"Doesn't it seem like everybody just shouts at each other nowadays? I think it's because conflict is drama. Drama is entertaining and entertainment is marketable. Finding consensus and common ground is dull! Nobody wants to watch a civilized discussion that acknowledges ambiguity and complexity. We want to see fireworks! We want the sense of solidarity and identity that comes from having our interests narrowed and exploited by like-minded zealots! Talk show hosts, political candidates, news programs, special interest groups... they all become successful by reducing debates to the level of shouted rage. Nothing gets solved, but we're all entertained. Hmm, you may be right. What a boring day THIS turned out to be."
"How come YOU'RE the one who goes to work, and not Mom? Well, your Mom USED to go to work, but once you came along, someone had to stay home. Your Mom's job had a lot of stress and aggravation, see, ... and she wanted to quit? No, she'd gotten used to it, so we figured she should be the one to... HEY!"
"Get off the swing or I'll punch your lights out. What a sissy! Haw! Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ... and he's in prison... I home I'm not too mature to gloat."
"See any weirdness yet? How about this rock? It has a purple stripe. Hmm... I guess that's a LITTLE weird. We'll look for something weirder. What do you think of this stick? It's a strange stick, but not a weird stick."
Here it is 8:00 and we have to go to bed already. Somebody's always running my life. I never get to do what I want to do. What would you do if you could stay up? I dunno... something FUN! Whatever Mom and Dad get to do!
"That cloud of stars is our galaxy, the milky way. Our solar system is on the edge of it. We hurl through an incomprehensible darkness. In cosmic terms, we are subatomic particles in a grain on an infinite beach. I wonder what's on TV now."
"Everyone takes me for granted! Nobody pays any attention to my needs! Is it too much to ask for an occassional token gesture of appreciation?! OK, how about a big hug? Could I have 20 dollars? See?! I don't matter to anyone! Nobody cares about me!"
"Hobbes, do you think our morality is defined by our actions, or by what's in our hearts? I think our actions SHOW what's in our hearts. I RESENT THAT!"
"I STAND FIRM IN MY BELIEF OF WHAT'S RIGHT! I REFUSE TO COMPROMISE MY PRINCIPLES! I don't NEED to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway."
"POW! Did you throw that snowball at me?! What snowball? Ohhhh. Don't play innocent with ME, buster! That snowball had your name written all over it! Oh yeah?! Yeah! It was sneaky, fiendish, vicious, treacherous, grim, and ruthless! Put all that together and it spells 'tiger'! No it doesn't! It spells 'Calvin's new name is Mr. Stupid Soggyshorts!' Ooh, THAT does it! Ow! Hey! Stop that! Quit it! Leggo! No fair! No biting! Hey Calvin, you should have seen your expression when I hit you with that snowball! Ha ha! Ah hehh..."
Have you seen my shoes? I thought I had them out right here. Your shoes? I don't know. They WERE right here. Where could they have gone? We're going to be late. Well I can't goe anywhere without my SHOES. Help me look. They're not leaving US behind with a baby sitter tonight!
"DING DONG It's ROSALYN! Answer the door, will you please, Calvin? Hi Roz. My parents have changed their minds about going out, so we won't be needing your services. Goodbye. Hi, Rosalyn. What are you talking about, Calvin? You can't go out if Mom can't find her shoes, right? And what do YOU know about THAT? Uh, nothing! Ha ha! Um, why? Are her shoes missing? I'd like to be paid in advance tonight."
"Phooey. Mom and Dad left. Now we're here alone with the baby sitter from the black lagoon. Hee hee! Do you think she remembers how last time we threatened to flush her science notes down the toilet? Ha ha ha! Our finest moment. OK, you, get in bed. WHAT?! It's not even 6:30! She remembers, all right. She can't get away with this. We'll call the rescue squad."
"Rosalyn? What are you doing out of bed? I thought I heard something outside. I didn't hear anything. It was kind of a thump. Will you go look, and make sure it's not anything scary? I'll check, but I didn't hear any thump. Yes... yes! Go out the door! Two more steps! Oh please, oh please! Yes, yes, yes! See? There's nothing out here."
"See, Calvin? There's nothing out here. But I KNOW I heard something! Go look, OK? Please? OK, if it will make you feel... HEY! SLAM THIS WAS A TRICK?! WHY YOU SNEAKY LITTLE DROP, I'LL GET" YOU!! Hobbes! I locked her out! Now we can watch TV and eat cookies till we're SICK! Oh boy! This is the best we've EVER been baby sat!
"CALVIN, WILL YOU LET ME BACK IN THE HOUSE THIS INSTANT! Don't worry, Rosalyn! There's only a 50% chance of rain tonight! Ha ha! She's trying to open the downstairs windows. It's OK. I already locked them up. YOU OPEN UP THAT DOOR! Hey Roz! What's in your purse? Mind if we look??"
"Let's try this path over here! I don't see a path. We'll MAKE a path! Huh boy. Change is invigorating! If you don't accept new challenges, you become complacent and lazy! Your life atrophies! New experiences lead to new questions and new solutions! Change forces us to experiment and adapt! That's how we learn and grow! Whoops... well, HERE's a fresh challenge. I'll admit it's opened up new horizons. The problem with new experiences is that they're rarely the ones you choose. I feel smarter already."
"CALVIN, I'M, TELLING YOUR PARENTS ABOUT THIS! NOW LET ME IN! Pipe down, will ya Roz? Hobbes and I can hardly hear the TV! You're not supposed to BE watching television! Hey, if you go rent us a VCR and a mobie, we'll put the TV near a window so you can watch too! LET ME IN! Are you 18? You could get us 'Venusian Vampire Vixens'!"
"CALVIN! Hang on, Roz. The phone is ringing! I hope it's your parents! I hope they ask to talk to me! Boy, you'll be in trouble THEN! It's your boyfriend, Charlie! Should I tell him that you're indisposed? Ha ha! No! LET ME TALK TO HIM! Say chas, don't you think you're settling for too little in the girlfriend department?"
"Isn't it great to get out of the house alone together for a change? It's so nice and quiet. We should do this more often. CALVIN, YOU'VE GOT FIVE SECONDS TO OPEN THE DOOR BEFORE I BREAK A WINDOW! I'm telling you Chuck, your girlfriend is a psycho! I hope you're not makingany long-range plans around her."
"Wow, this is fun! All the TV shows we're not allowed to watch, and a bag of cookies each! SLAM! Hey, what was that? AAUGH!! ROSALYN! H-how did YOU g-get in?? *gulp* whoops, I think it's past my bedtime."
"It was all a misunderstanding! An innocent mistake! Let me explain! Calvin, listen closely. Locking Rosalyn out of the house wasn't just MEAN, it was DANGEROUS. If you'd hurt yourself or if there was a fire, she wouldn't have been able to help you. You go apologize to Rosalyn right now. I-I'm sorry, Rosalyn. And we're sorry too. I PROMISE you Calvin will behave himself next time. An extra five would help there BE a next time."
"Boy, did I get in trouble. Stealing Mom's shoes and making Mom and Dad late... then locking the baby sitter out of the house... whoof. That's a lot to live down for just one evening. I feel pretty bad. And having eaten a whole package of Oreos doesn't help. You said it."
"Wow, it really snowed last night! Isn't it wonderful? Everything familiar has disappeared! The world looks brand new! A new year... a fresh, clean start! It's like having a big white sheet of paper to draw on! A day full of possibilities! It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol'd buddy... ...let's go exploring!"
"Another gorgeous, brisk fall day. What a waste to be going to school on a morning like this? What would you do if you could stay home this morning? Sleep right through it."