"Boys, this pudding was great! Can I take a bowl upstairs to Hobbes? No, I think you've had enough. I didn't say for ME. I said for HOBBES! Well, I don't think 'Hobbes' needs any either. WHY NOT?! Um... Because tigers need to stay lean and mean. That's what she said. I'm lean! I'm mean! Tell her chocolate pudding makes my coat lustrous."
"I'm home from school! So I gathered. Hobbes? Yaaaaah! Aaaaugh! Tiger attack! Calvin! Quit crashing around! Hobbes jumped me Mom! I was fighting for my very survival!! Sure Calvin. Look, I don't want to sew Hobbes up again, so why don't you two go do something quiet? Okay, okay ... You sissy. Mom always takes your side! That's because she wanted another tiger, not you! A herd of chasmosaurs is jittery. They face an even greater danger. Tyrannosaurs in F-14s. Playing with his toys, Calvin thinks this is so cool. Hobbes thinks it's so stupid."
"How are you doing on your New Year's resolutions? I didn't make any. See, in order to improve oneself, one must have some idea of what's 'good'. That implies certain values. But as we all know, values are relative. Every system of belief is equally valid and we need to tolerate diversity. Virtue isn't 'better' than vice. It's just different. I don't know if I can tolerate that much tolerance. I refuse to be victimized by notions of virtuous behavior. Hobbes asks Calvin how he's doing on his New Year's resolutions. Calvin didn't make any. He says to improve oneself, one must have an idea of what 'good' is. Calvin explains values are relative. Virtue isn't 'better' than vice, just different. Hobbes isn't sure he can tolerate that much tolerance. Calvin refuses to be victimized by notions of virtuous behavior."
"No! No! No! I need more sleep! I c-can't keep m-my eyes open! Bed?! Already?? But I'm wide awake!! My internal clock is on Tokyo time. Mom tries pulling Calvin out of bed while he yells that he needs more sleep. In school, Calvin can't keep his eyes open. As Mom takes him upstairs to bed, Calvin yells that he's wide awake. In bed, Calvin says his internal clock is on Tokyo time."
"I sure am great! I'm one of the greatest people who ever lived! How lucky people are to know someone as great as me! I'm great in so many ways! In fact, I'm so great that my greatness is... You're not great! You're the most conceited blowhard I've ever met! When you're great, people often mistake candor fo bragging. Standing at the bus stop, Calvin tells Susie he's one of the greatest people who ever lived. He goes on to say he's great in so many ways. Susie yells that he's not great. She says he's the most conceited blowhard she's ever met. Calvin says when you're great, people often mistake candor for bragging."
"Here, I'll hang up your coat. Thanks. If you've been looking for Hobbes, he somehow got put in the closet. I just found him way back in there. Waiting for me in the CLOSET, eh? Too bad your little plan was THWARTED!! Why don't you hang up your coat yourself?! Mom takes Calvin's coat to hang it. She returns and tells him that Hobbes got put in the closet. Mom found him in there. Calvin scolds Hobbes for waiting in the closet for him. He says it's too bad Hobbes' plan was thwarted. Grumpily, Hobbes tells Calvin he should hang is coat up himself."
"Oh yeah? Define, 'well-adjusted'. A big snow chicken has an axe it has stuck into a stump. Next to the stump, a snowman lies with its head on the ground to one side. Mom is standing next to Calvin. Calvin asks Mom to define 'well-adjusted'."
"Why does man create? Is it man's purpose on Earth to express himself, to bring form to thought, and to discover meaning in experience? Or is it just something to do when he's bored? Standing next to a snowman, Calvin asks why man creates. He asks if it's to express himself, to bring form to thought and discover meaning in experience. He ponders. Then Calvin asks if it's just something to do when he's bored."
"It says here that 'Religion is the opiate of the masses.' ... what do you suppose that means? ... it means Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet. What are you watching? Garbage. This show would insult a 6-year-old! And I should know. So why watch it? All the other shows are even worse! Why watch TV at all then? There's nothing to do. Nothing to do?! You could read a book! Or write a letter! Or take a walk! When you're old you'll wish you had more than memories of this tripe to look back on. Undoubtedly. Calvin is bored making a snowman. Hobbes says they've only been outside a few minutes. Calvin says it's taking too long. Hobbes says they have all day. Calvin says the sun's too bright and his gloves are getting wet. He says making a snowman is hard work. He asks Hobbes what happens if the snowman isn't very good. They'd be failures. He says even if it's good, it will melt in a few weeks. Instead of wasting his time, he's going inside to watch TV. He'll be in complete physical comfort while experiencing the activity of actors pretending to do things. Hobbes asks if it's too much trouble to turn on the TV. Calvin replies that's why they have a remote control. Hobbes says virtual reality is already here. Calvin can't believe the only way to get inside is to walk."
"1. Explain Newton's First Law of Motion in your own words. Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes. Calvin looks at his test asking him to explain Newton's First Law of Motion in his own words. He brightens up and replies with made-up words like 'foob', 'mog', 'zink', and 'spuzz'. He sits back saying he loves loopholes."
"I'm ready for anything! Are you ready for unconditional surrender? That above all else. In his snow fort, Calvin says he's ready for anything. A barrage of snowballs blasts him. Hobbes asks if he's ready for unconditional surrender. Lying under a pile of snowballs, Calvin replies 'that above all else'."
"... and so, with nothing left to life for, he obeys the chanted command from the distant crowd below. Calvin is leaning out the attic window with a little snowman. He is looking at the ground below, where dozens of snowmen stand. Calvin says that with nothing to live for, the snowman obeys the chanted command from the crowd below."
"Next, on Eyewitness action news: blood-spattered sidewalks and shroud-covered bodies! Could the next victim be YOU?? We'll get the story from the sobbing, hysterical relatives and we'll tell you why YOU should be paralyzed with helpless fear! That's Eyewitness action news! It's what YOU need to KNOW! Dad is watching television. The announcer talks about blood-spattered sidewalks and asks if you could be the next victim. The television announcer continues by saying they'll get the story from sobbing relatives and tell why you should be paralyzed with helpless fear. That's Eyewitness News. It's what you need to know. Dad turns off the television and reads the newspaper instead."
"When I grow up, I'm going to be a scientist. I'll dedicate my career to the proposition that man can reshape the Universe according to his own whims. I'll probably go into genetic engineering and create new life forms. You want to play God? Not exactly. God never bothered to patent his stuff. Sledding down the hill, Calvin tells Hobbes he will grow up to be a scientist. He will dedicate his career to the proposition that man can reshape the universe. He says he'll probably go into genetic engineering and create new life forms. As they crash into a tree and fly through the air, Hobbes asks Calvin if he wants to play God. Calvin replies 'not exactly'. He says God never bothered to patent his stuff."
"McZargald's ... next exit ... 50 Megazorks. Over 7Million earthlingburgers served.' Spaceman Spiff is going down!!! We join our hero as he struggles to land his damaged spacecraft! The altitude flaps refuse to respond, but fearless Spiff is unfazed! Spiff careens through the alien canyon! Is this the end?? No! moments before impact, Spiff ejects! Now are you through charging around the house or are you going to fall down the stairs again? Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien ... Calvin is freezing in bed. Hobbes tells him he should have a fur coat like his. Calvin puts his feet on Hobbes to warm up. Hobbes jumps. Calvin tells him to quit letting cold air in. Hobbes tells Calvin to keep his cold feet on his side of the bed. Calvin protests that Hobbes' behind was on his side. Hobbes indicates the demilitarized zone between their sides. Calvin claims the whole bed and says animals should sleep on the floor. Hobbes takes the blanket and leaves. The sounds of their fighting is heard by Mom. Calvin is looking for Hobbes when a ghostly apparition rises before him. Calvin yells in terror. Hobbes has the bed to himself. Dad is awakened by icy cold feet. Calvin is in bed with him and Mom. Mom tells Dad that Calvin had a nightmare. Calvin says that if it's too crowded, they are welcome to sleep downstairs."
"Some days you get up and you already know that things aren't going to go well. They're the type of days when you should just give in, put your pajamas back on, make some hot chocolate, and read comic books in bed with the covers up until the world looks more encouraging. Of course, they never let you do that. Is today one of those days? IT SURE IS!! Waiting for the bus, Calvin tells Hobbes you get up some days and know some things aren't going to go well. Calvin says those are the days you should put your pajamas back on, make hot chocolate, and read comic books in bed until the world looks more encouraging. Grumpily, Calvin says they never let you do that. Hobbes asks if today is one of those days. Calvin yells that it sure is."
"On gray days, when it's snowing or raining, I think you should be able to call up a judge and take an oath that you'll just read a good book all day, and he'd allow you to stay home. So you'd only go to school on sunny days? Well no, on sunny days he judge would let you play outside. He's quite a guy. He'd make you go to school if it was hot, hazy, and humid with a lot of bugs. Still waiting for the bus, Calvin says on gray days, you should be able to call a judge and take an oath that you'll read a good book, and he'd allow you to stay home. Hobbes asks if he'd only go to school on sunny days. Calvin says on those days, the judge would let you play outside. Hobbes comments that the judge is quite a guy. Calvin says he'd make you go to school if it was hot, hazy, and humid with a lot of bugs."
"Pssst! What's 7+6? Three hundred billion gazillion. Oh, thanks for the big help! That's a three, followed by 85 zeroes. Ah! I knew that. Calvin asks Susie what 7 + 6 is. Susie tells him three hundred billion gazillion. Sarcastically, Calvin thanks her for the big help. Susie tells him that is a three, followed by 85 zeroes. Calvin writes it down, saying he knew that."
"I'm thinking of starting my own talk radio show. I'll spout simplistic opinions for hours on end, ridicule anyone who disagrees with me, and generally foster divisiveness, cynicism, and a lower level of public dialog! It would seem you were born for the job. Imagine getting PAID to act like a six-year-old! Calvin says he's thinking of starting his own talk radio show. He'd spout simplistic opinions for hours, ridicule anyone who disagrees, and foster divisiveness, cynicism, and a lower level of public dialog. Hobbes says it seems Calvin was born for the job. Calvin asks Hobbes to imagine being paid to act like a six-year-old."
Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh Oh boy Oh boy Oh boy HA HA HA HA HA HA. Obviously I've tapped into some primeval well of the human psyche. Calvin makes a snowball and starts chuckling. He continues to laugh as he finishes the snowball. He stops. He looks at the snowball and says that obviously he's tapped into some primeval well of the human psyche.
"Snow sharks? That guy's a goner. Calvin builds a snowman, looking like he's swimming. Behind the snowman, he builds small curved mounds. Hobbes asks if they're snow sharks. Calvin says the guy is a goner."
"What should we have Dad read us tonight? ... so in the next panel, Supertoad goes 'Plooie' and ... 'My what big teeth you have! Said little Red Riding Hood. The better to eat you with! Said the wolf ... tiger ... said the tiger, and he pounced on Little Red Riding Hood. Just then a hunter came by, and when he saw the wolf ... tiger ... when he saw the tiger he picked up his gun and ... and? ...and it was too late. The tiger ate them both and he lived happily ever after. The end.' Good story Dad! Thanks! Sniff. I always cry at happy endings. Calvin, the astronaut, hops out of the space lander. He hops in the lunar rover and drives around the surface of the moon. From space, you can read 'Calvin is great' in tire tracks on the surface of the moon. Calvin looks at the moon with binoculars. He tells Dad he wishes he could go to the moon. Dad says he wishes Calvin could, too."
"Look at my new invention, Dad! I unraveled a hanger and poked it out the back of my pants to make a tailhook! Now, with a rope stretched across the doorway, I can blast into a room at top speed, and the hook will grab the rope and stop me before I crash out the window on the opposite wall! Well? Don't just sit there, man! Get out some patent applications! I wonder how many fortunes he's let slip through his fingers. Calvin shows Dad his new invention, a hanger poked out the back of his pants to make a tailhook. He says with a rope stretched across the doorway, he can blast into a room, and the hook will grab the rope and prevent him from crashing out the window. He tells Dad to get some patent applications. Calvin walks away wondering how many fortunes Dad has let slip through his fingers."
"As an artist, I'll speak to future generations long after I'm gone! Smart thinking. I call this, 'Nude descending a staircase.' Calvin tells Hobbes that as an artist, he'll speak to future generations after he's gone. Calvin shows his latest snow sculpture. It's a snowman with a rear end crack at the top of an icy set of stairs. Calvin calls it 'nude descending a staircase'."
Everything is so darn hard! I wish I could just take a pill to be perfect and I wish I could just push a button to have anything I want. The American dream lives on. Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it! Calvin is reading and complains everything is too hard. He wishes he could take a pill to be perfect. He wishes he could push a button to have whatever he wanted. Hobbes says the American dream lives on. Calvin asks why he should have to work for everything. It's like saying he doesn't deserve it.
"Look, it's almost 11 o'clock! Wow, the last two hours really flew by! I hope the teacher didn't say anything important." "At school, Calvin looks at the clock and sees it's almost 11:00. He says the last two hours really flew by. He hopes the teacher didn't say anything important."
"Outta my way, Twinky. ...and suddenly, the Earth opened up! Wailing helplessly, Moe tumbled head over heels down the smoking chasm until he splashed into the molten magma at the planet's core, where he slowly melted before igniting in a spitting fireball of grease! Moe pushes Calvin to the ground. After Moe leaves, Calvin says the earth opened up. Wailing helplessly, Moe tumbled down the smoking chasm until splashing into the planet's molten magma core, slowly melting before igniting in a spitting fireball of grease. Dejectedly, Calvin walks off."
"How in the world did you get in to the bathroom and back out so fast? Calvin, the dog, happily walks along. He comes up behind Dad, who's shoveling the sidewalk. Dad asks how he got in to the bathroom and back out so fast."
"Man the harpoons! Thar she blows!! Can Hobbes take a bath too? No, Hobbes doesn't need one. Hold still. By golly, what if I drown because nobody was here to rescue me?? Hobbes! C'mere! Mom can't know you're in here, okay? I'll disguise myself with bubbles. Hmm ... you need a hat. Hang on, and I'll get one of Dad's. I like his gray one the best. Maybe you should wear a tie, too. I'll be right back. Better hurry! I think I hear your mom coming! Dear! Why are you taking a bath?!? ... and wearing your best hat!! Calvin is making a snow sculpture called 'the spirit of compromise'. He'll have his snowman shake hands with Hobbes'. Calvin says it will be very inspirational. He says they'll soon be rolling in public commissions. Hobbes tells Calvin to make his snowman's arm longer. The snowman's arm won't reach Hobbes'. Calvin asks why Hobbes doesn't make his snowman's arm longer. Hobbes says it will make it look like his snowman had to reach farther. They'd be unequal. Calvin tells him to make his snowman closer. Hobbes won't start over and tells Calvin to make his snowman's arm longer. Calvin refuses. Hobbes says his snowman refuses to shake hands with Calvin's. Calvin's won't even talk to Hobbes'. Hobbes thumbs his ears and says his snowman will kick Calvin's snowman in its big white butt. Calvin threatens Hobbes' snowman. They fight. Both snowmen are destroyed. Lying in the snow, Hobbes says he doesn't think the sculpture is very good. Calvin says it's a compromise."