"Can I be excused? There's a TV show I want to see. We're still eating dinner, Calvin. I'M through. This stuff was awful. I want to go watch television. It's impolite to leave the table in the middle of a meal. So what am I supposed to do? Just sit here and watch you guys chew?! I'll miss my show! Your TV show isn't as important as spending some time together as a family. We'll compromise. I'll go watch a sitcom family. In a minute you're going to discover the difference between those and real life."
"My TV show is starting. I'm missing my show! I'm sure your instinct for survival will kick in shortly. What's the big deal about dinner?! Why can't I go watch TV? Lots of people watch TV while they eat! Calvin, dinner is the one time during the day that we set aside to be together and talk. There's more to being a family than just living in the same house. We need to interact once in a while. We could all argue over what channel to watch. You know what I mean."
"I've missed half of my TV show now. I hope you're happy. You shouldn't be planning your life around the TV anyway. Hmph. Look, I don't think it's too much to ask that we sit together for 40 minutes without distractions and interruptions. RINNGG! I'll get it! I'm expecting a call. Go ahead, Dad. I believe you were saying something funny. I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. THAT'S the problem here."
"C'mon Hobbes, we have to go outside. We HAVE to? Yeah, Dad won't let me watch TV. He says it's summer, it's light late, and I should go run around instead of sitting in front of the tube. Can you believe it?! What a dictator. How cruel it is to be forced to play. I'LL show him. I refuse to have fun."
"OK, next we'll race to that tree over there. THIS race will determine the championship of the universe. Oh... wait. How long have we been out here? I dunno. An hour maybe. Really? Geez. Where does time go?! Hang on, I'll be right back. I'M NOT HAVING FUN!"
"It's getting dark, Calvin. Time to come in and go to bed! But Hobbes and I were catching fireflies. Can't we stay out a little longer? Ha! First you didn't want to go out, and now you don't want to come in! See, by not watching TV, you had more fun, and now you'll have memories of something real you DID, instead of something fake you just WATCHED. Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character."
"Hop in, Hobbes! We're going to get rich! Oh no, I'm not getting into that box. I don't want to be transmogrified or duplicated or whatever. What? When the TOP is open, it's a time machine, remember? Even worse. Oh, don't be such a baby. The way you act, you'd think the dinosaur actually GOT us last time. Why, it wasn't even a carnivore. I don't care. You and that box are plain bad news."
"Too bad you're not going back to the jurassic with me. An opportunity like this doesn't come along every day, you know. The less often, the better, is what I say. We're just going on a photo safari! When we come"
"I guess if we get to have snacks, it would be OK to time travel. If they're GOOD snacks, I mean. Great! Put on your vortex goggles. The dial is set for 140 million years ago. So OFF WE GO-O-O! I have a question. Why don't we get younger as we go back in time, and disappear as we pass the day we were born? I'd explain it, but there's a lot of math. I thought you got a 'D' in math."
"Is it time for snacks yet? Hobbes, we're travelling at light speed through an interdimensional continuum lapse! Wait till we land! OK, I'll just inventory the snacks and record them for the journal. You COULD help me drive, you know! If we miss our exit, we could fly right into the big bang! What would happen then? There'd be no universe, and probably now time! I think we should eat the snacks NOW. Sit still, will you? You'll make me swerve."
"There's a diplodocus! We're in the jurassic! We made it! Ugh. I can't believe you wanted to come back here. Last time we didn't bring a camera. All we need is a few good dinosaur photos and we'll be rich when we get home. If we get in National Geographic, maybe I'll get to meet some of those tigress babes they showed in the April issue! Yow wow! Those were females? Really, I don't know how you can even tell the difference."
"Hey! There's a chance to get some pictures of some stegosaurs! See, these photos will answer hundreds of questions about dinosaur anatomy and behavior! Paleontologists will pay through their nose to see these! Take a picture of this one. He's smiling. Just a minute. Just a minute."
"The big, stupid ultrasaur takes a long drink... a VERY long drink! The ferocious allosaur is thirsty too! This means confrontation! ..ah heh heh... Fortunately, this allosaur is the patient type. Don't make me smack you across the hall, twerp."
"What's THIS ugly brute called? AN ALLOSAUR! I'm right here. You don't need to shout. RUN! When we get back to the time machine, throw him the snacks we packed! Maybe that will diver him while we take off! You can throw YOUR snacks. I might still want mine. You're going to be a snack yourself! Get in! Get in!"
"Quick! Thow him the food! My sandwich had mustard. Is this one yours? Put on your vortex goggles! We're taking off! Eww, this banana is mushy. He can have THIS. We did it! We're off! Here. Boy, that was a close call. Bit it will be worth it when we get these pictures developed. Since I rescued your sandwich, can I eat it?"
"Hey Mom, guess where Hobbes and I have been! I SAW where you were. You were playing in a cardboard box out back. Nope! That's just what it LOOKED like. We time travelled to the jurassic, but we returned at the split second we left! That's why it didn't look like we were gone! We saw lots of dinosaurs! Well, you've had a productive morning then. Yeah. Will you take this film to be developed? I'll pay you back"
"Hobbes, look! We got our pictures back from our jurassic trip! Oh boy! Let's see! Wow, these came out good! Look at that apatosaur! There's me! There's me! Yes! Yes! We're RICH! Ha ha! Now we can get our own apartment! This dinosaur blinked. I'll buy a car too, but since I can't drive for another decade, we'll have to get a chauffeur. If we pay him, he has to let us sit up front and beep the horn, right?"
"Well Dad, it's too bad you weren't any nicer to me all these years. Beg pardon? Yep, I can't say I'm particularly including to share my future millions with you. Here, look. Dinosaurs? Hobbes and I went to the jurassic today and came back with these dramatic photographs! We're going to be rich. I didn't realize dinosaurs looked so small and plastic. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU INSINUATING?!"
Dad doesn't believe we went to the jurassic and took photographs of real dinosaurs. He says it looks like we just put my toy models in the yard and took pictures of THEM! He says our get-rich-quick scheme won't
"I hate Sundays. The day of is ruined by knowing I've got to get ready for school tomorrow. Why don't we get your chores done NOW, so we can enjoy the rest of the day without worry? Hmm... I hate to delay fun, but maybe you're on to something. This will make the fun MORE fun. At last! We got everything bad out of the way! There you are. It's time for bed. See if I ever listen to YOU again! Never put the low priorities first."
"Hi Dad. I suppose you're wondering how you're doing in the polls. Not really. I think you'll find THIS chart quite revealing. This line represents the 'Average Dad approval rating' of 70%. This overlay shows YOUR approval rating at just under 10%! Household six-year-olds were polled on their favourite bedtimes. Watch on these successive overlays how your rating would improve with each hour later! See, by midnight, you're right up to normal! These findings suggest a logical course of action. How long do you spend making these charts?"
"My tiger, it seems, is running 'round nude. This fur coat must have made him perspire. It lies on the floor - should this be construed as a permanent change of attire? Perhaps he considers its colors passe, or maybe it fit him too snug. Will he want it back? Should I put it away? Or use it right here as a rug? Z. I wonder when school starts."
"People don't understand me. They don't realize I'm a card-carrying genius. You have a card? Oh absolutely. See, it says 'Calvin, certified genius.' Wow, you have a certificate? Well, not really, but no one every checks those things. I just say it's at the frame shop. Pretty smart. I'm a genius. How did you emboss this card? With a screwdriver?"
"You know what cracks me up? Ants RUN everywhere! It's like they all think they have to be somehwere on time! See, they never walk or poke along. They go everywhere at top speed! Isn't that silly? C'mon around back. I'll show you something else!"
"The center snaps the ball to the quarterback! No he doesn't? NO! Secretly, he's the quarterback for the other team! He keeps the ball! A traitor! Calvin beaks for the goal! Whee! He's at the 30... the 20... the 10! Nobody can catch him! Nobody WANTS to! You're running toward your own goal! Huh?! When I learned you were a spy, I switched goals this is YOUR goal and mine's hidden! HIDDEN?! You'll never find it in a million years! I don't need to find it! As a traitor to your team, crossing MY goal counts as crossing YOUR goal! Ah, you might THINK so... In fact, I KNOW so! But the place I hid MY goal is right on top of YOUR goal, so the points will go to ME! But the fact is, I'm really a double agent! I'm on your team after all, which means you'll LOSE points if I cross your goal! Ha ha! But I'M a traitor too, so I'm really on YOUR team! I WANT you to cross my goal! The points will go to YOUR team, which is really MY team! That would be true... IF I were a football player! You mean...? I'm actually a badminton player DISGUISED as a double-agent football player!! And I'M secretly a volleyball-croquet-polo player! Sooner or later, all our games turn into Calvinball. No cheating!"
"With a distant rumbling, great thunder clouds pile high into the sky! Suddenly there's a blinding flash of light! It's Calvin the lightning bolt! In a fraction of a second, the house below will be in a million pieces! I know it's raining out, but play a board game or something."