I'll take one card. OK. I fold. Are you cheating?! Calvin and Hobbes are playing cards. Hobbes takes one. His tail starts twitching. Calvin folds. Hobbes asks if Calvin is cheating.
"Incredibly, people NEVER expect to get hit with a snowball in the house. I'll see you in your room momentarily. Mom and Dad are sitting by the fire, with their backs to Calvin. Calvin tells Hobbes people never expect to get hit with a snowball in their own house. He readies two snowballs. Hobbes tells Calvin he'll see him in his room momentarily."
"This will by my strongest fort ever! With these massive walls, I'll be safe from any attack! HELLLP!! Calvin builds his strongest fort ever. He makes tall walls, so he'll be safe from attack. From inside the fort, he realizes he can't get out. He yells for help."
"YAWNN... I'm going to get some coffee, Ted. Want any? No thanks, Frank. Tum te ta ta tum... BLAM! GAKK AIEEE!! They got Frank!! RUN. You got 'im! He's a big one, too! Nice shot, Bamb. Somebody get the camera! ... needless to say, Frank's family was upset when he didn't come home that night, but everybody understood that the human population had doubled in just two generations to almost six billion, so some thinning of the herds was necessary to prevent starvation. Another parent-teacher conference. Your turn. Calvin and Hobbes look for animal tracks in the new snow. Calvin notices bird and rabbit tracks. He sees the animals were chased by something. Calvin notices the big pads, so it might be a wolf. There are no claw impressions, so maybe it's a mountain lion. Or maybe Hobbes. Calvin says that explains the cold wet feet in bed that morning. Hobbes talks about how he felt the animals needed some exercise."
I don't think the schools assign enough homework. Dad comes home to see several snowmen in the yard. They are yelling while one is eaten by a giant snow monster. Dad doesn't think schools assign enough homework.
"Some kids at school got filthy rich today. Really? How? They grabbed him by the drinking fountain. Going down the hill on the sled, Calvin tells Hobbes some kids at school got filthy rich today. Hobbes asks how. Calvin says they grabbed him by the drinking fountain."
"Here, you'll probably want this pillow. What for? It's like an air bag. Hold it in front of your head like this as we go down. Don't you feel safer now? I certainly do. On the toboggan, Calvin hands Hobbes a pillow. He tells Hobbes it's like an air bag. He tells Hobbes to hold it in front of his head, then shows how he's doing it. He asks Hobbes if he feels safer now. Hobbes gets off the toboggan and says yes."
Yes! POW. Wasn't that a great shot?? What control! What form! Did you notice the top spin? Did you notice how I packed the snow so that... A REAL friend would've been happy for me! Calvin hits Hobbes with a snowball. He asks if Hobbes noticed what a great shot that was and if he noticed the top spin. Hobbes gets out of the snow angrily. Calvin's clothes are hanging from a tree branch out of reach. Calvin stands in his underwear in the snow. He says a real friend would have been happy for him.
"Some people complain all the time! They complain about the least little thing! If something bugs them, they never let go of it! They just go on and on, long after anyone else is interested! It's just complain, complain, complain! People who gripe all the time really drive me nuts! You'd think they'd change the subject after a while, but they never do! They just keep griping until you start to wonder, 'What's wrong with this idiout?' But they go on complaining and repeating what they've already said! Maybe they're not very self-aware. Boy, that's ANOTHER thing that gets on my nerves! Calvin tells Hobbes that some people complain all the time. He goes on to say they never let things go. Those people drive Calvin nuts. He says they don't change the subject, and you wonder what's wrong with them. Hobbes rolls his eyes and says maybe they're not self-aware. Calvin says that's another thing that gets on his nerves."
We need more extension cords. Calvin sits on his sled with an electric fan behind him. Hobbes holds the end of the electric cord. He tells Calvin they need more extension cords.
"The courageous Spaceman Spiff, interplanetary explorer extraordinaire, lands on yet another bizarre planet! Setting his death ray blaster on 'frappe', our hero sets off in search of alien weirdness! Zounds! A mysterious mist materializes out of nowhere! The fearless Spiff can't see a thing! ... so we add two to four... OUR" HERE'S IN A TOTAL FOG! The atmosphere here is a... a... p-powerful se... se... sedative! Spiff can't keep his eyes o... open. KLUNK zzzzz. Our hero suddenly comes to! Spaceman Spiff's craft plunges into the water. He climbs out swimming and is attacked by fish. Then a giant creature comes out of the water behind him. The creature asks if the water is too cold. Spiff says no. Mom leaves the bathroom saying he should stop his infernal screaming.
"OK, these are my footprints. Here I stop, hear something, and start to turn around. A few feet farther on, there's the impression of my body as I hit the ground. These are the powdered remains of the snowball that hit me. From the angle of particle dispersement, we can tell the snowball was thrown from over here, where we find... ...tiger tracks. Those could by ANYBODY's tiger tracks. Calvin shows Hobbes his footprints in the snow. He shows an impression of his body when he hit the ground. He sees powdered remains of a snowball that hit him. He can tell the snowball was thrown from over by a tree, based on the angle of particle dispersement. He sees tiger tracks. Hobbes says those could be anybody's tiger tracks."
"POW! I must say, the stinging snow makes your cheeks look positively radiant. Some people sure can't take a compliment. Calvin throws a snowball and hits Susie. As she marches over to him, he says the stinging snow makes her cheeks look radiant. As he lies in the snow, Calvin says some people can't take a compliment."
"Circumstantial evidence, that's all you've got! You can't get a fair trial in this town. Susie sees a snowball pass overhead. Several others come, some hitting her. She walks over to Calvin, who is standing next to a wheelbarrow. He tells her all she has is circumstantial evidence. As he lies in the snow, he says you can't get a fair trial in this town."
"I couldn't stand being a girl. I can't stand you either way. When guys grow up, they get to play with cards, sports equipment, cameras, stereos, electric tools... you name it. But girls don't get any toys when they grow up. Women just buy clothes and shoes. How boring. How sad. I guess girls actually mature as they get older. I can't wait until I'm old enough to 'putter around'. Waiting for the school bus, Calvin tells Susie he couldn't stand being a girl. He says when guys grow up, they play with cars, stereos, you name it. Girls don't get toys when they grow up. They just buy clothes and shoes. He says that's sad. Susie guesses girls actually mature as they grow older."
"On the other hand, the neighbors keep planting nice been trees next to us. Mom and Dad look at a snowman. It's holding a shrunken snow head, with others in a snow pot next to it. Mom comments that on the other hand, the neighbors keep planting big trees next to them."
munch munch WHUNK! GAAAA!! GRRRRRRRR OOMF! munch munch. I'm still hungry. I fixed you a nice lunch. You can wait until dinner. Calvin says a snowman looks unoriginal. He walks on to see one with female features. Calvin says provoking a reaction isn't the same thing as saying something important. He critiques a snowman family he sees. Calvin tells Hobbes it's hard being the sole guardian of high culture as he makes a snow scene. Hobbes says talent like theirs carries enormous responsibilities. They have made a snow UFO with two snow aliens. A snowman lies decapitated as they add to the scene.
"Our lives are filled with machines designed to reduce work and increase leisure. We have more leisure than any man has ever had. And what do we do with this leisure? Educate ourselves? Take up new interests? Explore? Invent? Create? Dad, I can't hear this commercial. If it were up to Dad, leisure would be as bad as work. Dad tells Calvin their lives are filled with machines designed to reduce their work. Dad asks what they do with all their leisure. He asks Calvin if they educate themselves, explore, invent or create. Calvin tells Dad he can't hear a commercial on television. Calvin is booted out of the house. Calvin says if it were left up to Dad, leisure would be as bad as work."
"I KNOW I have hat hair, so you don't need to tell me. Actually, it's not that different. Calvin comes into the house. He takes his boots, coat, and hat off. His hair is all messed up. As he comes up to Hobbes, Calvin says he knows he has hat hair, Hobbes doesn't need to tell him. Hobbes says it's not that different."
"See? if you jump right, you don't need to waste time shoveling the entire walk. Calvin has shoveled some holes on the sidewalk. Dad tries to step in the holes to get to the house. Calvin tells him that if he jumps right, Calvin doesn't need to waste time shoveling the entire walk."
"Test: 1. When did the pilgrims land at Plymouth Rock? 1620. As you can see, I've memorized this utterly useless fact long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You've taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations. They say the satisfaction of teaching makes up for the lousy pay. Calvin is taking a test. He answers a question, then adds that although he memorized a fact to pass a test question, he will forget it forever. He states they've taught him nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Calvin says they say the satisfaction of teaching makes up for the lousy pay."
"2. Where is Plymouth Rock? I am not presently at liberty to divulge that information, as it might compromise our agents in the field. I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge. Calvin looks at a test question. He answers he's not at liberty to divulge the information as it might compromise agents in the field. He says he understands his tests are popular reading in the teacher's lounge."
"Gimme a quarter, Twinky. Your simian countenance unusually rich in species diversity. What? Here you go. That was worth 25 cents. Moe tells Calvin to give him a quarter. Calvin tells Moe his simian countenance suggests a heritage rich in species diversity. Moe wonders what that meant while Calvin gives him a quarter. Calvin walks off stating that was worth 25 cents."
"Hey, there's some sort of remote control gizmo in this drawer. I wonder what it does. Click. WAAA! Mom?? Dad??? CALVIN! SIGHHH. Calvin, that's very annoying. Calvin is reading his school book. He walks away. Calvin the dinosaur stalks a diplodocus. He crouches in hiding, waiting for the surprise attack. The diplodocus gets closer to the trees. Mom opens a door. Calvin jumps out, yelling at her. She's terrified. Calvin sits reading his book again, wondering what's wrong with taking a little break."
"Why is it that I can recall a cigarette ad jingle from 25 years ago, but I can't remember what I just got up to do? Dad gets up from his chair and starts walking. He stops. He asks Mom why he can recall a cigarette ad jingle from 25 years ago, but he can't remember what he got up to do."
"Eep! scritch scritch scritch scritch . You know, Mom blames ME for scuffing up the floor. I wish your parents would take out these floor boards and put down some sod. Calvin looks behind him and is shocked. He jumps to the side as Hobbes skids by. Hobbes scratches at the floor for traction. He lands up against a desk, upside down. Calvin tells Hobbes that Mom blames him for scuffing up the floor. Hobbes wishes Mom and Dad would take out the floorboards and put down some sod."
"Look, Mom, I made you some subtitles. Hmm? When you're talking to me, you choose the appropriate card to translate what you're saying, and prop it against your feet for me to read. For example, if you say 'Go to bed NOW,' you can use this card, which says, 'You've got ten minutes until I blow my stack.' See? Then I'll know what you mean. I don't need translation! I've even got subtitles for parentisms like 'You're going to poke somebody's eye out with that.' Calvin makes Mom some subtitles. He explains she should choose the card to translate what she's saying and prop it against her feet for him to read. He gives an example of Mom saying for Calvin to go to bed now. The card states he has ten minutes until she blows her stack. Mom says she doesn't need translation. Calvin even has subtitles for parentisms like 'you're going to poke someone's eye out with that'."
"Why are you following me around? Why are you following me around? And why are you repeating what I say? And why are you repeating what I say? If you're going to keep doing that, I just won't say anything. If you're going to keep doing that, I just won't say anything. The incredibly annoying human echo strikes again! Hobbes asks Calvin why he's following him around. Calvin repeats what Hobbes said. Hobbes asks why he repeats what he says. Calvin repeats what Hobbes said. Hobbes says if Calvin's going to do that, he won't say anything. Calvin repeats what Hobbes said. Calvin thinks the incredibly annoying human echo strikes again."