"And so, after a three minute downpour, he became ludicrously attired for the rest of the day. Calvin stands waiting for the school bus. He has his raincoat and hat on, holding an umbrella. It's raining. Then it stops, and the sun come out. Calvin says that after the three minute downpour, he became ludicrously attired for the rest of the day."
"Not everyone can get a foll isometric workout by just yawning. Hobbes stretches out, arches his back, then hunches it. Calvin says not everyone can get a full isometric workout just by yawning."
"I wish school would disappear forever, right now! To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible. Waiting for the school bus, Calvin says he wishes school would disappear forever right now. The bus pulls up. Inside, he says to make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible."
"Uh oh, I feel a sneeze coming on. Aaa! No tissue! No hanky! I... ah.. ah.. ah.. KACHOO! Of my limited options, this was probably the worst. Calvin feels a sneeze coming on. He has no tissue, no hanky. He sneezes and holds his shirt up to his nose. He says of his limited options, this was probably the worst."
"Were there dinosaurs when you were a kid, dad? Oh sure! Your grandfather and I used to put on our leopard skins and hunt Brontosaurus for all the clan rituals. Listen, buster, I think Calvin's grades are bad enough already, don't you? The horrifying Tyrannosaurus lumbers across the prehistoric valley. The mighty dinosaur is a walking death machine! Only one other creature dares to challenge the terrible Tyrannosaurus! ... the savage Saber-Toothed Tiger! Gg mmf yow gzzzz mkn gbzz, yow. Wake up! The meek Tyrannosaurus victim of an innocent misunderstanding, tears like heck across the prehistoric valley. Spaceman Spiff is stranded on a distant planet. To survive, he must find food. Spiff follows a scavenger Mordon. There may be a fresh kill nearby. Due to the stench, our hero becomes a vegetarian on the spot. The grasses can't be eaten. The fruit is poisonous. Weak and despairing, Spiff looks into a frozen geyser pit. Ice cream sandwiches! Our hero is saved! Susie tells him that isn't very healthy. Calvin mumbles he only needs to survive until he can escape."
"Boy, I hate school assignments! Miss Wormwood is out to destroy my life! What do you have to do? Make a leaf collection! What a dumb waste of time! How many leaves do you need? 50! I gotta collect 50 leaves! And just when I thought of a loophole, the teacher said every leaf has to be a different kind. She's got your number. Calvin throws his books, saying he hates school assignments. He says he has to make a leaf collection. Hobbes asks how many leaves he needs. Fifty, Calvin replies. Hands in pockets, Calvin says that just when he thought of a loophole, Miss Wormwood said each leaf had to be a different kind. Hobbes says she has his number."
"When do you need to present your leaf collection? In two weeks. That's not so bad. You just need three or four leaves a day. I'm not working on weekends. OK, five leaves a day. And my weekdays are booked until next Thursday at 6pm! So you need 50 leaves an hour. See? It's impossible! Hobbes asks when Calvin's leaf collection is due. Calvin tells him two weeks. Hobbes says that's only three or four leaves a day. Calvin says he's not working weekends. Hobbes says then it's five leaves a day. Calvin says his weekdays are booked until next Thursday at 6 PM. Hobbes says he'll need fifty leaves an hour. Calvin says it's impossible."
"Here's a nice leaf! Do you want it for your collection? No. Why not? It's a beautiful afternoon! I'm not going to waste it doing ridiculous busywork for school! But this would be one less leaf you'd need to collect later. Yeah, but it's one MORE leaf than I need right now. Somehone, it's always right now until it's later. Whatever THAT means."
"Hi, Calvin. Have you started your leaf collection yet? I've been visualizing the conceptualisation process. That's the hard part. I'M almost done. Isn't it fun? It's like a treasure hunt! A treasure hunt?!? Are you crazy?? This is a stupid, boring, time-wasting forced assignment! This isn't fun! 'When life gives you a lemon, make a lemonade.' I say, when life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and add some lemons of your own! Susie asks if Calvin has started his leaf collection. Calvin says he's been visualizing the conception process. Susie is almost done. She says it's almost like a treasure hunt. Calvin yells to her that it's a stupid, boring, forced assignment. It isn't fun. Susie says that when life gives you a lemon, make lemonade. Calvin says when life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and add some lemons of your own."
"Our leaf collections aren't due for a week yet! How could you possibly be almost done?! I make it a game. I pretend it's a contest to see how many leaves I can find each day. That way, it's not an assignment, it's fun! Did you know that's one of the ten warning signs of hopeless dweebism? I'll bet another sign is moving to the next grade each year. Calvin asks how Susie could almost be done if the collections aren't due for a week. Susie makes it a game. She sees how many leaves she can find each day. Then it's not an assignment, it's fun. Calvin asks if she knows that's one of the ten warning signs of hopeless dweebism. Angrily, Susie walks off. She says she bets another sign is moving to the next grade each year."
"The teacher reminded us that we only have a week left to finish our leaf collections, so we ought to be half done now. You haven't even started. Yeah, but I work better under pressure. Actually, you work ONLY under pressure. That way, the work time is more miserable, but there's less of it. Riding down the hill in the wagon, Calvin tells Hobbes that the teacher reminded the class there is only a week left for their leaf collections. They should be half done now. Hobbes reminds Calvin he hasn't started. Calvin says he works better under pressure. Hobbes clarifies that he only works under pressure. Calvin says the work time is more miserable, but there's less of it."
"Now where did all the bed pillows go? This is gonna be soft! Krunch! Hey, Hobbes! C'mon and jump in the leaves! It's fun! I don't know sometimes slugs hide under leaves. No they don't. Do they? Slugs? Ugh, just imagine one of those slimy muckballs slipping up your pant leg! There might be dozens in there! There might? Aack ick ooh yecch! That's the problem with nature. Something's always stinging you or oozing mucous on you. Let's go watch TV. Is it 3 o'clock yet? We can watch 'The Blob'! Mom tosses Calvin out the door to catch the school bus. Miss Wormwood is frustrated with his paper. Moe steals the ball from him. Calvin can't figure out the math problem in front of the class. Calvin drags mud in on his shoes, and Mom yells at him. Finally, Calvin goes outside to play. He tells Hobbes the world isn't so bad if you can just get out in it."
"Mom, I need to collect leaves for a school project. Could we go to the arboretum sometime? Sure. How about this weekend? Um, it would be better to do it a little sooner. When is this due? Well, my notebook's in the car and the park closes in 20 minutes. Calvin, I'm fixing dinner! Calvin asks Mom if they can go to the arboretum, since he has to collect leaves for the school project. Mom says they can go that weekend. Calvin thinks it would be better if they did it sooner. Mom asks when it's due. Calvin says the notebook is in the car and the park closes in twenty minutes. Mom says she's making dinner."
"My leaf collection is doomed! I can't believe Mom wouldn't take me to the arboretum. No wonder I get bad grades! Well, you did spring the idea on her at the last second... That's when I thought of it! The problem is that Mom's not flexible. What a stupid waste of time this is! I wish there was some way out of this assignment. Calvin is grabbing leaves off the ground. He can't believe Mom wouldn't take him to the park. He says it's no wonder he gets bad grades. Hobbes says he did spring it on Mom at the last second. Calvin complains that's when he thought of it. The problem is that Mom isn't flexible. Calvin wishes there was some way out of the assignment. Suddenly, a spacecraft appears above them."
A UFO!! Take us to the Supreme Earthling Potentate. Um... well... Speaking. Ah! What luck. It was I who chose the landing site. Kudos for Navigator Nebular! Two aliens come out of their spacecraft and ask to see the supreme earthling potentate. Calvin says they're speaking to him. One of the aliens says he chose the landing site. Kudos to navigator Nebular.
"So, uh, what can I do for you? We are taking over your world. You are?? What for?? Earth is prime real estate. Location, location, location. I guess I'd never thought about that. Charm, atmosphere, quiet galaxy... Actually the atmosphere needs cleaning. A good fixer upper. The aliens are taking over the world. Calvin asks why. The aliens reply earth is prime real estate. Calvin says he never thought of that. One alien says there is charm, atmosphere, and a quiet galaxy. Hobbes says the atmosphere needs cleaning. The other alien says it's a good fixer upper."
"As Supreme Earthling Potentate, I'm afraid I can't let you just come in and take over the planet. You make this difficult. Prepare for war. Let's not be hasty. I'll trade you Earth for 50 alien tree leaves. Pst! These primitive fools must use leaves as currncy! It's a deal! I need them by 8:00 tonight, and they have to be properly identified and labeled. Hurry, Nebular! At light speed, we can just make it! our leader will be most pleased. Calvin says he can't let them come in and take over the planet. The aliens tell him to prepare for war. Calvin offers to trade the earth for fifty alien tree leaves. One alien whispers the primitive fools must use leaves for currency. It's a deal. Calvin says he needs them by 8:00 tonight, properly identified and labeled. The aliens race off, saying their leader will be most pleased."
"You're trading the Earth for 50 alien tree leaves?! I'll have the coolest project in the class! And best of all, we don't need to waste any more time on this! The aliens are doing all the work! We can goof off the rest of the day! But then the aliens take over the Earth. Well it's not like the grownups have done such a bang-up job. Hobbes asks Calvin if he's trading earth for fifty alien tree leaves. Calvin says he'll have the coolest project in class. Plus, he doesn't have to waste any more time on gathering his own leaves. They can goof off all day. Hobbes says then the aliens take over the earth. Calvin replies it isn't like the grownups have done such a bang-up job."
"... so if you capture the other guy's flag and make it back to your territory, you win. Win what? The game. No luggage? No toaster oven? Hey, you can't hide your flag in a tree! It's too hard to capture! That's not a rule. I can hide my flag anywhere! Well, it's a rule now! From now on, no flags in trees! Ok, but I just tagged you, so you have to go to jail. What?? It's a time out! I was making a new rule! You didn't officially call a time out. Off to jail with you! Forget it! From now on, if you are discussing a new rule, it's automatically a time out. Ok, time in! Tag! You can't do that! We have to say 'time in' together! Since when?? You're just changing rules so you'll win! I am not! I'm just trying to keep you from cheating! Just a minute. Muffin head. Are you calling me a cheater? Who's a muffin head! Yowp! Arrgh! Oatmeal face! Strudel brain! Mom says we should take up Monopoly. No way, buster. I know all about those 'interest free bank loans' to yourself! Hobbes loves the fall. He likes the cool days, the smell of leaves, the colors. Calvin says autumn is melancholy. Summer is over in a week or two, and things will hunker down for a long winter. Nothing lasts. He says fall is a last fling before things get worse. Hobbes asks if they' appreciate how precious things are if they lasted forever. Calvin likes to have everything so good, so he can take it all for granted."
"Hey, no TV until your leaf collection is done. It's getting done as we speak. What's that supposed to mean? Let's see it. I can't show you until later tonight. Why not? You should probably sit down. man, she didn't even want to HEAR about it. Mom tells Calvin he can't watch TV until his leaf collection is done. He says it's getting done as they speak. Mom asks what he means. She wants to see the collection. Calvin says she should sit down. Upstairs, Calvin grumpily walks in saying Mom didn't even want to hear about it."
"It's almost bedtime and the aliens haven't come back with the leaves. It's a long trip. What if they don't show up? They SAID they would. Maybe they got lost. Space aliens don't get lost! They've got superior technology! Everybody knows that! It's a big universe. I'll turn on some more lights. As they play, Hobbes says it's almost bedtime, and the aliens haven't returned with the leaves. Calvin says it's a long trip. Hobbes asks what happens if they don't show up. Calvin says they told him they would. Hobbes"
"The aliens still haven't shown up! What are we going to do?? I've got to turn in my leaf collection tomorrow! I'll bet those dumb aliens got back to their planet and procrastinated! I'll bet they have no respect for deadlines! I'll bet they put everything off and are doing a lousy job at the last second! How could anyone be so irresponsible? If they're not here in five minutes, I'm not handing over the Earth! They've got to learn a lesson! Calvin says the aliens haven't shown up. He bets the aliens got back to their planet and procrastinated. He bets they have no respect for deadlines. He bets they put it off and are doing a lousy job at the last second. Hobbes rolls his eyes and wonders how anyone could be so irresponsible. Calvin says if they aren't there in five minutes, he's not handing over the earth."
"Look! I see headlights coming over the trees! The aliens are back! Man, it's about time! C'mon, let's go get my leaf collection! You're out collecting LEAVES at THIS hour in your PAJAMAS?!? Get back in bed!! I TOLD you! Space aliens gave me these! They just left! Hobbes sees headlights over the trees. Calvin thinks it's the aliens. He goes to collect his leaves. Dad sees Calvin outside collecting leaves in his pajamas. Dad has a flashlight. He tells Calvin to get in bed. Calvin says space aliens left the leaves for him."
"Boy, you look tired. I'll bet you were up late doing your leaf collection. Maybe, but I'VE got the best collection of all! MY leaves are from another planet! What?! See how bizarre they are? The labels are even written in an alien language! Look at their cool alphabet! It looks like you took 50 maple leaves and cut them into weird shapes. Aliens now own the Earth and I told them girls make good zoo exhibits. Susie asks Calvin if he was up late doing the leaf collection. Calvin tells her his leaves are from another planet. Susie looks at them and says he took fifty maple leaves and cut them into weird shapes. Calvin informs Susie that aliens now own the earth and he told them girls make good zoo exhibits."
"The teacher didn't believe my leaves were from an alien planet. She said it was obvious I did the whole thing last night and I made a mockery of the assignment. Well, she'll be sorry when the aliens send her to the plutonium mines. She just won't admit it was a pointless project. Who cares about leaves?! What useless knowledge! I believe that's poison sumac you're holding. This?? What makes you say that? Calvin says the teacher didn't believe his leaves were from an alien planet. She told Calvin it was obvious he did it last night and make a mockery of the assignment. Calvin grabs some leaves and tells Hobbes the teacher won't admit it was a pointless project. He asks who cares about leaves. He calls it useless knowledge. Hobbes tells Calvin he's holding poison sumac. Calvin asks what makes Hobbes say that."
Enemy sighted! Battle stations! Battle stations! Alert! Ahwooga! Here's the mighty aircraft carrier! Equipped with the latest radar and firepower. It is virtually unsinkable! I know what can sink it. Yeah? What? A cannonball depth charge!! Oh no! Pfoom! Ha ha! That was great! You emptied the whole tub! Turn on the water and let's do it again! We seem to have a waterfall down the stairway dear. I'll go see what your kid is doing. My did?!? C'mere and let me explain something to you ... A pile of leaves sneaks along. It climbs back into the tree. Calvin walks by and comments on how ugly the tree is with a big pile of leaves sitting in it. It falls down on him. Calvin runs. Dad asks where his leaf pile went. Calvin informs him it went back home. He asks if Dad doesn't have something larger than a rake.
"He's at the 30... the 20... Calvin's going for the touchdown! WAAA thwangg. You're supposed to TACKLE me! I dunno... that seems so lowbrow. Calvin is running with the football. He's going for a touchdown. Hobbes pulls a rope he has tied to a string. Calvin trips. On the ground, Calvin tells Hobbes he's supposed to tackle him. Hobbes says that seems so lowbrow."
"You know, school wouldn't be so bad if you didn't have to go every day. ... and if you didn't have to learn anything... and if you took away all the teachers and all the other kids. If it was completely different, school would be great. A lot of things are like that. Nobody asks me how things ought to be. I've got tons of ideas! Calvin tells Hobbes school wouldn't be so bad if you didn't have to go every day...and if you didn't have to learn anything...and if you took away the teachers and other kids. School would then be great. Hobbes tells him a lot of things are like that. Calvin says nobody asks him how things ought to be. He has tons of ideas."
"Yes, Calvin? Hey kids, on tomorrow's show and tell, I'll be bringing a big surprise! Will it shock you and amaze you... OR will it disgust and terrify you?? Find out tomorrow when I reveal my next SHOW AND TELL HORROR! Don't miss it! Returning to the LESSON.... That's called a teaser, by the way. Calvin raises his hand in class. He tells the class that tomorrow, he'll bring a big surprise. It will either shock and amaze them, or it will disgust and terrify. He tells them not to miss it. Miss Wormwood tries to return to the lesson. Calvin tells the class that's called a teaser."