"Stop repeating everything I say.Stop repeating everything I say.Quit it. Quit it. I'm an ugly little maggot with lumpy gravy for brains! At least you have the courage to admit it. Sooner or later, everyone falls for that. Hobbes tells Calvin to stop repeating what he says. Calvin repeats what Hobbes said. Hobbes tells him to quit it. Calvin again repeats what Hobbes said. Hobbes says he's an ugly little maggot with lumpy gravy for brains. Calvin says at least he has the courage to admit it. Pounded into the ground, Calvin says sooner or later, everyone falls for that."
"How much longer are you going to repeat whatever I say? How much longer are you going to repeat whatever I say? OK then, just keep at it, Mr Annoying Human Echo. OK then, just keep at it, Mr Annoying Human Echo. 'We can a priori and prior to all given objects have a knowledge of those conditions on which alone experience of them is possible, but never of the laws to which things may in themselves be subject without reference to possible experience.' We can ah peoria and ...um... snow down, what? Hold on. Thbbpbptt! Cheater. Hobbes asks how much longer Calvin will repeat what he says. Calvin repeats what Hobbes said. Hobbes tells him to keep at it. Calvin repeats Hobbes' words. Hobbes reads from a book of philosophy. Calvin tries to copy what Hobbes is saying, but he can't keep up. Hobbes sticks out his tongue at Calvin. Calvin calls him a cheater."
"OOMF! Cat nap, noun: a quick, light doze in the manner of cats. I KNOW what it means! Calvin plans to hit Susie with a slushball. Hobbes says some philosophers say true happiness comes from a life of virtue. Calvin thinks about it, and he drops the slushball. Calvin puts his toys away in his room. He does his homework and hands Mom a homemade card. Calvin shovels the sidewalk. He helps set the dinner plates and take out the garbage. He stops. He gets angry, runs outside, and hits Susie with a slushball. He tells Hobbes someday he'll write his own philosophy book. Hobbes thinks virtue needs some cheaper thrills."
"You'll never get ahead by lying around, you know? Who are we racing? Obviously, we're... um... well... uh... I'm too busy to explain this stuff! I've got important work to do! VERY important! Let me know if you win. Hobbes is lying on the floor. Calvin says he'll never get ahead by lying around. Hobbes asks who they're racing. Calvin doesn't know what to say. He walks off, saying he's too busy to explain it. He has important work to do. Hobbes lies down and says to let him know if he wins."
"Oh yeah? Oh YEAH?? Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN, I promise! Hmph. I wish I could think of comeback lines on the spot. Calvin yells to someone in the hallway at school. He says he'll have a blistering retort in a day or two. He grumbles. He wishes he could think of comeback lines on the spot."
Your whiskers are too unruly. You should wax them and make a handlebar mustache. AAAAAAAAAAAAA. You'd think a guy who cleans humself with his tongue would be open to grooming suggestions. Calvin tells Hobbes his whiskers are too unruly. He says Hobbes should wax them and make them into a handlebar mustache. Hobbes chases Calvin. Calvin darts around a corner saying a guy who cleans himself with his tongue should be open to grooming suggestions.
"Here's the latest poll on your performance as Dad. Your approval rating is pretty low, I'm afraid. That's because there's not necessarily any connection between what's good and what's popular. I do what's right, not what gets approval. You'll never kep the job with THAT attitude. If someone else offers to do it, let me know."
"Test: 1. What important event took place on December 16, 1773? I do not believe in linear time. There is no past and future: all is one, and existence in the temporal sense is illusory. This question, therefore, is meaningless and impossible to answer. When in doubt, deny all terms and definitions. Calvin reads a test question. He answers he doesn't believe in linear time. There is no past or future. He states the question is meaningless and impossible to answer. He says when in doubt, deny all terms and definitions."
"YAAAAA. RRRRRR. OK, it's harder than it looks. Goodness, how did you guys ever live long enough to invent tools? Calvin sneaks up behind Hobbes and attacks. He jumps on Hobbes' back and scratches. As he gets down, he tells Hobbes it's harder than it looks. Hobbes wonders how mankind ever lived long enough to invent tools."
"The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse. Calvin gets a valentine card in the mail. Hobbes tells him to read it. Calvin reads a love poem from Susie. Hobbes torments Calvin, saying there are muchas smooches for El Conkisstador. Calvin thinks this is a nightmare, while Hobbes shouts that Susie and Calvin love each other. Calvin wonders what to do. Hobbes sees Susie coming. Calvin gets a slushball and pelts Susie with it. He says that's what he thinks about her valentine card. Susie didn't send him a card. Susie runs off. Calvin wonders who did send it. Hobbes is singing 'Matchmaker'. Calvin realizes Hobbes tricked him. He chases Hobbes. Hobbes says love makes the world go round. Calvin threatens that Hobbes will see stars go round."
"I wish I had amazing super powers. If you work and study real hard for years and years, you could develop the powers you already have. Maybe I can find a radioactive meteorite that mutates me into a living liquid. Try to find one that mutates you into someone with a work ethic. Calvin wishes he had super powers. Dad says if he works and studies real hard, he could develop powers he already has. Calvin wonders if he can find a radioactive meteorite that mutates him into a living liquid. Dad suggests he find one that mutates him into someone with a work ethic."
"Mom and Dad don't value hard work and originality as much as they say they do. Calvin and Hobbes build snowmen. One has a golf club and is ready to hit his head on the ground. One looks as though he dove off a springboard head first into the snow. Another snowman, has a tennis racket stuck through his head. Calvin says Mom and Dad don't value hard work and originality as much as they say they do."
"DING DONG. Heh heh heh. Oh! Oop! ...um... Hi, Mrs. Derkins. I was hoping Susie would answer the ...uh... I mean, um, I'm selling huge snowballs. Would you like to buy one? My 'Plan A's' are great, but my 'Plan B's' leave a lot to be desired. Calvin rings Susie's doorbell with a big snowball. He lifts it to hit Susie when she opens the door. Susie's Mom answers. Calvin tries to cover up by saying he's selling snowballs. Calvin walks off saying his 'plan A's' are great, but his 'plan B's' leave a lot to be desired."
"POW! LOOK OUT! My snowballs go faster than the speed of sound. They do not, you big liar! Hobbes hits Calvin with a snowball. After it hits, he yells to look out. Hobbes says his snowballs go faster than the speed of sound. Calvin, covered with snow, says they do not and calls Hobbes a liar."
"I wish this sled had a speedometer so we could know how fast we're going. I suppose we could measure the hill, time our descent, calculate our rate in feet per minute, and convert that into miles per hour. That sounds like math. Um, yes. Suddenly I stopped caring. Going down the hill on their sled, Calvin tells Hobbes he wishes he had a speedometer to know how fast they go. Hobbes suggests they measure the hill, time the descent, and calculate the speed. Calvin says that sounds like math. Hobbes agrees. Calvin tells Hobbes he suddenly stopped caring."
"What's THIS snowman? He's a paleontologist. He's looking for cretaceous snow dinosaurs. Why does he look so sad? He realized that snow doesn't fissilize. It just melts. Your nowmen lead tragic lives. Well, they're not very bright. Calvin shows Hobbes a snowman paleontologist. Hobbes asks why the snowman looks sad. Calvin tells Hobbes the snowman just realized snow doesn't fossilize. It just melts. Hobbes says Calvin's snowmen lead tragic lives. Calvin says they're not too bright."
"Get going or you'll miss the school bus. Uh... greetings. My name is Calvin. POOF. Grittings. Ma name is Kahlfin. Grittings. Ma nam is Kahlfin. Um... yes! Well Calvin, here's your lunchbox. Have a good day at school. Hoffa gud tay. Lunboks. Hi Calvin. Grittings. Ma nam is Kahlfin. Heeryor lunkboks. Hoffa gut tay askool. Calvin's principal says to say hello. Huh boy. It troo! Dat darn Kahlfun stole ma spacechip! Two superheroes, one man and one woman, are fighting. He hits her, while she blasts him with a distortion blaster. Calvin stops reading his comic book and walks off in a daze. He turns on television. Mom turns it off and tells Calvin there is too much violence on TV. She tells him to read something."
"CALVIN, I'M LATE FOR WORK! A large group of snowmen are set up crossing the yard and the driveway. Dad can't get the car down the driveway. He yells to the house to Calvin. He yells that he's late for work."
How much is that tiger in the window? The one who does nothing but sleep? We'll spread him out flat in the rec room and have a new rug if he's cheap! Hobbes is lying down. Calvin sings about the tiger in the window sleeping. He sings they'll spread him flat in the rec room and have a new rug. Calvin laughs and walks away. Hobbes tackles him.
"Yes, Calvin? Why aren't you teaching us the gender of nouns? Is 'desk' masculine? Is 'chair' feminine? Foreign kids know, but WE don't! No wonder we can't compete in a global market! I demand sex education. ...I wonder if her doctor knows she mixes all those medications. Calvin asks the Miss Wormwood why she isn't teaching them the genders of nouns. He asks if a desk is masculine and a chair feminine. He says it's no wonder why they can't compete in a global market. He demands sex education. Calvin asks if her doctor knows she mixes all those medications."
"YAWWW. Trifle not with tired tigers. Calvin walks up to Hobbes, who's lying on the floor. Hobbes yawns, showing his fangs. He stretches his claws. Calvin walks away, saying to trifle not with tired tigers."
"I bet I can knock Dad's hat off with this snowball. I bet you can't/. Oh yeah?! How much? A hundred dollars. You're on, fuzzbrain. Get out your wallet! Boy, five inches higher would've done it. You ALWAYS get me in trouble. You owe me $2,500 so far. Calvin bets he can knock Dad's hat off with a snowball. Hobbes bets a hundred dollars he can't. Calvin tosses the snowball. In bed later, Calvin grumbles that five inches higher would have done it. He says Hobbes always gets him in trouble. Hobbes reminds Calvin he owes him $2500 so far."
"Why should OTHER people benefit from MY hard work? Calvin is shoveling. As he digs, he puts the snow behind him where he's already dug. Calvin asks why other people should benefit from his hard work."
"Ah, what a lovely day to go sailing, eh Marsha? Our new boat is just wonderful, Bradley. What do you say we drop anchor and go for a swim, dearest? That sounds delightful, darling! Let's go! Ploosh ploosh. AAA!! AAA!! This lake is boiling hot! We're getting scalded!! Get out of the water! AA! OW! AA! OW! I've got second degree burns all over! What kind of lake IS this?! We need medical attention, Bradley! Pull up the anchor! Bradley, we're going the wrong way! I can't help it, Marsha! The wind is blowing us over here, toward the... the... THE WATERFALL! OH NO! AAAAA! BLUB BLUB! AAAA! GLUB GLUB GLUB! Help, help! The wind is picking up again! Hang on! We're flying right out of the water! Don't look don, Marsh! We're miles high! Uh oh! The wind suddenly stopped!! AAAAaaaaaaaa. We ... we're alive! Somehow we landed in another lake! But where ARE we?? I have a bad feeling about this, Bradley. IT'S A GIGANTIC WHIRLPOOL!! WE'RE GOING DOWN! WAAAAAA!! Here's the problem. That'll be $150. Somebody ELSE is going to pay for this too."
"Should I stay inside or go out? It's awfully cold out, but I suppose I could bundle up. It looks windy though. But still, I'd like to go sledding. Then again, maybe I'd rather stay in. On the other hand... GO OUT AND CLOSE THE DOOR! The more indecisive I am, the faster things get decided. Calvin opens the door to see snow outside. He asks if he should stay inside or go out. He holds the door open while wondering if he could bundle up for the cold. He says he'd like to go sledding. Calvin wonders if he should stay in. He gets kicked out the door. Outside the house, Calvin says the more indecisive he is, the faster things get decided."
"I like following the news! News organizations know I won't sit still for any serious discussion of complex and boring issues. They give me what I want: antics, emotional confrontation, sound bites, scandal, sob stories and popularity polls all packaged as a soap opera and horse race! It's very entertaining. Then commentators wonder why the public is cynical about politics. You can tell this is an in-depth story, because it's got an article next to the chart. Calvin tells Hobbes he likes following the news. He says they give him what he wants: antics, sound bites, scandal and popularity polls packaged as a soap opera. He says it's entertaining. Hobbes says commentators wonder why the public is cynical about politics. Calvin says you can tell this is an in-depth story because it's got an article next to the chart."
"I saw a sing on a restaurant door that said, 'No shirt, no shoes, no service.' But it didn't say anything about PANTS! If I went in wearing shoes and a shirt, but no pants, they'd have to serve me! They'd probably serve you with a court summons. C'mon, let's see if Mom will take us out for dinner! Calvin tells Hobbes he saw a sign that said 'no shirt, no shoes, no service'. He goes on to say it didn't say anything about pants. He thinks they'd have to serve him if he had shoes and a shirt, but no pants. Hobbes thinks they'd serve him with a court summons. Calvin pulls off his pants and asks Hobbes to join him to see if Mom will take them out for dinner."
"There! Whatcha doin'? I've hidden a cache of snowballs behind every tree in the yard! Now when my enemies come after me, I need only run to the nearest tree to be instantly armed. Ingenious. Now I need to make some enemies. I'll be one. Calvin has a cache of snowballs behind every tree in the yard. He tells Hobbes when his enemies come for him, he just has to run to the nearest tree to be armed. He says he needs to make some enemies. Behind his back, Hobbes grabs a snowball and says he'll be one."
It offends the human ego that nature is indifferent to us. Nature doesn't care if people live or die. It refuses to be tamed. It does whatever it wants and acts like people don't matter. It won't confirm our right to be here. That drives people crazy. We can't stand being ignored. It's insulting and ... hey! YAWWNN. I think that's also why some people don't like cats. Calvin tells Hobbes it offends human ego that nature is indifferent to them. Nature doesn't care if people live or die. It acts like people don't care. He tells Hobbes that drives people crazy. They can't stand being ignored. Hobbes yawns and walks away. Calvin says that's also why some people don't like cats.
"I'm writing a novel. What's it about? It's about a guy who flicks through TV channels with his remote control. THEY SAY TO WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW! Calvin tells Hobbes he's writing a novel. It's about a guy who flicks through TV channels with his remote control. Hobbes walks off, and Calvin yells after him that they say to write what you know."