"Look at all the stars! The universe just goes out forever and ever! It kind of makes you wonder why man considers himself such a big screaming deal. That's why we stay inside with our appliances. Calvin looks at his green dinner. It stands up, speaking Hamlet's soliloquy. When he finishes, the dinner sits on the plate. Calvin blinks. The dinner stands up singing 'Feelings'. Mom takes the plate away, saying Calvin ate that right up. She asks if he liked it. Calvin tells her not to have it ever again."
"Take out your math homework and pass it forward, class. Boy, It's a good thing I did it. Huh?? My answers! They're running away! Come back! My homework paper! The teacher asks for the class math papers. Calvin pulls it out, but the numbers jump off the page. He yells for the answers to come back. The paper catches fire."
"My homework exploded! Somebody pull the fire alarm! Help!! It's out of control! It's spreading! Aughh! Put it out!! Young man, I'm tired of these constant disruptions! It's not my fault! It was an accident! Maybe THIS will teach you a lesson! Ha ha ha! No! No! Ackk! Help! Get the PTA! Miss Wormwood's an alien! Calvin yells that his paper exploded. He says it's spreading as he tries to put the fire out. Miss Wormwood says she's tired of his constant disruptions. Calvin pleads that it was an accident. Miss Wormwood is a monster who pours gasoline on Calvin and says this will teach him a lesson. Calvin yells for help."
"I'm doomed! It's too late! Nothing can save me now! I'm going down in flames! AAAAAAA Calvin says nothing can save him now. He jumps, burning, from the desk. He falls from high above the city."
"AAAA GAAA!! Hehh... hoo... hah... hehh... ...it was just a dream... my homework didn't explode. I'm not... MY HOMEWORK! I FORGOT TO DO MY HOMEWORK! I wish he'd sleep outside. Calvin plunges toward the ground. He wakes up from sleep. He's glad it was just a dream and his homework didn't explode. He realizes, though, that he didn't do his homework."
"Hobbes, wake up! I forgot to do my math homework! It's two in the morning. But Miss Wormwood's going to collect it tomorrow! If I don't have it, she'll kill me! I had a nightmare about it! C'mon, we'll have to do the assignment now, while there's still time! This feels like a nightmare too. Do you think if we woke up Mom, she'd let us have coffee? Calvin wakes Hobbes up to say he hasn't done his homework. He says he'll get killed if he doesn't do it. He had a nightmare about it. He hops down from bed, saying they'll have to do it now. Sleepily, Hobbes says this feels like a nightmare. Calvin asks if Hobbes if he thinks Mom would let him have coffee."
"Wow, listen to the wind howl. It's really snowing! Pretty creepy. Things are ALWAYS creepy at 2:00am. Hey, I'll bet tomorrow's a snow day! I'll bet they close the schools! Let's call the superintendent and see! If tomorrow's a snow day, we can go right back to bed! ...or maybe we will anyway. Who IS this?!? You have two seconds to improve my mood. Calvin notices how creepy it is with the snow and wind blowing. Hobbes says it's always creepy at 2:00 AM. He bets tomorrow is a snow day. He decides to call the superintendent to see. He says if tomorrow is a snow day, they can go right back to bed. As Calvin is on the phone, Dad comes up behind him. Calvin sees him and thinks maybe they will be going back to bed right away."
"No text Calvin show Hobbes some trash dumped outside. He says people seem to forget others have to live on the planet. Calvin doesn't understand why humans evolved as thoughtless, shortsighted creatures. Hobbes says it can't stay that way forever. Calvin asks if Hobbes thinks they'll get smarter. Hobbes says that's one of the two possibilities. Calvin stops and thinks. He says maybe they'll stop polluting before it's too late. Hobbes says they're all holding their breath."
"Time to get up, Calvin. Is it a snow day? Did they close the schools? I've got the radio on, so we'll hear. Get ready anyway, though. Oh man, I hope I hope I hope. If school's closed, I'll have the whole day to do the math homework I forgot yesterday. If school's open, I'm in big trouble. Suddenly I feel extremely religious. Another deathbed conversion. Mom wakes Calvin. He asks if the school is closed for snow. She says the radio is on. She tells him to get ready. Calvin tells Hobbes he'll have the whole day to do his homework if school is closed. Calvin glances up and says he suddenly feels religious. Hobbes says it's another deathbed conversion."
"Ha ha! They just announced the schools are closed! It's a snow day! WHEEEEEEE! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Talk about luck! Now you can do your homework and you won't get in trouble! Right, but there's over two"
"Don't you think you'd enjoy this more if you did your math assignment first, so it wasn't hanging over your head? I'm a practical man, Hobbes. I don't waste time thinking about hypothetical situations. I heal with the world here and now. And the incontrovertible fact is that I'm outside in the snow! THAT's reality! THAT's what I think about! Tomorrow's a reality too. Hypothetically, it might be another snow day. As they play, Hobbes asks Calvin if he'd enjoy playing more if his homework was done. Calvin says he doesn't waste his time thinking about hypothetical situations. He says the fact is that he's outside. That's reality and what he thinks about. Hobbes says tomorrow is a reality, also. Hypothetically, Calvin says, it might be another snow day."
"What a busy day! I'm pooped! Mom says the roads are pretty clear, so school will probably open again tomorrow. NOW I wish I'd done my math homework instead of playing outside all day. ...or I wish I'd done it before dinner... or after dinner... or instead of watching TV... or before bed. But now it's too late. A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do. Hobbes yawns after a busy day. Calvin says the roads are clear, so they'll probably have school tomorrow. Now he wishes he had done his math homework instead of playing outside all day...or after dinner...or instead of watching TV. Now it's too late. He says a day can slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do."
"Oh, I wish I'd done my math homework! Now the teacher's going to collect it and I'm as good as dead! Why did I do this to meyself?! I even had an extra day to get it done! Instead, I goofed off and now I'm going to pay for it! Boy, I've learned my lesson! This day has been nothing but dread, and I could've avoided it all! Here she comes! Goodbye, world! I'll collect your homework tomorrow, class. Susie, quick. Am I sitting in a beam of light? Looks more like a puddle of sweat. Why? Calvin sits at his desk, wishing he had done his homework. He asks why he did this to himself. He had an extra day, and he still goofed off. He says he learned his lesson. Miss Wormwood comes into the room. The bell rings. Class is over. Miss Wormwood says she'll collect their homework tomorrow. Calvin asks Susie if he's sitting in a beam of light. She says it looks more like a puddle of sweat."
"I couldn't believe it! The bell rang just as the teacher was about to collect the homework I didn't do! That's twice you've been saved at the last minute. But I've learned my lesson THIS time. From now on, it's work before pleasure! No exceptions! And it will be a PLEASURE to have that homework done! C'mon, let's work on a snowman. No exceptions. Calvin tells Hobbes the bell rang just as the homework was going to be collected. Hobbes says that's twice he's been saved at the last minute. Calvin says he's learned his lesson. He says it's work before pleasure. He runs off, saying it will be a pleasure to have that homework done. He goes to work on a snowman."
"Time! Wow, 15 minutes and 20 seconds! Ha! Beat that! Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. GO! Mom asks Dad if there was any good mail. Dad says there's a charity request and a women's magazine with an article on swimsuits that minimize all body flaws. There are catalogs and an invitation to go deeper in debt from a credit card company. He sees a new magazine identifying trends they're missing and a hobby magazine showing equipment he must have. He asks why he gets the feeling society is trying to make them discontented with everything they do and insecure about who they are. Mom supposes if people thought about real issues instead of manufactured desires, the economy would collapse. Dad asks if throwing the mail out would make him some kind of terrorist. Mom says it's their patriotic duty to buy distractions from a simple life. Calvin comes in saying he saw products on TV he didn't know existed, but he desperately needs."
"I'm determined to set the world record for having one's finger continuously in one's nose. I can't believe there's even such a category. In that case, call me 'champ'! Calvin tells Hobbes he is trying for a world's record for having one finger in his nose. Hobbes can't believe there is such a category. Calvin declares himself 'champ'."
"This piece of pie is awfully darn small! Life could be worse, Calvin. Life could be a lot BETTER, too! ...but worse is more likely. Calvin says his piece of pie is small. Mom says life could be worse. He replies that life could be better, too. In bed, he grumbles that worse is more likely."
"I've decided to suffer from low self-esteem. Is that a fact. From now on, my goal is to feel good about myself. You're going to work harder at everything and build character? No, I'm going to whine until I get the special treatment I like. I wonder if anyone else is as scared about the future as I am. I've found that immediate gratification is the only thing that helps me. Calvin tells Dad he decided he suffers from low self-esteem. His goal now is to feel good about himself. Dad asks if he'll work harder and build some character. Calvin says he's going to whine until he gets the special treatment he likes. Dad wonders if anyone else is as scared for the future as he. Calvin says immediate gratification is the only thing that helps him."
"Ewww! What's this, something scraped off the bottom of boots?? I'm not eating it! Calvin, I made this last week and you said it was your favorite meal of all time and you wished we could have it every day for the rest of your life! Well, now I hate it. Another day, another gray hair for Mom! Calvin asks what his dinner is, something scraped off the bottom of boots. Mom says she made it last week and Calvin had said it was his favorite meal of all time. He wished they could have it every day. He says now he hates it. Mom is frustrated. Calvin says 'another day, another gray hair for Mom'."
"I'm ho-oOAAUGH! KAPOW! Man, this was cat a-pulted! Hee hee hee! You're a riot, Hobbes. Calvin comes home, and Hobbes pounces on him. Hobbes says this was 'cat a-pulted'. Calvin, lying on the floor, says Hobbes is a riot."
"These colors really aren't enough, so I have to mix some to get the specific hues I need. See, here I start with a layer of brown. Then I add olive green and scrub a little orange and yellow ochre into it. Finally, I top it with lime green, purple and tan. Wow, perfect barf! You'd think that would be a standard color in a big set like this. Calvin is coloring a picture. He decides his colors aren't enough. He needs to make specific hues. He takes brown, olive green, a little orange and yellow ochre. Then he tops it with lime green, purple, and tan. Hobbes says it's perfect barf. Calvin says you'd think that would be a standard color in a big set like he has."
"You know, Hobbes, some days even my luck rocketship underpants don't help. Well, you've done all you can do. Spaceman Spiff is stranded on a planet, captured by a horrible yukbarf. The alien says to take Spiff to the dungeon. It looks like a living room. Spiff asks what kind of dungeon this is. He asks if they aren't going to torture him. The alien says yes. He asks Spiff to sit to discuss wholesome principles. Dad tells Calvin life is tough, and suffering builds character. He says virtue is its own reward, and nothing worth having ever comes easy. Calvin yells."
"I don't like your face. Then don't look at it. I'd rather change it. Haw! I don't care about being accepted. I'd settle for being ignored. Moe tells Calvin he doesn't like Calvin's face. Calvin tells him not to look at it. Moe would rather change it, and he socks Calvin. Calvin, lying against a locker, says he doesn't care about being accepted. He'd settle for being ignored."
"Greetings. I am Blor-Utar from Zimtok-5. I have come to subjugate the human race. Do not resist. Why humans? Because, in addition to their value as slave labor, they are also delicious and nutritious! Ha ha ha! But first, for your Earth customer of 'Show and Tell', I will exhibit some of our terrifying weaponry. Snekk blog u-lar mekhh! Gahghh! Rk! All right, Calvin, that's quite enough. Miss Wormwood, shouldn't he be in some special school or something? An alien says he's come to subjugate the human race. He says in addition to their value as slave labor, they're delicious and nutritious. He says for the custom of 'show and tell', he'll show some of his terrible weaponry." Calvin is in front of the class. Miss Wormwood tells Calvin that's enough. One of the students asks if Calvin shouldn't be in some special school.
"When it snows, you can go sledding. When it's windy, you can fly kites. When it's hot, you can go swimming. But when it's raining... sigh... ... the only sport is driving Mom crazy. Calvin says when it snows, you can go sledding. When it's windy, you can fly kites. He looks out the window lamenting that when it's raining, the only sport is driving Mom crazy. He grabs a pot and spoon."
"I thought I had a great idea. But it never really took off. In fact, it didn't even get on the runway. I guess you could say it exploded in the hangar. I've had ideas like that. Calvin tells Hobbes he had a great idea, but it never took off. It didn't get on the runway. He says you could say it exploded in the hangar."
ZZZZZZZZ How could you miss that? It was right TO you! You throw too hard! Calvin catches a baseball. It goes right through him. He looks at the ball behind him and the hole in him. Hobbes asks how he could miss the ball. Calvin says he threw it too hard.
"Ewww, look! This bug is eating another bug! Yukkk! Blecchh! Gross! Ick! Ick! Blbpbblpth! I can't believe I looked at that! Ew! Ew! Hacckkhh! Gaaacck! Great experiences are even better when they're shared. Calvin sees a bug eating another bug. Hobbes says yuck. They both act like they're creeped out. Calvin says he can't believe they looked at that. They are both grossed out. Calvin says great experiences are even better when they're shared."
"Where do we keep the extension cords? In the pantry. On the bottom shelf. Where do we keep the blades for Dad's electric saw? In the... why do you want to know? Huh? Oh, I'm just making an inventory list so we'll always know where to find things. I get the feeling there was no right answer to that question."