wear out shoes so fast? I lead a rugged life. Calvin stops at a corner in the house. He takes off a shoe and flips it past the corner. Hobbes pounces on it. At the shoe store, Mom asks how anyone could wear out shoes so fast. Calvin tells her he leads a rugged life."