"CAAAAAAALLLLLLVVINNNNN, THAAAAAT'S EEENOUUGHHH. M-mom s-sure was mmovingg st-strangellly t-toddayy. Maybe she's right about how much sugar you put on that cereal. Mom is shaking while she tells Calvin that's been enough. Outside, Calvin is shaking. He tells Hobbes that Mom was moving strangely today. Hobbes tells him that she might be right about how much sugar he puts on his cereal."
"Frank appraisal of your looks 50c. Any business? Not so far. But I'm giving out lots of free samples. Calvin sits at a box labeled 'Frank Appraisal of Your Looks'. Hobbes asks if he's had any business. Calvin says no, but that he's giving lots of free samples."
"What a lovely day for a hike! It's not so bad THIS way! No, we won't carry you. Stop griping. This is so much work! Mom and Dad are hiking. Calvin bounces along behind them on a chair, saying it's not so bad this way. Dad says they won't carry Calvin. He trudges along, saying this is so much work."
"Guess what's short and ugly and wet all over! ... give up? The answer had better not be what I think it is ... squirt squirt squirt squirt! Yow! Squirt squirt squirt squirt! Bang bonk bing! Calvin! If you're going to tear around do it outside!! Okay, okay ... Stupidopolis is a thriving coastal city built near a fault line. A giant wave crashes into the city. Calvin is laughing on the beach. Dad asks Mom why Calvin builds everything so close to the water. He says it's stupid. Mom says Calvin doesn't seem to mind doing it over and over."
"Look at this! Mom got me a book from the library. That's nice. NICE?!? It's SUMMER! I only get three short months to goof off! I'm not going to waste these precious days reading BOOKS! Summers are for vegetating! That's why the TV shows are reruns and the movies are sequels! No wonder the flies come out. Heck, everyone KNOWS it's not entertainment unless you can sit in the dark and eat."
"Hey, are you reading that book Mom got from the library? Mm-hmm. Is it good? Do you like it? Is it exciting? Are you having fun? Shh. HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY BE FUN WHEN IT'S SO QUIET?!? Calvin asks Hobbes if he's reading the library book Mom had gotten for Calvin. Hobbes is engrossed in reading it. Calvin asks if it's good, if it's exciting, if he's having fun. Hobbes quietly sits reading. Calvin yells at him asking how it could be fun when it's so quiet."
"While you're reading that boring book, I'M going to go do something fun. OK. I'll be having the time of my life, while you're sitting here yawning and wishing you were... AIEE! I'll just kind of read over your shoulder, OK? No. Go do something fun. Calvin says he's going to do something fun while Hobbes reads the library book. Calvin crosses his arms and says he'll be having the time of his life, while Hobbes will wish he was. Suddenly, Hobbes is startled by something in the book. Calvin wants to read over Hobbes' shoulder. Hobbes holds the book closer and tells Calvin to do something fun."
I read this library book you got me. What did you think of it? It really made me see things differently. It's given me a lot to think about. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's complicating my life. Don't get me any more. Calvin hands Mom the library book she had gotten. He says he read it. Mom asks what Calvin thought of it. Calvin tells her it made him see things differently. He has a lot to think about. Mom says she's glad he enjoyed it. Calvin tells her it's complicating his life and not to get him any more.
"I'm writing a fund-raising letter. The secret to getting donations is to depict everyone who disagrees with you as the enemy. Then you explain how they're systematically working to destroy everything you hold dear. It's a war of values! Rational discussion is hopeless! Compromise is unthinkable! Our only hope is well-funded antagonism, so we need your money to keep up the fight! How cynically unconstructive. Enmity sells. Calvin is writing a fund-raising letter. He tells Hobbes the secret is to depict everyone who disagrees with you as the enemy. You explain how they're destroying everything you hold dear. It's a war of values. Rational discussion is hopeless. We need your money to keep up the fight. Hobbes says that's cynically unconstructive. Calvin informs him that enmity sells."
"Happiness 10c. What do you give people for their ten cents? A water balloon in the kisser! You take their money and then soak them with a water balloon?? Right. Whose happiness are we talking about? Who went to all this trouble?! Calvin sits at a box marked that happiness is for sale for ten cents. Hobbes asks what Calvin gives people for their ten cents. Calvin says he gives a water balloon right in the kisser. Hobbes clarifies that Calvin takes their money, then hits them with a water balloon. He asks whose happiness they're talking about. Calvin asks who went to all the trouble."
"It's another new morning for Mr. Monroe. He glances at the newspaper headlines over a cup of coffee, and gets in his red sports car to go to work. Little does he realize it's his last day on the face of the earth! Calvin drinks the magic elixer and begins an incredible transformation. Instantly he grows! Bigger and bigger! Higher and higher! He is now over 300 feet tall! The formula is a success! Calvin, the mighty giant, goes on a terrible rampage, striking fear into the hearts of the populace! Nothing can stop him! It's panic in the streets! A town lies in ruins! No, I won't buy you any more toy cars. I saw you! You deliberately stomped on those! Mom picks up the two tons of tenderloin from the butcher. She stands with a chainsaw in her hand, calling Calvin for lunch. A tyrannosaurus stands behind Mom saying he likes mustard, not mayonnaise. Mom says maybe he should fix his own triceratops sandwich."
"How tall are you? Sitting on a tree branch, Calvin ties a water balloon to a string. He drops it so it hangs down. He thinks, then runs inside the house. He asks Dad how tall he is."
"OK, the map says to turn left at this tree and walk 30 paces. ...29 ...30. What's here? My map shows a big hole. Wouldn't it be faster to make the MAP to conform to the YARD? Are you in some sort of hurry? Calvin is dressed like an explorer. He tells Hobbes the map says to turn left at the tree and walk thirty paces. They do, and Hobbes asks what's there. Calvin says the map shows a big hole. They start digging, and Hobbes asks if it wouldn't be faster to make the map conform to the yard. Calvin asks if he's in a big hurry."
"YOU THINK YOU'RE SO DARN SMART! Susie gets her raincoat and hat on. She gets her umbrella, opens it, and walks along. Behind a tree with several water balloons, Calvin yells to Susie. He asks her if she thinks she's so darn smart."
"Art isn't about ideas. It's about style. The most crucial career decision is picking a good 'ism' so everyone knows how to categorize you without understanding your work. You do goofy drawings on the sidewalk. Right. I'm a suburban post-modernist. Aren't we all. I was going to be a neo-deconstructivist but Mom wouldn't let me. Calvin tells Hobbes art isn't about ideas, it's about style. Calvin says the most crucial career decision is to pick a good 'ism' so everyone knows how to categorize you without understanding the work. Hobbes says Calvin does goofy drawings on the sidewalk. Calvin says he's a suburban post-modernist. He says he was going to be a neodeconstructivist, but Mom wouldn't let him."
"Times are tough for us suburban post-modernists. How so? Well, people seem to be reluctant to pay for sidewalk drawings that stay where they are and wash away in the rain. And nowadays, nobody wants tax money to support art, and corporates won't underwrite me because I'm not famous enough to advertise their cultural enlightenment. Couldn't you support your art with another job? What, you mean WORK? Calvin complains that life is tough for suburban post-modernists. People seem reluctant to pay for drawings that wash away in the rain. Nobody wants tax money to support art. Corporations won't underwrite him because he's not famous enough. Hobbes asks if he could support his art with another job. Calvin is indignant that Hobbes would suggest work."
"People always make the mistake of thinking art is created for them. But really, art is a private language for sophisticates to congratulate themselves on their superiority to the rest of the world. As my artist's statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible, and is therefore full of deep significance. You misspelled 'Weltanschauung'. A good artist's statement says more than his art ever does. As Calvin draws on the sidewalk, he tells Hobbes people make the mistake of thinking art is created for them. He says art is a private language for sophisticates to congratulate themselves on their superiority to the rest of the world. He hands Hobbes an artist's statement. It explains his work is incomprehensible and therefore full of deep significance."
"Hey, mom, are you nervous? No ... why? Calvin, go outside and quit bugging me! Calvin the bug buzzes off! Flying low over the grass, he searches for dead meat! Up and over the flowers, darting this way and that! Oh no! he's caught in a spider web! Thrashing about in a desperate bid for freedom, he only becomes more entangled! Soon the spider will suck out his innards! Help! I was going to join you in the hammock, but I think I'll forget it. Calvin and Hobbes see a snake. Hobbes asks if it's poisonous. Calvin wonders how you know. Hobbes suggests that if it bites you and you die, it's poisonous. They watch it move along, wondering how it glides. Calvin sees it flicking its tongue and wonders why they smell with their tongue. Hobbes asks if they have eyelids. Calvin wonders how it swallows something bigger than its own head. Hobbes says that Mom might get them a book so they'd know the answers. As they run to the house, Calvin stops. It's summer, and he's on vacation. He doesn't want to learn anything. Hobbes says if nobody makes him do it, it counts as fun. With that, Calvin and Hobbes get a book and learn about snakes."
"Nothing is permanent. Everything changes. That's the one thing we know for sure in this world. But I'm still going to gripe about it. Rolling down the hill in the wagon, Calvin tells Hobbes that nothing is permanent. Everything changes. That's one thing they know for sure in this world. He continues saying he's still going to gripe about it."
"I refuse to take out the garbage! I have the right to do whatever I want all the time! No you don't. I don't? Well it sure OUGHT to be a right. Calvin refuses to take out the garbage. He says he has the right to do whatever he wants, all the time. Dad says he doesn't. As Calvin drags the garbage bag outside, he says it sure ought to be a right."
BU-UURRPPP. THPTHH! PHTBT! THBBPPTT! BU-UURRRPP. What are you doing? I'm hoping there's a mockingbird around. Calvin belches. He blows on his hands to make a bodily sound. He burps again. Hobbes asks what he's doing. Calvin cheerfully says he's hoping there's a mockingbird around.
"RRIINGG RRINGG. Hello? No, my Dad's not here right now. Will I take a message? I don't know what's in it for ME? People always assume you're some kind of altruist. Calvin answers the phone. He tells the caller that Dad isn't there right now. When asked if he'd take a message, Calvin asks what's in it for him. As he walks off, he says people always assume you're some kind of altruist."
"Oh, just so you know... I am the downhill tumble and roll champ, king of the toad finders, captain of the high altutude tree branch vista club, second place finisher in the 'round the yard backward dash, premier burper state division, sodbuster and worm scout first order, and generalissimo of the mud ad mayhem society! Busy day? About usual. Want to hear what Hobbes is? Calvin tells Dad that he's the downhill tumble and roll champ, king of the toad finders, premier burper, sodbuster and worm scout first order, and generalissimo of the mud and mayhem society. Dad asks if it was a busy day. Calvin says it was about usual and asks if Dad wants to know what Hobbes is."
"Boy, it's quiet around here today! Too quiet! Ha ha! Gotcha! Hey! ... rrrrrr ... squeak. Whoosh! Ha ha! Gotcha back! Hey! Sploosh! A water balloon! That dirty tiger escalated the war! This calls for supreme retaliation! I'll get him with the garden hose! Nothing can beat a hose for sheer volume of water! ... unless, of course, he went so far as to ... Calvin slowly walks in the heat. He starts to melt. Finally, he is a puddle of water. The puddle evaporates in the heat. The evaporation creates a cloud that starts raining. Calvin is revitalized and runs off naked. Mom finds his clothes on the sidewalk and says 'not again'."
"People ask why we tolerate a popular culture that celebrates violence and depravity. Because it's entertaining, that's why! If warped values are the price of a vicarious thrill, so be it! Let the business respond to consumer demand! The customer is always right. Shock and titillate me! I've got money! As Calvin watches television, he tells Hobbes people ask why they tolerate a culture that celebrates violence. He says it's because it's entertaining. He goes on to say that if warped values are the price of a vicarious thrill, so be it. The business should respond to customer demand. Hobbes says that the customer is always right. Calvin calls for them to shock and titillate him, he's got money."
"Popular culture isn't to blame for selling twisted values. Movies, records, and TV shows reflect the reality of our times. Artists depict hatred and violence because that's what they see. Why don't they see things of beauty and value? Because boring stuff doesn't sell. Such vision and integrity. There's nothing like a good gunfight to uplift the spirit. Calvin says popular culture isn't responsible for selling twisted values. He says movies and television reflect the reality of their times. Artists depict hatred and violence because that's what they see. Hobbes asks why they don't see things of beauty and value. Calvin informs him that boring stuff doesn't sell. Hobbes rolls his eyes and says that shows such vision and integrity. Calvin says that there's nothing like a good gunfight to uplift the spirit."
"Another thing to remember about popular culture is that today's TV-reared audience is hip and sophisticated. This stuff doesn't affect us. We can separate fact from fiction. We understand satire and irony. We're detached and jaded viewers who aren't influenced by what we watch. I think I hear advertisers laughing. Hold on, I need to inflate my basketball shoes."
"Onward came the meteors! Calvin builds a city in the sandbox. He leaves and picks up some large rocks. He stands on the edge of the sandbox, saying the meteors are coming."
"Bugs get on my nerves! The dizzy way they zip around, the high-pitched noise they make, their pesky size... everything about them is annoying! ... said the hyperactive, whiny, small child. Calvin tells Hobbes that bugs get on his nerves. He says the way they zip around, their high-pitched noise, their pesky size, everything about them is annoying. Hobbes rolls his eyes and says 'said the hyperactive, whiny, small child'. Angrily, Calvin chases Hobbes."